Well, since we signed adoptive placement papers on July 10, we have been waiting for one paper called a remittitur (at least I think that's what it's called) in order to get our court date scheduled. We were told we should have it by August 21st or within that week no problem. So, we waited and waited.
During all of this, we were scheduling a time for my parents to come out for the finalization since Aleeya had asked if they could. She had only met them a couple of times the year before when they came out to California from Florida, but we thought it was pretty special that she asked for them. My parents said sure they would love to come, and we began the process of getting them out with some airline miles. That meant we had to plan a couple of weeks out to avoid fees. Everyone said that it should be no problem to get a court date within 2-3 weeks of when we got the remittitur, so we tried to play it safe and scheduled them to fly out September 11th (which was pretty brave of them I thought - that date holds so many memories). Then the paper wasn't coming, but everyone still felt like it shouldn't be a problem. My parents could only stay about a week because of some missions work they had planned, but we waited to plan their return flight in case they just needed to be here one extra day. So, basically, a lot was riding on our court date and we were in waiting mode.
On August 27th, our adoption agency moved forward with getting a court date since everything looked good with the paper coming and they went to the court house on August 27th to schedule our finalization day. I was so excited . . until I got the call. They were very surprised to find out that all the court dates were taken through the end of September. There were a couple of dates that last week, but Aleeya would be at science camp. This meant having to tell Aleeya that we would have to wait yet another two or three weeks longer than expected and having to let her and my parents know that they wouldn't be there for it. And we were just so ready, so planning on it being in September, and it was so hard to hear. I got the call while I was at work. Did I mention I went back to work this year? I started working at the kids school 2 days a week as a "Special Projects Assistant" (basically helping out with extras at the elementary and high school), and I love it! It's fun being there, working with some great people, seeing the kids, and making a little extra to help our family. Anyhow, when I got the call it was early in the morning, and I was so wanting to cry and scream all at once, but I was at work and still kinda new there too! It was like telling a 9 month pregnant woman that was really close to her due date that she just needed to wait a few more weeks past the date - no problem, right! I couldn't see how this was in God's plan and why we would have to wait any longer! It seems there were more adoptions finalizing than usual, which was a good thing, right?!
So they worked on getting us a good date in October. Scott was supposed to be gone the first week of October to an awesome retreat called "the Journey." So, I figured that was still on and we'd have to wait for the second week of October. But Scott said he would cancel his trip for this, no problem, and asked that it be scheduled on Thursday, October 4th. Now, this was a bit shocking to me because this is his birthday! And if you know him, you know that he loves his birthday (kinda like a little kid that gets excited months before, lets everyone know what he might like to get, and wants the celebration to last as long as possible)! So, after texting him like 3 or 4 times to be sure he wanted this date and reminding him that we would be celebrating both every year from now on, he came over to see me to say that he really wanted to share this date with her and was excited about it! So, October 4th it was! Later, I realized how awesome my husband is, and how cool this was that she would share something so special in our family history (if that makes sense). I had read in an adoption book that it's great if you can find traits or special things that link your new child to their new family!
It took me awhile to be excited about it. Aleeya was a little sad that we had to wait, and my parents were too, but both of them were pretty understanding. Everyone else seemed excited we got a date, and didn't seem to understand that it was much further away than it should have been. I was the only one still kicking and screaming. It just didn't seem fair. But I knew I had to accept it and trust God that He knew best. So, we scheduled my parents return flights for September 17th and began talking about how neat it was that finalization day would be on daddy's birthday - this would be something really awesome! I tried to act like it was ok in front of Aleeya, but felt so sad. Yet it was time to begin planning that special day and a party was in order as well; so for that, I was excited! It was at least good to know that we had a date and be settled with that information! Now, to trust God with the end like we had the beginning . . . He who began a good work would complete it . . . in His timing!
The Butler Family
WE ARE FAMILY!!!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Sickness can be Healthy . . August 21, 2012
I was out picking up one of our kids from an event on Saturday night when I got the call that Aleeya wasn't feeling well. Now, this is a girl that is really healthy and has only dealt with a few allergies or a cold or two since we've had her over a year, so I wasn't sure what this meant. I headed home within the hour and found her with a decent temperature and chills. I felt awful being out while she was feeling so yucky!
I have taken care of my other three kids and their many sickness over the years, but this was my first time getting to take care of Aleeya and it was pretty great to do it! She was funny in some of the things she did - like getting her footed pajamas on and getting under lots of blankets because she had the chills only to have me come in and say to get in a light t-shirt and only have her sheet over her because her temperature would only get hotter with all of that on her! I was able to touch her sweet face quite a bit feeling for her temperature, and came in throughout the night a couple of times to see if the fever came back after giving her Advil.
We stayed home together the next day (Sunday) and she rested and read most of the day. She was kinda quiet and sweet, and I just kept checking on her and giving her water to drink. I could tell that this was a good thing . . . my being able to "mother" her during her sickness. She still had a fever that night, so we kept her home from school the next day. But the fever left over night, and she was totally fine on Monday. So, we spent part of the day doing some errands and just hanging out.
Later, I saw a note in her journal that said that it was really nice to have a Mom to take care of her. While I can't say that I'm glad she got sick, I realized that this sickness was actually somewhat of a good thing!
I have taken care of my other three kids and their many sickness over the years, but this was my first time getting to take care of Aleeya and it was pretty great to do it! She was funny in some of the things she did - like getting her footed pajamas on and getting under lots of blankets because she had the chills only to have me come in and say to get in a light t-shirt and only have her sheet over her because her temperature would only get hotter with all of that on her! I was able to touch her sweet face quite a bit feeling for her temperature, and came in throughout the night a couple of times to see if the fever came back after giving her Advil.
We stayed home together the next day (Sunday) and she rested and read most of the day. She was kinda quiet and sweet, and I just kept checking on her and giving her water to drink. I could tell that this was a good thing . . . my being able to "mother" her during her sickness. She still had a fever that night, so we kept her home from school the next day. But the fever left over night, and she was totally fine on Monday. So, we spent part of the day doing some errands and just hanging out.
Later, I saw a note in her journal that said that it was really nice to have a Mom to take care of her. While I can't say that I'm glad she got sick, I realized that this sickness was actually somewhat of a good thing!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Warfare, It's Really Happening . . . August 18, 2012
I'm not at all sure how to explain all of this, but this idea of spiritual warfare has come up multiple times over the past few months. And what I mean by warfare is the war that is being raged against those that are seeking to follow God, versus the devil and his demons trying to dissuade us from following. Now, I know and believe that our God is "greater than he that is in the world," and He has all power and knows all that is happening. Yet, I need to be aware of the war that is taking place around me to try to destroy our faith, our family, and our future.
I've known the Scriptures from a child, and have known that the "devil prows around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (I Peter 5:8), but sometimes life can be going along well and you don't really notice the affects of it. Well, since we have been in motion to adopt, I have known that we are under attack. I have learned that Satan doesn't like "when we protect and welcome children, because we are announcing something about Jesus and His kingdom." Satan has always been about the business of killing children (the baby Israelites during Moses' day, killing children under 2 when Jesus was born, and in our current world, abortion), and he very much dislikes "new beginnings and new life." I have learned that "the Father is fighting for orphans, making them sons and daughters, and we should do the same." As we have gone forward with adopting, we have faced more struggles, difficulties, and set backs over the past year and a half than we have ever faced before. As well, we have so many friends that are in the process of adoption, or have adopted, that I have seen go through some really hard times! As our family began facing tough stuff and I continued to hear of others really struggling, this idea of warfare came up over and over in my mind. I mentioned it to a couple of friends that are in the same boat of adoption, and they too have felt it. And then, as I began reading a book entitled "Adopted for Life" by Russell D. Moore, I saw it again. Some of his book is quoted or summarized in these paragraphs. I would highly encourage reading it!
So, the reason for this blog is to let you know that God loves the plan of adoption, and that spiritual warfare is taking place as we join in the adoption plan! When I say God loves adoption, it comes in the context that adoption is part of His story of redemption. It is written throughout the pages of the Bible. Galatians 4:4-7 says, "But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' So you are no longer a slave, but God's child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir." (The cool thing is that these same words will be used in the court room when we finalize our adoption of Aleeya. They bring identity, a sense of belonging! They will let her know that she's our child with a new birth certificate and everything, and that she has every right as an heir.)
You see, I have grown to understand that my God has adopted me, a sinner, once a slave to my birthfather the devil, into His family by way of the cross. He gets adoption!!! He invented it! He has a very mixed family of all backgrounds and colors, and calls us His brothers and sisters because of our adoption. This is incredible! If we really got this, we would be so much better prepared to accept our brothers and sisters in Christ because we are all part of His family! As well, we could accept the family that has so many beautiful colors in their family through adoption. We would not think it odd to add a child of a different race and background to our family. I believe I have taken my adoption into God's family for granted, and always acted like I was a natural heir of God. But Jesus had to go through major pain and suffering on the cross for my sins to allow me a place in His family.
As I have gotten older, I have always believed that there are very strong pictures here on earth of our relationship with God. When I got married, I realized that it was a picture of God and His bride, the Church. I realized the impact of the one flesh union, the covenant relationship. Then when we had children, I was amazed at the picture I saw of God's love for me, His child. When I looked at this little baby in my arms who had so far only caused me discomfort for 9 months and then crucial pain during labor, and yet, I loved him more than life itself, I began to understand a small part of God's love for me, His child. You see, He too suffered for me to be part of His family and loved me more than I could imagine! I began understanding more about the "family of God," as we began interacting as a earthly family and desired to show God to the world through our lives. As well, I can often see His family at work as I attend church or small groups and feel the love of my fellow Christians around me.
I don't think I have even come close to understanding His amazing plan of adoption until recently and still have much to learn, but I am understanding more and more why satan wants to mess this plan up (along with marriages and families). He doesn't like it when we began to care for the needy, the oppressed, the orphans. He doesn't like it when we understand our own orphan status. He said in John 14:18, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." You see, we are all orphaned by our sin, but God's grace allowed us to be His heirs. I'm really beginning to get my adoption story. My spirit longs and groans for the day when He will come back to take us to our forever home!
When we begin to show this adoption story by living it out, we need to be prepared for warfare. I must say, I was less prepared than I would like to believe, but I am begging God for the strength and power to trust Him, to believe Him, and to have greater faith in Him! And I'm thankful that I know He is with me each step of the way. He is truly a faithful Father!
A friend of mine on Facebook posted this video and it gave me that goosebumps, ready to cry, passionate-inside feeling that made me want to share it with the world. I hope you enjoy it and it helps you understand God's plan of adoption even more. There are some pieces of a Veggie Tale movie (which we have always been fans of and need to purchase this one really soon), so enjoy those scenes. But the lyrics are incredible and the song explains so much about our status as orphans!
I've known the Scriptures from a child, and have known that the "devil prows around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (I Peter 5:8), but sometimes life can be going along well and you don't really notice the affects of it. Well, since we have been in motion to adopt, I have known that we are under attack. I have learned that Satan doesn't like "when we protect and welcome children, because we are announcing something about Jesus and His kingdom." Satan has always been about the business of killing children (the baby Israelites during Moses' day, killing children under 2 when Jesus was born, and in our current world, abortion), and he very much dislikes "new beginnings and new life." I have learned that "the Father is fighting for orphans, making them sons and daughters, and we should do the same." As we have gone forward with adopting, we have faced more struggles, difficulties, and set backs over the past year and a half than we have ever faced before. As well, we have so many friends that are in the process of adoption, or have adopted, that I have seen go through some really hard times! As our family began facing tough stuff and I continued to hear of others really struggling, this idea of warfare came up over and over in my mind. I mentioned it to a couple of friends that are in the same boat of adoption, and they too have felt it. And then, as I began reading a book entitled "Adopted for Life" by Russell D. Moore, I saw it again. Some of his book is quoted or summarized in these paragraphs. I would highly encourage reading it!
So, the reason for this blog is to let you know that God loves the plan of adoption, and that spiritual warfare is taking place as we join in the adoption plan! When I say God loves adoption, it comes in the context that adoption is part of His story of redemption. It is written throughout the pages of the Bible. Galatians 4:4-7 says, "But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' So you are no longer a slave, but God's child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir." (The cool thing is that these same words will be used in the court room when we finalize our adoption of Aleeya. They bring identity, a sense of belonging! They will let her know that she's our child with a new birth certificate and everything, and that she has every right as an heir.)
You see, I have grown to understand that my God has adopted me, a sinner, once a slave to my birthfather the devil, into His family by way of the cross. He gets adoption!!! He invented it! He has a very mixed family of all backgrounds and colors, and calls us His brothers and sisters because of our adoption. This is incredible! If we really got this, we would be so much better prepared to accept our brothers and sisters in Christ because we are all part of His family! As well, we could accept the family that has so many beautiful colors in their family through adoption. We would not think it odd to add a child of a different race and background to our family. I believe I have taken my adoption into God's family for granted, and always acted like I was a natural heir of God. But Jesus had to go through major pain and suffering on the cross for my sins to allow me a place in His family.
As I have gotten older, I have always believed that there are very strong pictures here on earth of our relationship with God. When I got married, I realized that it was a picture of God and His bride, the Church. I realized the impact of the one flesh union, the covenant relationship. Then when we had children, I was amazed at the picture I saw of God's love for me, His child. When I looked at this little baby in my arms who had so far only caused me discomfort for 9 months and then crucial pain during labor, and yet, I loved him more than life itself, I began to understand a small part of God's love for me, His child. You see, He too suffered for me to be part of His family and loved me more than I could imagine! I began understanding more about the "family of God," as we began interacting as a earthly family and desired to show God to the world through our lives. As well, I can often see His family at work as I attend church or small groups and feel the love of my fellow Christians around me.
I don't think I have even come close to understanding His amazing plan of adoption until recently and still have much to learn, but I am understanding more and more why satan wants to mess this plan up (along with marriages and families). He doesn't like it when we began to care for the needy, the oppressed, the orphans. He doesn't like it when we understand our own orphan status. He said in John 14:18, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." You see, we are all orphaned by our sin, but God's grace allowed us to be His heirs. I'm really beginning to get my adoption story. My spirit longs and groans for the day when He will come back to take us to our forever home!
When we begin to show this adoption story by living it out, we need to be prepared for warfare. I must say, I was less prepared than I would like to believe, but I am begging God for the strength and power to trust Him, to believe Him, and to have greater faith in Him! And I'm thankful that I know He is with me each step of the way. He is truly a faithful Father!
A friend of mine on Facebook posted this video and it gave me that goosebumps, ready to cry, passionate-inside feeling that made me want to share it with the world. I hope you enjoy it and it helps you understand God's plan of adoption even more. There are some pieces of a Veggie Tale movie (which we have always been fans of and need to purchase this one really soon), so enjoy those scenes. But the lyrics are incredible and the song explains so much about our status as orphans!
| www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5zlRABH9wQ |
Monday, September 3, 2012
Happiest Girl Ever . . . August 6, 2012
The week after vacation was a nice and busy time of getting ready for school to begin. We went through all the stuff we already had and checked it with the lists of stuff the school said we needed for each kid. The kids look at this as fun, and I do too, at first! But with three kids making their piles, it gets a little crazy as I try to be sure they are checking stuff off so we know what we still need to buy. Our oldest, Austin is in high school and doesn't get his list until after the first day of school. Last year, I did most of this ahead of time for Aleeya and just did my best guessing which things she would like (colors and styles). This year as she worked through her list, I could see her trying to figure it all out. I realized this was not a "normal" event for her. So, we checked through her list to find she wasn't quite sure what a Composition Notebook and a few other items were. It was a good time to go over the names of all the items she had so when the teacher asked for those things, she would know just what to get out :). After we checked off what we had, I took the kids shopping with me for some of the stuff and then just finished the rest myself. It takes quite a bit of concentration, so I was thankful to have gone late one night to Walmart without the crowds.
We also did haircuts for the kids, and made sure everyone had a nice outfit for the first day of school. For some of them, it was just a newer shirt. With Aleeya at the age of 12, she is very in between on sizes. She's not really in the "girls" section, but not really in the "Juniors" section either. And the styles out there are just tough! So . . . we went shopping and looked and looked! I was just hoping to find one cute shirt for the first day back. We were very happy when we found ONE while shopping the three floors at "Forever 21!" This seems to be my dilemma with shopping as well, so I guess it's just a girl thing :)! At least we had a fun time together shopping!
In the midst of getting ready for school, our social worker came for his last official visit in our home. It was a short visit and one in which he just checked in on us to be sure we didn't have any more questions. It felt really good to know that soon we would be a "normal" family that would function without the monthly visits. We felt blessed to love our social workers and enjoy their visits, but there is something about them coming month after month that reminds us we aren't officially and legally her family. Yet we so are! We also had a fun day during the week where all the kids got to have a "Play Day!" Basically, they all had a friend over or went to a friends and just hung out one afternoon. This was something we hadn't had much time to do this summer with the move and busy times, and everyone really enjoyed it!
We had back-to-school night on the Thursday before school began the following Monday, and she was able to meet her new teachers for 6th grade, see who was in her homeroom, and the most anticipated part . . . get her very own locker! We went up with her to see where her locker was and make sure she knew how to do a combination lock. The first few tries were a little rough, but luckily the girl beside her was struggling too! The boys were great in showing her how it's done (since they have been there and done that), and I just kept showing her and then having her try again. We made sure she got it open 3 times straight before we knew she was good to go! Then I hung out with her and a new friend and her mom for awhile on the playground. I was thankful that this year she could make someone that was new to the school feel welcome (like so many had for her the year before), and begin what seemed to be a special friendship. These girls were busy laughing and having a great time together!
Throughout the week, Aleeya had mentioned how excited she was to go back to school. I just kept looking at her strangely when I'd hear her say it! This is my girl that loves to sleep in and is not at all a morning person. This is my girl that was often working long hours on homework last year. This was my girl that was so nervous about starting at Big Valley in 5th grade and asked tons of questions! Well, this year was different!!! She was so excited to go back and see her friends; she was happy and alert that first early morning; she couldn't wait! Turns out, our girl is quite social and REALLY enjoys seeing her friends!
We got up pretty early the first day so we could take our annual "1st day of school picture" at the school. We like all the kids to be together for it, which means we have to be there by 7:40am since the boys start at 8am a ways away from where we take our picture at the elementary school campus. So, we were up early, went to our favorite doughnut shop to get breakfast, and took our fun first day pics, which includes one with Daddy behind them making a funny face as well as one with all good smiles! Aleeya was full of energy and excitement and even enjoyed meeting another new girl that morning. I later realized that this was her first time going back to the same school since she moved from Saipan when she was 7. This was a big deal in her life to be at the same school, to be secure, and she was so happy!
This was the start to a new year indeed and I was so happy for her as well! I wasn't sure if I was ready to begin it all again, but I prayed that I would be. I prayed for each of them to do their best with their studies, that God would help them to follow Him and His ways, and that He would help them to form some great friendships. I couldn't believe I had a 10th grader, one starting Jr. High (7th grade), a 6th grader, and a 4th grader! But that's exactly what God had me doing, and I knew I would need to lean on Him and ask for lots of wisdom to make this year great!
We also did haircuts for the kids, and made sure everyone had a nice outfit for the first day of school. For some of them, it was just a newer shirt. With Aleeya at the age of 12, she is very in between on sizes. She's not really in the "girls" section, but not really in the "Juniors" section either. And the styles out there are just tough! So . . . we went shopping and looked and looked! I was just hoping to find one cute shirt for the first day back. We were very happy when we found ONE while shopping the three floors at "Forever 21!" This seems to be my dilemma with shopping as well, so I guess it's just a girl thing :)! At least we had a fun time together shopping!
In the midst of getting ready for school, our social worker came for his last official visit in our home. It was a short visit and one in which he just checked in on us to be sure we didn't have any more questions. It felt really good to know that soon we would be a "normal" family that would function without the monthly visits. We felt blessed to love our social workers and enjoy their visits, but there is something about them coming month after month that reminds us we aren't officially and legally her family. Yet we so are! We also had a fun day during the week where all the kids got to have a "Play Day!" Basically, they all had a friend over or went to a friends and just hung out one afternoon. This was something we hadn't had much time to do this summer with the move and busy times, and everyone really enjoyed it!
We had back-to-school night on the Thursday before school began the following Monday, and she was able to meet her new teachers for 6th grade, see who was in her homeroom, and the most anticipated part . . . get her very own locker! We went up with her to see where her locker was and make sure she knew how to do a combination lock. The first few tries were a little rough, but luckily the girl beside her was struggling too! The boys were great in showing her how it's done (since they have been there and done that), and I just kept showing her and then having her try again. We made sure she got it open 3 times straight before we knew she was good to go! Then I hung out with her and a new friend and her mom for awhile on the playground. I was thankful that this year she could make someone that was new to the school feel welcome (like so many had for her the year before), and begin what seemed to be a special friendship. These girls were busy laughing and having a great time together!
Throughout the week, Aleeya had mentioned how excited she was to go back to school. I just kept looking at her strangely when I'd hear her say it! This is my girl that loves to sleep in and is not at all a morning person. This is my girl that was often working long hours on homework last year. This was my girl that was so nervous about starting at Big Valley in 5th grade and asked tons of questions! Well, this year was different!!! She was so excited to go back and see her friends; she was happy and alert that first early morning; she couldn't wait! Turns out, our girl is quite social and REALLY enjoys seeing her friends!
We got up pretty early the first day so we could take our annual "1st day of school picture" at the school. We like all the kids to be together for it, which means we have to be there by 7:40am since the boys start at 8am a ways away from where we take our picture at the elementary school campus. So, we were up early, went to our favorite doughnut shop to get breakfast, and took our fun first day pics, which includes one with Daddy behind them making a funny face as well as one with all good smiles! Aleeya was full of energy and excitement and even enjoyed meeting another new girl that morning. I later realized that this was her first time going back to the same school since she moved from Saipan when she was 7. This was a big deal in her life to be at the same school, to be secure, and she was so happy!
This was the start to a new year indeed and I was so happy for her as well! I wasn't sure if I was ready to begin it all again, but I prayed that I would be. I prayed for each of them to do their best with their studies, that God would help them to follow Him and His ways, and that He would help them to form some great friendships. I couldn't believe I had a 10th grader, one starting Jr. High (7th grade), a 6th grader, and a 4th grader! But that's exactly what God had me doing, and I knew I would need to lean on Him and ask for lots of wisdom to make this year great!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Our Second Vacation Together . . . July 29, 2012
This year, we left town together . . with Aleeya . . as a family to head to our annual vacation! Each year for the past six years, we have been completely blessed to house sit for a family in Half Moon Bay for two weeks while they fly off to Hawaii. It was especially great to head back to the same place this year, since this was our first official memory as a family of 6 last year!
Since we had just moved only a few weeks prior, it was great to be able to get away and relax some, yet hard to leave our new place a little because we were still getting used to it. Either way, we needed a break from the normal "stuff of life," and I definitely felt a need for rest as I had been working extra hard to get things in order. I knew that once we returned from vacation, we only had a week until school would begin.
We did our normal stuff - we made a vacation mix for the ipods of our favorite songs from the year, packed our summer and winter clothes since it's often really cold in HMB, loaded up our beach stuff and luggage, and prayed together from our respective vehicles before pulling out. These were things that were new for Aleeya, but after that, everything would be something we had already done once before :). I was so glad to be at this point! We needed to have memories, and make more memories! This was a really good thing.
While we were glad this year would be different, I think it affected her differently than we imagined. Last year, the entire two weeks were centered on her . . trying to get to know her, caring for her every need, etc., but this year she was part of our family. She had been looking forward to vacation and talking about it all year. But this year, she brought luggage in like everyone else. I could see her struggling with it some, and I kinda realized that this was a hard thing for a 12 year old. Her memories of last year were great for many reasons! As well, she was still working through some of the "stuff" of realizing that things were finalizing and wondering about her birth family.
Don't get me wrong, we were having a great time at the beach doing our normal "vacation stuff," but there was a tension and quietness that made me sad. After about a week, I felt like I needed to take her out for a lunch together, just the two of us (Scott and I both took 2 of our kids out to lunch at separate times to just be with them by ourselves). I had mentioned that I wanted to talk to her before we left for vacation, and she had been waiting more than I realized for this time. I knew we needed to talk through the things I read in her files on adoptive placement day. I wanted to see how much of it she knew, wondered about, saw differently, and what she needed clarity on. It seemed like this was the best time to talk since we were more relaxed and the beach offered extra peace and time to talk. With the view of the ocean in site, we spent about 2 hours talking through things, and she had many tears flowing freely from her eyes. I told her about reading through her files and shared as many details as possible to be sure she understood her past. She asked a lot of questions and I answered the best I could. At the end of our time together, I told her she had a choice . . a choice of how she wanted to view all of this. I told her she could see it as a hard thing that happened to her (because it was a hard thing) and dwell on that, or she could view it as God protecting her and having a plan for her life, one that involved knowing Him. I also told her how sad it is when we see her "go somewhere" and not really be "with us." It was happening a lot on vacation. I told her that I was there for her when she had questions arise or needed to talk, but that I was hoping and praying that she would be able to enjoy her present! I really believe that God and her birth family would want her to enjoy the gift of today! I asked if she had ever been able to work through her past, and she said no one had really gone over it all and helped her. I told her we are committed to helping her deal with it all in a healthy way. I also asked her if vacation this year was hard because she wasn't the center of attention. She agreed that it was, and I told her that I love her very much but that each of the kids in our family are special and all deserve attention. There are times that I feel like she needs and deserves so much more from me, and asked her to let me know if she's needing more time with me and I will try to make it happen. Something about getting that out seemed to help a little. This is the tough stuff of having four kids . . . and one of them that has only been with you a year and is twelve!
She continued to struggle throughout the next couple of days, and asked a few more questions, but each day became a little bit better and I could see some of the weight lifting. Austin was with us for the first week of vacation, but left to go to Hume Lake during the second week. This changed the dynamics of our family a bit and we missed him. She was thrilled to get to go to a Giants game with Scott and Alec while we were close by to San Francisco, and since they are her favorite team, she had a blast! She had never been to a professional game, so it was a special treat provided to us by our friends that lived there and happen to have season tickets! It allowed Ashley and I to have some special time together as well, and she told me how much she liked just the two of us being together . . a lot! I realized Ashley's been missing our special times for awhile, and this was really good!
As well, we got to celebrate "Gotcha Day" as it's called on July 24th! This date marked the one year anniversary of the day she joined our family! We decided to go to Santa Cruz and enjoy the beach and the boardwalk since it's one of her favorite spots! But before we left the house, we gave her a special gift! I had been trying to figure out what to do to make the day special, and I found these really neat "Individuality Beads" that you could put on a bracelet. I had prayed for God to show me exactly what to get and thought about something like this because I wanted to be able to add to the gift each year, and there it was right as I walked into the first store I tried, Kohl's!! And, it was on a major sale which was even better - I love sales!!! Anyhow, we got her a black tweed bracelet and two charms to put on it. One was a heart that said "Family" and the other was a bead that said "Faith." When we presented it to her, I told her that this past year she had received two things that would never leave her, a forever family and her faith in God. I could tell she really liked it! We were excited because we could also add to it at her finalization! She wore it happily that day, although we had to take it off at the beach :).
We returned from vacation with thankful hearts, new memories, and more understanding. We were excited to be beginning our second year together and were so looking forward to finalization! It was now time to unpack and get settled back in before school would begin!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Adoptive Placement Day . . . July 10, 2012
It was finally happening . . . the day we would go into Family Connections Christian Adoptions (our agency) and sign Adoptive Placement forms. I remembered seeing these forms for other families when I worked at FCCA, and I would put them in their files. I knew it was a good thing and families usually finalized soon after. Other than that, this was something we hadn't heard much about and no one really gave us any hints about what to expect of this day. All I knew was that we were to meet our social worker and Aleeya's social worker and sign some paperwork that would put us in the legal status as adoptive parents, rather than foster parents, of our girl! While everyone in the room knew that this was the plan all along, the state would now formally recognize us in this role!
During the weeks prior, we had been talking with Aleeya about all of this and trying to help her know that we understood that this was exciting for her, but also hard as she realized that her birth mom was no longer trying or able to try to get her back. We thought she already knew that there was no way this could happen, but when the appeals were denied, I guess the finality of it all really hit her. We tried to re-assure her that her birth mom did still love her, but that the state had decided that she needed another home. We talked about some of the details as best as we knew and as best as she could remember and tried to work through it some more. I could tell she was hurting inside, and I didn't know how long she would need to work through it all. We were still going through many days of not feeling like she was really "with us." Her mind seemed to be somewhere else and I so longed for her to come back.
This was a rather unique week that we were able to go and sign the Adoptive Placement papers as she was attending "Kids Campus" at our church (a form of Vacation Bible School). This event was even more special because a year prior, we had her for a weekend visit and she had come with us to the end of the last day of "Kids Campus." I remember that day well! This was her first year attending, and she was a little bit nervous at first. But she really enjoyed it, and it was fun to realize that we were starting to get to the point where she had been a part of our family for a year and was starting to do things "again" with us. It felt really great!
On Tuesday, July 10th, we met and for about an hour went over the paperwork, signed things, and talked with our wonderful social workers. They were so good at explaining everything. For some reason, Aleeya's social worker had said the meeting would go about three hours, but our agency felt like an hour was more than enough time. We weren't sure what to expect. After most of the papers were signed, Aleeya's social worker told us that she was going to allow us to look through all of Aleeya's files for the next two hours and write down whatever we'd like. She was already giving us a notebook filled with information for us to take home, but this would give more details into her life. We later learned from our social worker that he had never seen this happen before. We were not allowed to copy anything or take anything, but we could read and write details down.
Now, I have to tell you that there were about 5 very large files full of information. I had previously heard that many families don't feel the need to know about their child's past. I wondered if that was how I should handle this. But I felt a huge need to know and understand her past . . . for her. She had questions that needed answers. I needed to be able to work through the details when they surfaced and re-surfaced in her mind. And with what we were seeing going on in her mind recently, I knew that this time was a gift from God. As I began reading through (and I tend to be thorough), I begged God to help me read what I needed and skip what I didn't. By the end of the two hours, I had gone through each of the files and written down some important details. I wanted to know her birth family's birthdays. I wanted to see any and all health records from her birth mom and dad. I especially wanted to understand the day she was taken from her birth family and placed in foster care. It was important for me to read the things her birth mom did to get her back and the desire she had for her. These were things Aleeya needed to know! There were many things we were able to learn, and there was also much that wasn't in the files. But I was thankful for that time God allowed for us. And I knew that there was much that we would need to share with Aleeya to help her really understand her past. I wondered if she had ever really been able to work through it entirely or if she had kept things hidden somewhere with just bits and pieces of information that she tried to figure out. One of the most interesting things for us as we read was that the day Aleeya was taken from her birth family was on our wedding anniversary, December 18, 2008. I wondered where we were and what we did that night. I wondered if the thought had come to my mind that night that we would someday adopt. Some would say coincidence, but it was a special nugget to us!
I also left burdened. While we had been told much of the information at the disclosure meeting about a year prior (before ever meeting Aleeya), there was something about reading everything again that made it more real this time . . I guess because now I know her, know her well. I think I tend to go into denial about issues when they are too hard for me to understand, and perhaps Aleeya does that some too. But reading it, and knowing that no one wants to remove a child from their home, and just seeing it in print and following the story, my heart was sad. Sad for Aleeya, sad for her birth sister, sad for her birth mom, sad for her birth family . . . And yet I saw that God had protected Aleeya, loved her dearly, and has a great plan for her life . . . one that includes Him in her life!
And so, this Adoptive Placement Day was very special for so many reasons. We were able to decide if we would want to know if her birth mom had any other babies . . in case they would need a home . . and I was kinda happily amazed that we both said we would want to know. We were able to understand so much more of her story to hopefully help her piece things together in the future. We were able to understand our girl a little bit better to hopefully be better parents. And we finally had a legal document with her new name on it, Aleeya Joy Butler!!!
During the weeks prior, we had been talking with Aleeya about all of this and trying to help her know that we understood that this was exciting for her, but also hard as she realized that her birth mom was no longer trying or able to try to get her back. We thought she already knew that there was no way this could happen, but when the appeals were denied, I guess the finality of it all really hit her. We tried to re-assure her that her birth mom did still love her, but that the state had decided that she needed another home. We talked about some of the details as best as we knew and as best as she could remember and tried to work through it some more. I could tell she was hurting inside, and I didn't know how long she would need to work through it all. We were still going through many days of not feeling like she was really "with us." Her mind seemed to be somewhere else and I so longed for her to come back.
This was a rather unique week that we were able to go and sign the Adoptive Placement papers as she was attending "Kids Campus" at our church (a form of Vacation Bible School). This event was even more special because a year prior, we had her for a weekend visit and she had come with us to the end of the last day of "Kids Campus." I remember that day well! This was her first year attending, and she was a little bit nervous at first. But she really enjoyed it, and it was fun to realize that we were starting to get to the point where she had been a part of our family for a year and was starting to do things "again" with us. It felt really great!
On Tuesday, July 10th, we met and for about an hour went over the paperwork, signed things, and talked with our wonderful social workers. They were so good at explaining everything. For some reason, Aleeya's social worker had said the meeting would go about three hours, but our agency felt like an hour was more than enough time. We weren't sure what to expect. After most of the papers were signed, Aleeya's social worker told us that she was going to allow us to look through all of Aleeya's files for the next two hours and write down whatever we'd like. She was already giving us a notebook filled with information for us to take home, but this would give more details into her life. We later learned from our social worker that he had never seen this happen before. We were not allowed to copy anything or take anything, but we could read and write details down.
Now, I have to tell you that there were about 5 very large files full of information. I had previously heard that many families don't feel the need to know about their child's past. I wondered if that was how I should handle this. But I felt a huge need to know and understand her past . . . for her. She had questions that needed answers. I needed to be able to work through the details when they surfaced and re-surfaced in her mind. And with what we were seeing going on in her mind recently, I knew that this time was a gift from God. As I began reading through (and I tend to be thorough), I begged God to help me read what I needed and skip what I didn't. By the end of the two hours, I had gone through each of the files and written down some important details. I wanted to know her birth family's birthdays. I wanted to see any and all health records from her birth mom and dad. I especially wanted to understand the day she was taken from her birth family and placed in foster care. It was important for me to read the things her birth mom did to get her back and the desire she had for her. These were things Aleeya needed to know! There were many things we were able to learn, and there was also much that wasn't in the files. But I was thankful for that time God allowed for us. And I knew that there was much that we would need to share with Aleeya to help her really understand her past. I wondered if she had ever really been able to work through it entirely or if she had kept things hidden somewhere with just bits and pieces of information that she tried to figure out. One of the most interesting things for us as we read was that the day Aleeya was taken from her birth family was on our wedding anniversary, December 18, 2008. I wondered where we were and what we did that night. I wondered if the thought had come to my mind that night that we would someday adopt. Some would say coincidence, but it was a special nugget to us!
I also left burdened. While we had been told much of the information at the disclosure meeting about a year prior (before ever meeting Aleeya), there was something about reading everything again that made it more real this time . . I guess because now I know her, know her well. I think I tend to go into denial about issues when they are too hard for me to understand, and perhaps Aleeya does that some too. But reading it, and knowing that no one wants to remove a child from their home, and just seeing it in print and following the story, my heart was sad. Sad for Aleeya, sad for her birth sister, sad for her birth mom, sad for her birth family . . . And yet I saw that God had protected Aleeya, loved her dearly, and has a great plan for her life . . . one that includes Him in her life!
And so, this Adoptive Placement Day was very special for so many reasons. We were able to decide if we would want to know if her birth mom had any other babies . . in case they would need a home . . and I was kinda happily amazed that we both said we would want to know. We were able to understand so much more of her story to hopefully help her piece things together in the future. We were able to understand our girl a little bit better to hopefully be better parents. And we finally had a legal document with her new name on it, Aleeya Joy Butler!!!
Monday, August 13, 2012
A Big Week . . . June 29, 2012
So much has happened since Aleeya's birthday party . . . and life is exciting, crazy, and a bit of a whirlwind. And in it all, we have seen God's hand with us.
On June 18th, we had one of our monthly social workers' visits, and out of the blue, Aleeya's social worker mentioned that one of the appeals had been denied and the other was due to be denied any day. She actually went on my computer to check as she thought it would be denied that day. We had no idea this was happening and were shocked and in awe! We truly thought it might take another 6 months or so from what everyone was telling us, but our God is bigger than that! We had been praying for so long, and God was answering! The next day, June 19th, we got a call from our social worker letting us know that life was about to get easier. He confirmed that all the appeals had been denied and we could move into "Adoptive Placement." This is when you know it's about to finalize and she's yours for sure! Up to this point, we were in "Placement," but it's not quite the same. We were now considered adoptive parents by the state. While we knew everything would eventually work out because our adoption agency only works with the children that are freed to be adopted, there's just something about knowing . . for us and for Aleeya! When we told her, she looked very happy! She got to tell her brothers and sister herself, and it was really fun! We celebrated that night!
During this particular week, we had some other stuff going on as well. We were moving . . . did I mention that? Two days after we found out the appeals were denied, it was moving day. It was something that happened rather quick, and we were moving to another home at the other end of our neighborhood, but still we were moving. While it's a lot on any family to move, and all of our kids went through some of the normal emotions about missing our current home and all the memories, it was really hard on Aleeya. Because of how quickly our house sold, I didn't really have time to process how this would affect her until it was actually happening. And then, I was just so busy with the move that I had a hard time working with it all. For Aleeya, no matter how nice the new house was, no matter how great it was that her and Ashley would not have to have bunk beds and could finally put both of their beds on the ground, no matter how great of a family memory we could make in the process, a move just did not settle well. She had moved every year for the past 3 years. She had moved quite a bit in Saipan as well. And summer was the time when for the past 3 years, she would normally move to a new family and a new school, so all of this just made her feel very concerned, sad, and contemplative. At first, I couldn't figure out what the problem was and we were kinda frustrated, and then it hit us. This was REALLY hard on her. I remember re-assuring her that everything would move with us, that we were moving together as a family, that it would be fun, but she just didn't buy into it. We all lived through it, but it was a rough time.
I later realized that there was a lot going on in her heart, not just about the move but about life. While she was excited to get adopted and move forward, there was a sadness that things were becoming final. For her, that meant that she wouldn't see her birth family again, that they wouldn't re-unite, that her birth mom had stopped trying to get her back, and all of this brought questions and hurt. I don't think any of us expected all of these feelings to come rushing in, but I remember the day it finally occurred to me that some of this could be an issue, and I felt so sad. Scott and I had been frustrated with her lack of enthusiasm and ability to want to help during the move; we were needing her to be "with us," and she seemed so far off. As we kept trying to figure it out, I finally thought through what might be going on inside her head and heart. When we talked, she said that she was feeling all of these things, and I had to ask forgiveness for not being very understanding.
The following week, we tried to get her together with some friends and that seemed to really help. I think it made life a little more normal in the midst of it all. I worked like crazy trying to get the house to feel like "home." The girls room became one of my first rooms to conquer as I so wanted them to feel at ease. But even Ashley would end up in tears at times because she couldn't find something. I think all of us girls aren't crazy about change. Austin and Alec were struggling some too because they weren't doing the normal "fun summer stuff" like their friends. As much as I tried to get everyone to do some fun things, it just didn't seem to be enough. We were all so tired and I think we could have really used a "normal summer," one without a lot of adjusting like last summer (when we added our sweet girl to our family). It was hard on this Mama for sure! While trying to get everything settled, I could feel the kids emotions and had some of those emotions within myself, but I had to trust in God. The strange thing is how much I felt at home here. It was different, yes, and I couldn't always find things in the kitchen, but I felt comfortable and at home. In the end, I knew God would help us if we relied on Him for strength.
As we talked through things with Aleeya, things seemed to get a little better, but she still didn't seem to be "with us," at least not fully. We talked some about her past, about some hurts, about forgiveness, and about attachment issues. I told her we so wanted to love her completely and sometimes didn't know how. I told her about the song "All of Me," and how we were wanting to give her all of us, even if it wasn't enough. That seemed to really speak to her. We talked about her love language some as well, and she was great about being able to tell me what made her feel loved, so we would begin working at that as we so desperately wanted her to feel loved and knew that she needed it. All in all, we would just have to be patient and wait for her to work through things. Sometimes it's hard to wait, but God seemed to be teaching us that a lot lately.
During this time, God brought an amazing song to me called "Steady My Heart" by Kari Jobe:
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
You steady my heart
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just he way that You plan
And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart
You steady my heart
On June 18th, we had one of our monthly social workers' visits, and out of the blue, Aleeya's social worker mentioned that one of the appeals had been denied and the other was due to be denied any day. She actually went on my computer to check as she thought it would be denied that day. We had no idea this was happening and were shocked and in awe! We truly thought it might take another 6 months or so from what everyone was telling us, but our God is bigger than that! We had been praying for so long, and God was answering! The next day, June 19th, we got a call from our social worker letting us know that life was about to get easier. He confirmed that all the appeals had been denied and we could move into "Adoptive Placement." This is when you know it's about to finalize and she's yours for sure! Up to this point, we were in "Placement," but it's not quite the same. We were now considered adoptive parents by the state. While we knew everything would eventually work out because our adoption agency only works with the children that are freed to be adopted, there's just something about knowing . . for us and for Aleeya! When we told her, she looked very happy! She got to tell her brothers and sister herself, and it was really fun! We celebrated that night!
During this particular week, we had some other stuff going on as well. We were moving . . . did I mention that? Two days after we found out the appeals were denied, it was moving day. It was something that happened rather quick, and we were moving to another home at the other end of our neighborhood, but still we were moving. While it's a lot on any family to move, and all of our kids went through some of the normal emotions about missing our current home and all the memories, it was really hard on Aleeya. Because of how quickly our house sold, I didn't really have time to process how this would affect her until it was actually happening. And then, I was just so busy with the move that I had a hard time working with it all. For Aleeya, no matter how nice the new house was, no matter how great it was that her and Ashley would not have to have bunk beds and could finally put both of their beds on the ground, no matter how great of a family memory we could make in the process, a move just did not settle well. She had moved every year for the past 3 years. She had moved quite a bit in Saipan as well. And summer was the time when for the past 3 years, she would normally move to a new family and a new school, so all of this just made her feel very concerned, sad, and contemplative. At first, I couldn't figure out what the problem was and we were kinda frustrated, and then it hit us. This was REALLY hard on her. I remember re-assuring her that everything would move with us, that we were moving together as a family, that it would be fun, but she just didn't buy into it. We all lived through it, but it was a rough time.
I later realized that there was a lot going on in her heart, not just about the move but about life. While she was excited to get adopted and move forward, there was a sadness that things were becoming final. For her, that meant that she wouldn't see her birth family again, that they wouldn't re-unite, that her birth mom had stopped trying to get her back, and all of this brought questions and hurt. I don't think any of us expected all of these feelings to come rushing in, but I remember the day it finally occurred to me that some of this could be an issue, and I felt so sad. Scott and I had been frustrated with her lack of enthusiasm and ability to want to help during the move; we were needing her to be "with us," and she seemed so far off. As we kept trying to figure it out, I finally thought through what might be going on inside her head and heart. When we talked, she said that she was feeling all of these things, and I had to ask forgiveness for not being very understanding.
The following week, we tried to get her together with some friends and that seemed to really help. I think it made life a little more normal in the midst of it all. I worked like crazy trying to get the house to feel like "home." The girls room became one of my first rooms to conquer as I so wanted them to feel at ease. But even Ashley would end up in tears at times because she couldn't find something. I think all of us girls aren't crazy about change. Austin and Alec were struggling some too because they weren't doing the normal "fun summer stuff" like their friends. As much as I tried to get everyone to do some fun things, it just didn't seem to be enough. We were all so tired and I think we could have really used a "normal summer," one without a lot of adjusting like last summer (when we added our sweet girl to our family). It was hard on this Mama for sure! While trying to get everything settled, I could feel the kids emotions and had some of those emotions within myself, but I had to trust in God. The strange thing is how much I felt at home here. It was different, yes, and I couldn't always find things in the kitchen, but I felt comfortable and at home. In the end, I knew God would help us if we relied on Him for strength.
As we talked through things with Aleeya, things seemed to get a little better, but she still didn't seem to be "with us," at least not fully. We talked some about her past, about some hurts, about forgiveness, and about attachment issues. I told her we so wanted to love her completely and sometimes didn't know how. I told her about the song "All of Me," and how we were wanting to give her all of us, even if it wasn't enough. That seemed to really speak to her. We talked about her love language some as well, and she was great about being able to tell me what made her feel loved, so we would begin working at that as we so desperately wanted her to feel loved and knew that she needed it. All in all, we would just have to be patient and wait for her to work through things. Sometimes it's hard to wait, but God seemed to be teaching us that a lot lately.
During this time, God brought an amazing song to me called "Steady My Heart" by Kari Jobe:
Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
You steady my heart
I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just he way that You plan
And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart
You steady my heart
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