Our First Week Together . . . July 31, 2011

While I so desperately wanted to have Aleeya the week before our vacation (the week she ended up going to camp), I can now honestly say that I know God had his hand in those details.  My heart just wanted us all to be together as soon as possible.  I missed her and wanted to get her settled in to our home, but God had other plans.  With all the details that needed to be done to get us on vacation, as well as getting everyone's school supplies bought and put together, it was such a hectic week, and one that wouldn't have been a good first week to have together.  Her time at Royal Family Kids Camp went really well, and we keep hearing bits and pieces of it.  Her two favorite songs from the week were "Mighty to Save" and "One Way," both songs by Hillsong United that we too enjoy and have been playing lots for her this week!  In fact, they have been added to our Vacation Mix 2011 (this is an ipod playlist that we put together of our favorite songs for that year, and each family member gets to pick a few).

As well, I am so thankful to have this vacation time to spend together without the normal "daily grind."  This is an amazing couple of weeks for us all to get to know one another, enjoy time relaxing and doing some fun things together . . what wonderful timing our God has!  Having our first two weeks with her while being on vacation gives us all a chance to spend some major quality time together, and allows her to have uninterrupted time with Scott with us so she can really understand our family dynamics!

Here are some of the memories from our first week together:

In the evening, we would often watch movies and shows together.  I found that she likes to be close and put her head on my shoulder!  She's a bit of a cuddler, and I'm glad she is willing to give and receive love so easily.  One of the movies she picked to watch was "Blindside," which is a movie about a family that takes in a teenage boy.  During this movie, she realized that foster families receive money for having foster children (something I was sad she learned, but is true).  As well, this boy started out not doing very well in school, and she said that he was probably too sad to care about school work.  I think she was right.  It was so interesting to hear her perspective on this movie, and it's such a great movie about hope and love.

We also enjoyed some time in Monterey, and the girls and I watched the boys play golf for 9 holes.  I let her steer the golf cart part of the way and she really enjoyed it!  We took it slow (I was still doing the pedals), and she thanked me for not grabbing the wheel from her but telling her how to do it instead.  While the boys finished the last 9 holes, we headed to a really fun park.  The girls got to run and play, and while we were in a round tunnel sitting to rest, she told me she thought I was really pretty.  It was a sweet moment.  We also shopped some together, and we got her some shoes and a watch (we had gotten the rest of the kids watches last year on vacation and wanted her to have one too).  We looked at ideas for bedding for their room as well.

Since two of our kids had done some extra reading and earned passes to Six Flags, Discovery Kingdom, we decided it would be a fun day to have while on vacation.  We had never been, but she had been quite a bit since her foster sister worked there.  She really loves the Shouka show (a really big orca whale), so I emailed them ahead of time to see if we could somehow have her be the volunteer for the show.  They said they couldn't do that for us (and actually didn't have volunteers at the shows we went to that day), but offered us VIP seating.  We were thrilled and said that would be great.  But then, we didn't hear back.  So, about half way through the day, I decided to try to email them once again and give them my cell number in case it could still work out, and they called me back immediately!  We got to sit right on the edge of where Shouka comes up to pose!  We were the only ones in this small section, and she was so excited!  It was a great memory, and she thanked me for working it out!  I think it made her feel really special!

We also decided to start our "Little House on the Prairie" series fresh with her.  We love the show and thinks it teaches great things about family, friendships, hard work, and faith!  We were somewhere in the middle, but decided we wanted her to experience it all with us.  Thankfully, she seems to like it too!

On Thursday, Nana and Pop Pop came to our vacation spot for a visit since they are still here in California at the state fair.  It was very sweet as they walked in the door, gave Aleeya a hug, and brought gifts for all the kids!  She could tell they loved her already, and they were able to see how she was fitting right in to the family.  I was glad they could spend a little bit of time with her while they were out here from Florida since we don't get to see them very often!

Thursday afternoon, we went to part of the beach near Half Moon Bay and let the kids play at the ocean.  At this beach, not many kids really get in the ocean because it's so cool, so they just went and played in the sand and got knee deep in the water at times.  All the kids were writing in the sand and playing while Scott and I sat on a bench and watched them from a short distance.  The kids yelled out for us to come and see what they were doing, and we said we would be there in a bit.  When we got there, we saw "I, a Heart made with seaweed, my family."  It was a beautiful site and great reassurance that she was doing well and enjoying being with us.

Often throughout the week, she would talk about being adopted and being a sister.  She continued to call us "Mom and Dad," and fit right in with the kids.  She would also bring up her "real mom" and talk about her "sister," who was her foster sister at her last home (a college age girl that seemed really nice and worked at Six Flags.  They had spent some time together this summer).  Since she is open and talks about her foster families at times, I asked her which family she most enjoyed being with (speaking of her foster families), and she said ours!  Then I explained that I meant foster families, not her adoptive family, and she told me that she enjoyed one the most because the mom was fun and there were kids to play with there.  Then she said that I was a fun mom and she likes our family.  I told her that I try to be a fun mom (especially on vacation), but that there are times we have to get things done and we work hard together.  But I also know that I will give her great love, great security, and will work through whatever is needed.

There were times that she did things that we weren't comfortable with and times I'm sure that we did things that she was uncomfortable with!  We let much of that go at times and would talk about some of the things as well.  I was proud of her when she would say she'd prefer not to do something when asked.  And there were times we said that she needed to do something and she would go along with it.  There were some things that, as a mom, I wanted to be sure she knew how to do properly and I spent a little time explaining some of that.

One of my favorite memories of this week was when I had reminded Alec and Ashley to go and read their Bibles (do their quiet time), and she went and found her Bible and showed me that she had written down some verses from what she had read the previous week at camp.  It was the Bible we had given her during her weekend visit to our home.  It thrilled me!  The next day, I asked Austin to remind everyone to spend some time reading and I mentioned to Aleeya that she may want to read part of the storybook Bible Ashley had given her on her first night with us.  I had looked at it the night before and realized that she probably hadn't learned any of the "normal" Bible stories our kids had heard tons of times.  This little picture Bible seemed easy to understand and tells many of the main Bible stories in an easy-to-read format.  She ended up on the couch reading longer than Alec or Ashley that day.  It was awesome!!!  I prayed that God would use this time to open up her eyes to who He was and how much He loved her!

We spent Friday doing some light cleaning, and Scott and the kids did some yard work.  We had her join in and they got the job done pretty quickly.  I thanked her for helping, and she said it's good to do "team work."  Later, we went into San Francisco and took her across the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time.  We also went down Lombard Street and did some shopping.  While at the mall, she and Ashley located some necklaces that said "Big Sister" and "Little Sister," so that was purchased with great enjoyment!  They put them on immediately!  As well, we were able to get her a really cute school bag and lunchbox.  I was glad she could pick it out!  Each of the kids were shopping for some specific items, and it was nice that she could feel part of it all.

We did notice that this non-stop time with all of us together was wearing on Scott and I a bit by Friday afternoon.  All the silliness and great fun they were having was at times exhausting to us, and we needed some quiet.  While the kids were definitely meshing together as family, it was a little bit like having a great new friend with us.  It was hard to tell them to quiet down in the back of the van when they are having so much fun, yet it's what we would "normally" do.  We found that "the quiet game" was a nice change of pace at times, and tried to play some music they all enjoyed singing as well.  We were all learning how to "be together," be honest, and enjoy one another.  This was all still so new!  There were also many times when everyone would be playing, and I'd find her wondering in just to be close to me.  I remember at times when I was young that I too would just want to be close to my mom, and this was a good thing!  I would try to stop and talk or just give her a hug to reassure her.

On Saturday and Sunday, we had some friends visit and had a great time!  They had a girl her age whom she had met before, and their friendship continued to grow . . . it blessed my heart!  So thankful for good friends!!!  We went to church together on Sunday morning, and the pastor spoke on sin and our need for a Savior.  I was thankful she was hearing it, and am really looking forward to fully discussing who Jesus is and how much He loves her!  Seeds are being planted :).  Sunday afternoon was spent with some more friends coming to play at the beach with us and have dinner together.  As each family arrived, she would come up to meet them, which was so thoughtful.  She didn't seem nervous about meeting new people for the first time, and really fit in so well.

We would all have to say that we are completely amazed by what God has done!  He has blessed us with this precious girl, a new daughter to love, a new sister to enjoy, and a wonderful addition to our family!  Each night as we read our family devotional together, the closeness just continues to grow.  We are all learning so much together, hoping that she will feel very loved and secure, and looking forward to a great future!  Thanks again for all your prayers and support!!!

***One more note, many of you have mentioned that you can't wait to see pictures of her, and I so wish I could post some!!!  Unfortunately, we are not able to post any until the adoption is finalized (up to a year away).  Thanks for your understanding on this, and we will gladly post our new family picture as soon as we are able!

What's in a Name . . . July 27, 2011

This is one of those blogs we have been nervous to put out there.  There is a lot of controversy on this subject, and we know many of you will have opinions as well.  But as a family, we have worked through this and wanted to share how it all worked out for us . . .

As almost all parents know, it takes quite awhile to decide on a name for their new child (often it takes about 9 months to choose).  With adoption, this process is much different.  For those that adopt newborn babies, there is usually not an issue with them naming their new baby.  For others that adopt a 2-3 year old, they will often change the toddler's name to a name they have had in their minds for quite awhile, and this usually works out without too much confusion.  For us, adopting an 11 year old girl, we pretty much figured that she would keep the name she was given at birth.

Somehow, this whole subject has caused great debate among adoptive families, counselors, and people in general.  Many think that a foster child's name is the last thing the child has of their own and with all the moves, changes in family structure, and loss of items, this is something that should remain the same.  Some think that if a boy was named after his father, and his father creates bad memories for him, that his name should be changed.  For many families that have adopted, they have dreamed of having a child and feel that they should have the right to name their child just as every other parent has done.  And then in the Bible, we find that God often changed a person's name when He wanted to do a great work through their life (i.e. Abraham, Sarah, Paul).  For our family, we weren't sure how it would all work out.

You see, we have three biological children that are all named with an "A" name:  Austin, Alec, and Ashley.  We wondered if our new girl would feel like she wasn't a part of the family if she had a name that began with another letter.  We so wanted her to feel like family!  Of course, we wanted her to keep her name if she liked it, and we would love her no matter what!  But we knew that this can be one of the small perks of getting adopted (being able to change her name) and wanted to offer it to her if she was interested.  At times, we felt like we shouldn't bring it up at all because we didn't want her to feel pressured or like that was what we wanted.  And then we felt like we had to bring it up just in case, and knew we would need to do it soon after she arrived in our home as everyone would begin meeting her.  If we waited too long, it would be too weird for other people to switch and call her by a new name.  What if, years later, we found out she wanted to have an "A" name like our other kids, but we never asked?

We wondered how it would all work out!  Scott and I talked about it, and I said I would take her to lunch and spend some time with her one day during her first week with us so we could talk about it without any outside pressures (like our other kids saying what they thought).

Long ago, when I knew we were supposed to have one more child and would be watching for one more to come down the stairs, I had a name in mind.  That name was "Annabelle Grace."  Annabelle was my grandma's name, but I thought we would call her Annie or Anna.  When we met Janice, I knew that this name didn't fit her at all.  You know, the way you look at your newborn baby and just "know."  I also knew that I would be completely fine with keeping her name Janice if that's what she wanted!  I was actually surprised that I was alright with it since I like to plan and love order, but I really was good with it either way (something I knew God had done in my heart)!

So . . . on the Sunday we picked her up as our own, we were walking around the shopping area where we had lunch.  I was actually right outside of P.F. Chang's with just the two of us, and she asked me this question:  "Did you mean to name all of your kids with an 'A' name?"  I couldn't believe it!  I wondered if she would even notice?  I told her "yes" we did, but wasn't at all ready to talk to her about it that day.  There were so many emotions and changes happening, and one more big decision was way too much to think about at that point!

On Monday, I thought it would be a good idea to take her out to lunch and see how she was doing.  I wasn't sure if it was time to talk to her about the name idea or not, but I wanted to see if she had any questions and just let her know she could ask me anything.  It would give both of us a chance to talk openly together about whatever.  I offered to take her to a couple of nice restaurants or her favorite fast food restaurant, Burger King.  Of course, she picked Burger King and seemed really excited that just the two of us were going.  On our way there, I told her that I would try to take her out, just the two of us, every week or two for awhile, so that we would have some special time together.  There's so much to becoming part of a family and I didn't want her to feel anymore overwhelmed than she had to.  I so felt for her having to learn all the new stuff our family did as "normal," after being in a few other homes the past few years.

We talked about various things at lunch.  I asked if she had any questions, and she mainly talked about going to her new school.  She was concerned about what it would be like and who would be in her class.  We talked about the dress code and the classes and the teachers.  Somehow, the name thing didn't come up, so we left and went to go pick up Scott.  He was going to pick up our van from the shop, but it ended up not being ready (it was the radiator that was leaking the green fluid the day we picked Janice up, and it needed replaced).

While we were in the car waiting, it seemed like it just had to be said.  I told her that one of the perks of getting adopted was that if she wanted to, she could change her name.  I told her that her last name would definitely get changed to Butler when the adoption finalized, but that she could also change her first and middle name if she wanted to.  I told her I would be happy if she wanted to keep her name as Janice, but wanted to let her know that she could change it if she liked as well.  She immediately responded with "I want to change my name to an 'A' name!"  She asked what names we had thought of already.  I told her about the Annabelle thing and how I didn't think she looked like an "Annabelle."  Then we told her some of our top picks.  At first, she seemed to like one of them, but we told her it would be good to think about it for a day or two before deciding since this was a big decision.  As well, we told her we could look on the computer for other ideas if she liked.

That evening, we discussed quite a few names.  We had a pretty big list including:  Abby, Aleeya, Alexa, Alexis, Alison, Alivia, Ally, Alyssa, Amanda, Angela, Annie, Anya, Ava, and the list went on.  We tried not to think of how our friends had girls with some of these same names and just let her pick what she liked!  We knew quite a few other Austin's and Ashley's and figured it would be ok if she shared her name with others as well. She really leaned toward Ally and Alexa at first, and then Angela.  I struggled with Alexa as she thought her nickname could be Alex and that would be so close to Alec.  I thought that would be too much to introduce our kids as Austin, Alec, Alex, and Ashley.  And then when I tried to call for one of them, I knew I would really get messed up!  We wrote them all down on paper so she could see them spelled out, wrote down the meanings of some of her favorites, and I reminded her that this name would stay with her forever.  We decided to sleep on it and talk some more the next day.  We didn't want to make the decision for her, yet we wanted to help her with it.  As the kids went to bed, Scott and I talked and didn't really feel a peace about a particular name that night, but prayed that we would the next day.

There were times when this decision seemed a little painful for Scott and I, and even the kids.  We wanted to be sure she really wanted to do this.  We began feeling fine with Janice again.  But she pressed on and kept talking it through off and on.  She was sure she wanted to switch and never considered any names that weren't "A" names.

On Tuesday, we headed on a two hour trip to Monterey for the boys to play golf together (a long awaited golf trip from last summer when they were supposed to play at Poppy Hills, but Scott's back went out right before vacation and it didn't work out).  Because the van was still getting worked on, we had to take two vehicles.  The girls went with me, so we had lots of time to talk.  On our way down, pretty much as soon as we got in the car, she said that her current favorite was Angela.  It wasn't one of our first picks, but we weren't against it either.  I told her people may call her Angie, and asked if she was ok with that.  She didn't seem to like that.  I told her my favorite was still Aleeya, mainly because her middle name was Lee and I thought it would be good to keep part of her original name in her new name.  She said she liked it, but didn't think Aleeya Lee would sound good together.  I told her we could change her middle name too - I think she didn't fully realize that.  She asked me what I was thinking for middle names and I told her "Joy" or "Grace."  I told her I liked "Joy" because she has brought me great joy!  And "Grace" because Janice means "God is gracious."  She liked "Joy" and said "yes, I like 'Aleeya Joy'!"  She said she was sure of it!  I told her that we could talk more at lunch and be sure everyone was good with it, and she said that was fine.  I wanted to be sure this was a family decision, as well as her own decision - the whole thing was a little tougher than I thought!

That day at Bubba Gump's in Monterey, we talked it over and everyone was happy with the name decision.  We asked her one more time if this was what she really wanted and reassured her that it was fine if she wanted to keep her name as "Janice," but she said this was the name she wanted.  So, we asked if she was ready for us to start calling her "Aleeya" and she said yes.  We began at lunch and continued throughout the day.  After lunch, Scott chimed in with "Aleeya, Joy to the World" and that brought a big smile to her face!  We all laughed, and laughter seemed good to help us through this new time of transition.

At times, we would still forget and call her "Janice."  We had been praying and thinking about a "Janice" for a month and a half now, so it would take time for all of us to get used to calling her by her new name.  I would say the first day was still really hard for all of us to see her as anything but "Janice," but after a couple of days, it began to feel more natural to call her "Aleeya."  I still really loved that "Lee" was a part of her name, and she really looked like an "Aleeya" to me.  She was gracious to us when we forgot and began answering to "Aleeya" immediately.  I was amazed by her ability to transition so easily and her desire to be a part of the Butler bunch!  Now, the other part of this would be trying to help everyone else know that her name is "Aleeya" as well.  This should be interesting!!!  

WE ARE FAMILY!!!! . . . July 24, 2011

WOW!!!  What an amazing, wonderful, emotional, exhausting, and fabulous day!!!  We feel so blessed and so thankful to God, for He has done great things!

We woke up early and went to get Janice from her foster family.  The time set for us to pick her up was 10am, and we wanted to be sure to be on time.  That's always been a funny thing - leaving in plenty of time so as not to be late, but not wanting to be too early either - a little tricky at times.  We had a great ride over together and enjoyed our time.  As we began the drive on her street, the nerves hit us hard.  I realized that this was it!!!  We were going to get her today forever!  I can still feel the butterflies that I felt at that moment.  Scott was talking about it as we drove up her drive.  We began realizing even more how hard this must be for her and wondered how the foster family was doing this morning.

The kids wanted to jump out of the car and run to the door, and we had to remind them to walk and go slowly.  We knocked on the door, and the foster mom answered the door along with the two younger foster children she has in their home (2 and 5 yrs. old and so cute).  They both seemed happy to see us, and the 2 year old little guy gave me a leg hug that was so sweet and I thanked him!  At first, we didn't see Janice but heard people playing a game in the kitchen.  The foster mom explained that it had been an emotional morning and that it would be good to take it slow.  She said that Janice couldn't stomach breakfast, so she had some snacks to send along with us.  I told her I understood and we would do our best to take the day slow and see how she's doing.  I asked her how camp went, and she said it was great!  This was her third year attending, and they all knew her well and loved her.  She had the same counselor this year, and had a great time!  I was so glad to hear this news!

When Janice came over, she looked a little shy and emotionally worn a bit, and I gave her a hug.  Her eyes looked good though and she seemed as comfortable as she could be.  We saw a boy and his mom there, and I asked who they were.  It was her close friend Gabe from school and his mom, and his mom had tears in her eyes.  She really loved Janice and it was hard to see her go.  It was hard for her to see her son's friend leave as well.  I told them we had heard so much about Gabe, and we were thrilled to meet him.  We all talked for a short while, and at one point, I remember my voice showing that I was on the verge of crying.  Janice was very calm, but looked over at me to see if I was ok.  The emotions in the room were so strong from everyone.  We then took her luggage to the car.  I had a small gift for Janice to give the two younger foster kids as a goodbye present (I so felt for these sweet little ones that would lose another person out of their little lives and was thankful the foster mom was ok with Janice giving them a small gift), so I showed them quickly to Janice and she took them in.  We held back a bit so she could say her last goodbyes.  Then we went to the door and gave hugs to her foster family, as well as her friend Gabe and his mom.  I thanked them for loving Janice and felt their pain in such a real way!  I told Gabe's mom that I would love to have their information to keep in touch and they said it was in a card they had given Janice.  He also made her a neat bracelet and had one for himself as well.  You could tell they had a neat friendship!

When we got back to the van, we noticed that there was quite a bit of antifreeze leaking from under the van and dripping down the driveway.  I tried not to worry, and had to pray right then.  All I could think is that this would not be a great day to get stuck in their driveway, or to get stuck on the way home (on a Sunday in the middle of an area where we didn't know anyone).  Scott thought we would be ok, and would get it checked out tomorrow.  I was thankful for his faith and tried to trust (even while knowing we would be going through a tunnel and over the Bay Bridge in San Francisco on our way home).

We all got in the van, and it felt so good!  She seemed happy to be with us, yet I wondered if she was sad.  We asked her about her week at camp, and she said that she had so much fun!  She talked about really enjoying the zip line!  The boys had both done that, so they got a good conversation going.  Things seemed to go really smoothly on our trip to eat lunch.  We decided to go to one of our favorite vacation areas and shopped at Ikea for an item for the girls new room (currently pink and green, soon to be blue and green).  Then we went to P.F. Chang's, of course, for our first family dinner (officially)!  They gave the kids wiki sticks and she made me a twisted ring.  I wore it all day with great joy :)!  We talked about our plans for the day, and I told her that we were going to go to see Cars 2 and then head back to our vacation spot in Moss Beach and have a celebration for her!  (Ashley had briefly spilled the beans already, so we went with it)!  We told her we had a cake, and someone else mentioned a big balloon, and we told her we had some presents for her as well.  She said, "Wow, I've never had a family like this before!"  I told her we were so happy to have her in our family and wanted to celebrate!

As the appetizers were served, it was so cool that she looked over at me and said, "Are we going to pray?"  Scott said yes, of course, and we thanked God for our food.  I held her hand as Scott thanked God that she was with us!  As we started eating lunch, she said, "I just have to tell you I'm not feeling very hungry and feel a little dizzy."  I told her I completely understood (I had actually felt the same way two nights before after eating dinner and had to lay down that evening), and I told her that she didn't have to eat.  She said she would try.  I told her if she was feeling bad, we could rest or do whatever she needed.  As lunch continued, she would at times lay her head on my shoulder and just rest, and soon she began to feel better and we had some fun laughter at the table.  We took a couple of pictures as we left (one where we tried to look like the statue guy above us, and we almost all lost it as we held the pose)!

She seemed better, so we walked around a bit to do a little shopping.  At one store, we were able to get the boys and her some new school shoes so that was great.  At another store, I looked at her and asked if she was doing ok with all of this, and she said, "I'm really excited!"  That made me feel so much better and I gave her a good hug!  As we walked back to the car, it was so fun to see all four kids walking and hanging out in front of us!  It was great to see her and Ashley holding hands and "being sisters."  It was so nice to have her walk closely to me at times and just know she was really "with us!"

Thankfully, we didn't see anymore major leakage and the van kept going!  We headed to a really nice theatre closer to Moss Beach and watched Cars 2 together.  We had a good time and I was glad we could all just sit and relax together.  We finally got back to our vacation home and showed her around.  She was so excited!  The boys brought her luggage in and we  said "hi" to the dogs.  Soon after she asked, "Can we open the presents now?!"  I said sure and we went in to watch her.  She opened her card first and read it.  This is what it said:
"I always want you to remember there is no one else like you.  You have gifts that only you can give the world.  You have blessings others can only receive through you.  The Lord designed every detail of who you are.  He cares about you so much, and I care about you too.  You are special, you are loved, you are you - and the world is blessed to have you in it!  Then we added . . . and now our family is blessed to have you in it!  We love you, Dad, Mom, Austin, Alec, Ashley and Bogey.  It also had the verse "God saw all that He had made and it was very good." Genesis 1:31

Ashley had gotten a picture Bible at the church we visited the night before and wanted to give it to Janice, so that was the first gift.  We got her some blue and yellow nail polish (school colors and blue is her favorite anyhow), along with a little blue hand sanitizer thing she can put on her backpack.  Then she opened a bag with some "Forever Sunshine" Bath and Body cream, bubble bath, and spray (I had put some of the cream on her on an earlier visit and she said she liked it).  She loved the spray.  There was also a really sweet bear that had a shirt that said "Hug me" and it talked each time she hugged him with really cute sayings.  Lastly, she opened the book with each of us reading part of it to her.  She seemed to really like everything, and we so enjoyed giving her a little something on this special day!

Soon after, we decided to take the dogs for a walk and go close to the ocean.  She and the boys hiked down this one hill and saw some seals in the water.  We walked for a bit longer and headed back to the house.  We just relaxed for awhile and I worked on a light dinner with some pasta, fruit and vegetables.  While I was cooking, she hung out some of the time with me in the kitchen.  She asked, "So did you guys already adopt me?"  I said "yes and no."  She looked puzzled.  I explained that yes, we are adopting you and keeping you, but that the law makes this process take a little bit of time.  So while it's not finalized with the courts, we are keeping you!  She seemed good with that answer.  She also mentioned again that it's nice to call me "Mom."  I told her I loved it too and that the kids were excited about calling her sister if she was ok with that.  She said she was, and I told her we had been so excited about it all fo awhile, but wanted to be sure she was comfortable with everything!  She said she was.  I asked her and Ashley to go ahead and set the table, and she was happy to do it.  I wanted her to feel part of the family!  We all ate together in the dining room, and every chair was filled!  She ate a good dinner and was feeling much better!  I was so thankful we wouldn't have to drop her off and get her again.  I could tell that it was wearing on her so much (and on us as well).

After dinner, we sat together and watched a movie called "Hachi" that she had seen at the Christian bookstore on one of our visits.  It's a movie about a dog that was extremely loyal to his owner and was based on a true story.  The dog was lost and the man found the dog, and the dog stayed by his side continually!  At one point in the movie, the family is having their picture taken for a wedding and the dog got in the picture.  I mentioned it to Janice and she said, "well, he's part of the family . . . just like I'm part of a family now."  Wow, the emotions of this day were just amazing!  The owner of the dog has a heart attack in the movie and dies, but the dog continues to be loyal and goes to the train station each day like he did before looking for his master.  The movie talks about how we should always remember those that are special in our lives.  I too want Janice to always remember those that have played a special part in her life.  But the movie was pretty sad, and I had tears quite a few times.  While we watched it, Janice laid her head on my shoulder and Ashley on Janice's shoulder as we huddled under a blanket on the couch.  It was great to be close and I realized how much love she is ready to have and give.  She would often be gently putting her hands through Ashley's hair and just being so sweet!  It was a very special time!

We had our cake after that, and we had 6 candles to celebrate that we now had 6 in our family.  We couldn't figure out what to sing - Happy Birthday didn't seem right, Happy Adoption to you didn't fit either, so we all just said "Happy Family Day" and each blew out a candle.  Then we decided to watch a Cosby show to finish the night on a happier note.  We went up with the kids to read together and say goodnight.  It was great getting to give Janice a hug and kiss on the cheek and tell her "I loved her."  She seemed so ready to be loved!!!

Scott and I talked about the day and how much we were ready to love her, how emotional the day had been, how much the kids loved her, and how much wisdom we would need as we desire to raise her and teach her the things of God!  We so want to be loving and gradual and want her to feel safe and secure.  We felt so thankful to have her with us and amazed at how God had brought her into our home!  This was a much different type of pregnancy than I have ever experienced, and while the physical pain was not present, the emotional experience has been far greater than I have ever felt before!  I so long to parent her with wisdom and love!  What an amazing day!  Thank you LORD!

Getting Ready to CELEBRATE! . . . July 23, 2011

Today was a wonderful day!  Our first full day of vacation, a day to get settled in, relax, and get ready for a celebration!!!  It was our last day as a family of five, and we had a great time together!  We laughed a lot, watched surfers in Pacifica, went grocery shopping, and took a walk with the dogs (we brought our dog and watch our friend's dog here at the house where we stay in Moss Beach). Tonight, we went to a friend's church in Pacifica and had communion together as well.  It was a great evening.  As the day was closing, we all just wanted to get to bed so that it can be tomorrow already :)!

Today has also been a day of getting ready to celebrate!  We made a cake for her, made sure we have her favorite ice cream, got a huge balloon, and have 5 presents for her to open tomorrow evening when we get home!  We want to welcome her to our family with great excitement and lots of love!

Before bed, we all gathered together to pray.  It was so special to hear each of the kids pray for Janice and the transition.  They prayed that she wouldn't be too sad leaving her foster family and her close friends, that she would feel safe with us, and that the transition would go well for her as she enters our family and as she begins school in a few weeks.  Scott and I thanked God for how He's brought all of this together - it's really amazing.  We met her June 23rd and get to keep her as of July 24th!  Unbelievable!!!  We thanked God for the phone call before we left for vacation!  We thanked God for the foster family that has taken care of her for the past year, and prayed for them as this would be a transition time for them, and especially for the other two foster children in their home that won't understand fully why Janice is leaving the home.

While we are all so looking forward to tomorrow, we know that Janice may have mixed emotions.  We pray that God will give her His peace and help her feel our love, and that somehow that will make things easier.  We imagine her to be excited and that it will be a great reunion (we haven't seen her in a week and we have missed her)!  We can't wait to hear about how camp went and catch up on her week.  It should be a fun day for sure, but we want to be prayed up and understanding of how she might be feeling as well.  God has been so good to us in all things, and we are amazed by Him!  We are ready to celebrate for sure!!!

A Great Phone Call! . . . July 22, 2011

We were supposed to have already left for vacation, but thankfully my husband let me take my time getting out the door since we really didn't have to leave early.  I like to have everything in order and double check my packing, plus I wanted the house just right for us coming home as a family of six.  And I so didn't want to have to wake up early and rush.  We were about to leave when the phone rang . . .

Our Caller ID said it was Family Connections Christian Adoption Agency.  I picked up the phone, and it was our social worker.  He called to double check and be sure everything was set for us picking up Janice on Sunday at 10am, and to ask about a few other details.  Then he told me some amazing news!!!  He said that Sunday would actually be our "Placement Day!"

Now, that may not mean a whole lot to most people, but it was huge for us!  Because her social worker had been on vacation, she hadn't put the paperwork needed into the court until she returned.  We were told that we could get Janice on Sunday, but that our placement day would take 14 days and not be final until August 2nd (this date is Austin's birthday, and he was actually excited about being able to share his special day with a her special day).  It's all legal stuff and paperwork, but somehow it does make things feel more legit.  While we weren't going to tell her that she wasn't formally placed with us, it was nice to know she would be.  We would have basically been on an extended visit with her and would still keep her, but our placement date would be later.

Well, the reason that we were able to have the day be Sunday, July 24th was because her birth mom signed off on the paper for an out of county placement!  This was very unlike her as we have been told that she appeals everything sent out from the court.  Had she not signed off, Janice would still get placed with us, but it would just take longer.  We were so excited to know that this was the "real deal" and felt such a great peace!  What a great way to start our vacation!  We were also incredibly amazed at our God!  Everyone told us that everything would take longer because her birthmom always appeals.  I remember saying, "ok, I understand that, but we can still pray that she won't appeal."  I hadn't even thought about praying for this to happen, and didn't really know it was an option to be shorter, but God had given us the desire of our hearts!

Grant it, we still have a long way to go to finalize the adoption, but each step gets us a little closer!  So thankful!

A Hand Print . . . July 2011

Our family is so excited!  We leave tomorrow for our annual Half Moon Bay vacation and will be picking up Janice on Sunday for keeps!!!  Today the boys were talking (and they are super excited about vacation, mostly because it involves some great golf and time with family that they really love), and they said, "Mom, we are more excited about getting Janice than vacation!"  We all agreed on that one!

Thankfully, since I have to have the house completely clean before leaving, tend to clean out my kids rooms while packing, and had to get all our school supplies since school begins four days after our return, I have been extremely busy and the days haven't dragged on.  There have been many moments of prayer for Janice while she's at camp, and much prayer over the transition, and much, much joy!  I think it's mainly because the waiting will be over very soon, and she will be with us forever!  I remember talking to a good friend about the possibility of having her by vacation, and I actually did think it was possible, but had no idea it would really happen!

Today as I was doing my normal "get ready for vacation" chores, I headed to the car wash to get the van cleaned up and ready to go.  All week I have enjoyed something I would normally get frustrated with if anyone else had done it.  It is a handprint that Janice left on the back window of my van.  Normally, I would tell the kids to keep their hands off of the windows, that they need to stay clean, but I have enjoyed this handprint each time I've seen it!  I did clean it off this morning, finally able to get rid of it knowing I'll have the real thing with me on Sunday!  Thankful for it though, it made me smile all week!

Tonight, we organized a few presents we plan to give Janice on Sunday as we celebrate her joining our family, and one of them is a book that you record your voices on as the pages turn.  I had bought it back in January or February, and wondered if it would be ok to give an 11 year old.   At that time, we had thought we would get a 6 or 7 year old girl.  But tonight, as each of us read a page or two, I knew it would be perfect.  It's called "Bright and Beautiful, a child's blessing."  A couple of the pages read . . . "All things bright and beautiful, God made them one and all . . . God made each person, too.  The miracle of family, the wonder that is you! . . . He made YOU bright and beautiful . . . May God bless you, may He keep you.  May love never be too far.  And as you grow, I hope you'll know how wonderful you are."  If you get a chance to read it, the whole book is great!  As I read the last page, I realized that I used to pray that prayer over each of my babies each night - "May the Lord bless you and keep you.  May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.  May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace."  How fitting that I would get to read this on a recording to her as she enters our family!  

It's funny how things have changed.  I remember reading a friend's blog, and her saying that they were going to add a little girl to their family forever!  She was so in love with this sweet girl almost before meeting her it seemed.  How could she know and be ready to say "forever."  Yet, here we are, and as a family, we are ready and dying to say "FOREVER!" to our sweet girl.  God just knows how to set these children in families, and He has been so clear this whole time.  I am truly in awe of our great God and His great love for us!

We get to keep her!!! . . . July 19, 2011

Well, the past two days have been full of peace overall, with varying emotions in between.  All weekend, it seemed God was lovingly letting me know that He would be with me, but that we wouldn't have Janice this week.  And while I could feel it, I still held out hope just in case He opted to do a miracle of some sort just to make me happy.  But yesterday, I finally came to terms with the fact that Janice going to camp was in God's master plan and I was to accept it.  I actually got excited about her being at the Royal Family Kids Camp and checked out the website again.  It's such an awesome camp for foster kids run by Christians who love on them big time!  I began praying for the lady that will be spending the week with her and praying for the camp in general, and asked my facebook friends to please pray for the camp this week.  So thankful God brought me full circle!

On Monday, I began school shopping, partly to keep me busy and partly because we return from vacation four days before school begins.  It was fun getting some supplies for our 5th grader!  While I had hoped she could go with me and pick out some of the stuff, I knew it needed to be done and at least know her favorite color!  We got the call yesterday that our social worker had talked with Janice's worker to set up a time for us to get her.  He had suggested Saturday afternoon to give her time to get back from camp on Friday, get some sleep, and pack up her stuff.  She said she would get back to him later that afternoon or the following day.  Somehow hearing that we would have to wait with still no definites once again kinda did me in.  Scott seemed ok with it all though, and we began talking about how we wanted to handle vacation since we were supposed to go Friday, but really wanted her to experience our whole vacation with us!  Later, I just gave it all up to God again and knew that we would know soon and it wasn't worth my frustration.

Thankfully, my parents had called and encouraged us to come to Sacramento for a lunch visit with them since they were still in town.  Then I had one of my dearest friends ask if the kids and I wanted to go swimming at her mom's house near the Sacramento area (something we do each summer together).  It was a great idea, a fun distraction for the day, and we all had a great time!  I was thankful God gave me a relaxed "summer day" in the midst of our waiting!

This morning as I traveled, I heard a Natalie Grant song (as well as a ton of other encouraging songs) on KLove that so expressed how I've been dealing with life lately.  It's called "In Better Hands," and the words that stuck out to me were "it's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down."  I have so felt God shining through each moment, but sometimes I just want the rain to stop.  Rain is a good thing I know, but sometimes it's just a frustration and hassle to me (like when I don't want to get my hair messed up or when I have outdoor plans).  Then I heard Mandisa's song about how "this is going to make you stronger, stronger."  This song talks about the weather as well, and reminds you to "hold on and let Him hold your hand."  I also had verses like "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it," and "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your path straight" going through my head.  So thankful God used friends to remind me of these great truths!

I  really thought I'd hear something by noon, but no phone call came.  I finally heard back around 3pm that we could pick her up on Sunday, July 24th and KEEP HER!!!  While I knew we would get to keep her all along, it finally felt real.  The foster family would say their goodbyes on Saturday evening, and they would have some time to pack her things and have her ready.  I felt a huge peace that we had an actual day and found myself smiling about it all.  When I called to tell Scott, he seemed really sad.  He was hoping for Saturday, and this kinda bummed him out.  I guess it's really good that we both go through these different feelings at separate times.

We talked about our plans more and decided we would go ahead and leave for vacation on Friday and go pick her up as a family on Sunday.  We will leave for vacation as a family of 5 and return as a family of 6!  We decided we wouldn't do any major fun stuff on Saturday so Janice can experience all the "good times" with us, but would have a lazy day around the house.  We know of a church out there that we can attend on Saturday evening and will spend Sunday morning talking about how our family would be changing forever today and praying for Janice to feel very loved and for the transition to go smoothly.  We hope to have a small celebration with her on Sunday and let her know how happy we are that she is in our family!  And I am so happy I don't have to take her back to another home ever again!  She will come home to her home forever!  One really cool thing about that date is that a very good friend, my former boss at the adoption agency, and one of the people that was very influential in helping us to begin the process of adoption happens to have his birthday on that date.  Love how God does stuff like that!

So, now I'm in the process of getting everything ready for school, making sure all the mail is caught up, cleaning the house before we leave, packing mode.  I'm thinking this is a good thing and God knew it would get me through this time.  Thank you all so much for your prayers and love - it truly means more than you know and I can feel the prayers lifting our family up continually!

Oh, and dragonfly count for just today - I saw 7 . . . I'm telling you, it's crazy!