"The Greatness of our God" - the .26 hearing . . . Nov. 20, 2011

In past blogs, I have shared about our court date for the .26 hearing.  This is the hearing where the court legally removes parental rights from Aleeya's birth family.  They had previously taken away all services from the birth family for reunification, but they don't legally remove their rights as parents until the child is in a concurrent home for adoption purposes.  Our hearing took place on Thursday, November 17th at 9am.

Originally, we had no idea that it would even be a possibility for her to have the opportunity to attend.  She had said her final "goodbye" to her mom back in March of this year before we had ever met in June.  I can't even imagine the pain she faced during that time.  Her foster family faced it with her and helped her to get through it somehow.

During her social worker's second visit to our home, she told Aleeya about this date and later casually mentioned it to Scott and I as we sat around the dining room table that it would be coming up and Aleeya was legally required to know about it (since she's over the age of 10) and could attend if she liked.  That in itself is a strange feeling for a parent . . knowing that your child is allowed to make a decision all on their own that is such a huge thing and so hard for them to have to make on their own.  Also knowing that while you want to give advice, you don't feel like you should push your opinions and feelings on her as this decision may be one that affects her life in such a major way.

At the time we heard about it, Aleeya was thinking about it.  I remember we talked about the decision that night, and she at first seemed excited to go - excited to see a court room (which Scott and I were happy to show her one here in town), excited to hear what was happening in her life (which we knew her social worker would tell us after the hearing), and excited to see her mom again and get to talk to her for a short amount of time.  I told her that it would be an exciting day, but also a sad day.  She didn't seem to understand.  Then I told her how it would be great to see her birth mom, but really hard and sad to have to leave again.  I told her that we would be there for her though and would help her through it if that's what she decided to do.

By the next month when her social worker came, Aleeya had said that she did want to go.  This was the visit where Scott was out of town with Alec at science camp for the week.  I felt the weight of it and yet had a certain peace as well.  I have gone through feelings of frustration that this would even be allowed, to feelings of fear for being known to her birth family, to feelings of being curious and wanting to go and thinking it may somehow be good for us to go through her having to see and leave her mom again, to hoping and praying that something else would come up and she would not want to go.  This last hope I had mentioned to a friend a couple of months ago and we had kinda tried to come up with something since it was close to my friend's birthday, but nothing really formed.

Well, ends up, a couple of weeks ago (Friday, November 4th), Aleeya's 5th grade class was scheduled to go on a field trip to the Calaveras Big Trees.  I was signed up to go as a driver.  But, there happened to be a snow storm coming that day (it's near the mountains), so they were going to reschedule.  Grant it, it's not super common to get a snow storm in early November here, or even rain for that matter, but still it was happening (some coincidence).  And this may seem presumptuous, but I now truly believe that God made it snow for us!  At the time, I didn't think much about it because they were looking at scheduling for the next week.  They wanted to schedule it for Thursday, November 10th since that Friday was Veteran's Day, but it ended up that there was a large school already going on that date.  And, since our school had scheduled a special meeting on Friday, November 18th to meet our new school superintendent, they opted to schedule the field trip for Thursday, November 17th (imagine that!)!  I had heard it through a friend that this was the day, but had a hard time believing it at first (where's my faith?!).  When I finally saw it in print, I about flipped!  I couldn't believe it - God had done what I had casually mentioned I wished would happen!  And while I've been praying about that date for months, I really had to leave it in His hands - I could do nothing.  He's unbelievable and truly grants the desires of our hearts!!!

So, I casually mentioned it to Aleeya . . you know, that the exciting field trip was rescheduled for the same day as court, but that it was up to her what she'd like to do.  I tried to act like it was no big deal.  She was smart and asked if she could think about it.  I told her "of course."  Then, while talking to my sister, I told her how I didn't want to influence Aleeya's decision (even though at one point Aleeya asked if I would make the decision for her if she couldn't decide - to which I said "no, I can't on this one" . . . but will be happy to on basically every other decision).  It just wasn't the right thing to do.  Plus, I had really given it completely over to God and knew that He would help us through this time (although it often felt overwhelming - the idea of it all and how it might affect her).

While talking to my sister, she gave me some awesome advice . . . she said, why don't you guys start praying about it over the next week - for God's wisdom for making the decision and for peace in it all - so Aleeya can see how God helps us make decisions and leads us.  Wow, what a revelation - of course!!!  So, we did begin praying during our family time with God.  Almost each day, Aleeya would bring it up and think about the different factors of this decision.  She would say that she wanted to go to court since there would be other field trips (a thought Alec had mentioned) and her teacher wasn't able to go on this one because of plans she had made a long time ago.  Then she would say that it would be too hard and sad to go to court.  Then Ashley mentioned how neat it would be to go to court (what was it with these kids)!  After a couple of days, she told me she was positive she wanted to go on the field trip!  The weird thing was that then I kinda felt like she should go to the court date.  I think it was just that I was all prepared by this point, and I worried that she'd later feel like she wished she could have seen her birth mom one more time.  Plus, I wanted to get a picture of them together since Aleeya didn't have any pictures of her birth mom.  Scott was still strongly feeling that she should not be at court that day; he was coming in as her "Protecter," protecting her from any harm or sadness she would face.  I didn't say anything either way, and just waited to see if this really was her final decision.

About a week before the date, a trusted friend who normally just works through things with me without a major opinion, felt very strongly that it was not a good idea for her to be at court.  She reminded me that she had already said goodbye to her birth mom, was adjusting and moving on in her new life with us, and that this would indeed be a very difficult thing for her to go through.  We both saw how God's hand had allowed this "coincidence" to happen, and that it was not a coincidence at all.  She encouraged me that it would be a really GOOD thing if Aleeya chose the field trip.  This helped bring me great peace.  I now felt like I would be ok if Aleeya chose the field trip.  I also realized that Aleeya's social worker could get a picture of her birth mom for me, and that would be great!

During all of this, my Bible reading had been the chronological reading (through the four gospels) of Jesus' death on the cross and resurrection.  I have never read it that way - using Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and reading it all in succession.  It is amazing to read it that way, to hear each author's perception, and to get such a clear glimpse of it all.  By the time I had finished, the power of the resurrection was so real and fresh!  I could feel it!  I was so thankful to God for giving me this particular reading during this time!  I needed to know and feel His power once again - power to forgive, power to rise again, power over all the earth!

By Sunday, Aleeya began to talk about the possibility of going to court once again.  On Monday, she told me how excited she was about the field trip and couldn't wait!  And by Tuesday, she made the final decision and told her social worker that she had a very difficult decision to make, and that she had decided to go to the field trip, that it would be too sad to go to court.  Whew!  I felt so thankful and relieved!  I asked the social worker if there would be any good reason for Scott or I to be at court and she said no.  The court had already sent us a form to fill out for us to tell them how Aleeya was doing, and it was so fun to fill it out as she has really been doing so well overall!  Grades up/honor roll, getting along with siblings and friends, adjusting to her new family, loving her church group, loving horse back riding lessons, and learning piano . . and also letting them know that we'd been through some rough spots and worked through it well.

Before Aleeya's social worker arrived, I told her that if she wasn't going to court, she was welcome to write her birth mom a note.  I had three notecards sitting out for her to choose from.  She picked one that talked about God's peace and JOY filling you and she picked that out first (probably because of her middle name being in it and the fact that she wants to talk to her mom about God).  She messed up in it, and I told her I'd get her another, but then she saw the dragonfly notecards and said she'd use that one - how appropriate!  She asked if she could tell her birth mom about her name change, and I said that was fine but that she should probably explain it so her birth mom understood.  Well, she did that.  The other thing she wanted to tell her is that she was getting adopted.  This still pains me for her birth mom.  How hard that would be to hear.  She wrote "Mother" on the front of the card.  We also sent a picture of Aleeya for her social worker to give her birth mom.  There is a part of me that does want to keep up with her birth mom (not Aleeya, just me through her social worker).  My heart aches for her, and God is giving me great love for her and helping me to care for her through all of this, something I didn't know if I could do and feel.  I pray that she will truly come to know Him and experience Jesus!

Over the next couple of days, I felt a freedom and release.  I had friends high-fiving me and asking me how it was going, sending texts and messages, and praying lots for us!   On Thursday, when we were headed to the field trip, the clock said 9:00am in our van and I showed Scott!  I began praying for everything that was happening in that court room - for the judge, the lawyers, her birth parents, and her social worker.  And I realized that it had happened - this day and time had come, and we weren't in court.  GOD HAD A PLAN and HE HAD DONE IT!  Wow!!!  We enjoyed the day with her on the field trip and felt amazed by God's goodness.

She didn't have to be in a court room seeing her birth mom again, with memories coming back and possible longings to be with her again.  She didn't have to hear the court take away her birth parents' legal rights as parents.  She didn't have to say goodbye all over again.  She could just have a fun day with her friends surrounded by God's beauty, and she did just that.  We didn't sense any concern or sense of sadness that day and we thanked God!

We later got a text from our agency and a call from her social worker stating that court had taken place and parental rights were terminated.  This was a huge praise as these court dates can often get continued for something small, and that would mean another court date.  Both attorney's for the birth parents objected to rights being terminated, but the court decided.  The court was happy to hear how well she was doing and read our entire form in court.  Unfortunately, Aleeya's social worker was unable to get a picture of her birth mom because she declined, but I guess it wasn't meant to be for now.  Both birth parents still have a right to appeal, and while this won't change anything, it will take us longer to finalize the adoption (about 6 months longer as it will sit in appellate court in a stack to be denied).  It turns out that this is an easy thing for them to do, and they have appealed everything (except the out-of-town foster care paper that everyone also thought would be appealed and the birth mom signed over)!

Well, can I just say that my God has great power and is over all!  Psalm 33:10 says that "The LORD frustrates the plans of the nations and thwarts all their schemes."  If he can handle the nations, he can handle a couple of people!  In the last portion of the form we filled out for the court, they asked what our desired outcome would be.  I stated that "she is eleven and needs to be settled and belong to a family.  For her sake, we would hope that this process could be completed quickly so that she can know she is secure and safe without fear of being moved again."  My hope was to help the birth parents and the court to care for Aleeya and her needs!  We have seen huge changes in her life, and her social worker said that she is a completely different girl - outgoing and happy and secure!  So, I'm believing God for a miracle!  I'm asking Him to thwart their plan to appeal and have this adoption move more quickly.  I know He is able!  If you could, please pray with us on this!  I have decided that I completely believe He is able!  But even if He chooses not to move in the way I hope, I know that my God lives and His plan will stand!

This morning as I was singing to God, the tears finally came and they just flowed freely.  This is what I sang with arms lifted high as Austin stood beside me and my husband sang from on stage:

"The Greatness of our God" by Hillsong

Give me eyes to see more of who You are
May what I behold still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known and break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still.

No sky contains, no doubt restrains
All you are, the greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know, and I'm far from close
To all You are, the greatness of our God.

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here.
To believe that there is nothing left to fear.
That You alone are high above it all.
For You my God, are greater still.


And there is nothing that can ever separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
You my God, are greater still.
And no words can say, or song convey,
All You are, the greatness of our God.

HE is truly GREAT and greatly to be praised.  I love that "No doubt restrains all He is!"

Thanks for going through this with us, praying, and loving us.  This was a huge week for our family, and God walked with us through it all!  Amen.

Life is once again good, so thankful . . . November 14, 2011

Well, I am entering into this season of thankfulness with a real heart of gratitude as we have had a good week or so of being back to "normal."  Life has flowed along relatively easily, our family is working together and enjoying each other, and I'm happy to report that there is no major trauma going on in our lives.  Thank you Lord!  And I'm so thankful to those of you who are praying for us . . it truly means more than words can say!!!

There are so many times when I am truly thankful that Aleeya is 11 and able to communicate well with us. We are able to work through difficulties much easier as we talk and figure each other out.  We are very honest and talk often about our needs.  She can tell me if she's frustrated or hurting, and I can tell her if I'm needing her to work on some areas to help our family function well.  We are doing better working together on homework and she doesn't seem near as frustrated, especially since getting that honor roll certificate and a free shaved ice!  And I keep reminding her how smart she is and how capable she is to learn.  It's kinda funny that we do some things to help her learn (things that really help all of the kids) that she doesn't even realize . . . like listening to books in the car sometimes, or even watching "Little House on the Prairie" together.  It helps teach the meaning of words and how people relate and work through difficulties.  And she still really loves our family times with God each night . . . I'm amazed at her growth and faith!

This week I did realize that we are having some sibling stuff happening that needed to be addressed.  You see, when Aleeya first joined our family, I was so thankful to have three other kids that knew our family dynamics inside and out.  They were all old enough to know and share "what we do" and "what we don't do."  And at first, that was really helpful . . kinda like positive peer pressure.  We encouraged them to nicely help Aleeya to know how to live in our home.  But now, she's settled in and knows how things work.  And, I could tell she was pretty much over being told what to do.  As well, the younger two weren't saying things as nicely as at first and often would act as though she should definitely know by now.  On the other hand, Aleeya was feeling quite comfortable and was telling Ashley what to do a little more than she should with a little tattle-taling mixed in as well.  And Ashley was not crazy about that . . . yet another person telling her what to do!  So . . . both sides were addressed and they all agreed that it was happening and needed to stop.  I reminded them that we are family, and family will be together forever.  I reminded them that we are on the same team and should show lots of love to one another.  We also talked about the Golden Rule (Do unto others what you would have them do unto you), and that they should only come "tell" on someone if they are going to get hurt or if they have truly tried to work it out with them first and the person isn't willing to help.  And there are still times that they can encourage their siblings to do the right thing, but it should come out encouraging, not demeaning and trying to be in charge.  It's amazing how these issues creep in so quickly!

I've also noticed that since we worked through some issues, our level of intimacy has grown and Aleeya is free to talk and share and be herself once again!  She has asked for help with things and wanted to be parented.  As a mom of a girl, I realize that this is so needed, and I feel blessed and thankful that God is opening up these doors of relationship for us!

While life is currently good, I realize that we are still in transition and there are many events and issues for us to face.  One that is right around the corner is our court date on this Thursday, November 17th at 9am.  There is actually a chance that Aleeya may not want to go at this point, but the date has not arrived yet and so we remain waiting for the day.  Please pray for God's hand to be strong in leading us through this time.  He has done some pretty amazing things this past couple of weeks, and we are in awe!  I will blog about those details soon, but for now, we are thankful for each prayer offered on our behalf!  We serve a great God who is our Father and know what's best for us!  Looking forward to sharing how God shows up in our lives this week!

Major Breakthrough, Continuing to Trust

Psalm 56: 3, 10-12
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise-
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?
I am under vows to you, O God; I will present my thank offerings to you."

God has given us a victory this past week, and so there is reason to celebrate what He has done!  While I don't really want to share all the details, we saw great victory as we were able to talk with Aleeya about her fears and have her be truthful with us.  And we saw a return to peace within our home and within her life.  It was like a weight was lifted from all of us.  I am so thankful!

I am finding that there is so much to learn about raising a child that I have not known for eleven years.  I so wish that I had known her for her whole life, and I wish that so much of this didn't feel new every day, for her or for us.  But this is the path God has chosen for us, so we are asking for daily wisdom.  I know that there is much good happening in her life, and I am seeing the security build and the bonding happening.  And for that, I am thankful!

Last week especially, I found myself questioning my parenting style with her and wondering if I was doing it right for her.  I talked with a wonderful friend who has done social work with eleven year olds that encouraged me that it was ok, and to maybe try to focus on a couple of things at a time.  This allowed me to return to peace and not stress as much over all the details, which was great.  Yet it is hard to know which areas to focus on and what to let go . . . character issues, behaviors, school work, relationships?  Somehow they all seem to intertwine a bit and some may be fine for weeks and then come up again.  So, I am trying to learn to read her needs and work a little bit at a time and just show her love throughout it all.  I'm pretty sure I won't do it all right (and am accepting that "that's ok"), so I'm just going to give it my best shot and trust God for the results in all of this little by little.

I continue to struggle as I want to be fair and be sure I am doing right by all our children.  Are they all feeling love?  Do they get enough of my time?  Do I seem frustrated with them?  Am I treating each of them the same if they do well?  Am I treating each of them the same if they mess up?  While so much of me says to treat Aleeya like the rest of our children, that doesn't seem to work out so well.  So, I'm muddling through this as well.  I'm longing to be fair and to be loving and kind.  It's a little more difficult than I thought!

And then there's this little guilt that continues to come up, and I know it's from Satan, that makes me think I should be doing more.  I'm not currently working outside the home, and our finances show that it would be helpful for me to get going.  I'm not currently serving in a ministry at church, and I have always felt that is something that every church member should do and enjoy (and I have in the past).  Yet I feel no peace with starting myself going in either of these directions right now.  Currently, it seems that having a new child in our home is my full time job and ministry.  I do look forward to getting back into parenting ministry when God allows and would love to help our budget, but I need to trust that God has this time for me right now.

Each day I sense God asking me to trust Him completely . . . with my fears, with our finances, with our future.  And each new day that I awake with underlying fears and concerns,  I am taking them to Him and asking for His greatness to be shown in my weakness.  I am begging for Him to increase my faith and know that He is God and will show Himself strong on our behalf.

And so . . . we are so thankful for the breakthrough God gave us and continuing to trust that He will lead us and guide us through whatever comes our way.