Well, we had a wonderful Christmas time . . . very full and quite busy, such is the life of a worship pastor's family, but I wouldn't have it any other way! We truly get to celebrate His birthday in huge ways! Grant it, there are times that I miss my husband or would like to just sit in front of a fire or go to the mountains and enjoy the snow, but this is the life God has picked out for us and overall, it's a pretty awesome life!
Over this past weekend, Scott had 6 Christmas services at church called "Hallelujah Emmanuel," and they were awesome! In the past, I have tried to attend most of the services and be there to greet people and just to encourage my husband and be a part of his life, but this year I decided to not try to push all of us and just attend one with the family. And then I attended one to welcome people while the kids went home with some friends. Aleeya had never been a part of anything like this, and she really enjoyed it! We were able to sit with close friends, so that made it fun for all the kids!
Then on Monday night, the choir that my husband leads had an amazing opportunity to sing at the Gallo Center with a well-known Christian group called "Point of Grace." We were blessed to be able to go and watch from the side stage. It was super fun to see the excitement of the choir, watch Austin sing his heart out to God, meet and get pictures with "Point of Grace," and just be a part of an amazing time of worship! We all got dressed up too (with hair and a little lip gloss for the girls), which made it all the more exciting! Aleeya seemed a little "star struck" with the group, and I took the time to remind her that they are people just like us and that they are just using the gifts God gave them. We've noticed she often gets this way with "famous" people. We really want her to know that the only famous One is God Himself, and He's the only one we should put on a pedestal. She's starting to understand. We also noticed that getting all dressed up was a big deal for her! She really enjoyed it and seemed to want others to notice how pretty she looked. I wasn't prepared for this and didn't know how to respond. It is probably somewhat normal, could be because she had never been so dressed up, and could have just been excitement. But later I tried to help her understand that while it's fun to dress up and we like to look nice to go to special events, it's really not about how we look. Once we leave the house, our focus needs to be on others and enjoying them. I realized that while the other three kids have been dressing up and going to special events basically from birth, she had not had this experience and it was really new for her.
On Tuesday, we had to go to the dentist for Aleeya. She had gone and had a check-up a months or so before, and I was so sad and frustrated to hear that she had 8 small cavities! That's a lot of cavities!!! I realized that this was something I took for granted . . . the idea that someone had shown her how to brush her teeth along the way and that she was doing it correctly each day. I made sure she was brushing, but didn't really show her. So, I made sure the dental hygienist showed her how to brush correctly and then I began helping her and checking on her as she brushed. Well, she was a trooper!!! She was very nervous about going, but all the kids told her how much they love our dentist and how it doesn't even hurt when they've had fillings done. Our dentist was very kind and understanding! I asked him if it was possible to do them all in a day (or would that be way too much for her to handle), or would we have to make more visits (just prolonging the inevitable). Thankfully, because they were all small, he said he thought it would be possible to do them all in a day if she could handle it. Also, he only had to numb her for one tooth, and he gave her a break in the middle of it all. She squeezed my hand like crazy during the shot and her eyes filled up with tears. I'm pretty sure it was more out of fear than actual pain, but it was still really sad to watch. She did great and we made it out alive :)!
The kids got to serve at the Modesto Gospel Mission that Wednesday, helping kids make gingerbread houses and serving lunch. They loved it and I was glad they could be a part!
We celebrated Christmas on the 23rd as planned since Scott would be at church so much over the weekend. It was really wonderful! It was Aleeya's first experience with a Christmas filled with Christian themes, and she seemed to love it! We woke up semi-early and read the Christmas story together. Then we opened presents one at a time - youngest to oldest. Aleeya's big gift was a Ripster and she was thrilled! We also had a total blessing from God in getting her another gift she really wanted. While at the dentist earlier that week, he asked what she really wanted for Christmas, and she said an outfit from Justice! I knew she liked this outfit, but it was ridiculously expensive and would have been her main gift! Well, I went in to get another gift that week and just checked on the outfit to see how much it would cost with their discounts. Guess what?! It was on clearance and I was able to get it for like $25-$30 - God so gives us the desires of our heart! When she opened it, she was so happy and it was fun to be able to get it for her! We had a big breakfast and a nice family dinner later that afternoon in the dining room. I found that I had a rather rough day. I ended up feeling like I had worked really hard (purchasing and wrapping all the gifts, getting food prepared, making sure things were just right), and then as I cooked all day, I felt grumpy. I was hoping for some help from the kids, or at least some happy and willing responses when I needed help, but wasn't getting it. Thankfully, Scott was very calm and Austin really tried to help out, which helped me come back to normal. I so didn't want to ruin this special time together! At dinner, we went around the table and asked what everyone's favorite gift was, and I loved the responses! Austin loved that we were giving a gift to "Jesus" by filling a stocking to help kids in need, and Aleeya said a little Precious Moments Angel we got her that plays "Joy to the World." No, not the Ripster or the outfit she was dying for, but this little trinket we had found that I almost didn't get but that seemed special since it played a song with her middle name in it! We had sung it when we first picked out her new name, and Scott sang, "Aleeya Joy to the World!" and we all laughed. Pretty fun and pretty amazing this was what she picked! Later that night, we watched a movie together and just relaxed as a family - always a special time!
Christmas Eve was filled with 3 services for Scott, so we attended the last one and then all went out to dinner at Red Lobster (a family tradition because we are usually exhausted by then and because we all love the cheese biscuits)! We met some sweet friends there and really enjoyed our time! We woke up the next morning and the kids opened their stockings and we headed to a special Christmas Day service at church. Scott actually got to be home for quite a bit in the morning, so that was nice. The kids got dressed up once again, and I'd have to say it was one of my all-time favorite services! Very relaxed, all of us in one spot, everyone so happy to be there, and it just felt good! We sat with some special friends, and Aleeya sat at my side. As we sang, there was a special closeness, and she leaned her head on my shoulder quite a few times. It really was an amazing morning. Later, we headed to some really close friends to have a nice dinner together and just hang, which was great fun and really helped make the day perfect! I think it helped to keep Aleeya's mind busy (in case she would be missing her birth family), and she seemed to have a great day.
As the busy week ended, we thanked God that things went so smoothly. We know that sometimes these special days can be hard and wondered how Aleeya would do being with her new family, new traditions, and new life. We wondered if there would be sadness, a disconnect, or even acting out on Christmas, but God had taken us through it very smoothly. We were so thankful! We had a great Christmas . . . ButlerBunch style :)!
The Butler Family
WE ARE FAMILY!!!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A Christmas Card from her Birth Mom . . . December 20, 2011
When Aleeya's social worker came in December, she brought a card with her from Aleeya's birth mom. I was surprised to get it, but also pretty excited because it had pictures that I had so desperately wanted to have for Aleeya . . and for me. It had pictures of her birth mom and grandma. I had so wanted to see what they looked like for my own curiosity, and I had really longed for Aleeya to have them to keep so she would be able to remember. It seemed really important to me!
In fact, I had kinda started this whole thing by having Aleeya write her mom a note before the .26 hearing and asking Aleeya's social worker to ask her birth mom for pictures. But when we got the card, I was a little baffled to know what the best thing to do was. Her social worker said it might be good to show her after Christmas. Scott and I felt like it would be better to show her before Christmas since there's often a natural let down after Christmas. Then we wondered should we even be giving this to her right now . . . how would it affect her, would it be too hard, would it create an awful sadness and grieving? We talked and prayed and then talked with our agency, and they helped us to see that this would be good closure for her. We decided that we should do it before Christmas so she would know her birth mom had been thinking of her.
Grant it . . . there are a lot of opposing thoughts on this subject, and most social workers will have a different opinion. In the end, we had to decide for our family and our 11 year old girl. It was a really tough thing to decide, but we felt this was best for us.
So, on the Tuesday before Christmas, I had Aleeya come into my room and showed her the card. She seemed very happy to receive it. We looked at the pictures together and she read the card. The card was very sweet and my favorite thing that it said was that "as long as Aleeya was happy, she would be happy." I felt this was huge! She was giving permission for Aleeya to be happy, even in her new life. She told her she loved her and thought of her all the time. Aleeya's favorite part was that she said she was praying for her . . . she seemed happy she was praying. Aleeya always seems to care deeply about how her mom is doing, and she was glad to know she was praying.
After we looked together for awhile, Aleeya wanted to spend some more time looking at them. I told her I would give her some time by herself and come check on her later. I had a little photo album to put the pictures in, so we went into Aleeya's room to do that. I headed downstairs and gave her a few minutes. As I came back up to check on her, she had some tears and I asked if she was ok. She said she was fine, and that she was just glad her mom was praying for her. She said she was happy. I told her it was ok to be sad and miss her birth mom, and I understood. We hugged. I told her that she could hold on to everything for a couple of days and then we would put them in a special place to keep them nice. I felt like if she could look at them each day, it would create too much sadness and a longing that couldn't be fulfilled. And of course, Ashley wanted to see them too!
She asked if she could write her mom a letter back, which I wasn't really prepared to answer. At first I thought she should be able to, and then I realized that the court had taken away the birth parents rights for a reason and this would not be healthy for her. Thankfully, I was able to think quickly and told her that this was the last letter she would have. This was a time for closure. We later worked through her understanding of why the courts had made this decision and what that meant for her. After a few days, I told her we should probably put the card and pictures in a special place but that she could see them again in the future.
This was new territory for me, and I found that it wasn't anything I was prepared to understand. And yet, it seemed to go well and we seemed to be navigating it as best we could. I was thankful she seemed happy and not overwhelmed with sadness. I was really glad to have these picture for her as a keepsake. I was also glad we could go through it together. We would have to see how to handle things as time continued.
In fact, I had kinda started this whole thing by having Aleeya write her mom a note before the .26 hearing and asking Aleeya's social worker to ask her birth mom for pictures. But when we got the card, I was a little baffled to know what the best thing to do was. Her social worker said it might be good to show her after Christmas. Scott and I felt like it would be better to show her before Christmas since there's often a natural let down after Christmas. Then we wondered should we even be giving this to her right now . . . how would it affect her, would it be too hard, would it create an awful sadness and grieving? We talked and prayed and then talked with our agency, and they helped us to see that this would be good closure for her. We decided that we should do it before Christmas so she would know her birth mom had been thinking of her.
Grant it . . . there are a lot of opposing thoughts on this subject, and most social workers will have a different opinion. In the end, we had to decide for our family and our 11 year old girl. It was a really tough thing to decide, but we felt this was best for us.
So, on the Tuesday before Christmas, I had Aleeya come into my room and showed her the card. She seemed very happy to receive it. We looked at the pictures together and she read the card. The card was very sweet and my favorite thing that it said was that "as long as Aleeya was happy, she would be happy." I felt this was huge! She was giving permission for Aleeya to be happy, even in her new life. She told her she loved her and thought of her all the time. Aleeya's favorite part was that she said she was praying for her . . . she seemed happy she was praying. Aleeya always seems to care deeply about how her mom is doing, and she was glad to know she was praying.
After we looked together for awhile, Aleeya wanted to spend some more time looking at them. I told her I would give her some time by herself and come check on her later. I had a little photo album to put the pictures in, so we went into Aleeya's room to do that. I headed downstairs and gave her a few minutes. As I came back up to check on her, she had some tears and I asked if she was ok. She said she was fine, and that she was just glad her mom was praying for her. She said she was happy. I told her it was ok to be sad and miss her birth mom, and I understood. We hugged. I told her that she could hold on to everything for a couple of days and then we would put them in a special place to keep them nice. I felt like if she could look at them each day, it would create too much sadness and a longing that couldn't be fulfilled. And of course, Ashley wanted to see them too!
She asked if she could write her mom a letter back, which I wasn't really prepared to answer. At first I thought she should be able to, and then I realized that the court had taken away the birth parents rights for a reason and this would not be healthy for her. Thankfully, I was able to think quickly and told her that this was the last letter she would have. This was a time for closure. We later worked through her understanding of why the courts had made this decision and what that meant for her. After a few days, I told her we should probably put the card and pictures in a special place but that she could see them again in the future.
This was new territory for me, and I found that it wasn't anything I was prepared to understand. And yet, it seemed to go well and we seemed to be navigating it as best we could. I was thankful she seemed happy and not overwhelmed with sadness. I was really glad to have these picture for her as a keepsake. I was also glad we could go through it together. We would have to see how to handle things as time continued.
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