We tried to go into our first Thanksgiving together with happiness and excitement, yet wondered if she would feel the same or if it might be difficult to go through the holidays. I didn't know what to expect exactly, but really wanted her to experience our traditions and wanted to care about any traditions she might have as well. One way we did this was by asking if there were certain things she would like to have at our Thanksgiving dinner (feast) - turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, creamed corn, homemade apple sauce, fresh green beans, green bean casserole (because too many like that too), cranberries, rolls, etc - basically a ridiculous amount of food for one family, but great for lots of leftovers. She said raspberries, which was a first for me, and yams. I then proceeded to ask her how she liked the yams; you know - baked, candied, with marshmallows on top, etc. She surprised me on this one too and said they were like french fries. So, I went shopping and was quite surprised and happy to find those in the frozen section! We added them to the list. While the raspberries will probably stay each year, the "sweet potato french fries" didn't seem like that great of a hit so we may toss that one?
The other three kids kept telling her how much fun this weekend would be - Thanksgiving day with the feast and movie night with friends, followed by putting up Christmas decorations the next day. They love it! Well, Thanksgiving morning came and we had a nice breakfast and then we all watched some of the parade, mixed with lots of football as we cooked. The strange thing was that we kept looking for Aleeya. She is normally hanging with us, but we kept finding her in her room reading a book. She had been reading more than usual lately, but this seemed a little strange on Thanksgiving Day. I didn't want her to feel like it was wrong to want to be alone, and wanted her to have the freedom to do that if she needed to, so I just checked on her in between cooking. I felt kinda bad that I was so busy cooking, but wasn't sure how to handle it. Finally, Austin asked where she was and I told him she was reading. It was really cool because he said I'm going to get her so we can play some games, and he did. It was great! Next thing we knew they were all playing games and hanging out!
We planned to just have our family for dinner like we often do on Thanksgiving, since it's the last time off we have as a family before the all the Christmas rehearsals and performances begin (the life of a worship pastor's family). Sometimes we invite people over, but we really wanted her to be at the table with us, and we only have six chairs around our dining room table. We also wanted her to experience it with just family this year! As we sat to eat, she was surprised by all the food. Later she said that she had never had a big Thanksgiving meal like that. We went around the table asking everyone what they were thankful for this year. All of us mentioned having Aleeya with us in some form and she smiled sweetly. I loved her answer because she talked about Jesus and her family. It was a special time and I think she needed to hear how thankful we were for God bringing her to us!
Later that night, we went to the home of some great friends to watch a Christmas movie and have popcorn. She spent most of the time leaning on my shoulder and cuddling during the movie. I am so thankful that she's not shy about needing love and just snuggles up! I was so thankful for that down time to do just that!
The next day involved getting out all the containers of Christmas stuff we've collected over the years. We had our Christmas music playing loudly and our santa hats on (I made sure we bought an extra this year)! The other three kids loved showing her all the special memories, and she seemed to enjoy it. But I felt a sadness that she had no memories in those bins. Our kids get an ornament each year to put on the tree (something that reminds them of that year - a new sport or something they enjoy), and she didn't have an ornament. We also do a tree with all the kids homemade ornaments, and I was SO thankful that she had recently been to a birthday party where she had made an ornament with her initial "A." It was awesome to see that the kids had her put that ornament right in the middle of the tree! We tried to make her feel very included and a part of the day, but I had a sadness, a loss of her past. There were a few things she did that showed me that she felt sad as well.
While we usually have another movie night at home that night, some friends had given us tickets to go to see a hockey game. So we put on our santa hats and off we went. This was a great outing, especially since it was a new thing we got to do together! She really enjoyed it and we shared lots of smiles and laughs!
That night, Scott and I decided that we needed to go out the next morning together and get our ornaments for this year! The first one we found was hers - I saw an Orca whale and showed her, and that was it! We also found a dragonfly and an ornament that said "Joy" (her middle name) with a bell on it for our family ornaments (Scott and me) this year. When we put them on the tree, things seemed much more complete! And yes, her orca is right in the middle and happens to be the most noticeable one on the tree!
Throughout the weekend, I definitely noticed some small sad patches, but overall, things went really well and I think we were all happy to have her feel a part of our family traditions. We talked about how next year, these things will feel like her traditions as well. I'm finding that I am really big on fairness, and so want her to feel as important as every other child in our family. So . . . we are planning to go out after Christmas (when the really great sales hit) and look for 10 other ornaments for her to add to our tree next year (remembering her past and redeeming it)! We are so thankful for God's goodness to us and thankful for our first Thanksgiving together!
Later, a paper came home that she had written at school about "Being Thankful." Here are a few excerpts from our girls' heart:
"I love Jesus Christ more than anything in the world."
"I imagine Jesus being handsome, funny and nice."
"I am so thankful for Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins and for everything bad I've done."
"I imagine Jesus and God being honest and funny."
"Remember, He's coming down here some day."
"Jesus, God and the Bible are really special to me."
"The Bible will help anybody to tell the truth."
"My family is great, they are all I can ask for."
I was amazed at her understanding and love for God and was thrilled to read her insights! Sometimes, I think she gets it all better than I do. Love her faith and her love for Him and for us! Just had to share it :).
Over the past couple of weeks since Thanksgiving, Scott and I have realized that we have "our Aleeya" back! By this I mean that the sadness is gone, the tension is gone, we don't seem to be bumping heads, and we are just enjoying our time together. She's smiling, joyful, attentive doing homework, thanking me for helping her, and relaxed. We still have the normal sibling stuff at times . . helping them to get along and be kind, but I'd have to say that even that is going pretty well! She's fitting in so well, and I think we all feel more and more like a family! What a blessing - we are going to enjoy these times!
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