One Month Later . . . November 4, 2012

It's hard to believe it's been a month already!  Here are some things we've learned . . .

*It is an amazing feeling knowing you are really family!

*We are so glad God's given her to us!

*You should definitely celebrate Adoption Day (PARTY!) with all of those people that have walked through the journey with you!  And put up a ton of pictures that you haven't been able to share all year! Aleeya loved seeing them all and was able to reminisce . . and we did too (great memories and reminders of our time together)!  Plus, she didn't have a ton of picture of her life so far, so this was our start to her many photo albums we will be putting together!

*We are passionate about adoption, and are thrilled to be seeing others pray about it and start the process.  As Christians, we have homes filled with God's love that can point these kids to Jesus, and we can do this!  These children aren't someone else's problem, they are ours to care for and we all can play a role in this - prayer, financial support, prayer, encouragement, prayer, love, prayer, understanding, prayer :)!  The church is rising up and it is an awesome thing to see!

*So thankful for my adoption into God's family.  He's blessed me with an amazing inheritance!

*Aleeya's sister and brothers are very happy she's a Butler, and I love how they have accepted her into our family from day one!  Now, it's even better!

*Ashley and Aleeya have gotten even closer over these last few months, and Ashley is just who God had in mind for Aleeya and vice versa :).  Aleeya needs Ashley's bubbly enjoyment of life, and Ashley loves having a big sister and someone to share life with!

*The finalization did not make everything perfect and peaceful.

*Aleeya may always miss her birth family and long for them, and that's ok.

*This does not mean she doesn't love us.

*My job is to listen, love, remind her of truth, remind her of God's love and plan for her life!

*I need to learn more about grieving and how to help.  Her faith in God will be our cornerstone for getting her through the difficult times.

*I need to understand that children grieve differently and it usually continues through each milestone in their life.

*It's hard to teach my child how to pray with faith and hope for God to do great things in her birth family's life, and yet know that they may not choose to change.

*I will keep praying for her birth family to accept Jesus as their Savior and live for Him!  I believe that God can do this, but also know that they have a free will and He will not make them.  It would be incredible if someday we could see this come true and see God's redemption in all of this!

*I so desire to see Aleeya live in the joy of today and where God has her, and not in her past.

*We will still experience lots of ups and downs - did this month for sure!

*Really enjoy the days that she is doing well, and enjoy each smile!

*Hug her more!

*She is a very kind girl that wants to please us on the outside, but struggles on the inside sometimes.

*We will need to talk about God's values and how they affect our life, and then talk some more, and then probably some more!

*She did not grow up with the values we have trained our other children with since birth, so she may not take these values as her own as easily, and that makes sense!

*I need to pray and fast for my girl and keep pointing her to God!

*She has a profound faith in God, and lots of questions about Him (about things we take for granted and about things that are really deep - i.e. the Trinity, if God knows what is going to happen why does He allow it, when bad things happen is God punishing us, etc.)

*I struggle to see her when she's down, but it's getting easier to accept (instead of letting it rule my thoughts and emotions).

*As a mom of a 12 year old girl (which is new to me), I need to remind her of what real beauty is - it is so hard to see and find in our world.

     “Don’t be concerned about the outer beauty that depends on jewelry, or beautiful clothes, or hair arrangement.  Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gently and quiet spirit which is so precious to God.” I Peter 3:3-4 

*God reminded that none of my kids are mine - they are all His!

*My job is to love them, train them, teach them, point them to Christ continuously, provide consequences (sometimes natural ones) when they decide to take the wrong path, and be an example in front of them of what it is to walk with Jesus.  And we both need His grace and forgiveness daily.

*That job is often a hard job!  I need Jesus more than ever!

*God loves them incredibly more than I ever could!

*My love is not enough; I've been begging God for His love to flow through me!

*The most important thing I learned this month ~
I was very clearly reminded by God to not just pray that I can know how to help her, but to with faith, strongly believe that God has an amazing plan for her life, and He who began a good work will complete it!  So, I will pray to that end and believe for her!

     “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans 

     to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I'm thankful that God keeps teaching me that I desperately need to rely on Him daily and praise Him for all He does!  He is a truly faithful God, and I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!  I praise you God, for You do all things well!

ADOPTION DAY - We are Family!!! . . . October 4, 2012

The day had finally arrived!  She came to live with us on July 24, 2011, and was officially ours (a Butler) on October 4, 2012 - a little over 14 months!  We had been through amazing, wonderful events with her, as well as some tough times, and we had grown through each of them . . . grown in understanding, grown in love, and grown in our trust in God!  The most amazing memory so far . . definitely her getting saved and baptized!  We now knew we would be her forever family here on earth and would get to spend eternity with her in heaven!  As well, still pretty amazed that she wanted to call us "mom and dad" so quickly, wanted to have an "A" name and be a part of the family in that way, and adapted to our lifestyle so well.  All in all, these past 14 months were pretty amazing!

Well, I had found our outfits (which was an incredible feat in itself - kinda like getting ready for the Christmas picture but in between seasons) the week prior, ironed everything the night before, and we went to sleep with much peace.  There seemed to be a calm over our entire house, as if so many people were praying and God said, "Peace, be still."  Scott and I awoke early to have our quiet times and get ready in plenty of time.  I was glad that I remembered it was his birthday and greeted him with "Happy Birthday" first thing :)!  Time did seem to slip by rather quickly as I wanted to be sure to have time to curl Aleeya's hair and make sure everyone else was ready.  But we made it out the door at a decent time, and off to the court house we went!

We arrived at about 8am (the time we had told our friends to meet us there) and made a quick trip to the restroom.  As we walked up the stairs, we were met by one of our dearest friends and walked down the long hallway to the turn where we would find our court room.  We stood out in the hallway and greeted everyone - wow, it felt so good to be there with so many precious friends!!!  Each of them held such a special place in our hearts!  They opened the door, and in we went.

Our family went up to the hearing table (I guess that's what you call it) through a little opening and sat down.  There weren't quite enough chairs at that table, so the boys grabbed some other chairs and brought them to sit right behind us.  Aleeya sat between Scott and I, and Ashley sat on the other side of Scott.  We had some wonderful friends taking photos and video throughout so we could remember this day forever!  I've been told that the judges really enjoy doing these finalizations, and we had a great judge!  The way she spoke was as if she knew our family well.  She said everyone's name correctly (Aleeya had been worried they would say her old name that day, but I assured her they wouldn't - I really wasn't positive, but couldn't imagine it!).  The judge noticed that the sisters had the same color shirts, and talked about how exciting this day was.  She talked about the fact that as of today, Aleeya would have every right that our other three children had in our family, and would be an heir to our inheritance.  She then asked Scott and I if we were ready to take on the responsibility of being Aleeya's parents, to which we said a resounding "YES!"  Then she asked Aleeya if she was ready to be adopted and become a part of our family, and she said "YES" too (to which I found myself taking a deep breath and feeling relief)!  Then she said, "She is officially yours, Aleeya Joy Butler!"  I immediately hugged her and then Scott gave her his big bear hug and everyone clapped.  Aleeya had asked me if I thought I would cry earlier that week, and I told her I wasn't sure.  I had come to tears so many times as I thought about the day, but it's always hard to know what you'll really feel when it's happening.  And what I felt was pure happiness and joy!  While my eyes teared up a little at times and I later saw others very much tearing up as I watched the video, I mainly felt an unending smile that day!  After the clapping stopped, there is a fun ritual that adoptive families get to do.  The judge had us all come up to her seat and said that each one of us could hit the gavel.  I guess it's our way of making it official too!  Aleeya went first, then Ashley very excitedly got it the chair and hit it hard!!!  So hard in fact, that one of the judge's picture frames on her desk fell over.  I winced, but thankfully nothing was broken.  The rest of us weren't sure if we should do it too I guess, so Scott said, "Well, I'll do it!"  Then the rest of us followed suit and enjoyed the moment!  We got a few pictures with the CA seal above us and then came down.
It was so wonderful, and a rather quick hearing!

When we came back and faced all of our dear friends, Scott asked a close friend who is our High School pastor at our church, and who also adopted a little girl this year, to lead us in prayer.  While I'm not sure if anyone got a picture or recording of that time, I will always remember it!  Later, we were told by others that they had never seen that before, but we couldn't imagine leaving that room without thanking God!!!  I wondered if it was "ok" to do that in a court room, but figured we were good since no one stopped us :)!

We headed out into the hall, got some congratulation hugs and thanked people for coming, and were taken to the office where they give you the adoption papers!  These show that she is legally ours!  Then we walked out of the court house feeling free as a bird!  Our amazing social worker was with us during the process and gave us hugs goodbye.  He told us we could start the process again in 6 months!  We were still getting through this birth, but it was fun to hear anyhow - love his faith in us!  We took lots of "FAMILY" pictures to remember this day and talked with some friends for awhile.  Everything just felt so great!

Before we left, Aleeya spent a few minutes in our van by herself reading "her story."  Our friend who took the video (and did an unbelievable job) had talked to us about some ideas to make this really special.  He was considering doing it in a documentary style and coming to our house early that morning and following us to the court house.  I wasn't sure about that since I'm not much of a morning person and didn't know how it would all work, but I had been thinking about a story that Aleeya had typed on the computer a few weeks before.  I asked if he thought it would be cool to have Scott read it and use it in the video in a story type format.  He suggested that Aleeya read it, which I thought was a great idea!  But, I didn't know how she'd feel about sharing "her story"or having to read it.  I asked her the night before and she wanted to think about it.  I had read it and realized a couple of small things (like where she was born) were missing, so I added them and printed it out just in case.  On the way there, she said she would do it.  So, the video became that much more special!  It all came together perfectly and is something we will cherish forever!

We left the courthouse and went to a nice breakfast with some or our "adopted family."  Since we don't have any family living near us, these families have become that much more close!  They have walked through and prayed for our journey continuously, and have probably heard more than they wanted to hear about all the ups and downs!  But sometimes, you just need someone to listen so you can talk it through, and it was great to always have a listening ear and know you were being prayed for!  I have to say, if you're planning to adopt, know who those people are and keep them close!  They are truly needed, and I am so thankful for them!  At breakfast, Aleeya opened some cards and gifts and seemed really touched by them.  She got a really special card with pictures of her and her close friends doing things throughout the year, a sock monkey with a sweatshirt on it that said "Butler," a special necklace, a stuffed Mini-Mouse from my parents since they live in Florida, and we gave her two charms for her bracelet we had given her on "Gotcha Day."  One was a "b" since she was now officially a Butler, and one was a dragonfly since God had used this part of his creation to speak to us and remind us of His presence so often.  As well, we got her an engraved frame like the other three kids got soon after they were born (theirs said their birthday, weight, time born, etc.).  Her frame said, "Aleeya Joy Butler" at the top, and "October 4, 2012 ~ Forever Family" at the bottom. The card we gave her was also really special and told her that while she wasn't born in my tummy, she was in my heart and that we would always love her and be her forever family!  We could tell she was touched by it!  We felt really thankful for the two families that took all of this time to celebrate with us!  What a blessing!

Although it was a Thursday and the kids were supposed to be in school, there was no way that was happening!  We spent the rest of the day together celebrating!  Since it was Scott's birthday, we headed to the closest P.F. Chang's for lunch, which was also a special memory with Aleeya since that was the first place we took her to eat.  We walked around the mall, and of course, visited the Apple store.  It was really cool that day because I could actually feel a difference in the way Aleeya and I looked at each other!  It felt so different, so much better!  I wish I had the words to explain it . . it has still left me in awe.  Knowing that you belong, and knowing that a child is yours is truly priceless!  It brings security and peace.

After lunch, we headed back toward home and watched "Finding Nemo" in 3D.  It's one of our favorite movies, and we thought it would be fun.  What Scott and I didn't realize was how exhausted we would be . . emotionally and physically.  We were wiped!  I love to see movies, but was having a hard time keeping my eyes open.  It was fun though, and we were the only ones in the entire theater!

The rest of the day was full of getting ready for the party the next day and finishing up some homework :(.  It all worked out ok, but was hard to get back to any sort of reality!  I think we did end up watching a "Little House" episode, one of our favorite family traditions in the evening, and we made a cake for Scott and sang, "Happy Birthday!"

At the end of the day, our hearts were full and we felt truly blessed!  "We are Family!" was now a true statement, and one that we celebrated with great joy! Thank you Lord for your amazing goodness in bringing Aleeya to our family, in bringing us to this day, and in promising to go with us into the future!  "We have come so far, You have been so good."

Cold Feet and Grieving . . . October 3, 2012

On Saturday after Science Camp, we did our normal household chores and tried to get everything back in order from our week.  In our house, this means that the boys take care of the yard duties, dust, and clean their bathroom, and the girls do some light yard work, vacuum, dust their room, and clean their bathroom, while I take the kitchen and our bathroom.  As well, we try to conquer all the homework so that Sunday can be a true day of rest.  So . . . it's not a day that everyone gets super excited about, but we all live in the house and so, we take care of it together too!  But everyone does get to sleep in if at all possible, so they take advantage of that!

Aleeya seemed a little out of sorts that day, and she even mentioned it later that evening.  I had noticed she wasn't really wanting to listen as well as normal, and had the attitude that she could handle things on her own (a typical sixth grade attitude I've seen both boys work through as they want to begin acting like an adult but haven't quite gotten their yet).  I told her I thought it was pretty normal since she'd been gone for a week, been on her own for a week, and that she was allowed a day!  Tomorrow we would expect things to begin getting back to normal.  Sunday did seem like a better day, and while she was a little quiet, I figured she was still pretty tired.

On Monday, it really hit me that this was the week, and this Adoption was really getting finalized!  We had been waiting so long that it seemed it would never get here, and now that it was, it felt a little unbelievable!  I realized that I probably should take some special time to sit and talk with Aleeya about how she was handling it all, since I was feeling so many emotions and hadn't been with her for a week.  So, after school, we sat on my bed and talked.  I asked her to be completely real with me and let me know how she was feeling and what she was thinking.  Later, I thought maybe I should have put some limits on that (not really), but I should have been more prepared when I asked that question.  She had many thoughts; she had definitely been thinking!  She said she had been thinking about her dad and what it would be like to live with him.  She said that while she knew it could never happen, if she were to live with another family, would I still give her advice?  She wondered if her birth family knew about the finalization, and if they would be sad.  She also expressed feelings of how she knows quite a few other kids that are adopted, but hers seems so different because she's older.  Wow, I was not quite prepared for this!  And yet, it all made a lot of sense too.  My answers?  I reminded her that the courts did not feel her birth dad would be a suitable parent for her (this was the third family member that all of  a sudden seemed not so bad to her memory).  I told her that if she lived with another family, that I would still care for her and love her, but I would not give her advice as that would be her parent's role and it would be strange for me to step in and tell someone else's child what to do.  I told her that her birth parents did not know the timing of the finalization, but that they knew she would most likely get adopted when their rights were terminated.  I find that when she has questions and new feelings arrive, the best I can do is to lovingly re-present truth to her.  I also realized that she is still grieving the loss of her birth family, and since the first step is denial, we keep seeing that come up.  She remembers the good and forgets the tough stuff.  I encourage her to remember both, and keep praying for her family.  But mostly, I keep longing for her to not live in the past but the present, and to see how God loves her and has a great plan for her life!  I reminded her that it is good to be a part of a forever family and not stay in foster care, and that God was taking care of her in all of this, but that I could see how it's harder when you're older since you understand more and have lived longer with your birth family.  After we talked, we prayed and then I had to try to keep going while processing all that she had said.  That night as Scott and I lay in bed and I told him what we had talked about, he was a little in shock as well.

On Tuesday night, I planned a special family dinner as I realized it was our last night together before Thursday!  Wednesday's are always a really busy day with Scott being gone all day and having choir practice until later, and everyone else having their special groups at church, while I teach a "parenting class" in our home (sometimes this makes me laugh that I teach a class while I am learning so much, but it's for babies, so I guess it's all good and I love it)!  Anyhow, we tried to get homework done early and ate one of our favorite meals in the dining room.  I even picked up a package of 4 yellow roses to put in the middle of the table, and I pretty much never do that!  I was going to talk about how each of the roses symbolized a member of her birth family and how we would never forget them and how thankful we were for them since they had given Aleeya life and been part of her life, but it all seemed much to fresh at the time.  We did ask everyone if they had any questions about Adoption Day on Thursday and if they knew what the day would be like.  Thankfully, the other three had been to a finalization once and remembered it so they weren't too concerned.  I ran through the day a little so everyone could feel a little more prepared, including me.  Once again, we got a zinger from Aleeya when she asked, "I know this would never happen, but are you allowed to say no when they ask if you want to adopt me?"  I said "no way, it's a done deal and we would never say that anyhow!"  But as I answered, I wondered if she was asking for her or for us.  While I didn't show it, my heart was hurting, and some definite fear set in.  Scott and I talked again that night, and I made a couple of phone calls to a few people the next day to ask for prayer and get advice.  One thing I asked was if the judge would ask Aleeya if she wanted to be adopted since she was 12.  My agency said they would.  At this, I thought, "What if she were to say no?"  Wow, that would be so hard!  They encouraged me by reminding me that she probably has a bit of "cold feet," since this is such a big deal for her life.  She's realizing that she really is moving on, taking a new name, and it is all official while still grieving the loss of her birth family.  This was tough stuff!  I was also reminded of the many times she had said she wanted to be adopted, and how I knew she loved us.  This was just really hard, especially since she is older.  Then I remembered that my God is "steadfast," faithful in hard times.  He had just told me, but how quickly I let fear take over! 

After school on Wednesday, I normally have a car full on my way home, my kids and a couple of friends we take home.  Well, somehow it was just Aleeya and one of our friends that day!  So, we had some more time to talk and really see how things were going.  When I asked her how she was feeling, she said really excited and not as sad.  I asked about her wondering if we could say no tomorrow, and if that question was just for us or was she wondering for her too?  She said it was kinda for both.  Then she said that she knew that it was a good thing to have a forever family that would be there no matter what.  She was also pretty excited about all our close friends that would be there at the finalization and those that would come to the adoption party on Friday!  I thought how glad I was they would be there tomorrow morning because I needed their support once again!  I told her that we loved her so much and were really happy to be that forever family!!  I told her I knew God had sent her to us and we would love her no matter what!  In some ways, this felt like a marriage . . a commitment that needed to be spoken out loud!   I was so thankful she was doing better and felt the many prayers that had been offered for us!

God had brought peace in the midst of our struggles, and I was so thankful.  Once again, excitement was building for the next day . . . Adoption Day!