Aleeya seemed a little out of sorts that day, and she even mentioned it later that evening. I had noticed she wasn't really wanting to listen as well as normal, and had the attitude that she could handle things on her own (a typical sixth grade attitude I've seen both boys work through as they want to begin acting like an adult but haven't quite gotten their yet). I told her I thought it was pretty normal since she'd been gone for a week, been on her own for a week, and that she was allowed a day! Tomorrow we would expect things to begin getting back to normal. Sunday did seem like a better day, and while she was a little quiet, I figured she was still pretty tired.
On Monday, it really hit me that this was the week, and this Adoption was really getting finalized! We had been waiting so long that it seemed it would never get here, and now that it was, it felt a little unbelievable! I realized that I probably should take some special time to sit and talk with Aleeya about how she was handling it all, since I was feeling so many emotions and hadn't been with her for a week. So, after school, we sat on my bed and talked. I asked her to be completely real with me and let me know how she was feeling and what she was thinking. Later, I thought maybe I should have put some limits on that (not really), but I should have been more prepared when I asked that question. She had many thoughts; she had definitely been thinking! She said she had been thinking about her dad and what it would be like to live with him. She said that while she knew it could never happen, if she were to live with another family, would I still give her advice? She wondered if her birth family knew about the finalization, and if they would be sad. She also expressed feelings of how she knows quite a few other kids that are adopted, but hers seems so different because she's older. Wow, I was not quite prepared for this! And yet, it all made a lot of sense too. My answers? I reminded her that the courts did not feel her birth dad would be a suitable parent for her (this was the third family member that all of a sudden seemed not so bad to her memory). I told her that if she lived with another family, that I would still care for her and love her, but I would not give her advice as that would be her parent's role and it would be strange for me to step in and tell someone else's child what to do. I told her that her birth parents did not know the timing of the finalization, but that they knew she would most likely get adopted when their rights were terminated. I find that when she has questions and new feelings arrive, the best I can do is to lovingly re-present truth to her. I also realized that she is still grieving the loss of her birth family, and since the first step is denial, we keep seeing that come up. She remembers the good and forgets the tough stuff. I encourage her to remember both, and keep praying for her family. But mostly, I keep longing for her to not live in the past but the present, and to see how God loves her and has a great plan for her life! I reminded her that it is good to be a part of a forever family and not stay in foster care, and that God was taking care of her in all of this, but that I could see how it's harder when you're older since you understand more and have lived longer with your birth family. After we talked, we prayed and then I had to try to keep going while processing all that she had said. That night as Scott and I lay in bed and I told him what we had talked about, he was a little in shock as well.
On Tuesday night, I planned a special family dinner as I realized it was our last night together before Thursday! Wednesday's are always a really busy day with Scott being gone all day and having choir practice until later, and everyone else having their special groups at church, while I teach a "parenting class" in our home (sometimes this makes me laugh that I teach a class while I am learning so much, but it's for babies, so I guess it's all good and I love it)! Anyhow, we tried to get homework done early and ate one of our favorite meals in the dining room. I even picked up a package of 4 yellow roses to put in the middle of the table, and I pretty much never do that! I was going to talk about how each of the roses symbolized a member of her birth family and how we would never forget them and how thankful we were for them since they had given Aleeya life and been part of her life, but it all seemed much to fresh at the time. We did ask everyone if they had any questions about Adoption Day on Thursday and if they knew what the day would be like. Thankfully, the other three had been to a finalization once and remembered it so they weren't too concerned. I ran through the day a little so everyone could feel a little more prepared, including me. Once again, we got a zinger from Aleeya when she asked, "I know this would never happen, but are you allowed to say no when they ask if you want to adopt me?" I said "no way, it's a done deal and we would never say that anyhow!" But as I answered, I wondered if she was asking for her or for us. While I didn't show it, my heart was hurting, and some definite fear set in. Scott and I talked again that night, and I made a couple of phone calls to a few people the next day to ask for prayer and get advice. One thing I asked was if the judge would ask Aleeya if she wanted to be adopted since she was 12. My agency said they would. At this, I thought, "What if she were to say no?" Wow, that would be so hard! They encouraged me by reminding me that she probably has a bit of "cold feet," since this is such a big deal for her life. She's realizing that she really is moving on, taking a new name, and it is all official while still grieving the loss of her birth family. This was tough stuff! I was also reminded of the many times she had said she wanted to be adopted, and how I knew she loved us. This was just really hard, especially since she is older. Then I remembered that my God is "steadfast," faithful in hard times. He had just told me, but how quickly I let fear take over!
After school on Wednesday, I normally have a car full on my way home, my kids and a couple of friends we take home. Well, somehow it was just Aleeya and one of our friends that day! So, we had some more time to talk and really see how things were going. When I asked her how she was feeling, she said really excited and not as sad. I asked about her wondering if we could say no tomorrow, and if that question was just for us or was she wondering for her too? She said it was kinda for both. Then she said that she knew that it was a good thing to have a forever family that would be there no matter what. She was also pretty excited about all our close friends that would be there at the finalization and those that would come to the adoption party on Friday! I thought how glad I was they would be there tomorrow morning because I needed their support once again! I told her that we loved her so much and were really happy to be that forever family!! I told her I knew God had sent her to us and we would love her no matter what! In some ways, this felt like a marriage . . a commitment that needed to be spoken out loud! I was so thankful she was doing better and felt the many prayers that had been offered for us!
God had brought peace in the midst of our struggles, and I was so thankful. Once again, excitement was building for the next day . . . Adoption Day!
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