A week after Nana and Pop Pop left, we found ourselves getting very busy! Aleeya was super excited to be going to Science Camp for a week, and Scott and I were headed to a staff retreat at Hume Lake for three days, while getting the other three kids to friends' homes while we were away. All of a sudden, everything seemed to be happening very quickly and finalization was only a week and a half away!
Scott had originally planned to go with Aleeya to Science camp, as he had gone with both boys when they were in sixth grade. While he would not go as her counselor, he would go to help out and just be there for her! But, when we learned that our church staff would be headed to a staff retreat that same week, we knew we needed to be there instead. These staff retreats are very special and truly nourish our souls, and we were so looking forward to the time away with the others that we serve with at our church. Aleeya was sad to learn that he wouldn't be coming, but still very excited to go!
We had a few ups and downs getting things together and making sure it would all work out, and then it happened! Early Monday morning, I took her to school to board a bus and be gone for a whole week. I hadn't really realized that this was our first time really being away from her, and while I knew she'd have a blast, it felt strange to have her away from us. Often, I have talked about this experience like it is giving birth, and there are times when I feel like she is my newborn. And leaving a newborn, or a year old baby for a week is not an easy thing for me. I knew she was in God's hands and prayed for her so often throughout the week. I prayed for her protection, for her to have fun, and for her to make good choices during her time there.
Scott and I left a couple of hours later to head up to our staff retreat at a truly beautiful place called Hume Lake. We had only visited there once previously for a day, and knew this would be a wonderful, relaxing place. While there, our speaker gave us time to "be alone" with God - to have no agenda, no special reading plan, just to be alone with God and listen. This was similar to the day we had at a retreat prior to making our decision to meet Aleeya, and I was so in need of it again. The year had been so full, and my heart so joyous at times and so heavy at other times, and I needed some time with my Father. Right before we were given this time to go be alone with Jesus, the speaker's wife shared about visiting a vineyard and how they were able to learn what was done to the grapes as they were growing on the vine. She talked about how they would prune away grapes, and that these grapes weren't even bad grapes - they were good! She wondered why, and they explained that it made the grapes that remained so much better when they did this! She asked us, "What is God asking you to let go of?" She encouraged us to open our hands wide and let Him have it. When she said this, God spoke so clearly to me of what those things were, and I was so glad to let them go! It was very freeing, and I was so thankful for the encouragement and reminder!
Now, I have to tell you how wonderful my God is, because in the month prior, God had really spoken clearly to me during a worship service we had called our 5:19 Gathering (based on Ephesians 5:19). One of our pastors had shared some Scripture and then just let things be very quiet for a few minutes for us to hear from God. And God spoke. He told me, in a really wonderful personal way, "I love you" (and while I know He loves the world, He said He loved me)! He also told me "He would give me rest." Rest sounded so good - rest for my soul, rest for my body. Oh, the depth of His love for me! I knew it was my loving Lord speaking to me . . it was so clear . . so perfect . . so like Him! I felt blessed beyond words!
So, I was really longing for this quiet time with Him on this particular day. I was in a beautiful setting, in the woods near a lake with the backdrop of mountains and tall redwood trees all around me. As I began to follow the trail, there were a couple of benches. I felt so tired, so I sat down and just watched nature happening around me. The blue birds were happy to keep me company, and then I just felt this huge urge to lie down on the bench. As I did, it felt strange, but then He just kinda reminded me - "you are so tired!" My body, soul, and spirit - they were tired. The ups and downs of life, of adoption, or waiting had taken a tole and I needed rest, His perfect sweet rest.
After a little while, I sat back up and just looked around. Things were beautiful, but He didn't seem to be speaking right then. So, I decided to walk further and find another spot. I eventually came to a place closer to the water's edge. I love the water. There was a huge tree that had fallen there, and I was thankful to have the log as a place to sit. I realized as I was resting there, that this was once a huge beautiful tree, standing so tall and so fulfilling its purpose, but now it had a new purpose. God had allowed it to fall at just this spot for a reason, and I was enjoying it. I wondered if that's what He had been doing in my life. I had felt so strong and useful most of my life, but this last while, He seemed to be re-making my life, using it for other purposes. I wondered if the tree was happy to have its new purpose, and wondered if I too could enjoy what God was doing in my life. As well, I began to watch the water rhythmically coming onto the shore. It was so perfect and so steady. God spoke just one word, but said it so clearly . . "Steadfast." I knew once again that it was His voice, but really wasn't sure what it meant. I took a stick and wrote it in the wet sand, wondering if I had even spelled it correctly. I tried to think about the meaning, and guessed it meant something about His faithfulness. I spent some time praying, thanking God for speaking, and knowing He was doing a work in my soul. Then I headed back to join everyone for lunch.
We had a completely wonderful time there! Great food (to me, food is always great when someone else is preparing it, bringing it out to me, and cleaning up too - loved it!), nice accommodations, a lovely walk around the entire lake talking with my husband about what God had said to me and just enjoying this special time together, a wonderful bonfire later with the staff sharing about the day, times of communion remembering our Lord's death for us, and just great time away catching up with those we serve alongside. These are wonderful people that I struggle to stay in touch with because of our different ministries and schedules, but so long to! Something about getting away is truly good - maybe that's why Jesus withdrew to lonely places to be with His Father!
Well, we headed back down on Wednesday, and I felt sad leaving that mountain. God's hand is truly in His creation, and we felt just a little closer to Him there! But I also missed the kids and knew we needed to get home, and was thankful to return home with a full heart. We had been encouraged to live a more unhurried life, a life more intently listening to our Lord. And while I had so much to do to prepare for the following week with Adoption Day, Scott's birthday, and our Adoption Party, I had a inner peace and quietness knowing He'd be with me.
We got home on Wednesday afternoon, got three of our kids home, and unpacked and did the laundry routine. On Thursday night, Austin was studying for a vocab quiz and had a ton of words on index cards that he wanted me to quiz him on. He needed to know synonyms, antonyms, and definitions. The most amazing thing happened as I quizzed him! One of his words was "fortitude." Now that may not seem like much of an exciting thing, but it's synonym was the word "steadfast." I learned that it's meaning was "to be faithful in difficulty." I was blown away! My God had spoked the perfect word to me, and I was overwhelmed inside! It truly couldn't have been any clearer and more sweetly said! Thank you Lord!
And then we had to wait until Friday afternoon to get Aleeya. I realized that it was probably a really good thing that this week was so full, because it seemed so strange to have her gone and would have been hard if we were home that whole week. On Friday, we went to the school to pick her up, and as we drove in the parking lot, the scene was great! She did a little hop with a smile on her face and her hand waving, and I felt the tears coming on! I thought - "there's my girl; I really love her and I really missed her!" It was a good feeling!
Friday night, it was so wonderful having everyone home, hearing the stories of science camp, and just being together! I couldn't believe that in less than a week, the adoption would be finalized - wow!!!
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