Well, we are still celebrating Aleeya's birth into God's family, her adoption as God's child. We are thanking God, talking about it in our home, and truly amazed!
I keep reviewing all that we talked about Sunday night as we sat on the bed together. One of the things that keeps popping into my head is that during our conversation about who Jesus was, and how she could know for sure that she would go to heaven to be with Him when she died, she asked me a question. She asked what would happen if Scott and I died, what would happen for her. I told her that we had made plans for my sister to take care of all the kids and that we had life insurance to take care of them. Then she asked what would happen if they died too? I told her that it is highly unlikely that we would both die, but I realized that she needed to be sure she had a back-up plan. With the loss that she has been through, she wanted to be sure there was someone to take care of her.
That's where Jesus becomes this amazing and wonderful Savior for her, and for all of us. Yet I wonder if we really get how awesome He is for our lives, our secure, somewhat easy lives! I think she does! The idea of a heavenly Father who loves her so much, even with all her sin, and would send His Son to the earth to die and take the penalty of her sin so He could spend eternity with her in heaven is truly incredible! I hope I get it as much as she does!
Yesterday afternoon, there were two things that happened that confirmed that she was really understanding who Jesus was and how much He loves her.
One was a phone call I had with a friend. She heard about Aleeya accepting Jesus into her life and was reminded of a conversation that she and the girls had the other day. They were riding in her van and heard the song that has a line in it that says - "I am Judas' kiss." Aleeya asked what that meant, and they talked about it. Basically, we have all been like Judas and betrayed Jesus with our sin and choices. Because of that sin, Jesus had to die on a cross so we could be made right with God. It was really cool to know that she was asking questions, not only to me, but to others.
The other was something she wrote in her journal. I didn't even know she was writing in it, but she mentioned at dinner that she had written some thoughts about Jesus. I asked if I could read it, and she said yes. After reading it, I thought how amazing that she is really understanding and excited about Him! Here's what it said:
"My thoughts about Jesus"
Jesus died on the cross for everybody who is alive right now on this earth. Jesus loves everybody more than your parents love and he will always love! I love (made with a heart) JESSUS (spelled just like that )!
I love that she's already experiencing Him and writing about Him. Yesterday was filled with a new ease in the house, a new sense of security. It was good! Last night as she was going to bed, she said "Mom." I answered, "yes," and she said, "I love calling you mom." I'm always taken back by these moments and filled with awe. Love that she can call me mom so quickly and love that she can call Him "Father" so quickly. I am overwhelmed by our GREAT GOD!
And, oh yeah, I literally saw at least 17 dragonflies yesterday (I started counting after the first 9 or 10) on my short travels around town in the van - it was crazy! Kinda felt like there was a celebration going on or something!!! I know there was in heaven!
The Butler Family
WE ARE FAMILY!!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
A Child of God!!! . . . August 28, 2011
So, I'm not going to be able to wait until the end of this blog to let you know that - Aleeya accepted Jesus as her Savior tonight!!!! It was wonderful and incredible and amazing, and all in God's perfect plan!
From the moment we knew we were going to adopt, we have been praying for our girl to come to know Jesus. As we have prayed for Austin, Alec, and Ashley to accept Jesus as their Savior, we began the same with our new child! Once I met her in June, the prayers began to become much more intense as I could now see her face and care for her even more deeply.
Since she has been in our home, she has been introduced to Christian music, a church where people love Jesus, a Christian school that teaches about Jesus daily, and a time where we read the Bible together as a family every night. I remember those first couple of weeks as she began reading a children's Bible. I could see that she seemed so interested. I would pray as she read that God would open her eyes to the things of Him.
We have had quite a few talks about God and Jesus, and she has been very open and asked lots of questions. Just last week, she began praying before a couple of meals in our home and I was pretty shocked. When we first met her and went out to eat together, I remember her having a very unsure look on her face as we began to pray together before our meal and I wondered if she had ever prayed before. Over vacation, I realized that the Royal Family Kids Camp had introduced her to some great Christian songs that spoke volumes on who God is, and I wondered if she had a relationship with Jesus.
There have been many times that I have wanted to sit down and find out if she wanted to accept Jesus, but I was concerned that she would do it more to make me happy and because she wanted to please us. I very much wanted to be sure this was her decision and not something she had to do to be a "part of the Butler family." I was thankful for the times when it came up naturally, but didn't want to push the decision on her. I desperately wanted her to go to heaven when she died and to become a true child of God, but wanted to be sure it was God leading her.
Over the past month, we have been attending Club 56 (a special church service for kids in 5th and 6th grade) with Aleeya each week at church. Their pastor does an incredible job teaching the kids about Jesus in a fun environment with sound effects, videos, and great passion. I asked him recently if he would be sharing about salvation soon, and he told me that he would be doing that this weekend. I began praying earnestly that God would use his message in her life. At the end of the service, there was a really great video showing many of the works of Jesus, as well as his death and resurrection. I asked her what she thought of it, and she said she could watch it all day, that she loved it! I wondered if she had responded to his invitation to pray with him to receive Jesus, and he said she had not. Part of me was glad because I really wanted to explain it all and be a part of this decision in her life, and part of me wondered if she had already accepted Jesus into her heart and life. I had seen such love and kindness already displayed in her life and thought she may already know Jesus personally. Throughout the day, God continued to work in my life and let me know that He wanted me to talk with her more about this important, life-changing decision.
So, tonight was the night! I invited her into my room, and we sat on the bed. I told her that I wanted to see what she thought about what was shared in Club 56 this morning and be sure she understood everything. I asked her if she knew for sure that she would go to heaven when she died and she said "no." I told her that the Bible tells us how to be sure, and I wanted to tell her about it. She seemed happy to listen and have this time with me. I explained about how in the Old Testament, the priests used to sacrifice a lamb to cover the sins of the people and the blood of the lamb would cover their sin for awhile. But God decided that there needed to be a payment made once and for all for the sins of the people. We talked about how we have all sinned and that sin makes it impossible to be worthy of being with God, because He is holy and perfect. I told her that Jesus came to earth and lived a perfect life and died on the cross to be the perfect "Lamb of God" and die for our sins. His blood covered our sins and now He offers us this "gift" of eternal life when we believe in Him. I told her that the greatest part about Jesus is that He rose again three days later (unlike all the other gods that people worship), and He is alive today. We talked about how He created her and loves her so much, and how He longs to have her as part of His family, to be her heavenly Father that will never fail her (I reminded her that we will fail her at times because we aren't perfect, but He is)! I told her that this was a decision that only she could make. She had some great questions and we continued to talk for awhile. I asked her if she had ever prayed to accept Jesus. She said that she sometimes would pray after our family quiet time to ask God to forgive her of her sins. I asked if she had ever asked Him to be her Savior and she said "no." We talked about how Jesus has this "gift" for her, but it wouldn't be hers unless she decided to take it for herself. When I asked if she wanted to pray and ask Jesus into her life, she said "yes." She then prayed and asked Jesus to forgive her of her sins, and told Him that she believed that He died for her sins and rose again three days later, and she asked Him to be her Savior and help her live for Him. When we finished, she had the biggest, sweetest smile and a great sparkle in her eye.
It was about time for our family quiet time, and I asked her if she wanted to tell everyone. She quietly said, "no, I want to keep it to myself for now." I told her that was fine, but let her know that our family would be really excited about this. Then she said, "maybe we could tell them together." The smile and gleam on her face as we sat together to read was awesome! When we went to pray together, I mentioned that we had some exciting news. When I told everyone, they all said "yay" and Scott and Ashley gave her hugs. It was AWESOME! Before she went to bed, she thanked me for telling her about Jesus. It was so great to know that our whole family has accepted Him into their lives and will someday be in heaven together!!! This adoption by God into His family is by far the most important one ever and we are so happy for all He is doing in her life and in ours!!!! Now there is a new name written in the lambs book of life and a celebration going on in heaven!
One other note - she still is a little shy about sharing things with others at times, so please let her tell you about this on her own when she is ready. Thanks so much!
From the moment we knew we were going to adopt, we have been praying for our girl to come to know Jesus. As we have prayed for Austin, Alec, and Ashley to accept Jesus as their Savior, we began the same with our new child! Once I met her in June, the prayers began to become much more intense as I could now see her face and care for her even more deeply.
Since she has been in our home, she has been introduced to Christian music, a church where people love Jesus, a Christian school that teaches about Jesus daily, and a time where we read the Bible together as a family every night. I remember those first couple of weeks as she began reading a children's Bible. I could see that she seemed so interested. I would pray as she read that God would open her eyes to the things of Him.
We have had quite a few talks about God and Jesus, and she has been very open and asked lots of questions. Just last week, she began praying before a couple of meals in our home and I was pretty shocked. When we first met her and went out to eat together, I remember her having a very unsure look on her face as we began to pray together before our meal and I wondered if she had ever prayed before. Over vacation, I realized that the Royal Family Kids Camp had introduced her to some great Christian songs that spoke volumes on who God is, and I wondered if she had a relationship with Jesus.
There have been many times that I have wanted to sit down and find out if she wanted to accept Jesus, but I was concerned that she would do it more to make me happy and because she wanted to please us. I very much wanted to be sure this was her decision and not something she had to do to be a "part of the Butler family." I was thankful for the times when it came up naturally, but didn't want to push the decision on her. I desperately wanted her to go to heaven when she died and to become a true child of God, but wanted to be sure it was God leading her.
Over the past month, we have been attending Club 56 (a special church service for kids in 5th and 6th grade) with Aleeya each week at church. Their pastor does an incredible job teaching the kids about Jesus in a fun environment with sound effects, videos, and great passion. I asked him recently if he would be sharing about salvation soon, and he told me that he would be doing that this weekend. I began praying earnestly that God would use his message in her life. At the end of the service, there was a really great video showing many of the works of Jesus, as well as his death and resurrection. I asked her what she thought of it, and she said she could watch it all day, that she loved it! I wondered if she had responded to his invitation to pray with him to receive Jesus, and he said she had not. Part of me was glad because I really wanted to explain it all and be a part of this decision in her life, and part of me wondered if she had already accepted Jesus into her heart and life. I had seen such love and kindness already displayed in her life and thought she may already know Jesus personally. Throughout the day, God continued to work in my life and let me know that He wanted me to talk with her more about this important, life-changing decision.
So, tonight was the night! I invited her into my room, and we sat on the bed. I told her that I wanted to see what she thought about what was shared in Club 56 this morning and be sure she understood everything. I asked her if she knew for sure that she would go to heaven when she died and she said "no." I told her that the Bible tells us how to be sure, and I wanted to tell her about it. She seemed happy to listen and have this time with me. I explained about how in the Old Testament, the priests used to sacrifice a lamb to cover the sins of the people and the blood of the lamb would cover their sin for awhile. But God decided that there needed to be a payment made once and for all for the sins of the people. We talked about how we have all sinned and that sin makes it impossible to be worthy of being with God, because He is holy and perfect. I told her that Jesus came to earth and lived a perfect life and died on the cross to be the perfect "Lamb of God" and die for our sins. His blood covered our sins and now He offers us this "gift" of eternal life when we believe in Him. I told her that the greatest part about Jesus is that He rose again three days later (unlike all the other gods that people worship), and He is alive today. We talked about how He created her and loves her so much, and how He longs to have her as part of His family, to be her heavenly Father that will never fail her (I reminded her that we will fail her at times because we aren't perfect, but He is)! I told her that this was a decision that only she could make. She had some great questions and we continued to talk for awhile. I asked her if she had ever prayed to accept Jesus. She said that she sometimes would pray after our family quiet time to ask God to forgive her of her sins. I asked if she had ever asked Him to be her Savior and she said "no." We talked about how Jesus has this "gift" for her, but it wouldn't be hers unless she decided to take it for herself. When I asked if she wanted to pray and ask Jesus into her life, she said "yes." She then prayed and asked Jesus to forgive her of her sins, and told Him that she believed that He died for her sins and rose again three days later, and she asked Him to be her Savior and help her live for Him. When we finished, she had the biggest, sweetest smile and a great sparkle in her eye.
It was about time for our family quiet time, and I asked her if she wanted to tell everyone. She quietly said, "no, I want to keep it to myself for now." I told her that was fine, but let her know that our family would be really excited about this. Then she said, "maybe we could tell them together." The smile and gleam on her face as we sat together to read was awesome! When we went to pray together, I mentioned that we had some exciting news. When I told everyone, they all said "yay" and Scott and Ashley gave her hugs. It was AWESOME! Before she went to bed, she thanked me for telling her about Jesus. It was so great to know that our whole family has accepted Him into their lives and will someday be in heaven together!!! This adoption by God into His family is by far the most important one ever and we are so happy for all He is doing in her life and in ours!!!! Now there is a new name written in the lambs book of life and a celebration going on in heaven!
One other note - she still is a little shy about sharing things with others at times, so please let her tell you about this on her own when she is ready. Thanks so much!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Emotions and Loving . . . August 28, 2011
Over the past month, I have blogged much about the daily happenings of our life with our sweet Aleeya. A week ago or so, I told Scott that I hoped that I would be able to stop typing about each detail of each day and get on with other topics. But for a time, that is exactly what I had to do for some reason! Well, I think this is the week for getting past the details. Things are moving along really well and Aleeya is more and more becoming a part of our family, moment by moment.
A few really cool details from this week are a couple of things she said out loud to me during our day-to-day life. She said, "I'm really thankful to have such a great mom and dad!" And I responded, "And we're really thankful to have such a sweet girl like you." As well, she mentioned how great it is to be a part of a "happy family." On Friday of this week, Scott and I met the kids after school (his day off - yay!), and she gave us both red envelopes that said "I love you Mom" and "I love you Daddy" on the outside. Inside were the same sayings with some fun pictures. I loved that mine had a sunshine with sunglasses on - very cute!!! It's nice that she's starting to verbalize her love and thankfulness more and we can see it on her face more and more with each passing week. So thankful to God!
This week, I've had a little more "alone" time while the kids are at school. I have felt much more tired and think that life is beginning to catch up with me. Aleeya even asked me one night if I was "ok?" I was sad that she noticed, but told her that I was just really tired. Thankfully, she seemed very understanding. As I'm sure most school parents are feeling these days, I am trying to figure out our "new routine" and keep things as up-to-date as possible, and it's seeming a little more difficult with four kids now. More food, more laundry, more homework, and all good - just more!
I have realized that this is my first time having all the kids in school and knowing that I would not be starting a "job" outside of the home very soon. Since Ashley has been in kindergarten, I have been working, either at the adoption agency, cleaning, or as a nanny. And for some reason, my not working right now is making me feel somewhat guilty. I'm not sure if it's put there by the fact that most of my friends work, or at least are home schooling their kids, or what - but it's there. Sometimes I feel it by others who seem to imply that I don't have much to do during the day. Yet I know that my days are completely full at the moment, still trying to help settle our sweet girl in our home and trying to get everything possible done during the day so that I am able to really "be" with the kids when they get home from school. They all need tons of stability right now, and I know how huge it is that I am able to look at each paper, see how their day went, work through homework together, and have a nice dinner together around the table. So, I'm trying to accept that this is what God has called me to for now and not feel guilty for being a full-time "wife" and "mom." I've always believed that those were the most important titles given to me by God, yet at times, this world seems to try to steel their significance from me.
There have been some other feelings or emotions running through me over these last few weeks, but I have had a hard time putting a finger on what was going on inside of me. I knew that Scott and I desperately needed a day off together, and although I had a huge "honey do list," decided to not think about it and just enjoy a day with him this Friday. We went to go see a movie called "The Help," which tells the story of how black women used to take care of prominent white women, their homes, and their children in America in the 1960's. These women were treated awful, yet somehow they chose to love these little white children that they would often end up raising. The main character continually tells a sweet little chubby toddler to repeat: "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." This black woman had no real reason to love this little white girl, especially with the way the toddler's mom was treating her or with the way the world was treating her like she was so unimportant, yet she choose to love this little girl and build into her life. I watched with amazement.
As we left the movie, I began to talk openly with Scott about how I wanted to be like that lady and fully love this wonderful child God has brought into our family. I want her to know that "she is kind, she is smart, she is important!" I told him about how guilty I've been feeling lately. I have been wondering if I am loving Aleeya enough? There are so many times that I wonder if I love her as much as our other three children, and this brings huge feelings of guilt and sadness to me. I began to cry as we talked. Then I see how Austin, Alec, and Ashley are all adjusting to all of this and wonder if they are really ok? I begin to worry that as I'm trying to spend special time with Aleeya and give her long hugs, are my other three feeling special enough? I've been seeing little signs of adjusting with each of them, and overall, I'd say they are doing really well, yet as a mom, it's hard to watch. They have all had major security and love their whole life and are so blessed. Aleeya is in need of some special affection and care right now, much like bringing home a new baby, ours just happens to be 11. So, we are all adjusting little by little. Scott was so good and reminded me that we've spent anywhere from 8-14 years with Austin, Alec, and Ashley, and have only known Aleeya for 2 months. Just like with all of our kids, the love grows and grows. She is definitely loved, and that love will only grow with time. I then realized that she probably isn't loving me in the same way that she has loved her birth mom, and that will take time to grow as well and that's ok. Scott also encouraged me that each time I sense that one of the kids is needing some extra love, that it is a reminder to try to find that special time to spend with them and to talk about how they are feeling and reassure them of our love. It felt so good to "get it out!" The funny thing is that these are the things that Scott was concerned about back when we first were talking about adoption, and I was already past it and thought it would all be fine. Turns out, these emotions are real and they do come! Sometimes just being able to talk it out really helps the issue. We both look forward to the time when we have been together for 6 months or a year. For now, I'm just asking God to fill me with His love so I have plenty to share with all our kids!
One other note that I have to share is that my husband has been just amazing!!! He has been the best husband and dad that I could imagine. When he walks in the door, he just brings a calmness and peace over the home. He loves on and jokes with and cares for Aleeya so much, and it is incredible! As well, he continues to care for each of the kids in his own special way. He looks for ways to help me out and has just overwhelmed me as I've seen God's love, grace, and patience flow through Him. So thankful to be his wife and see how God continues to grow us together as a couple, hopefully one that reflects God in some way. I have always thought that each new baby really brings us together in such a unique way and grows our love, and so thankful that it is happening again!
A few really cool details from this week are a couple of things she said out loud to me during our day-to-day life. She said, "I'm really thankful to have such a great mom and dad!" And I responded, "And we're really thankful to have such a sweet girl like you." As well, she mentioned how great it is to be a part of a "happy family." On Friday of this week, Scott and I met the kids after school (his day off - yay!), and she gave us both red envelopes that said "I love you Mom" and "I love you Daddy" on the outside. Inside were the same sayings with some fun pictures. I loved that mine had a sunshine with sunglasses on - very cute!!! It's nice that she's starting to verbalize her love and thankfulness more and we can see it on her face more and more with each passing week. So thankful to God!
This week, I've had a little more "alone" time while the kids are at school. I have felt much more tired and think that life is beginning to catch up with me. Aleeya even asked me one night if I was "ok?" I was sad that she noticed, but told her that I was just really tired. Thankfully, she seemed very understanding. As I'm sure most school parents are feeling these days, I am trying to figure out our "new routine" and keep things as up-to-date as possible, and it's seeming a little more difficult with four kids now. More food, more laundry, more homework, and all good - just more!
I have realized that this is my first time having all the kids in school and knowing that I would not be starting a "job" outside of the home very soon. Since Ashley has been in kindergarten, I have been working, either at the adoption agency, cleaning, or as a nanny. And for some reason, my not working right now is making me feel somewhat guilty. I'm not sure if it's put there by the fact that most of my friends work, or at least are home schooling their kids, or what - but it's there. Sometimes I feel it by others who seem to imply that I don't have much to do during the day. Yet I know that my days are completely full at the moment, still trying to help settle our sweet girl in our home and trying to get everything possible done during the day so that I am able to really "be" with the kids when they get home from school. They all need tons of stability right now, and I know how huge it is that I am able to look at each paper, see how their day went, work through homework together, and have a nice dinner together around the table. So, I'm trying to accept that this is what God has called me to for now and not feel guilty for being a full-time "wife" and "mom." I've always believed that those were the most important titles given to me by God, yet at times, this world seems to try to steel their significance from me.
There have been some other feelings or emotions running through me over these last few weeks, but I have had a hard time putting a finger on what was going on inside of me. I knew that Scott and I desperately needed a day off together, and although I had a huge "honey do list," decided to not think about it and just enjoy a day with him this Friday. We went to go see a movie called "The Help," which tells the story of how black women used to take care of prominent white women, their homes, and their children in America in the 1960's. These women were treated awful, yet somehow they chose to love these little white children that they would often end up raising. The main character continually tells a sweet little chubby toddler to repeat: "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." This black woman had no real reason to love this little white girl, especially with the way the toddler's mom was treating her or with the way the world was treating her like she was so unimportant, yet she choose to love this little girl and build into her life. I watched with amazement.
As we left the movie, I began to talk openly with Scott about how I wanted to be like that lady and fully love this wonderful child God has brought into our family. I want her to know that "she is kind, she is smart, she is important!" I told him about how guilty I've been feeling lately. I have been wondering if I am loving Aleeya enough? There are so many times that I wonder if I love her as much as our other three children, and this brings huge feelings of guilt and sadness to me. I began to cry as we talked. Then I see how Austin, Alec, and Ashley are all adjusting to all of this and wonder if they are really ok? I begin to worry that as I'm trying to spend special time with Aleeya and give her long hugs, are my other three feeling special enough? I've been seeing little signs of adjusting with each of them, and overall, I'd say they are doing really well, yet as a mom, it's hard to watch. They have all had major security and love their whole life and are so blessed. Aleeya is in need of some special affection and care right now, much like bringing home a new baby, ours just happens to be 11. So, we are all adjusting little by little. Scott was so good and reminded me that we've spent anywhere from 8-14 years with Austin, Alec, and Ashley, and have only known Aleeya for 2 months. Just like with all of our kids, the love grows and grows. She is definitely loved, and that love will only grow with time. I then realized that she probably isn't loving me in the same way that she has loved her birth mom, and that will take time to grow as well and that's ok. Scott also encouraged me that each time I sense that one of the kids is needing some extra love, that it is a reminder to try to find that special time to spend with them and to talk about how they are feeling and reassure them of our love. It felt so good to "get it out!" The funny thing is that these are the things that Scott was concerned about back when we first were talking about adoption, and I was already past it and thought it would all be fine. Turns out, these emotions are real and they do come! Sometimes just being able to talk it out really helps the issue. We both look forward to the time when we have been together for 6 months or a year. For now, I'm just asking God to fill me with His love so I have plenty to share with all our kids!
One other note that I have to share is that my husband has been just amazing!!! He has been the best husband and dad that I could imagine. When he walks in the door, he just brings a calmness and peace over the home. He loves on and jokes with and cares for Aleeya so much, and it is incredible! As well, he continues to care for each of the kids in his own special way. He looks for ways to help me out and has just overwhelmed me as I've seen God's love, grace, and patience flow through Him. So thankful to be his wife and see how God continues to grow us together as a couple, hopefully one that reflects God in some way. I have always thought that each new baby really brings us together in such a unique way and grows our love, and so thankful that it is happening again!
Monday, August 22, 2011
A Month Old . . . Already :)! . . . August 21, 2011
Ok, so I'm never quite sure how this works. With all my kiddos, I tended to say they were 4 weeks old, yet I guess they weren't exactly a month old until the following month on the exact day they were born. For us, Aleeya has been with us 4 weeks as of today, so we're calling it a month :) (even if it really will be August 24th)! And I must say that God has done amazing things!!! Our agency, Family Connections Christian Adoptions (by the way, you can like them on Facebook if you want), did an amazing job with classes and giving us some great material to read. But just like giving birth, I don't think anyone can prepare you for what it will be like exactly . . to have another sweet child enter your home . . one from a completely different background, an 11 year old girl at that (I've never parented an 11 year old girl before), that has had so many experiences in her life that we don't even know about and understand, and to have her enter your home and become "your child" is just an amazing experience! I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel - learning to call a stranger "mom," learning to understand all the ways we "do stuff," learning how to have a new dad, a new sister and two new brothers, learning the expectations, starting school - ugh, it makes me feel overwhelmed just thinking about it! Yet she has done it all with such ease and grace. Well, we've fallen in love for sure! We are completely proud parents! We have found that this can be overwhelming and exhausting, yet wonderful all at once. We have had incredibly great days, and days that have made us so ready to go to bed. We have learned new things about us and our children. We have seen God stretch us in our grace, patience, and love and found that He has given us more than we knew was possible. And the things that were difficult and that we had to work on the first two weeks are already "history." At the end of this month, I have to say that I'm seeing a family of six forming for sure!
One thing I keep noticing this month is her heart for others! It is truly precious. Whenever we've passed a homeless person with a sign, or seen a crippled man or child, she has always taken the time to notice and say how sad it is. We recently saw a sign about a lost dog in our neighborhood, and she made sure to mention it. As well, she met up with a really feisty lost kitten, who was biting and trying to claw at everyone, yet she held it unafraid and wanted to keep it so badly (ok, it was really cute, but we have a singer in our home that needs no extra allergens, and I'm somewhat allergic as well). Somehow, with all that she's faced and the fact that she needed a home for quite a while, I would think that she would be more self-focussed and want for herself, yet I love hearing and seeing her heart for others. Her last foster home was really great in taking in animals to foster while they were waiting for a home, and I think it taught her so much!
This week held a new and fun event for us - our social worker visit! Aleeya's worker and our social worker both arrived at our home on Tuesday after school for a visit. They both came to see how she was doing and how we were doing together. Her social worker is very kind, friendly, and efficient, and came in and met each of the other three kids. She then asked Aleeya to see her room so they could have some time to talk more privately. While we weren't sure what it would be like, Aleeya seemed to know just what to do. Our social worker had called earlier that day to let us know that he had talked to Aleeya's social worker about the name change. This was a good thing since it would be really hard for the kids to call her Janice again, and we wanted her social worker to know. But it could have been a tricky thing since social workers really wouldn't allow that in "foster care" (but we are adopting and can't change it a year later when things become finalized). She was very surprised when she found out, and we weren't sure what she would say to us that day.
Ashley was hilarious as she tried three or four times to figure out a way to get up into their room, once even saying she needed to go read her Bible! She almost got me there :)! They spent awhile together up there, while the kids had snack, did some homework downstairs, and talked with our social worker. When Aleeya's social worker came down, she asked to speak to us privately. Our social worker later told us he was concerned, but I just figured she wanted to see how we were doing. When we sat down, she said, "I just want to commend you guys because I have never seen Janice so happy. Normally, I have to pull things out of her, but today she talked freely and openly." Whew!!! That sounded so good coming out of the mouth of someone who knew her longer than two months! She said that Aleeya showed her her new clothes, and talked happily about her life. She also asked about her birth family and her social worker thought that this was kinda like saying "I'm ok now, are they?" I remember always thinking I would be ok with Aleeya talking about her birth family, but this was the first time it hurt to hear it. For me, she was my girl! Yet she talks about her birth family quite a bit around me, and I'm usually good with it. I think I just forgot that she would be talking to her social worker about her birth family today since she knew each of them. Her social worker asked Aleeya about the name change, and Aleeya explained it and said she liked it but that she could call her Janice (this was something we had told her might be necessary). When we explained it further, she said that this was a surprise, but she could see how well she was fitting into our family! As she left, she asked if it would be good to call her Aleeya now, and Aleeya said "yes" since she could tell it was ok with everyone.
When the social workers left, we felt a huge sense of relief and joy! It was great to hear from people that knew how these things normally go that they too thought it was going really well and could tell Aleeya was happy! I wondered if seeing her social worker and the memories that come along with that would bring us a few tough days ahead, but everything seemed to go really well. I also know that there's a possibility that the next few weeks may be difficult (possible testing to see if we really love her, going through periods of grief over loss, etc) from all I've been told, but I am trying not to fear and trust God completely with what the future may bring! This Sunday at church was a great reminder that "our God is greater" and "He works all things together for my good!" I just need to keep trusting and loving her through whatever comes!
We did have a sad day this week, and I've hesitated to blog about it. Yet, I know each of you as parents have experienced this, so I think it's ok. It was our first time having to "discipline" for a more serious matter than just forgetting to do something. She came home on Thursday, which was our Back-to-School Night, telling us that they didn't have any Math homework and that they didn't do Math today because they took too long on something else. I was kinda excited about that since Math takes up quite a bit of our time and tonight would be a little more rushed. Somewhere along the way, she was going through too much to really learn Math well, and so she struggles a bit with it. Thankfully, I love Math and am happy to help her! She seems to pick up on things really quickly and seems to just need someone to help her along the way. In fact, she seems to love that we sit together and work on it! After one time of working on it together, she wrote, "I love my mom" on a banana as she was packing her lunch right after we were done. I think this is the first time she has had someone to sit with her and help her with her homework (something I have done with each of my kids when they first began school). We are going to continue to work on flash cards and hopefully some Math games online to help out as well. Anyhow, I went to put her folder back in her back pack and saw a Math paper sticking out of her Math book. I pulled it out and noticed that it was today's date, and it wasn't finished. I immediately had that sinking feeling. I called her inside to talk about it, and she said that she did do some Math at the end of the day but that her teacher had said she could stop on #19. I thought that sounded strange, but hoped it was because we had Back-to-School Night. I told her I would double check with her teacher, and she kinda back peddled, but didn't change the story too much. That night I found out that they were supposed to finish the 30 problems ,and her teacher did not say she could stop at #19 (she could have at least picked #20 or something!). I was so sad and almost began crying, yet then I remembered that all of our children have lied at some point and that this would be a growing experience if we let it be. After everyone was ready for bed and we finished our quiet time together, I told Aleeya that the teacher said that they needed to go to #30 and to go ahead downstairs so we could work on it together.
When she got her book, I explained that I really felt like she had lied to me and it made me sad. I told her that God tells us not to lie, and that in our family, we expect her to tell the truth. I told her that we still love her, and that I understood that Math is a difficult subject and takes us quite a bit of time each night. I told her that we would keep getting through it and that she was already doing so much better! I explained that each of our kids has lied to us at some point, and it has always made us sad. I told her that we want to trust her, but that when she lies, it makes us wonder in the future. I told her that we would need to take away the trampoline privilege for 2 days and that I hoped she would tell us the truth in the future (just so you know, the rest of the kids would have gotten a spanking for this, but when you have a child in foster care there is a no corporal punishment policy. At first, I really struggled with this since we believe it's what God has told us in His Word. But I understood more as it was explained that many of these children come from situations of physical abuse and this form of punishment does not work at all with them. For Aleeya, she is a jumping machine and loves the trampoline, so it was a fitting consequence. By the way, she landed her flip this week - yay!). I gave her a big hug and again told her we loved her. Then we got to work! After we finished, I asked her if she thought I was right in what had happened and she said "yes." I wanted to be sure that she owned up to the lie in some way and know that we both understood what had happened. Then we hugged once again, and she headed up to bed. I think it was good for her to know how we would handle this type of thing, and could tell that somehow it made her feel good that we had gotten through it. She's not perfect and neither are we, but I had really hoped it was all true since she's done so well so far! It was good to be reminded that we are all sinners and in need of a Savior. Over the next two days, she never asked to go on the trampoline and took things really well. And overall, I think she knew more about our love for her!
We also finally received her pictures that we had taken of her back this week. We went out that night and found a frame together. Scott was really excited to get one in his office, and I was so looking forward to seeing her picture beside all the other kids pictures on a counter in our hallway! The counter happens to be right as you enter the girls room, and it so bothered me that she wasn't there. Scott prepared the frames soon after we got home (I'm big on cleaning the glass with no fingerprints, and thankfully, he's really good at that!). We wanted to get them up ASAP! I went up and put one on the cabinet and one in the girls room. That night after our family quiet time, she stopped in front of the cabinet where all the pictures of the kids were and just stared! As I came behind the girls to tuck them in, I asked her if she liked it. She said "yes," and I couldn't figure out which one of us liked it more! The picture was so cute and so "her," and it was great to see all four of our children there together!!! On Sunday, we went into Scott's office and it was great to see all the kids pictures in there as well!
While we were out this Saturday, we picked up some lunch at a drive-thru and I asked who would like to pray. It was just the girls as we were headed to get pedicures (as a friend had so kindly blessed us with a gift certificate and we wanted to celebrate one month together)! Somehow, Aleeya thought I asked her to pray and said "ok." It was awesome to hear her pray out loud for the first time!!! I couldn't believe it! Then the next morning when the boys were with us as well, she offered again - amazing! And by the way, she talks about how excited she is for Sunday each week and loves going to her church. So glad!
This week she got her first invitation to a birthday party by one of her favorite friends at school. I remember the mom texting me about it and saying she hoped Aleeya could come. All I could think was, "we wouldn't miss it for the world!" This was a great way for her to continue feeling like she belonged and getting to know the girls her age even better! So thankful for this opportunity and for how much fun she had with a whole bunch of fun-loving girls!
On a funny, positive note, she has become excellent at vacuuming! Since I had just shown her once last week how it should be done, I thought I should keep an eye on her this week. At first I really did, but she was doing fabulous! Later, I checked to see how things looked, and she worked really hard and did it just as I had asked. As we handed out allowance that night, I told her how awesome she did! Of course, she came back with "do I get a tip?" She's very quick witted, which is lots of fun for all of us, especially Scott as they joke a lot!
This week, more than ever, I have noticed even more hugs. Not just little hugs, but nice looonng hugs, the kind where you squeeze hard and just stay close. We continue to find that she really likes to be close to us, especially at restaurants (like with friends, when the adults are at one table and the kids are at the other) and have learned to appreciate it rather than tell her to leave and sit with the rest of the kids. I was realizing this week that we are making up for lost time! I began to wonder when she's gotten a real "I love you" kinda hug in the past. I've begun to understand the need for that physical love in my sweet girl and am thrilled that we are blessed to get some long hugs each day :)!
Since this marked the end of 30 days, there was some more paperwork to be filled out and we got to do a disaster drill, which was pretty fun (Scott does a great impression of a fire alarm)! These are the things that continue to come up in our lives that remind us that we are still in the process, but thankfully, we are closer than we have ever been to having her legally ours forever. In our hearts, she is there!
By Friday of this week, something has begun to change. Something has happened, and we are beginning to feel more "normal" together. The bonding is really taking place. Some of the newness is slowly wearing off, and we are beginning to be more relaxed and comfortable together. It is starting to feel "normal" to have us all around the dinner table. It is such a wonderful feeling and I am so thankful for all God is doing! Still can't believe she's only "a month old," and I can't wait to see what things will feel like at 3 months, 6 months, and a year! I know, I know, don't rush it! That's what I say to other "new moms!" Exciting days continue to be ahead of us, and for now I'm so thankful for all that's happened in only a month!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
A Big Week - 1st Day of School . . . August 10, 2011
This has been a very full week for all of us, as I'm sure it has been for most families! It was filled with appointments, getting ready for school, getting used to new routines, making lunches, and continuing to get used to one another. This week I noticed that there were many times when I had the feeling of the "mom with the new baby to show off" feeling. I remember bringing my babies to church for the first time and having everyone come and see them. It was so fun, and I was so proud! I remember bringing Austin to church and sitting in the back with him in his baby carrier. I remember one lady coming over while I was staring intently at my sweet boy and saying, "Did you ever imagine you'd be so in love with this little one?" I had no idea I would be so crazy in love with him, and have felt the same with each child as they have entered our world! There were many moments full of being "crazy in love" and "oh so proud" as we brought Aleeya to different events this week, and people got to meet her for the first time. It was also the first time many people got to see how she interacts with our family. It was special when another dad heard Aleeya call Scott "dad," and said that it sounded so natural! It's pretty amazing! Along with that, we had some times with our new precious girl when we found ourselves frustrated over some things that she does. Grant it, they are just small habits and nothing awful, but we are finding that we need to have lots of patience and work through it and talk about it. This part seems much like having a new baby - when you realize that this precious little bundle requires a lot of extra care and you don't always understand what they need.
On Monday this week, Aleeya and I went to school to meet with our principal and kinda have an informal meeting. It's a time for the principal to talk with Aleeya and give her an overview of the school, and a time for Aleeya to ask questions. Can I just say that it was wonderful?! Our principal began with prayer and covered our sweet girl with the assurance that God loves her and has a wonderful plan for her life! She prayed for her school year and her fears, and by the end, I was fighting back the tears once again. So thankful for this special time! After we met, the principal gave her a tour of the school, and we were able to meet her teacher. We both could tell she was going to be a very nice teacher and felt immediately comfortable with her! This was great since she is a new teacher at the school this year, and neither of us had met her until today! I had been praying all summer for her, and God had answered those prayers! As we left the school, Aleeya (who has been really nervous and questioned me a ton about school previously) said, "I don't feel so nervous anymore." Wow, what a great thing God did just then! After our meeting, I had scheduled to take Aleeya to have her annual birthday pictures done at the mall. Each of our children go to JCPenney Portraits to have their pictures done around their birthday time so I have a good shot of them at that age (I'm not real big on school pictures, so we do it this way). They were a little behind, so we walked to get a pretzel at Auntie Anne's - her new favorite snack! While he was setting up, I wanted to be sure she knew what to do and showed her the red dot on the floor was where she would take most of the pictures. Then it occurred to me to ask her if she had ever done this before. She said "no." Yet another time I would like to burst out in tears, yet held back. All of my other children have had so many photos taken of them, there are too many to number (especially those baby pictures where you go like every month or every 3 months). As she started with the pictures, the guy that was taking them recognized me and was trying to figure out how Aleeya fit into our family. I explained that we are adopting her, and go figure, his family adopted two siblings as he was growing up as well. He took some great pictures of her, and she is a complete natural in front of the camera! He made her feel really special and told her that she was doing a great job, which she was! The one we ended up choosing was the one that I asked him if she could just do a "natural pose" for him. We headed home, and thankfully Scott had dinner ready for all of us! That evening we had "Back to School Night," which is a time for us to take the kids to meet their teachers. Alec was excited to find out his homeroom for 6th grade and get his locker combination. Scott helped to be sure he knew how to do that. Ashley ran off to see friends and play on the playground, and Aleeya found some of the friends she had previously made while on a visit to our home a month or so earlier. They were so friendly once again and asked her to come out to the playground! I told her that would be great when she asked, and then realized that we needed to be there with her!!! Lots of people enjoyed seeing her that night and celebrating with us, so we were a little caught up in the excitement of it all! We followed her out. I noticed that she enjoyed the girls, but would come back to be close to me a little here and there. She didn't seem to need anything, just wanted to be close and be reassured I think. It made me a little nervous to know that in two days she would be out here without me, yet I was thankful that she had this time to prepare. As we left that evening, Ashley says, "when am I going to get to meet my teacher?" All this time I figured she already knew her teacher or had already met her along the way, and we missed the whole thing! Thankfully, we saw our principal on the way out, who called the teacher to see if she was still there (most people had gone home by now). She had already driven off campus, but was kind enough to come back and talk with Ashley. I felt so grateful for such a wonderful teacher and friend, and everyone left happy :)!
Tuesday was another big day with us dropping off Austin for orientation for high school (can I just say "unbelievable? - 9th grade really?")! We were heading out of town to take Aleeya to a couple of appointments about an hour and half away where she used to live with her foster family, so I took him on our way. Sweet boy that he is actually granted my request for a kiss before he got out of the car :)! I felt kinda bad because we had so many other things going that I didn't really notice that Austin was nervous. He told me later that he was, but he really seemed to be doing so well. He said once he got in there, he was fine. I situated the other two kids with friends, and Aleeya and I spent the day together. Since we had quite a bit of driving time together, we talked about lots! She talked about her birth mom some, and asked some questions about us. We talked about modesty, some TV shows, and some computer sites that she is interested in. There's one thing on TV that she particularly wants to watch because she grew up watching it with her dad and likes it, and I'm pretty sure it won't work out in our home. But I told her I will sit down with her and watch it once before deciding, and we can talk about it. She was happy with my response. It should be interesting! We drove near a couple of the foster homes where she had lived, and she talked about that some. It was a good time of understanding more about her life. I was also really happy to see her social worker while I waited for Aleeya at one of the appointments. She asked how we were doing and set up a time to come see us. On our way home, we stopped and visited with a special friend of Aleeya's. I really enjoyed seeing her interact with her friend and talking with the family. This too gave some great insights into her life prior to us. It was nice to know that they too thought she was super sweet and enjoyed her so much! She thanked me for taking the time to stop and visit! We headed home and went out to dinner to celebrate our last day of summer. While we were there, I noticed I had missed a call from our principal. Of course, the call was for Aleeya :), just checking on her and letting her know she was so excited for her to come the next day. It was great to see Aleeya listen to the call and know she was truly cared for. We went home and made sure everything was ready for our next big day with school starting. That night I noticed Aleeya looking at her old yearbook. It was still out on our desk as I was still working through her "memory items" and trying to organize them for her (we had just arrived home last Friday). At that point, I decided that while I want to keep her memories special and stored well, and I want her to feel free to share her memories with us, it seemed that this was a time to put them away for a bit. If she was consistently "looking back," it may be harder to move forward. It's hard to know how to handle that stuff at first, but we'll keep learning as we go along. As we headed to bed that evening, we spent some time in God's Word and had special prayer for each of the kids' first day of school!
We woke up pretty early on Wednesday to be sure everyone was fully ready for the first day. I had all the clothes ironed and ready to go, and was ready to do hair for the girls. I wanted to be sure I was ready for any tears or concerns that may happen that morning, just in case. Thankfully, everyone got ready quickly and we headed off. We have this special picture we take of the kids each year in front of the fence, so we had to arrive prior to 8am so Austin could be in it this year. High school starts at 8am while elementary begins at 8:30am. We took our family picture and then Scott walked Austin over to high school. It was super early still, so the girls and I headed out to the playground for a bit. Aleeya seemed very relaxed, and I think it helped being there early to see everything unfold slowly. As she left, it felt much like leaving my kids for that first day of kindergarten where you hope they will do well and have fun with new friends. God blessed us with a couple of sweet girls in her class that she already knew, and we felt so blessed. Scott and I said goodbye, and as he headed to work, I headed to pray with some other parents around the flag pole. Each prayer meant so much! I have to say I had a hard time leaving campus that day, but prayed much for all the kids throughout the day, and knew God would answer! I counted this morning as a victory - no tears, no profuse sweating, and no throwing up - that's a good first day of school for this sweet girl that has been "new" so many times and was so nervous for the past few weeks. It ended up being a really nice day of having some much needed time to myself to do errands and just "be." I had been full-time for 2 1/2 weeks with no real breaks, and the quiet was so helpful! Scott met me at pick-up, and we hugged each of the children as they came out. They all had a great day and seemed so happy! All the nerves where finally gone! I asked each of the kids about their day, and remember Aleeya telling me that the principal saw her and gave her a hug today! Wow, how awesome is that! So thankful for how God was paving the way ahead of us with just the right friends and people in place. We had quite a few errands to do that afternoon (for yet more school supplies), and then took Austin to High School Ministries to play in band that evening. It was such a full day, and I was thankful to see Scott when he arrived home late that evening from rehearsal!
Thursday went really smooth as well, and the one major thing Scott and I noticed that day was a "new smile!" When we picked Aleeya up from school, she seemed so relaxed. As we asked everyone about their day, she spoke with real "joy" about how much she liked school. I think Christian school with lots of loving people was suiting her just perfect!
Thankfully, since Scott is off on Friday, we spent the whole day together!!! It was just what was needed! He arranged for us to get a massage in the morning, and then we had a nice lunch together that afternoon. It was so great to talk freely with no children around and just be together! I was so thankful for this time! We were once again both able to go pick up the kids from school. Since we had officially made it through the first week of school, I thought it would be fun to have a friend come with us after school. Alec had a birthday party to attend, Scott took Austin to do some special stuff with him, so I took the girls for a special treat. I ended up not being able to get a friend for Ashley in time, but did for Aleeya. This was the first time having a friend over to our house, and I think it was kinda hard for Aleeya. She was still getting used to our home and what we do on a normal basis that I don't know if she knew how to have a friend over yet. She did fine, and her friend was really easy to have over, but I could tell this was so new for her. After we picked up Alec from the party, family night officially began! We had pizza and then went for a bike ride to feed horses. We couldn't seem to find any horses, but ended up riding a little further and finding a nice ranch. A man was in the field and said we could come around and feed the horses at the stable. When we got there, we realized that we knew him from church (he recognized Scott, of course). We ended up talking for quite awhile and enjoying their kitten, cat, and dog, along with the horses. The family invited us in and we talked for awhile. Their daughter used to attend jr. high with Austin, so it was fun to see her again. They too asked if these were all our kids, and I said yes. I introduced them to them, and Aleeya put out her hand and said, "I'm getting adopted." She was so relaxed about it all, and the family was so happy for us. On our way home it was getting dark and Aleeya said, "I love family night!" Alec shouted back, "it's not over yet!" We headed home to watch Little House and have some popcorn :). Everyone really enjoyed being together!
Saturday morning, Ashley asked if a friend could come over. I called the family and realized that I should invite both her little one and the girl Aleeya's age! Thankfully, they could both come and had a great time together! Once again, I realized that Aleeya didn't really know how to take care of a friend at our home. The girl knew our family really well and was fine either way, but I thought I should probably give Aleeya some more time to settle into our home before having more friends over. Then I could explain more about how to make someone welcome and stay with her friend after she felt more comfortable in her own home. This was only the second Saturday she had ever had in our home as part of our family, and it was all so new!!! That afternoon, we cleaned the house. Since the kids were old enough, I have always involved them in helping with jobs. We decided to switch some jobs around now that we had a new family member. Aleeya's job would be vacuuming. I was told prior to never expect that our new child would know how to do everything, and to be ready to teach them. You never know what they have been taught previously and what's new to them. Well, vacuuming was one of those things :). It was so cute to see her "go after" the particles of things she saw! I explained that you have to vacuum the whole room in rows to be sure you get all of the dirt and showed her how. We went through the whole house room-by-room, and she did great! The kids jumped on the trampoline with the sprinkler on and had a great time together in the afternoon. Later that day, we sat down to be sure I had seen all the school papers and everyone had done all their homework. She had some Math to do and asked if I could help. I knew she was especially concerned about Math, and said sure. We worked through the lesson together, and it went great! She's quite bright and eager to learn, but our Math book is new to her and there are some things that we need to review. Thankfully, I love Math and told her I can help her each day to be sure she's getting the concepts down. That night before bed, she thanked me for helping her with her Math. I can tell she really wants to do well and enjoyed the time together!
Sunday was a great time of worship together. The difference today was that after we enjoyed the main worship service and headed over to Club 56, she didn't sit with us! I had to use the restroom on the way over and sent Austin and Aleeya to go ahead in and find seats at Club 56. When I came in, I didn't see Aleeya. Austin was in the back where we normally sit, and Aleeya was up front with some girls she knew from school. On top of that, I saw another of her friends towards the back that said she had saved a seat for her as well!! I was so blessed and overwhelmed! Aleeya's a super sweet and fun girl, so it's not that girls wouldn't like her, it's just she was fitting in so well so quickly, and these girls were really caring for her as a good friend!!! After church, we went out to lunch with some friends that had a girl her age. We kinda had to split up between tables to fit us all, and every once in awhile Aleeya would come over and stand by me. She was just still needing that reassurance and wanting to be close I think. I am realizing that this may last awhile, and am actually thankful that she's coming to me. I'm hoping her friends don't take it wrong when she leaves them for a bit, but they seem ok with it. We headed home for a restful day. After a really nice dinner together, I pulled out some Math flashcards to go over multiplication. With this many kids, it's really fun! They were all really into it! I think it will become a normal happening after dinner in the future as well :)!
It has been such a crazy, full week - full of emotions, full of love and excitement and joy, full of newness around each corner, and at times, full of some new fears. There are times that I want Aleeya to feel like she really "fits in" and is just like the other children in our family so much that I try not to make her feel "too special" or "pointed out," and there are other times I think that's exactly what she needs! Still learning for sure and trying to figure out the balance in it all. But God keeps taking us through each stage and reminding us of His presence and our need to depend on Him fully. Really thankful He brought us through this important week!
On Monday this week, Aleeya and I went to school to meet with our principal and kinda have an informal meeting. It's a time for the principal to talk with Aleeya and give her an overview of the school, and a time for Aleeya to ask questions. Can I just say that it was wonderful?! Our principal began with prayer and covered our sweet girl with the assurance that God loves her and has a wonderful plan for her life! She prayed for her school year and her fears, and by the end, I was fighting back the tears once again. So thankful for this special time! After we met, the principal gave her a tour of the school, and we were able to meet her teacher. We both could tell she was going to be a very nice teacher and felt immediately comfortable with her! This was great since she is a new teacher at the school this year, and neither of us had met her until today! I had been praying all summer for her, and God had answered those prayers! As we left the school, Aleeya (who has been really nervous and questioned me a ton about school previously) said, "I don't feel so nervous anymore." Wow, what a great thing God did just then! After our meeting, I had scheduled to take Aleeya to have her annual birthday pictures done at the mall. Each of our children go to JCPenney Portraits to have their pictures done around their birthday time so I have a good shot of them at that age (I'm not real big on school pictures, so we do it this way). They were a little behind, so we walked to get a pretzel at Auntie Anne's - her new favorite snack! While he was setting up, I wanted to be sure she knew what to do and showed her the red dot on the floor was where she would take most of the pictures. Then it occurred to me to ask her if she had ever done this before. She said "no." Yet another time I would like to burst out in tears, yet held back. All of my other children have had so many photos taken of them, there are too many to number (especially those baby pictures where you go like every month or every 3 months). As she started with the pictures, the guy that was taking them recognized me and was trying to figure out how Aleeya fit into our family. I explained that we are adopting her, and go figure, his family adopted two siblings as he was growing up as well. He took some great pictures of her, and she is a complete natural in front of the camera! He made her feel really special and told her that she was doing a great job, which she was! The one we ended up choosing was the one that I asked him if she could just do a "natural pose" for him. We headed home, and thankfully Scott had dinner ready for all of us! That evening we had "Back to School Night," which is a time for us to take the kids to meet their teachers. Alec was excited to find out his homeroom for 6th grade and get his locker combination. Scott helped to be sure he knew how to do that. Ashley ran off to see friends and play on the playground, and Aleeya found some of the friends she had previously made while on a visit to our home a month or so earlier. They were so friendly once again and asked her to come out to the playground! I told her that would be great when she asked, and then realized that we needed to be there with her!!! Lots of people enjoyed seeing her that night and celebrating with us, so we were a little caught up in the excitement of it all! We followed her out. I noticed that she enjoyed the girls, but would come back to be close to me a little here and there. She didn't seem to need anything, just wanted to be close and be reassured I think. It made me a little nervous to know that in two days she would be out here without me, yet I was thankful that she had this time to prepare. As we left that evening, Ashley says, "when am I going to get to meet my teacher?" All this time I figured she already knew her teacher or had already met her along the way, and we missed the whole thing! Thankfully, we saw our principal on the way out, who called the teacher to see if she was still there (most people had gone home by now). She had already driven off campus, but was kind enough to come back and talk with Ashley. I felt so grateful for such a wonderful teacher and friend, and everyone left happy :)!
Tuesday was another big day with us dropping off Austin for orientation for high school (can I just say "unbelievable? - 9th grade really?")! We were heading out of town to take Aleeya to a couple of appointments about an hour and half away where she used to live with her foster family, so I took him on our way. Sweet boy that he is actually granted my request for a kiss before he got out of the car :)! I felt kinda bad because we had so many other things going that I didn't really notice that Austin was nervous. He told me later that he was, but he really seemed to be doing so well. He said once he got in there, he was fine. I situated the other two kids with friends, and Aleeya and I spent the day together. Since we had quite a bit of driving time together, we talked about lots! She talked about her birth mom some, and asked some questions about us. We talked about modesty, some TV shows, and some computer sites that she is interested in. There's one thing on TV that she particularly wants to watch because she grew up watching it with her dad and likes it, and I'm pretty sure it won't work out in our home. But I told her I will sit down with her and watch it once before deciding, and we can talk about it. She was happy with my response. It should be interesting! We drove near a couple of the foster homes where she had lived, and she talked about that some. It was a good time of understanding more about her life. I was also really happy to see her social worker while I waited for Aleeya at one of the appointments. She asked how we were doing and set up a time to come see us. On our way home, we stopped and visited with a special friend of Aleeya's. I really enjoyed seeing her interact with her friend and talking with the family. This too gave some great insights into her life prior to us. It was nice to know that they too thought she was super sweet and enjoyed her so much! She thanked me for taking the time to stop and visit! We headed home and went out to dinner to celebrate our last day of summer. While we were there, I noticed I had missed a call from our principal. Of course, the call was for Aleeya :), just checking on her and letting her know she was so excited for her to come the next day. It was great to see Aleeya listen to the call and know she was truly cared for. We went home and made sure everything was ready for our next big day with school starting. That night I noticed Aleeya looking at her old yearbook. It was still out on our desk as I was still working through her "memory items" and trying to organize them for her (we had just arrived home last Friday). At that point, I decided that while I want to keep her memories special and stored well, and I want her to feel free to share her memories with us, it seemed that this was a time to put them away for a bit. If she was consistently "looking back," it may be harder to move forward. It's hard to know how to handle that stuff at first, but we'll keep learning as we go along. As we headed to bed that evening, we spent some time in God's Word and had special prayer for each of the kids' first day of school!
We woke up pretty early on Wednesday to be sure everyone was fully ready for the first day. I had all the clothes ironed and ready to go, and was ready to do hair for the girls. I wanted to be sure I was ready for any tears or concerns that may happen that morning, just in case. Thankfully, everyone got ready quickly and we headed off. We have this special picture we take of the kids each year in front of the fence, so we had to arrive prior to 8am so Austin could be in it this year. High school starts at 8am while elementary begins at 8:30am. We took our family picture and then Scott walked Austin over to high school. It was super early still, so the girls and I headed out to the playground for a bit. Aleeya seemed very relaxed, and I think it helped being there early to see everything unfold slowly. As she left, it felt much like leaving my kids for that first day of kindergarten where you hope they will do well and have fun with new friends. God blessed us with a couple of sweet girls in her class that she already knew, and we felt so blessed. Scott and I said goodbye, and as he headed to work, I headed to pray with some other parents around the flag pole. Each prayer meant so much! I have to say I had a hard time leaving campus that day, but prayed much for all the kids throughout the day, and knew God would answer! I counted this morning as a victory - no tears, no profuse sweating, and no throwing up - that's a good first day of school for this sweet girl that has been "new" so many times and was so nervous for the past few weeks. It ended up being a really nice day of having some much needed time to myself to do errands and just "be." I had been full-time for 2 1/2 weeks with no real breaks, and the quiet was so helpful! Scott met me at pick-up, and we hugged each of the children as they came out. They all had a great day and seemed so happy! All the nerves where finally gone! I asked each of the kids about their day, and remember Aleeya telling me that the principal saw her and gave her a hug today! Wow, how awesome is that! So thankful for how God was paving the way ahead of us with just the right friends and people in place. We had quite a few errands to do that afternoon (for yet more school supplies), and then took Austin to High School Ministries to play in band that evening. It was such a full day, and I was thankful to see Scott when he arrived home late that evening from rehearsal!
Thursday went really smooth as well, and the one major thing Scott and I noticed that day was a "new smile!" When we picked Aleeya up from school, she seemed so relaxed. As we asked everyone about their day, she spoke with real "joy" about how much she liked school. I think Christian school with lots of loving people was suiting her just perfect!
Thankfully, since Scott is off on Friday, we spent the whole day together!!! It was just what was needed! He arranged for us to get a massage in the morning, and then we had a nice lunch together that afternoon. It was so great to talk freely with no children around and just be together! I was so thankful for this time! We were once again both able to go pick up the kids from school. Since we had officially made it through the first week of school, I thought it would be fun to have a friend come with us after school. Alec had a birthday party to attend, Scott took Austin to do some special stuff with him, so I took the girls for a special treat. I ended up not being able to get a friend for Ashley in time, but did for Aleeya. This was the first time having a friend over to our house, and I think it was kinda hard for Aleeya. She was still getting used to our home and what we do on a normal basis that I don't know if she knew how to have a friend over yet. She did fine, and her friend was really easy to have over, but I could tell this was so new for her. After we picked up Alec from the party, family night officially began! We had pizza and then went for a bike ride to feed horses. We couldn't seem to find any horses, but ended up riding a little further and finding a nice ranch. A man was in the field and said we could come around and feed the horses at the stable. When we got there, we realized that we knew him from church (he recognized Scott, of course). We ended up talking for quite awhile and enjoying their kitten, cat, and dog, along with the horses. The family invited us in and we talked for awhile. Their daughter used to attend jr. high with Austin, so it was fun to see her again. They too asked if these were all our kids, and I said yes. I introduced them to them, and Aleeya put out her hand and said, "I'm getting adopted." She was so relaxed about it all, and the family was so happy for us. On our way home it was getting dark and Aleeya said, "I love family night!" Alec shouted back, "it's not over yet!" We headed home to watch Little House and have some popcorn :). Everyone really enjoyed being together!
Saturday morning, Ashley asked if a friend could come over. I called the family and realized that I should invite both her little one and the girl Aleeya's age! Thankfully, they could both come and had a great time together! Once again, I realized that Aleeya didn't really know how to take care of a friend at our home. The girl knew our family really well and was fine either way, but I thought I should probably give Aleeya some more time to settle into our home before having more friends over. Then I could explain more about how to make someone welcome and stay with her friend after she felt more comfortable in her own home. This was only the second Saturday she had ever had in our home as part of our family, and it was all so new!!! That afternoon, we cleaned the house. Since the kids were old enough, I have always involved them in helping with jobs. We decided to switch some jobs around now that we had a new family member. Aleeya's job would be vacuuming. I was told prior to never expect that our new child would know how to do everything, and to be ready to teach them. You never know what they have been taught previously and what's new to them. Well, vacuuming was one of those things :). It was so cute to see her "go after" the particles of things she saw! I explained that you have to vacuum the whole room in rows to be sure you get all of the dirt and showed her how. We went through the whole house room-by-room, and she did great! The kids jumped on the trampoline with the sprinkler on and had a great time together in the afternoon. Later that day, we sat down to be sure I had seen all the school papers and everyone had done all their homework. She had some Math to do and asked if I could help. I knew she was especially concerned about Math, and said sure. We worked through the lesson together, and it went great! She's quite bright and eager to learn, but our Math book is new to her and there are some things that we need to review. Thankfully, I love Math and told her I can help her each day to be sure she's getting the concepts down. That night before bed, she thanked me for helping her with her Math. I can tell she really wants to do well and enjoyed the time together!
Sunday was a great time of worship together. The difference today was that after we enjoyed the main worship service and headed over to Club 56, she didn't sit with us! I had to use the restroom on the way over and sent Austin and Aleeya to go ahead in and find seats at Club 56. When I came in, I didn't see Aleeya. Austin was in the back where we normally sit, and Aleeya was up front with some girls she knew from school. On top of that, I saw another of her friends towards the back that said she had saved a seat for her as well!! I was so blessed and overwhelmed! Aleeya's a super sweet and fun girl, so it's not that girls wouldn't like her, it's just she was fitting in so well so quickly, and these girls were really caring for her as a good friend!!! After church, we went out to lunch with some friends that had a girl her age. We kinda had to split up between tables to fit us all, and every once in awhile Aleeya would come over and stand by me. She was just still needing that reassurance and wanting to be close I think. I am realizing that this may last awhile, and am actually thankful that she's coming to me. I'm hoping her friends don't take it wrong when she leaves them for a bit, but they seem ok with it. We headed home for a restful day. After a really nice dinner together, I pulled out some Math flashcards to go over multiplication. With this many kids, it's really fun! They were all really into it! I think it will become a normal happening after dinner in the future as well :)!
It has been such a crazy, full week - full of emotions, full of love and excitement and joy, full of newness around each corner, and at times, full of some new fears. There are times that I want Aleeya to feel like she really "fits in" and is just like the other children in our family so much that I try not to make her feel "too special" or "pointed out," and there are other times I think that's exactly what she needs! Still learning for sure and trying to figure out the balance in it all. But God keeps taking us through each stage and reminding us of His presence and our need to depend on Him fully. Really thankful He brought us through this important week!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Coming HOME . . . August 2011
We spent much of the last week in Half Moon Bay continuing our vacation. We enjoyed some more great family time and did a few fun activities.
We went to Santa Cruz on Monday where the kids and I enjoyed kayaking. We saw otters and sea lions along the way. I absolutely love seeing otters, and the one we happened to row nearby had a big old crab in his paws and was crunching away :)! Then we headed to the beach. We found Aleeya absolutely loves the water and sand, and she even helped Ashley to get further in the ocean than usual. She began being more playful with us on this day, as she would come lay beside us as we sat in our chairs on the beach and get under the sand and tickle my feet! Crazy girl!!! She kept wondering why we didn't enjoy getting in the water when we said we loved the beach! Seriously, has she noticed the temperature? We both grew up on the East Coast and cannot imagine how everyone swims in arctic temperatures like these :). In the evening, we went to the boardwalk and since she loves roller coasters, she and the boys hit those rides together! Ashley finely worked up the courage to go on the swings, and Aleeya went on it with her. It was so sweet to see them sit in the two-seater together. Ashley ended up loving it!
Tuesday was Austin's 14th birthday, so we headed to Krispy Kreme in the morning. Aleeya had never seen how their doughnuts were made, so it was fun for her to see the glaze waterfall :)! Austin wanted to go golfing, so after lunch they headed to the course, and the girls and I went clothes shopping for school. I wasn't sure how many clothes she had, but wanted her to have a few new items and be sure she had some things that were within our school's dress code. I remember feeling a little nervous about how this would go. For the most part, I pick out many of my kids clothes for them, but I wasn't sure what she was used to. We ended up doing really well together. We would both pick quite a few items and head to the dressing room. She would show me everything and we'd say yes, maybe, or no. Then at the end, we'd pick some of our favorites! There was one shirt that she really liked, but it wasn't really my style. This was one of the shirts she picked as her favorite. So, I told her that I didn't really want to purchase it, but that she could use the money we had given her for spending money if she would like. She decided to do just that, and I thought it was a good compromise. She and Ashley both got a few items, and I realized that this girl likes to shop!! On the way to the van, she asked me about why we don't watch certain TV shows. I explained that we tend to pick shows that would encourage our kids to do right. We don't watch a ton of TV, and when we do I want it to be worthwhile. The one show that she really liked has a character that can at times be rude or say and do things that I didn't want my children to do, so we decided not to watch it in our home. She actually seemed ok with that answer. I told her if there were some shows she wanted to see that we could watch them together to see if they would help encourage us to do right or not. She ended up saying that the character did do some things that were inappropriate and she could see my point. We ended the day with cake and presents for Austin, and Aleeya picked out a very thoughtful card for her new brother!
On Wednesday, we decided to do one last trip to P.F. Chang's since it's so much closer than from home. We also decided to do a little more school clothes shopping along the way. The boys got a couple of new items, and we found a couple more things for the girls as well. Then we headed home for some dinner and Little House. I remember that night at dinner (we went to our favorite spot in Half Moon Bay - "It's Italia") feeling so comfortable as a family, and being so fulfilled! I asked her what she thought or noticed was "weird" about our family and how we do stuff. She actually couldn't come up with an answer right then and said she was pretty used to how we did life and liked it. I know there had to be things, but was glad she was feeling comfortable! I think it helped that we explained the "why's" of what we do along the way. When our kids would tell her we aren't allowed to do something or watch something, they usually could tell her the reason. That night, I really noticed and enjoyed watching her and Scott joking with each other. They seemed to be really bonding well! I thought how cool it was that this amazing man that wasn't sure if he could love another child (and that happened each time we were pregnant as well), was totally loving and enjoying our new gift from God!
By Thursday, we were all feeling ready to head home. We spent the day cleaning the house and doing some outdoor work as well (picking weeds, etc. - a small way to say thanks to a great family that allows us to stay in their home while they go away). Aleeya was once again very willing and helpful. That afternoon Scott took the kids to do a few errands so I could focus on the wood floors, and I remember feeling like it was so nice to have some quiet time. We really had been full-time parents with no break for the past week and a half, and had some fun-loving kids on our hands! Scott came back looking a little tired, and I felt a little refreshed. I told him I understood. Scott picked up our friends from the airport that evening, and we had a fun reunion with them. They were really happy to meet Aleeya, and we are so thankful for their friendship!
Friday morning, we were finally on our way "HOME" together! We were so ready to have her in our home for good! We had a nice ride home together listening to music. I knew that our social worker had picked up the rest of her things from her foster home, and wondered how all of that would go when we got home. It was all in our garage - 2 suitcases, 2 boxes, and a small bike. She looked a little sad when she saw some of her stuff, and I wasn't sure what to say or do. The bike was more Ashley's size and looked like it had never been ridden. She said she didn't really ride it and that she hoped to give it to Ashley (but Ash already has that same size). For now, we will keep it. The kids all looked at some of the stuff, but then we asked everyone to work at unpacking the vehicles first. We had a lot to do that day and knew we had to get things in the house. They all helped out (it's so great having older kids), and we got the job done quickly! We arrived home at 1pm and by 1:45 everything was in the house. At 2pm, our social worker came over to go over some paperwork and have us sign stuff. I had told Aleeya that he would be coming, and when he arrived, I let the kids know that we needed to go into the dining room and sign some papers. She excitedly asked, "Are you going to adopt me?" I said "yes, we are, but it's not going to be finalized today. Unfortunately, the courts take a little while to do that." I so wish I could have said "YES!" I could tell she so longed for that to be final, to have the security of knowing for sure. We did too! We had a good visit and our social worker checked to see how we were all doing and be sure the house was up to code. There were suitcases everywhere, but he was fine with it all and we felt very relaxed.
Once again, our social worker had to tell us the "yucky news." He reminded us that we were in the "honeymoon phase" - she's happy and trying hard to please us, and we were very happy with huge smiles on our faces. He reminded us that this would most likely not last and that she would go through some rough patches. I remembered the stuff we learned in classes, but so didn't want to hear it again. I wanted to enjoy the moment. This week I found myself so amazed that God had given us this precious girl!!! She was incredible and blessed me daily. Yet, I found myself often preparing for her to feel angry or sad, and played how I would respond over and over again in my head. No matter what, my plan was to hold her and tell her it's ok and I love her and I would be here for her! I would pray with her and ask God to help us through it. I would understand if she was angry or sad. Our social worker was good to remind us that she would most likely (and it was actually somewhat of a need) go through the stages of grieving - grieving that she would not return to her birth mom, grieving the loss of her foster family (no matter how much she liked us), grieving the loss of friends, and struggling with being new all over again. He said that she would go through denial, then anger, then sadness, and then with lots of love, she would come out of it doing better than before. He said it usually happens within the first six months, and likely after about 6 weeks in the home - once the newness wears off.
At the end of our time together, I realized that I need to pray for some things more diligently. I found myself needing to pray for her birth mom, because I was so sad that Aleeya was having to face all of this. I was thrilled that her birth mom gave her life, and thrilled that we had her in our home, yet felt for my sweet girl. I also knew that I would need to be prayed up and ready for whatever was in our future. I decided I would pray more that God would grant her and our family an easier transition if that's what He desired, but knew that I wanted her to be emotionally healthy and go through whatever was needed to do that.
After our social worker left, we jumped right into getting all of her things unpacked and looking through as much of it as possible. At first we just pulled it all out, and she showed me some things she liked. She had some special birthday cards and other good memory things. She also showed me a Bible her grandma had bought her the previous Christmas and said that she had asked for it. She had one other young readers Bible as well. I was happy to see them! She had quite a few shirts and clothing, but I was still glad we had gotten some new things for school. She had a couple of stuffed animals, but didn't really seem to care for them (maybe getting a little old for that?). She offered Ashley one of them. She also gave Scott and I a couple of things, which was really sweet. Thankfully, she was ok with getting rid of some of the things that looked worn out, and I knew that we would keep her special memories for her. Going through things seemed a little harder than I thought. There was a part of me that just wanted to start fresh with everything, yet I knew this was the healthy way to do it.
We went out for dinner that evening and then tried to get to bed a little earlier so everyone could get some good rest! That night I faced some fears once again, I spent some very uneasy hours in bed looking at the clock, facing fears in my thoughts, and asking God to help me. I later thought that this may be a little like those first nights and weeks home with a baby when sleep isn't quite as easy to come by. Everyone is on high alert and giving it their best, yet a little more tired as well.
Earlier that day, I had heard the song "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant. While I was sitting there in my van at a light, a dragonfly hung out with me for a bit as usual. The song says:
"Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name
All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
Sick are healed, and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name
We went to Santa Cruz on Monday where the kids and I enjoyed kayaking. We saw otters and sea lions along the way. I absolutely love seeing otters, and the one we happened to row nearby had a big old crab in his paws and was crunching away :)! Then we headed to the beach. We found Aleeya absolutely loves the water and sand, and she even helped Ashley to get further in the ocean than usual. She began being more playful with us on this day, as she would come lay beside us as we sat in our chairs on the beach and get under the sand and tickle my feet! Crazy girl!!! She kept wondering why we didn't enjoy getting in the water when we said we loved the beach! Seriously, has she noticed the temperature? We both grew up on the East Coast and cannot imagine how everyone swims in arctic temperatures like these :). In the evening, we went to the boardwalk and since she loves roller coasters, she and the boys hit those rides together! Ashley finely worked up the courage to go on the swings, and Aleeya went on it with her. It was so sweet to see them sit in the two-seater together. Ashley ended up loving it!
Tuesday was Austin's 14th birthday, so we headed to Krispy Kreme in the morning. Aleeya had never seen how their doughnuts were made, so it was fun for her to see the glaze waterfall :)! Austin wanted to go golfing, so after lunch they headed to the course, and the girls and I went clothes shopping for school. I wasn't sure how many clothes she had, but wanted her to have a few new items and be sure she had some things that were within our school's dress code. I remember feeling a little nervous about how this would go. For the most part, I pick out many of my kids clothes for them, but I wasn't sure what she was used to. We ended up doing really well together. We would both pick quite a few items and head to the dressing room. She would show me everything and we'd say yes, maybe, or no. Then at the end, we'd pick some of our favorites! There was one shirt that she really liked, but it wasn't really my style. This was one of the shirts she picked as her favorite. So, I told her that I didn't really want to purchase it, but that she could use the money we had given her for spending money if she would like. She decided to do just that, and I thought it was a good compromise. She and Ashley both got a few items, and I realized that this girl likes to shop!! On the way to the van, she asked me about why we don't watch certain TV shows. I explained that we tend to pick shows that would encourage our kids to do right. We don't watch a ton of TV, and when we do I want it to be worthwhile. The one show that she really liked has a character that can at times be rude or say and do things that I didn't want my children to do, so we decided not to watch it in our home. She actually seemed ok with that answer. I told her if there were some shows she wanted to see that we could watch them together to see if they would help encourage us to do right or not. She ended up saying that the character did do some things that were inappropriate and she could see my point. We ended the day with cake and presents for Austin, and Aleeya picked out a very thoughtful card for her new brother!
On Wednesday, we decided to do one last trip to P.F. Chang's since it's so much closer than from home. We also decided to do a little more school clothes shopping along the way. The boys got a couple of new items, and we found a couple more things for the girls as well. Then we headed home for some dinner and Little House. I remember that night at dinner (we went to our favorite spot in Half Moon Bay - "It's Italia") feeling so comfortable as a family, and being so fulfilled! I asked her what she thought or noticed was "weird" about our family and how we do stuff. She actually couldn't come up with an answer right then and said she was pretty used to how we did life and liked it. I know there had to be things, but was glad she was feeling comfortable! I think it helped that we explained the "why's" of what we do along the way. When our kids would tell her we aren't allowed to do something or watch something, they usually could tell her the reason. That night, I really noticed and enjoyed watching her and Scott joking with each other. They seemed to be really bonding well! I thought how cool it was that this amazing man that wasn't sure if he could love another child (and that happened each time we were pregnant as well), was totally loving and enjoying our new gift from God!
By Thursday, we were all feeling ready to head home. We spent the day cleaning the house and doing some outdoor work as well (picking weeds, etc. - a small way to say thanks to a great family that allows us to stay in their home while they go away). Aleeya was once again very willing and helpful. That afternoon Scott took the kids to do a few errands so I could focus on the wood floors, and I remember feeling like it was so nice to have some quiet time. We really had been full-time parents with no break for the past week and a half, and had some fun-loving kids on our hands! Scott came back looking a little tired, and I felt a little refreshed. I told him I understood. Scott picked up our friends from the airport that evening, and we had a fun reunion with them. They were really happy to meet Aleeya, and we are so thankful for their friendship!
Friday morning, we were finally on our way "HOME" together! We were so ready to have her in our home for good! We had a nice ride home together listening to music. I knew that our social worker had picked up the rest of her things from her foster home, and wondered how all of that would go when we got home. It was all in our garage - 2 suitcases, 2 boxes, and a small bike. She looked a little sad when she saw some of her stuff, and I wasn't sure what to say or do. The bike was more Ashley's size and looked like it had never been ridden. She said she didn't really ride it and that she hoped to give it to Ashley (but Ash already has that same size). For now, we will keep it. The kids all looked at some of the stuff, but then we asked everyone to work at unpacking the vehicles first. We had a lot to do that day and knew we had to get things in the house. They all helped out (it's so great having older kids), and we got the job done quickly! We arrived home at 1pm and by 1:45 everything was in the house. At 2pm, our social worker came over to go over some paperwork and have us sign stuff. I had told Aleeya that he would be coming, and when he arrived, I let the kids know that we needed to go into the dining room and sign some papers. She excitedly asked, "Are you going to adopt me?" I said "yes, we are, but it's not going to be finalized today. Unfortunately, the courts take a little while to do that." I so wish I could have said "YES!" I could tell she so longed for that to be final, to have the security of knowing for sure. We did too! We had a good visit and our social worker checked to see how we were all doing and be sure the house was up to code. There were suitcases everywhere, but he was fine with it all and we felt very relaxed.
Once again, our social worker had to tell us the "yucky news." He reminded us that we were in the "honeymoon phase" - she's happy and trying hard to please us, and we were very happy with huge smiles on our faces. He reminded us that this would most likely not last and that she would go through some rough patches. I remembered the stuff we learned in classes, but so didn't want to hear it again. I wanted to enjoy the moment. This week I found myself so amazed that God had given us this precious girl!!! She was incredible and blessed me daily. Yet, I found myself often preparing for her to feel angry or sad, and played how I would respond over and over again in my head. No matter what, my plan was to hold her and tell her it's ok and I love her and I would be here for her! I would pray with her and ask God to help us through it. I would understand if she was angry or sad. Our social worker was good to remind us that she would most likely (and it was actually somewhat of a need) go through the stages of grieving - grieving that she would not return to her birth mom, grieving the loss of her foster family (no matter how much she liked us), grieving the loss of friends, and struggling with being new all over again. He said that she would go through denial, then anger, then sadness, and then with lots of love, she would come out of it doing better than before. He said it usually happens within the first six months, and likely after about 6 weeks in the home - once the newness wears off.
At the end of our time together, I realized that I need to pray for some things more diligently. I found myself needing to pray for her birth mom, because I was so sad that Aleeya was having to face all of this. I was thrilled that her birth mom gave her life, and thrilled that we had her in our home, yet felt for my sweet girl. I also knew that I would need to be prayed up and ready for whatever was in our future. I decided I would pray more that God would grant her and our family an easier transition if that's what He desired, but knew that I wanted her to be emotionally healthy and go through whatever was needed to do that.
After our social worker left, we jumped right into getting all of her things unpacked and looking through as much of it as possible. At first we just pulled it all out, and she showed me some things she liked. She had some special birthday cards and other good memory things. She also showed me a Bible her grandma had bought her the previous Christmas and said that she had asked for it. She had one other young readers Bible as well. I was happy to see them! She had quite a few shirts and clothing, but I was still glad we had gotten some new things for school. She had a couple of stuffed animals, but didn't really seem to care for them (maybe getting a little old for that?). She offered Ashley one of them. She also gave Scott and I a couple of things, which was really sweet. Thankfully, she was ok with getting rid of some of the things that looked worn out, and I knew that we would keep her special memories for her. Going through things seemed a little harder than I thought. There was a part of me that just wanted to start fresh with everything, yet I knew this was the healthy way to do it.
We went out for dinner that evening and then tried to get to bed a little earlier so everyone could get some good rest! That night I faced some fears once again, I spent some very uneasy hours in bed looking at the clock, facing fears in my thoughts, and asking God to help me. I later thought that this may be a little like those first nights and weeks home with a baby when sleep isn't quite as easy to come by. Everyone is on high alert and giving it their best, yet a little more tired as well.
Earlier that day, I had heard the song "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant. While I was sitting there in my van at a light, a dragonfly hung out with me for a bit as usual. The song says:
"Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name
All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
Sick are healed, and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name
Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up, and all the world will praise Your great name
Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty,
My Savior, Defender, You are my King"
Oh, what truth for my heart during times of fear and insecurities. I knew that God would give me peace once again, and the next day that proved true. A great friend called and reminded me of some truths I needed reassured of at just the right time, and once again, I felt God's presence and peace.
Saturday was a day full of going grocery shopping, errands, laundry, and unpacking. I so wanted her to be "in our home!" We went through all of her things, keeping the clothes that fit, trying on the ones that looked too small, asking what things she wanted to keep and what she wanted to throw out. I tried to do it in phases so she wouldn't get overwhelmed, but was so excited to have it all put away and have her feeling more at home. I took her through the house to show her where everything was (like extra toilet paper, cups and napkins, etc) and let her know some of the "family rules" (like knocking before entering a room, when we have snacks, that she can always eat vegetables and fruit without asking unless it's right before dinner). I also told her how proud I was of her! I told her that she had adapted so well to our family and was doing great! She made me feel sad when she said "I'm used to it." I was glad that this would be her last time having to get "used to it!" That night, she said she was excited about tomorrow - doughnuts in the morning and then church, and then she was hoping we could go to some friend's house later in the day. When we went to pray, I asked everyone if they had prayer requests. Her main concern was starting school and hoping a couple of the friends she had made would be in her class. It was fun to be able to talk to our God about her concerns!
Sunday once again was great! I haven't really been able to have a "good cry" since she's been with us, and know I'm in full need of it soon. But while I was praying, I thanked God for allowing me to birth children and now to adopt a child and the tears began. I really am thankful He's giving us the ability to adopt!!! It's just so amazing! I realized as I prayed that while I have had so many amazing happenings, I've kinda had to keep it together during it so Aleeya won't be concerned for her weeping mama! A good cry is now on my "to do" list soon :).
While we were doing her hair that morning, I knew she has had quite a few concerns about school. So, I asked her if she knew what it meant to go to a "Christian" school. She said no. I told her that a Christian is a person who is a follower of Christ. I explained that we have all sinned, and that they used to have to offer a perfect lamb as a sacrifice for the sins of the people. But then God decided that there needed to be a final sacrifice once and for all for the sins of the people, and He sent his one and only perfect Son to die for our sins on the cross. Three days later he rose again. I told her that we are a Christian family, but that each of us at some point has asked Jesus to forgive us of our sins and be our Savior and that's what made them a Christian. She listened and seemed to understand, and I told her that she may want to make that decision at some point and that she would hear about Jesus a lot at our school. I felt so blessed to be able to share about Jesus with her and knew seeds were being planted in her heart. I also reminded her that God created her and loved her so much!
We enjoyed worship in the main service and then headed to Club 56. She loves the pastor in there - he is very lively and animated and does a great job sharing God's truth! She is so much more relaxed, and seems very comfortable meeting people now! It is so nice! Later that evening, we did get to hang out with some friends, and everyone had such a great time!!! It was a great way to kinda "end the summer," as school begins on Wednesday this week.
Some of my memories this week are -
learning how to get along with each other,
learning to say "no" with love and grace and finding she can accept it with good character as well,
finding she can be honest when she doesn't like a certain shirt or dress, but is nice about it and we can keep on looking together - whew!,
learning proper boundaries with each other and enjoying goofing off with one another,
finding Austin taking on the role as oldest and telling her what she should do (and reminding him to do it nicely, that her head is really full with all this newness),
finding Alec loving having a new sister and friend his age in the house,
finding Ashley thinking Aleeya loves Alec more than her even though I see the girls together a ton (and reminding her that Alec and Aleeya have lots in common because they are the same age, but that I know she loves you both)
hearing Aleeya say "she loves us too" one night when we tucked her in to bed.
And the thing I'm most blessed by is people's love and support for us!!! We returned home to a couple of cards in the mail. One was from one of my favorite aunt's, who's husband is currently in the hospital after being in a major car accident. She's going through so much, and I really haven't seen her hardly at all since I've been married (we just keep up on fb), yet she took the time to send a card to congratulate us and tell us how happy she was to have a new niece - incredible! As well, my sister sent Aleeya a card with a target gift card to welcome her in the family, as well as a pretty new wallet that she loved. Aleeya loved how the cousins signed the card too :). And then today, I was totally blown away by our pastor's families!!! A friend who is also in the process of adopting, stopped by with a gift bag filled with an adorable bear that tells the story of Jesus in a attached tag, as well as cards filled with well wishes and gift cards to help us get started! There is so much to getting the girls' room to be "theirs" and getting Aleeya settled in as a part of the family, and it is such a blessing to have this help and love!!! My friend and I got to talk for awhile, and it was so encouraging! Crazy thing is, there were like three dragonflies flying nearby while we talked. I had already seen three earlier in the day - one usually greets me as I pull in at church, and as I left one almost flew right in my face. I'm telling you it's crazy!!! At one point, I was kinda saying, "ok God, I'm good and don't need to see them as much, but find that I really do keep needing the reassurance of it all. Tonight as we opened each card and read their sweet wishes together, I was touched beyond words! It was so cool that they understood that this was truly the same as "bringing home our new little one from the hospital," and that they cared for us in that same way. I told our kids tonight that when each of them was born, people gave us a baby shower, and now that Aleeya has come to our home, people are doing the same! Love our pastors' families and the hearts of those that we walk alongside! Today as I sang these great songs at church about giving our lives to God, it felt so right and alive, like that's the road we are walking. We still have so far to go, but there's is something about knowing you are doing what He's shown you that is just so incredible and so outside of ourselves. Very, very thankful tonight - to God and to friends - and ready for some great rest! Tomorrow is a new day full of getting ready for school to begin!
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