A Month Old . . . Already :)! . . . August 21, 2011

Ok, so I'm never quite sure how this works.  With all my kiddos, I tended to say they were 4 weeks old, yet I guess they weren't exactly a month old until the following month on the exact day they were born.  For us, Aleeya has been with us 4 weeks as of today, so we're calling it a month :) (even if it really will be August 24th)!  And I must say that God has done amazing things!!!  Our agency, Family Connections Christian Adoptions (by the way, you can like them on Facebook if you want), did an amazing job with classes and giving us some great material to read.  But just like giving birth, I don't think anyone can prepare you for what it will be like exactly . . to have another sweet child enter your home . . one from a completely different background, an 11 year old girl at that (I've never parented an 11 year old girl before), that has had so many experiences in her life that we don't even know about and understand, and to have her enter your home and become "your child" is just an amazing experience!  I can't even begin to imagine how she must feel - learning to call a stranger "mom," learning to understand all the ways we "do stuff," learning how to have a new dad, a new sister and two new brothers, learning the expectations, starting school - ugh, it makes me feel overwhelmed just thinking about it!  Yet she has done it all with such ease and grace.  Well, we've fallen in love for sure!  We are completely proud parents!  We have found that this can be overwhelming and exhausting, yet wonderful all at once.  We have had incredibly great days, and days that have made us so ready to go to bed.  We have learned new things about us and our children.  We have seen God stretch us in our grace, patience, and love and found that He has given us more than we knew was possible.  And the things that were difficult and that we had to work on the first two weeks are already "history."  At the end of this month, I have to say that I'm seeing a family of six forming for sure!

One thing I keep noticing this month is her heart for others!  It is truly precious.  Whenever we've passed a homeless person with a sign, or seen a crippled man or child, she has always taken the time to notice and say how sad it is.  We recently saw a sign about a lost dog in our neighborhood, and she made sure to mention it.  As well, she met up with a really feisty lost kitten, who was biting and trying to claw at everyone, yet she held it unafraid and wanted to keep it so badly (ok, it was really cute, but we have a singer in our home that needs no extra allergens, and I'm somewhat allergic as well).  Somehow, with all that she's faced and the fact that she needed a home for quite a while, I would think that she would be more self-focussed and want for herself, yet I love hearing and seeing her heart for others.  Her last foster home was really great in taking in animals to foster while they were waiting for a home, and I think it taught her so much!

This week held a new and fun event for us - our social worker visit!  Aleeya's worker and our social worker both arrived at our home on Tuesday after school for a visit.  They both came to see how she was doing and how we were doing together.  Her social worker is very kind, friendly, and efficient, and came in and met each of the other three kids.  She then asked Aleeya to see her room so they could have some time to talk more privately.  While we weren't sure what it would be like, Aleeya seemed to know just what to do.  Our social worker had called earlier that day to let us know that he had talked to Aleeya's social worker about the name change.  This was a good thing since it would be really hard for the kids to call her Janice again, and we wanted her social worker to know.  But it could have been a tricky thing since social workers really wouldn't allow that in "foster care" (but we are adopting and can't change it a year later when things become finalized).  She was very surprised when she found out, and we weren't sure what she would say to us that day.

Ashley was hilarious as she tried three or four times to figure out a way to get up into their room, once even saying she needed to go read her Bible!  She almost got me there :)!  They spent awhile together up there, while the kids had snack, did some homework downstairs, and talked with our social worker.  When Aleeya's social worker came down, she asked to speak to us privately.  Our social worker later told us he was concerned, but I just figured she wanted to see how we were doing.  When we sat down, she said, "I just want to commend you guys because I have never seen Janice so happy.  Normally, I have to pull things out of her, but today she talked freely and openly."  Whew!!!  That sounded so good coming out of the mouth of someone who knew her longer than two months!   She said that Aleeya showed her her new clothes, and talked happily about her life.  She also asked about her birth family and her social worker thought that this was kinda like saying "I'm ok now, are they?"  I remember always thinking I would be ok with Aleeya talking about her birth family, but this was the first time it hurt to hear it.  For me, she was my girl!  Yet she talks about her birth family quite a bit around me, and I'm usually good with it.  I think I just forgot that she would be talking to her social worker about her birth family today since she knew each of them.  Her social worker asked Aleeya about the name change, and Aleeya explained it and said she liked it but that she could call her Janice (this was something we had told her might be necessary).  When we explained it further, she said that this was a surprise, but she could see how well she was fitting into our family!  As she left, she asked if it would be good to call her Aleeya now, and Aleeya said "yes" since she could tell it was ok with everyone.

When the social workers left, we felt a huge sense of relief and joy!  It was great to hear from people that knew how these things normally go that they too thought it was going really well and could tell Aleeya was happy!  I wondered if seeing her social worker and the memories that come along with that would bring us a few tough days ahead, but everything seemed to go really well.  I also know that there's a possibility that the next few weeks may be difficult (possible testing to see if we really love her, going through periods of grief over loss, etc) from all I've been told, but I am trying not to fear and trust God completely with what the future may bring!  This Sunday at church was a great reminder that "our God is greater" and "He works all things together for my good!"  I just need to keep trusting and loving her through whatever comes!

We did have a sad day this week, and I've hesitated to blog about it.  Yet, I know each of you as parents have experienced this, so I think it's ok.  It was our first time having to "discipline" for a more serious matter than just forgetting to do something.  She came home on Thursday, which was our Back-to-School Night, telling us that they didn't have any Math homework and that they didn't do Math today because they took too long on something else.  I was kinda excited about that since Math takes up quite a bit of our time and tonight would be a little more rushed.  Somewhere along the way, she was going through too much to really learn Math well, and so she struggles a bit with it.  Thankfully, I love Math and am happy to help her!  She seems to pick up on things really quickly and seems to just need someone to help her along the way.  In fact, she seems to love that we sit together and work on it!  After one time of working on it together, she wrote, "I love my mom" on a banana as she was packing her lunch right after we were done.  I think this is the first time she has had someone to sit with her and help her with her homework (something I have done with each of my kids when they first began school).  We are going to continue to work on flash cards and hopefully some Math games online to help out as well.  Anyhow, I went to put her folder back in her back pack and saw a Math paper sticking out of her Math book.  I pulled it out and noticed that it was today's date, and it wasn't finished.  I immediately had that sinking feeling.  I called her inside to talk about it, and she said that she did do some Math at the end of the day but that her teacher had said she could stop on #19.  I thought that sounded strange, but hoped it was because we had Back-to-School Night.  I told her I would double check with her teacher, and she kinda back peddled, but didn't change the story too much.  That night I found out that they were supposed to finish the 30 problems ,and her teacher did not say she could stop at #19 (she could have at least picked #20 or something!).  I was so sad and almost began crying, yet then I remembered that all of our children have lied at some point and that this would be a growing experience if we let it be.  After everyone was ready for bed and we finished our quiet time together, I told Aleeya that the teacher said that they needed to go to #30 and to go ahead downstairs so we could work on it together.

When she got her book, I explained that I really felt like she had lied to me and it made me sad.  I told her that God tells us not to lie, and that in our family, we expect her to tell the truth.  I told her that we still love her, and that I understood that Math is a difficult subject and takes us quite a bit of time each night.  I told her that we would keep getting through it and that she was already doing so much better!  I explained that each of our kids has lied to us at some point, and it has always made us sad.  I told her that we want to trust her, but that when she lies, it makes us wonder in the future.  I told her that we would need to take away the trampoline privilege for 2 days and that I hoped she would tell us the truth in the future (just so you know, the rest of the kids would have gotten a spanking for this, but when you have a child in foster care there is a no corporal punishment policy.  At first, I really struggled with this since we believe it's what God has told us in His Word.  But I understood more as it was explained that many of these children come from situations of physical abuse and this form of punishment does not work at all with them.  For Aleeya, she is a jumping machine and loves the trampoline, so it was a fitting consequence.  By the way, she landed her flip this week - yay!).  I gave her a big hug and again told her we loved her.  Then we got to work!  After we finished, I asked her if she thought I was right in what had happened and she said "yes."  I wanted to be sure that she owned up to the lie in some way and know that we both understood what had happened.  Then we hugged once again, and she headed up to bed.  I think it was good for her to know how we would handle this type of thing, and could tell that somehow it made her feel good that we had gotten through it.  She's not perfect and neither are we, but I had really hoped it was all true since she's done so well so far!  It was good to be reminded that we are all sinners and in need of a Savior.  Over the next two days, she never asked to go on the trampoline and took things really well.  And overall, I think she knew more about our love for her!

We also finally received her pictures that we had taken of her back this week.  We went out that night and found a frame together.  Scott was really excited to get one in his office, and I was so looking forward to seeing her picture beside all the other kids pictures on a counter in our hallway!  The counter happens to be right as you enter the girls room, and it so bothered me that she wasn't there.  Scott prepared the frames soon after we got home (I'm big on cleaning the glass with no fingerprints, and thankfully, he's really good at that!).  We wanted to get them up ASAP!  I went up and put one on the cabinet and one in the girls room.  That night after our family quiet time, she stopped in front of the cabinet where all the pictures of the kids were and just stared!  As I came behind the girls to tuck them in, I asked her if she liked it.  She said "yes," and I couldn't figure out which one of us liked it more!  The picture was so cute and so "her," and it was great to see all four of our children there together!!!  On Sunday, we went into Scott's office and it was great to see all the kids pictures in there as well!

While we were out this Saturday, we picked up some lunch at a drive-thru and I asked who would like to pray.  It was just the girls as we were headed to get pedicures (as a friend had so kindly blessed us with a gift certificate and we wanted to celebrate one month together)!  Somehow, Aleeya thought I asked her to pray and said "ok."  It was awesome to hear her pray out loud for the first time!!!  I couldn't believe it!  Then the next morning when the boys were with us as well, she offered again - amazing!  And by the way, she talks about how excited she is for Sunday each week and loves going to her church.  So glad!

This week she got her first invitation to a birthday party by one of her favorite friends at school.  I remember the mom texting me about it and saying she hoped Aleeya could come.  All I could think was, "we wouldn't miss it for the world!"  This was a great way for her to continue feeling like she belonged and getting to know the girls her age even better!  So thankful for this opportunity and for how much fun she had with a whole bunch of fun-loving girls!

On a funny, positive note, she has become excellent at vacuuming!  Since I had just shown her once last week how it should be done, I thought I should keep an eye on her this week.  At first I really did, but she was doing fabulous!  Later, I checked to see how things looked, and she worked really hard and did it just as I had asked.  As we handed out allowance that night, I told her how awesome she did!  Of course, she came back with "do I get a tip?"  She's very quick witted, which is lots of fun for all of us, especially Scott as they joke a lot!

This week, more than ever, I have noticed even more hugs.  Not just little hugs, but nice looonng hugs, the kind where you squeeze hard and just stay close.  We continue to find that she really likes to be close to us, especially at restaurants (like with friends, when the adults are at one table and the kids are at the other) and have learned to appreciate it rather than tell her to leave and sit with the rest of the kids.  I was realizing this week that we are making up for lost time!  I began to wonder when she's gotten a real "I love you" kinda hug in the past.  I've begun to understand the need for that physical love in my sweet girl and am thrilled that we are blessed to get some long hugs each day :)!

Since this marked the end of 30 days, there was some more paperwork to be filled out and we got to do a disaster drill, which was pretty fun (Scott does a great impression of a fire alarm)!  These are the things that continue to come up in our lives that remind us that we are still in the process, but thankfully, we are closer than we have ever been to having her legally ours forever.  In our hearts, she is there!

By Friday of this week, something has begun to change.  Something has happened, and we are beginning to feel more "normal" together.  The bonding is really taking place.  Some of the newness is slowly wearing off, and we are beginning to be more relaxed and comfortable together.  It is starting to feel "normal" to have us all around the dinner table.  It is such a wonderful feeling and I am so thankful for all God is doing!  Still can't believe she's only "a month old," and I can't wait to see what things will feel like at 3 months, 6 months, and a year!  I know, I know, don't rush it!  That's what I say to other "new moms!"  Exciting days continue to be ahead of us, and for now I'm so thankful for all that's happened in only a month!