We went to Santa Cruz on Monday where the kids and I enjoyed kayaking. We saw otters and sea lions along the way. I absolutely love seeing otters, and the one we happened to row nearby had a big old crab in his paws and was crunching away :)! Then we headed to the beach. We found Aleeya absolutely loves the water and sand, and she even helped Ashley to get further in the ocean than usual. She began being more playful with us on this day, as she would come lay beside us as we sat in our chairs on the beach and get under the sand and tickle my feet! Crazy girl!!! She kept wondering why we didn't enjoy getting in the water when we said we loved the beach! Seriously, has she noticed the temperature? We both grew up on the East Coast and cannot imagine how everyone swims in arctic temperatures like these :). In the evening, we went to the boardwalk and since she loves roller coasters, she and the boys hit those rides together! Ashley finely worked up the courage to go on the swings, and Aleeya went on it with her. It was so sweet to see them sit in the two-seater together. Ashley ended up loving it!
Tuesday was Austin's 14th birthday, so we headed to Krispy Kreme in the morning. Aleeya had never seen how their doughnuts were made, so it was fun for her to see the glaze waterfall :)! Austin wanted to go golfing, so after lunch they headed to the course, and the girls and I went clothes shopping for school. I wasn't sure how many clothes she had, but wanted her to have a few new items and be sure she had some things that were within our school's dress code. I remember feeling a little nervous about how this would go. For the most part, I pick out many of my kids clothes for them, but I wasn't sure what she was used to. We ended up doing really well together. We would both pick quite a few items and head to the dressing room. She would show me everything and we'd say yes, maybe, or no. Then at the end, we'd pick some of our favorites! There was one shirt that she really liked, but it wasn't really my style. This was one of the shirts she picked as her favorite. So, I told her that I didn't really want to purchase it, but that she could use the money we had given her for spending money if she would like. She decided to do just that, and I thought it was a good compromise. She and Ashley both got a few items, and I realized that this girl likes to shop!! On the way to the van, she asked me about why we don't watch certain TV shows. I explained that we tend to pick shows that would encourage our kids to do right. We don't watch a ton of TV, and when we do I want it to be worthwhile. The one show that she really liked has a character that can at times be rude or say and do things that I didn't want my children to do, so we decided not to watch it in our home. She actually seemed ok with that answer. I told her if there were some shows she wanted to see that we could watch them together to see if they would help encourage us to do right or not. She ended up saying that the character did do some things that were inappropriate and she could see my point. We ended the day with cake and presents for Austin, and Aleeya picked out a very thoughtful card for her new brother!
On Wednesday, we decided to do one last trip to P.F. Chang's since it's so much closer than from home. We also decided to do a little more school clothes shopping along the way. The boys got a couple of new items, and we found a couple more things for the girls as well. Then we headed home for some dinner and Little House. I remember that night at dinner (we went to our favorite spot in Half Moon Bay - "It's Italia") feeling so comfortable as a family, and being so fulfilled! I asked her what she thought or noticed was "weird" about our family and how we do stuff. She actually couldn't come up with an answer right then and said she was pretty used to how we did life and liked it. I know there had to be things, but was glad she was feeling comfortable! I think it helped that we explained the "why's" of what we do along the way. When our kids would tell her we aren't allowed to do something or watch something, they usually could tell her the reason. That night, I really noticed and enjoyed watching her and Scott joking with each other. They seemed to be really bonding well! I thought how cool it was that this amazing man that wasn't sure if he could love another child (and that happened each time we were pregnant as well), was totally loving and enjoying our new gift from God!
By Thursday, we were all feeling ready to head home. We spent the day cleaning the house and doing some outdoor work as well (picking weeds, etc. - a small way to say thanks to a great family that allows us to stay in their home while they go away). Aleeya was once again very willing and helpful. That afternoon Scott took the kids to do a few errands so I could focus on the wood floors, and I remember feeling like it was so nice to have some quiet time. We really had been full-time parents with no break for the past week and a half, and had some fun-loving kids on our hands! Scott came back looking a little tired, and I felt a little refreshed. I told him I understood. Scott picked up our friends from the airport that evening, and we had a fun reunion with them. They were really happy to meet Aleeya, and we are so thankful for their friendship!
Friday morning, we were finally on our way "HOME" together! We were so ready to have her in our home for good! We had a nice ride home together listening to music. I knew that our social worker had picked up the rest of her things from her foster home, and wondered how all of that would go when we got home. It was all in our garage - 2 suitcases, 2 boxes, and a small bike. She looked a little sad when she saw some of her stuff, and I wasn't sure what to say or do. The bike was more Ashley's size and looked like it had never been ridden. She said she didn't really ride it and that she hoped to give it to Ashley (but Ash already has that same size). For now, we will keep it. The kids all looked at some of the stuff, but then we asked everyone to work at unpacking the vehicles first. We had a lot to do that day and knew we had to get things in the house. They all helped out (it's so great having older kids), and we got the job done quickly! We arrived home at 1pm and by 1:45 everything was in the house. At 2pm, our social worker came over to go over some paperwork and have us sign stuff. I had told Aleeya that he would be coming, and when he arrived, I let the kids know that we needed to go into the dining room and sign some papers. She excitedly asked, "Are you going to adopt me?" I said "yes, we are, but it's not going to be finalized today. Unfortunately, the courts take a little while to do that." I so wish I could have said "YES!" I could tell she so longed for that to be final, to have the security of knowing for sure. We did too! We had a good visit and our social worker checked to see how we were all doing and be sure the house was up to code. There were suitcases everywhere, but he was fine with it all and we felt very relaxed.
Once again, our social worker had to tell us the "yucky news." He reminded us that we were in the "honeymoon phase" - she's happy and trying hard to please us, and we were very happy with huge smiles on our faces. He reminded us that this would most likely not last and that she would go through some rough patches. I remembered the stuff we learned in classes, but so didn't want to hear it again. I wanted to enjoy the moment. This week I found myself so amazed that God had given us this precious girl!!! She was incredible and blessed me daily. Yet, I found myself often preparing for her to feel angry or sad, and played how I would respond over and over again in my head. No matter what, my plan was to hold her and tell her it's ok and I love her and I would be here for her! I would pray with her and ask God to help us through it. I would understand if she was angry or sad. Our social worker was good to remind us that she would most likely (and it was actually somewhat of a need) go through the stages of grieving - grieving that she would not return to her birth mom, grieving the loss of her foster family (no matter how much she liked us), grieving the loss of friends, and struggling with being new all over again. He said that she would go through denial, then anger, then sadness, and then with lots of love, she would come out of it doing better than before. He said it usually happens within the first six months, and likely after about 6 weeks in the home - once the newness wears off.
At the end of our time together, I realized that I need to pray for some things more diligently. I found myself needing to pray for her birth mom, because I was so sad that Aleeya was having to face all of this. I was thrilled that her birth mom gave her life, and thrilled that we had her in our home, yet felt for my sweet girl. I also knew that I would need to be prayed up and ready for whatever was in our future. I decided I would pray more that God would grant her and our family an easier transition if that's what He desired, but knew that I wanted her to be emotionally healthy and go through whatever was needed to do that.
After our social worker left, we jumped right into getting all of her things unpacked and looking through as much of it as possible. At first we just pulled it all out, and she showed me some things she liked. She had some special birthday cards and other good memory things. She also showed me a Bible her grandma had bought her the previous Christmas and said that she had asked for it. She had one other young readers Bible as well. I was happy to see them! She had quite a few shirts and clothing, but I was still glad we had gotten some new things for school. She had a couple of stuffed animals, but didn't really seem to care for them (maybe getting a little old for that?). She offered Ashley one of them. She also gave Scott and I a couple of things, which was really sweet. Thankfully, she was ok with getting rid of some of the things that looked worn out, and I knew that we would keep her special memories for her. Going through things seemed a little harder than I thought. There was a part of me that just wanted to start fresh with everything, yet I knew this was the healthy way to do it.
We went out for dinner that evening and then tried to get to bed a little earlier so everyone could get some good rest! That night I faced some fears once again, I spent some very uneasy hours in bed looking at the clock, facing fears in my thoughts, and asking God to help me. I later thought that this may be a little like those first nights and weeks home with a baby when sleep isn't quite as easy to come by. Everyone is on high alert and giving it their best, yet a little more tired as well.
Earlier that day, I had heard the song "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant. While I was sitting there in my van at a light, a dragonfly hung out with me for a bit as usual. The song says:
"Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name
All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
Sick are healed, and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name
Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up, and all the world will praise Your great name
Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty,
My Savior, Defender, You are my King"
Oh, what truth for my heart during times of fear and insecurities. I knew that God would give me peace once again, and the next day that proved true. A great friend called and reminded me of some truths I needed reassured of at just the right time, and once again, I felt God's presence and peace.
Saturday was a day full of going grocery shopping, errands, laundry, and unpacking. I so wanted her to be "in our home!" We went through all of her things, keeping the clothes that fit, trying on the ones that looked too small, asking what things she wanted to keep and what she wanted to throw out. I tried to do it in phases so she wouldn't get overwhelmed, but was so excited to have it all put away and have her feeling more at home. I took her through the house to show her where everything was (like extra toilet paper, cups and napkins, etc) and let her know some of the "family rules" (like knocking before entering a room, when we have snacks, that she can always eat vegetables and fruit without asking unless it's right before dinner). I also told her how proud I was of her! I told her that she had adapted so well to our family and was doing great! She made me feel sad when she said "I'm used to it." I was glad that this would be her last time having to get "used to it!" That night, she said she was excited about tomorrow - doughnuts in the morning and then church, and then she was hoping we could go to some friend's house later in the day. When we went to pray, I asked everyone if they had prayer requests. Her main concern was starting school and hoping a couple of the friends she had made would be in her class. It was fun to be able to talk to our God about her concerns!
Sunday once again was great! I haven't really been able to have a "good cry" since she's been with us, and know I'm in full need of it soon. But while I was praying, I thanked God for allowing me to birth children and now to adopt a child and the tears began. I really am thankful He's giving us the ability to adopt!!! It's just so amazing! I realized as I prayed that while I have had so many amazing happenings, I've kinda had to keep it together during it so Aleeya won't be concerned for her weeping mama! A good cry is now on my "to do" list soon :).
While we were doing her hair that morning, I knew she has had quite a few concerns about school. So, I asked her if she knew what it meant to go to a "Christian" school. She said no. I told her that a Christian is a person who is a follower of Christ. I explained that we have all sinned, and that they used to have to offer a perfect lamb as a sacrifice for the sins of the people. But then God decided that there needed to be a final sacrifice once and for all for the sins of the people, and He sent his one and only perfect Son to die for our sins on the cross. Three days later he rose again. I told her that we are a Christian family, but that each of us at some point has asked Jesus to forgive us of our sins and be our Savior and that's what made them a Christian. She listened and seemed to understand, and I told her that she may want to make that decision at some point and that she would hear about Jesus a lot at our school. I felt so blessed to be able to share about Jesus with her and knew seeds were being planted in her heart. I also reminded her that God created her and loved her so much!
We enjoyed worship in the main service and then headed to Club 56. She loves the pastor in there - he is very lively and animated and does a great job sharing God's truth! She is so much more relaxed, and seems very comfortable meeting people now! It is so nice! Later that evening, we did get to hang out with some friends, and everyone had such a great time!!! It was a great way to kinda "end the summer," as school begins on Wednesday this week.
Some of my memories this week are -
learning how to get along with each other,
learning to say "no" with love and grace and finding she can accept it with good character as well,
finding she can be honest when she doesn't like a certain shirt or dress, but is nice about it and we can keep on looking together - whew!,
learning proper boundaries with each other and enjoying goofing off with one another,
finding Austin taking on the role as oldest and telling her what she should do (and reminding him to do it nicely, that her head is really full with all this newness),
finding Alec loving having a new sister and friend his age in the house,
finding Ashley thinking Aleeya loves Alec more than her even though I see the girls together a ton (and reminding her that Alec and Aleeya have lots in common because they are the same age, but that I know she loves you both)
hearing Aleeya say "she loves us too" one night when we tucked her in to bed.
And the thing I'm most blessed by is people's love and support for us!!! We returned home to a couple of cards in the mail. One was from one of my favorite aunt's, who's husband is currently in the hospital after being in a major car accident. She's going through so much, and I really haven't seen her hardly at all since I've been married (we just keep up on fb), yet she took the time to send a card to congratulate us and tell us how happy she was to have a new niece - incredible! As well, my sister sent Aleeya a card with a target gift card to welcome her in the family, as well as a pretty new wallet that she loved. Aleeya loved how the cousins signed the card too :). And then today, I was totally blown away by our pastor's families!!! A friend who is also in the process of adopting, stopped by with a gift bag filled with an adorable bear that tells the story of Jesus in a attached tag, as well as cards filled with well wishes and gift cards to help us get started! There is so much to getting the girls' room to be "theirs" and getting Aleeya settled in as a part of the family, and it is such a blessing to have this help and love!!! My friend and I got to talk for awhile, and it was so encouraging! Crazy thing is, there were like three dragonflies flying nearby while we talked. I had already seen three earlier in the day - one usually greets me as I pull in at church, and as I left one almost flew right in my face. I'm telling you it's crazy!!! At one point, I was kinda saying, "ok God, I'm good and don't need to see them as much, but find that I really do keep needing the reassurance of it all. Tonight as we opened each card and read their sweet wishes together, I was touched beyond words! It was so cool that they understood that this was truly the same as "bringing home our new little one from the hospital," and that they cared for us in that same way. I told our kids tonight that when each of them was born, people gave us a baby shower, and now that Aleeya has come to our home, people are doing the same! Love our pastors' families and the hearts of those that we walk alongside! Today as I sang these great songs at church about giving our lives to God, it felt so right and alive, like that's the road we are walking. We still have so far to go, but there's is something about knowing you are doing what He's shown you that is just so incredible and so outside of ourselves. Very, very thankful tonight - to God and to friends - and ready for some great rest! Tomorrow is a new day full of getting ready for school to begin!
Wow! I'm so happy you guys are doing what God's called you to do and it sounds like He's just pouring out blessings all around you. Congratulations on your new addition to the family! Can't wait to meet her!
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