I really, really wanted to just write a fun, upbeat, happy :) post full of all great things this time. I've felt like the last few posts talked of being tired too often, or of the difficult times learning to adjust to our "new normal." And while this post will have tons of GREAT stuff, I have to keep it real. There are moments when things hit me out of the blue and make me sad. So, that will be included as well.
Here are all the amazing things that happened this week:
We finally got a new license plate frame :). On our van, I have had a frame on my license plate that read "I love my Triple A's" for a really long time. We knew that needed to go as we began this process, and were really happy a friend of ours (that also happen to have three kids with "A" names) could use it. But, we have been trying to get a new one made at our mall for months, and the machine has been down. They finally fixed the machine, and our new frame proudly displays
"Butler Bunch - WE ARE FAMILY!" (Yes, we do occasionally break out in song).
She noticed it and likes it lots!
This made my heart happy!
Also , Aleeya came home from Club 56 Wednesday night happy as I've ever seen her asking if she could go to church every day! Club 56 just started up for the school year on Wednesday nights, and they do small groups where they get together and discuss the Bible and life. She got paired with a couple of friends and made a couple of new ones and clearly, really loves it!
This made my heart happy!
A cool thing that happened this weekend was that Aleeya spotted a baby dragonfly in our backyard. As most of you know, dragonflies has been some sort of theme for our adoption. I'm working on coming up with a blog about "lessons learned from the dragonfly." We see literally tons of them pretty much every day (and I've probably only noticed like 5 or 6 in my entire life up until now), and the kids notice them a lot now too. Well, one of the kids came upstairs and said Aleeya needed me outside. I was in the middle of doing stuff and asked if it was important, but didn't get much of a response. I headed down, and she was fine. Thankfully, I didn't get upset for being interrupted as she showed me a baby dragonfly she had found. It was sitting still on the top of our rose tree for all of us to examine. I even went into the house to get my camera, and when I came out, it was still there so I could get a picture (check it out to the right). She too has realized that dragonflies have meant something to us and we've kinda explained it to her, so it was cool that she saw a baby.
This made my heart happy!
This may sound kinda funny, but I got my first kiss! When Aleeya first came to be a part of our family, I remember wondering how we would do our "normal" night time routine. We have always done our quiet time and then hugged and kissed each of the kids before bed. At first, I wasn't sure what to do! I remember just giving her a short hug at first. Soon after, I noticed that she would be sure she was in a place where she could get a good hug (like she wouldn't get in bed until after hugs). As time moved on, we got really long good hugs, much longer than any of our other kids! I'm pretty sure we were making up for lost time :)! All this time in the back of my mind though, I wondered how she felt as we kissed each of the other three. I wondered if she wanted a kiss, but wasn't sure how to ask that (that would be awkward) and didn't want to push it on her or make her feel uncomfortable. In the past few weeks, we have become way more relaxed and after our long hugs, I would gently take her face into my hands and kiss her on her sweet, soft cheek. She never seemed to mind, so I continued. Well, the other night after doing just that, she came back and kissed me on my cheek as well. It was so sweet and cute, and she jumped in bed looking at me like, "Was that ok?" I reassured her with a happy face and telling her I loved her. The next night, she gave me a quick kiss as well closer to my lips, and last night, I got a kiss on my lips just like all our kids do each night! Yup, I guess she was ready for more closeness. It's funny because I've always just kissed each of my kids as babies and continued from there - it was always so natural. I've never had to start this process at age 11!
This made my heart really happy (and I think it did hers too)!
Since I gotta be real, there was a tough day this week. As most of you know, we have been told that at around 6 weeks, we would likely experience some tough times, so . . we've . . been . . waiting. Well, this week went by so incredibly well that I figured we would have to wait for our "tough times" to come later, and that still may be the case. But, we did have one sad moment that hit me out of nowhere! This is usually how it happens. Things are moving along normally, and than "BLAM!"
I had taken her to her first real horse lesson (we had one prior special lesson for the teacher to get to know her), and on our way home, she asked me when we might go back to her old stables to visit. I told her that we would have to see when they might be having a special event and that they were supposed to email me when those came up. But I mentioned that those stables are quite a distance away, so we would have to see. Then, she asked about calling a friend from where she used to live, and I told her sure, she could call. Then she talked about wanting to visit, and maybe trying to go to a talent show at her old school that her friend had told her about, and then, she wanted to be in the talent show. While this may not seem like a big deal, it somehow cut at my heart and made me feel so sad! It made me feel like she loved them more than us and that she wasn't adapting as well as I thought . . that somehow we weren't good enough . . and I felt sad and jealous and hurt. While this was in no way a HUGE deal compared to what this week could have held, it was still one of those moments that was hard. These were all things that I was totally fine with the first couple of weeks (sure we could visit her old horse stables and friends), but I have grown attached. And now, the trip back to where she used to live is one that would be hard for me to make emotionally.
I had forgotten that she's only been with us for like 6-7 weeks, and that it's normal to miss good friends, and that it's actually really good she has some close friends like this, and that I too have moved and remember missing my friends so badly! At the same time, I had to figure out what the boundaries of this should look like -
how often should she talk with her friends from where she used to live?
how often should we visit (or even should we)?
how do I encourage her to grow in friendships here instead?
We did talk through some of that and she understood that too much time focussing on where she used to live will only make it harder to settle in to her new life. Yet, thankfully, I could totally relate to her missing friends since I've moved quite a few times. This is something we will still be working through, but we'll get there! These are things that she probably feels too as we talk about our past . . a past that didn't include her. This is some of the "tough stuff."
This made my heart sad.
Before I finish, I wanted to give a few "fun" notes, things that I want to remember as a "new mom!" Aleeya and I have laughed over these quite a few times, and done that "Remember when . . ?" thing.
Once, when we went shopping together at the mall, we stopped into Bath & Body to get a couple of things. I wanted to get those room sprays, and went back to the counter to pick which ones I liked. Well, she took the spray and very casually took off the top and sprayed it on her wrist!!! It was so cute! I looked at her and said, "oh no sweetie, that's a room spray" and she laughed so hard!
This past week, as I came down one morning, she was eating her favorite cereal, Cocoa Pebbles. She was kinda making a face and said, "this milk doesn't taste very good." I was pretty sure we didn't have any past due milk and asked her about it. Then she said, "Oh, I got it from the cardboard carton." Then I realized she had used Scott's half and half (for his coffee). Poor thing - yuk! She went ahead and got a new bowl of cereal with some good milk!
And God encouraged me in a great way this past Sunday at church. I've been feeling really tired lately, more than usual. I guess it's adjusting to our family with four kids, doing more homework than usual, and learning to think ahead and stuff. Anyhow, I hate feeling tired and like to have lots of energy. As we began singing "Everlasting God," a song by Lincoln Brewster, I was struck by a couple of lines that I have sung tons of times. I sang,
"You do not faint, You won't grow weary."
So thankful to serve a God that never gets tired or weary and can give me His great strength! I'm definitely depending on it through the really great days, as well as the sad moments! God has blessed us with way more "ups" than "downs," and I really am so thankful!
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