After all the excitement of Aleeya accepting Jesus into her life last weekend, it felt like we were under attack this past week. It seems when good is present, evil is right there as well trying to win the battle. I kinda knew it would happen, but wasn't expecting it in the way it came. Aleeya had a great week, but a couple of our other kids struggled with stuff this week. So thankful we have a God who keeps loving and forgiving and helping us through our "stuff."
One thing I've really found lately is that "I'm tired!" I guess there is an underlying stress with all that we are doing - you know - adopting, getting used to having another child, trying to be great parents to all four of them. There's tons of excitement with it all, yet much exhaustion as well. When there's a new family member, everyone is trying to be extra kind and figure out how to work through stuff. The things that you would normally say to your child sound a little rough around the edges when you say them to or in front of a child that doesn't know you very well. So, everything is guarded, and in some ways, this actually makes us better parents / better people. I feel like we've been more loving, kinder in our words, and more understanding. We've really learned to think before we speak and ask God to guide our words and attitudes. And when we need to correct, we do it with kinder words and faces (most of the time). As well, I try to be sure everything is done by the time they arrive home from school each day so I can really "be there" and be ready to help with homework or whatever comes up; and believe me, I stay busy for most of the evening! One other thing is that we really work hard to have as much "family time" as possible and get our family quiet time with God in every night. It seems more important now than ever! These are some of the things that add to our life and make me feel a little more "tired." So much like having a new baby all over again :).
But by the end of this week, I was ready to blow! We've been planning to paint the girls room since Aleeya came, but had to find a good weekend to do it. When we first met her and she said her favorite color was blue, I quickly realized that our beautiful pink room wasn't going to work out. And since Ashley's new favorite color was green, it seemed like a good idea to change their room to blue and green. Since this weekend had an extra day in it due to Labor Day, we decided to take on the extra project. I've found that I have to be really geared up for the weekends since Scott is gone most of the time at work and I have the kids by myself. Well, adding a major painting project to the deal didn't help my need for extra patience and extra love. And on top of it all, I wanted it to be "fun!" So, I let the kids paint with me . . . some. They all got a chance to help with the first coat, and then I finished up the second. All this meant that their toys and furniture were in the hallway and the game room (which is right outside of our room), and I don't do well with things being disorganized. And then on Monday, when all I really wanted to do was have a jammie day and hang out, we needed to get the room back to normal and get things finished up. By mid-Monday, I could feel the tensions rising in me. The kids were leaving lots of things around the house, and I just wanted everything to be picked up. After feeling like I was about to burst out into tears about five different times, I finally went into my room to lay down on my bed with our dog (he has a calming effect on me). At that point, I was talking to God and saying I didn't know what to do with all of my frustration. He then gently reminded me that I was supposed to bring them to Him and He would help. I rested for a short while, and awoke with a fresh sense of purpose and ability, knowing that God would continue to be my strength. I'm needing to lean on Him more and more - gotta remember that!!
Oh yeah, wanted to let you all know that we officially hit the 6 week mark. This is the point where our social worker said that we should see some things surface - behaviors, grief, anger - things like that. While we know it's still possible up until like 3 months, so far what we have are some more precious notes to tell us she loved us on Friday after school and her exclaiming that "I love my family" on a ride home this Sunday evening (our six week anniversary). So, for now, we're going to praise God for all the good and enjoy the moment!!!!
I've also learned that we will have different expectations for her for school. With our other three kids who have been trained early on about how to do homework, how to study, and how to learn, we have pretty high expectations of how they should do in school. We are still learning what Aleeya's abilities are and finding that she is very bright and willing to learn . . . something I am so thankful for and really wanted in our child. It's amazing watching her learn and desire to learn, but my expectations for her are what she can do! I have a pretty big perfectionistic side of me, so I'm amazed to see how God is giving me grace and understanding in all of this. But I really just want to see her learn and enjoy school and do HER best. It's a really neat experience and we are so proud of her already!
One of the major things I've learned this week is "what people want to hear." While I have a couple of close friends that understand and really are willing to hear how life is really going, most just want to hear that everything is going great!! When they ask how she's doing or how our family is doing, they just want to hear - "AWESOME!" And I kinda get it, we prayed really hard for this and really wanted her to come to our home quickly, and they are so happy for us. And I guess they think she's been through a lot, so we should all just be happy and accept anything not going just the way we hoped. But I gotta say, that life is not always great, awesome, and perfect. And it's ok. I'm learning to have boundaries on what I say and that most people can't bear to hear that it's been a rough day or week (even if it's not awful, just trying or something). And believe me, we have had it really good compared to many I'm sure!!! But there are still things that we are working through with Aleeya, as well as our other three children each day and there always will be! I've always been really open and honest about how life is going in our family, and like to put things out there for people to help or just to say things out loud so I can work through it. I'm finding that this is not always appropriate and I need to keep more stuff to myself. For now, I think my normal response will be - "Things are going really well, thanks! There are some adjustments, but we are blessed." It is true, and God will give me the wisdom to work through the adjustments as they come. I'm thankful for that handful of friends/advisors He has put around me, and so appreciate their understanding and care. God knows what we need and I'll keep learning!
Oh Susie, it is such a blessing to hear your honesty. I enjoy reading about your family and I miss you all so much. I am sad that I am not there to welcome this new sweet girl too!
ReplyDeleteIt is so unfortunate that we can't be completely honest with everyone, but I too know that sometimes it just doesn't work.
I will be praying for you and your family ... isn't it awesome that God can hear me in Maine and answer prayers for you in California! Sue