Tears came to our home this week . . . September 21, 2011

This past week has kinda been one that we've been waiting for or at least wondering if it would come to our family.  It showed up without warning and yet, it actually ended up being a really good, healthy thing.

Before I blog about that, there is something that is kinda frustrating to me, especially this week.  I find that when you are a child that has been in the foster care system, there are constant reminders that you're not like the "other kids."  Sometimes this comes just by looking around you and seeing that everyone else has "always been with their birth parents."  Sometimes it's because your skin color is different from your new family.  Sometimes it's because it's just hard to figure out what your family is talking about because they have always been together and have history and understand those short phrases that they always say to each other.  I see these types of things pop up a lot with Aleeya.

But then there are other outside things that bring up the fact that they are not like the other kids.  Like every time a social worker visits our home for their monthly visit to check on her and on us.  Or when there are the friends who ask her questions about how she is doing with her new family, and then want to know more about her past.  These are things Aleeya deals with and yet keeps a smile on her face through most of it.  I'm going through a lot of it with her, and think it really stinks sometimes.  It seems to be part of the deal.  Thankfully, we have a lot of love to give her and a great God to help us through it.

In all of this, our goal is to let her feel as "normal" and part of our family as possible!  This past week we got to celebrate Aleeya because of a great accomplishment at school.  She had been struggling and working really hard in Math.  And while I can help her with and explain her homework to her, I can't help on the tests.  I pulled up her grades online one day to see how she was doing, and there it was!  A "90" on her Math Test!!!  I was so excited!!!  I emailed her teacher and began the celebration.  That night I decided that we would definitely be celebrating together!  First, we looked at the paper and I told her how proud I was of her and how "she can do Math!" (belief is part of the battle).  Then, we put the test on the fridge (something I don't think she's ever had the privilege of doing), and then she got to pick what kind of cake she wanted me to make that night for dessert.  Her response was, "I've never had a family celebrate for me."  This was a good thing that was happening!  And by the way, we not have 3 of Aleeya's papers covering the fridge (2 of them she put up just today)!

Well, this week we finally had some tears come to our home.  It's actually a kinda strange thought that I've never seen my daughter cry.  It ended up being a bit of a special time, but it was hard as well.  During our family time with God at night, she looked a little sad.  I wasn't sure what was bothering her, but thought it might be stuff with friends or just being tired.  After prayer, she told me she needed to talk to me.  So . . we went and sat on my bed and she began to cry.  She said that Ashley had asked her about some things, basically seeing if we measured up to her birth family (gotta love that girl).  And while Aleeya said what she asked was fine, it made her think about her birth family.  She talked about missing some of her family and about some of her past.  She said that although she knows we wouldn't ever do it, she sometimes has dreams about us giving her to another family.  She told me some pretty personal, hard stuff and held on and cried.  I listened, hugged, and prayed with her and assured her that we prayed for her so long and that God had given her to us to keep forever!  It was a special time of bonding that lasted for about 45 minutes.  When I felt like she was pretty much finished (for now), I told her she probably needed to get some rest.  So, after some good tissue blowing and a really great big daddy hug (since he just happened to walk in the room right as we were heading out), I followed her into her bedroom and made sure she settled in ok.  The next day, I could see some of the sadness holding on, and I tried to be sensitive while encouraging her that it would be ok.  We talked some more that evening briefly, and that night she asked if we could talk and pray together more often (like every night).  I told her I would be willing whenever she needed it, but that we couldn't always stay up late.  That night we prayed together again, and it really seemed to help.  Since then, we've been able to talk more openly about some stuff, and she seems to be doing better.  It was really healthy to know that she could be open with me, that she trusted that I could help her, and for me to understand the things she's dealing with on the insides.  I found it was really good that this took awhile to come out, as I know her better now and know the girl she is each day.  It made it easier to hear and understand what she had to say.

I'm finding as time goes by, it is easier to treat her like "one of my own."  To tell her things like:  you need to re-make your bed, or go blow your nose, or please don't drag your feet when you are wearing your flip flops.  I think this is a healthy thing as well.  She takes it all so well, and we joke around quite a bit to make it easier, but at times, it's still just weird to expect things from her like I do all our other kids.  I often want to give her a break (and many times I do), but this too is part of being treated as "normal."

Oh yeah, and I did some research and the "baby dragonfly" (picture to the right) that we thought we saw last week.  It is actually a damselfly, not a baby.  Dragonflies and damselflies don't get their wings until the end of their life, so they are full grown at that point.  Also, we found a dragonfly on the ground as we were riding bikes this week, and of course we somehow had to bring it home.  So Ashley got it onto a stick and put in in the bag I was carrying (yes, I was a little freaked out).  But it didn't seem to be able to fly when we got it, so I hoped it would stay put and not get squished on our way home.  It made it home alive and we kept it overnight.  The girls wanted it as a pet, but I was pretty sure it was in the process of dying.  By the morning, it was very still and had died, but still pretty cool to look at.  Yet another dragonfly experience!  Currently, we have a praying mantice living at our home that the girls are loving!  I think it's praying for deliverance :)!

One other note . . if you are reading this blog and happen to see us, just wanted to let you all know (as nicely as possible) that Aleeya is not currently reading this blog, so if you could not mention to her that you are reading it, that would be great.  It's mainly to help us remember this special time in our life, the transition, to help others who may be thinking about adoption, and for her to read later in her life to see how God's faithfulness has been with her all along.  Thanks and blessings :)!