Hard Times, Special Times . . . October 30, 2011

Habakkuk 3:17,18
"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior."

While we did have a reprieve for about a week, where things seemed to be getting better, we are continuing through a season of difficult times, difficult behavior and attitudes.  Our adoption agency had taught us about many of these things, but it feels a little different somehow . . . probably because she's eleven and did so well for the first couple of months (so we know she's capable), probably because we feel like we are giving her every opportunity to do right and trying to teach and train . . . probably because the "honeymoon" is over.  But we have to remember that so much of this is "normal" for her and that we haven't had her for the past eleven years to teach, train, and love.  And we don't understand her past experiences and how that shapes her today.  So, we are seeking advice and trying to learn how to handle the things we are facing, and we are praying for God's wisdom each day.  Our social worker has encouraged us that this is usually the bottom point and that we have most likely seen the worst, that we aren't likely to see new behaviors pop up.  But he's also warned us that the upcoming court date (November 17th) would likely be a difficult time as well.  I have to say that I find myself tensing up a bit as this month draws to an end, and November is right around the corner.  As much as I thought I was ok with it, I know the reality is that it will be very hard to face that day.  I'm also really thankful that we are heading into the special times of Thanksgiving and Christmas as this time of year brings a special joy in our home.

As well, we have had some "special times" together lately.  A couple of weeks ago, I took all the kids back to where Aleeya had lived to meet up with her best friend.  I knew that she missed him, and I had promised that we would go visit when possible.  So, we took a Saturday and made it a day trip.  We tried to get a hold of a couple of other girlfriends of hers, but they weren't able to make it.  So, I picked up her best bud, and we went to a nearby park.  The kids all seemed to have fun together, and I was glad we did it.  It was somewhat of a difficult day for me, mainly because the drive back to where we used to visit her just brings so many emotions.  On our way home, we told her about how hard it was to drive home without her and the kids mentioned how quiet our van was on the way home.  She asked why, and we told her it was hard to leave her each time.  She smiled and I think it made her feel special and loved inside.

As well, I took her on a "Woman to Woman" trip.  This is a trip Scott did with the boys (except it was called a "Man to Man" trip, of course) when they were eleven to talk to them about what it means to grow up and become a man.  Each trip has been a couple of days that was tailored to that child's interests.  On my trip with Aleeya, I thought it would be neat to travel to San Diego and take her to Sea World.  She loves Orca whales and had never been to Sea World.  Plus, on the way down there, I wanted to show her where we used to live in So Cal and where many of our memories have been made.  We went to our favorite restaurant there, and she loved it.  During the trip, we listened to James Dobson's series on "Preparing for Adolescence," which talks about conformity, inferiority, how your body changes and grows during those years, the meaning of love, and finding your identity.  It is a great series and really helps pre-adolescent kids to be ready for the upcoming years in their life.  We spent a couple of nights with some friends that lived down there, and visited one of my best friends on the way home.  We had lots of time to talk on our trip, and one of the neatest times was when she asked me questions about God for about an hour straight.  She seemed to really enjoy Sea World, and we got to feed and pet some dolphins which was really fun for both of us!  That day at Sea World marked a special date - we have now had her for 3 months.  My goal in all of this was to spend some special time with her, help her feel loved and special, prepare her for her future years as a teenager, and just be with her for some special quality time.

While I believe that much of that happened, we also had quite a few difficult times together.  Behavior and attitudes were not what I expected.  When we arrived home, I felt frustrated and sad.  I realized that I need some help in learning to parent her.  I tend to be straight up about my feelings and anything that concerns me with my children, so we had some talks about stuff, but I wasn't sure I was coming at things the right way.  So, I'm seeking the help needed, and trying to learn how to understand her and help her in the best way possible.  We've continued with some difficult times since we've been home, and at times, I found myself feeling defeated and wanting to hide.  Yet God gives me extra strength to confront it, be her parent, and I ask Him for an extra dose of His love to flow through me to her (even when I don't feel like it).  I've gone through feelings of guilt when I don't really want to be around her, feelings that I'm not able to do this, feelings of fear as I realize that she may always have these characteristics and I may not be able to get through to her, etc.  And then I remember that God clearly told us that we were to adopt, that she was the one, and that He is our Shelter, our Refuge, and He is faithful.  We don't need to fear, for He is with us (Psalm 91).  His Word is truly what gives me hope and security during times when I'm not sure what to do or how to handle life.  And I remember that though things may look bleak, yet I will rejoice in God my Savior!  He has done great things for us!

So . . . I'd like to ask for your continued prayers during this time.  Only God is able to help us, and He is quite capable!  Thanks for your love and support - it really does help.