Adoptive Placement Day . . . July 10, 2012

It was finally happening . . . the day we would go into Family Connections Christian Adoptions (our agency) and sign Adoptive Placement forms.  I remembered seeing these forms for other families when I worked at FCCA, and I would put them in their files.  I knew it was a good thing and families usually finalized soon after.  Other than that, this was something we hadn't heard much about and no one really gave us any hints about what to expect of this day.  All I knew was that we were to meet our social worker and Aleeya's social worker and sign some paperwork that would put us in the legal status as adoptive parents, rather than foster parents, of our girl!  While everyone in the room knew that this was the plan all along, the state would now formally recognize us in this role!

During the weeks prior, we had been talking with Aleeya about all of this and trying to help her know that we understood that this was exciting for her, but also hard as she realized that her birth mom was no longer trying or able to try to get her back.  We thought she already knew that there was no way this could happen, but when the appeals were denied, I guess the finality of it all really hit her.  We tried to re-assure her that her birth mom did still love her, but that the state had decided that she needed another home.  We talked about some of the details as best as we knew and as best as she could remember and tried to work through it some more.  I could tell she was hurting inside, and I didn't know how long she would need to work through it all.  We were still going through many days of not feeling like she was really "with us."  Her mind seemed to be somewhere else and I so longed for her to come back.

This was a rather unique week that we were able to go and sign the Adoptive Placement papers as she was attending "Kids Campus" at our church (a form of Vacation Bible School).  This event was even more special because a year prior, we had her for a weekend visit and she had come with us to the end of the last day of "Kids Campus."  I remember that day well!  This was her first year attending, and she was a little bit nervous at first.  But she really enjoyed it, and it was fun to realize that we were starting to get to the point where she had been a part of our family for a year and was starting to do things "again" with us.  It felt really great!

On Tuesday, July 10th, we met and for about an hour went over the paperwork, signed things, and talked with our wonderful social workers.  They were so good at explaining everything.  For some reason, Aleeya's social worker had said the meeting would go about three hours, but our agency felt like an hour was more than enough time.  We weren't sure what to expect.  After most of the papers were signed, Aleeya's social worker told us that she was going to allow us to look through all of Aleeya's files for the next two hours and write down whatever we'd like.  She was already giving us a notebook filled with information for us to take home, but this would give more details into her life.  We later learned from our social worker that he had never seen this happen before.  We were not allowed to copy anything or take anything, but we could read and write details down.

Now, I have to tell you that there were about 5 very large files full of information.  I had previously heard that many families don't feel the need to know about their child's past.  I wondered if that was how I should handle this.  But I felt a huge need to know and understand her past . . . for her.  She had questions that needed answers.  I needed to be able to work through the details when they surfaced and re-surfaced in her mind.  And with what we were seeing going on in her mind recently, I knew that this time was a gift from God.  As I began reading through (and I tend to be thorough), I begged God to help me read what I needed and skip what I didn't.  By the end of the two hours, I had gone through each of the files and written down some important details.  I wanted to know her birth family's birthdays.  I wanted to see any and all health records from her birth mom and dad.  I especially wanted to understand the day she was taken from her birth family and placed in foster care.  It was important for me to read the things her birth mom did to get her back and the desire she had for her.  These were things Aleeya needed to know!  There were many things we were able to learn, and there was also much that wasn't in the files.  But I was thankful for that time God allowed for us.   And I knew that there was much that we would need to share with Aleeya to help her really understand her past.  I wondered if she had ever really been able to work through it entirely or if she had kept things hidden somewhere with just bits and pieces of information that she tried to figure out.  One of the most interesting things for us as we read was that the day Aleeya was taken from her birth family was on our wedding anniversary, December 18, 2008.  I wondered where we were and what we did that night.  I wondered if the thought had come to my mind that night that we would someday adopt.  Some would say coincidence, but it was a special nugget to us!

I also left burdened.  While we had been told much of the information at the disclosure meeting about a year prior (before ever meeting Aleeya), there was something about reading everything again that made it more real this time . . I guess because now I know her, know her well.  I think I tend to go into denial about issues when they are too hard for me to understand, and perhaps Aleeya does that some too.  But reading it, and knowing that no one wants to remove a child from their home, and just seeing it in print and following the story, my heart was sad.  Sad for Aleeya, sad for her birth sister, sad for her birth mom, sad for her birth family . . . And yet I saw that God had protected Aleeya, loved her dearly, and has a great plan for her life . . . one that includes Him in her life!

And so, this Adoptive Placement Day was very special for so many reasons.  We were able to decide if we would want to know if her birth mom had any other babies . . in case they would need a home . . and I was kinda happily amazed that we both said we would want to know.  We were able to understand so much more of her story to hopefully help her piece things together in the future.  We were able to understand our girl a little bit better to hopefully be better parents.  And we finally had a legal document with her new name on it, Aleeya Joy Butler!!!