Since we had just moved only a few weeks prior, it was great to be able to get away and relax some, yet hard to leave our new place a little because we were still getting used to it. Either way, we needed a break from the normal "stuff of life," and I definitely felt a need for rest as I had been working extra hard to get things in order. I knew that once we returned from vacation, we only had a week until school would begin.
We did our normal stuff - we made a vacation mix for the ipods of our favorite songs from the year, packed our summer and winter clothes since it's often really cold in HMB, loaded up our beach stuff and luggage, and prayed together from our respective vehicles before pulling out. These were things that were new for Aleeya, but after that, everything would be something we had already done once before :). I was so glad to be at this point! We needed to have memories, and make more memories! This was a really good thing.
While we were glad this year would be different, I think it affected her differently than we imagined. Last year, the entire two weeks were centered on her . . trying to get to know her, caring for her every need, etc., but this year she was part of our family. She had been looking forward to vacation and talking about it all year. But this year, she brought luggage in like everyone else. I could see her struggling with it some, and I kinda realized that this was a hard thing for a 12 year old. Her memories of last year were great for many reasons! As well, she was still working through some of the "stuff" of realizing that things were finalizing and wondering about her birth family.
Don't get me wrong, we were having a great time at the beach doing our normal "vacation stuff," but there was a tension and quietness that made me sad. After about a week, I felt like I needed to take her out for a lunch together, just the two of us (Scott and I both took 2 of our kids out to lunch at separate times to just be with them by ourselves). I had mentioned that I wanted to talk to her before we left for vacation, and she had been waiting more than I realized for this time. I knew we needed to talk through the things I read in her files on adoptive placement day. I wanted to see how much of it she knew, wondered about, saw differently, and what she needed clarity on. It seemed like this was the best time to talk since we were more relaxed and the beach offered extra peace and time to talk. With the view of the ocean in site, we spent about 2 hours talking through things, and she had many tears flowing freely from her eyes. I told her about reading through her files and shared as many details as possible to be sure she understood her past. She asked a lot of questions and I answered the best I could. At the end of our time together, I told her she had a choice . . a choice of how she wanted to view all of this. I told her she could see it as a hard thing that happened to her (because it was a hard thing) and dwell on that, or she could view it as God protecting her and having a plan for her life, one that involved knowing Him. I also told her how sad it is when we see her "go somewhere" and not really be "with us." It was happening a lot on vacation. I told her that I was there for her when she had questions arise or needed to talk, but that I was hoping and praying that she would be able to enjoy her present! I really believe that God and her birth family would want her to enjoy the gift of today! I asked if she had ever been able to work through her past, and she said no one had really gone over it all and helped her. I told her we are committed to helping her deal with it all in a healthy way. I also asked her if vacation this year was hard because she wasn't the center of attention. She agreed that it was, and I told her that I love her very much but that each of the kids in our family are special and all deserve attention. There are times that I feel like she needs and deserves so much more from me, and asked her to let me know if she's needing more time with me and I will try to make it happen. Something about getting that out seemed to help a little. This is the tough stuff of having four kids . . . and one of them that has only been with you a year and is twelve!
She continued to struggle throughout the next couple of days, and asked a few more questions, but each day became a little bit better and I could see some of the weight lifting. Austin was with us for the first week of vacation, but left to go to Hume Lake during the second week. This changed the dynamics of our family a bit and we missed him. She was thrilled to get to go to a Giants game with Scott and Alec while we were close by to San Francisco, and since they are her favorite team, she had a blast! She had never been to a professional game, so it was a special treat provided to us by our friends that lived there and happen to have season tickets! It allowed Ashley and I to have some special time together as well, and she told me how much she liked just the two of us being together . . a lot! I realized Ashley's been missing our special times for awhile, and this was really good!
As well, we got to celebrate "Gotcha Day" as it's called on July 24th! This date marked the one year anniversary of the day she joined our family! We decided to go to Santa Cruz and enjoy the beach and the boardwalk since it's one of her favorite spots! But before we left the house, we gave her a special gift! I had been trying to figure out what to do to make the day special, and I found these really neat "Individuality Beads" that you could put on a bracelet. I had prayed for God to show me exactly what to get and thought about something like this because I wanted to be able to add to the gift each year, and there it was right as I walked into the first store I tried, Kohl's!! And, it was on a major sale which was even better - I love sales!!! Anyhow, we got her a black tweed bracelet and two charms to put on it. One was a heart that said "Family" and the other was a bead that said "Faith." When we presented it to her, I told her that this past year she had received two things that would never leave her, a forever family and her faith in God. I could tell she really liked it! We were excited because we could also add to it at her finalization! She wore it happily that day, although we had to take it off at the beach :).
We returned from vacation with thankful hearts, new memories, and more understanding. We were excited to be beginning our second year together and were so looking forward to finalization! It was now time to unpack and get settled back in before school would begin!
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