Family Fair, Finding a Girl, maybe? . . . June 2, 2011

In May, we were told about a Family Picnic, but were unable to go.  This is a time where social workers come with some children that are available to be adopted, and you meet the kids and the social workers and see if any seem like a fit.  Scott was in the studio that week recording, and I went to Georgia to see my sister for some special family events.  I figured we could go to the next one, but found that it would not be until the fall!  I thought they happened every month!  I felt a little bummed that we had missed it, but knew God must have had a reason.

Later, we were told about a Family Fair by our social worker at Family Connections.  It would be held on Thursday, June 2nd in the Bay Area.  We were very excited!  There would be no children at the fair, but social workers from each county would be there with their "child availables."  These are children that are in the foster care system that are ready to be adopted.  On the way, I said to Scott that we could "find our girl today."  I think we were both a little overwhelmed by that idea!  But we also knew that it may just be a time to meet social workers from other counties and let them know about our family in case they had a child that was in our age range, which was a 4-8 year old girl.  We also had some things that we could deal with, could not deal with, and would discuss that would also need to be true about our girl.  Picking the age and the variables seemed so awful to us, but we were reminded that we need to do this because they really want the child to fit into our family in the best way possible.  Because we know what we already have going, it's important to say what will work for your family.  Could we handle a blind child, or a child with certain backgrounds?  These were difficult things to answer, but it helped to know ahead of time and it was placed on our home study.

When we arrived, we went to use the restroom and saw our social worker in the hall.  He told us that he had seen a girl that was 5 or 6 year old and was really cute!  We immediately felt excited and couldn't wait to get in the room.  As we entered, they reminded us that we could not take anything from the room and gave us a name tag.  We began at one side of the room and were waiting to speak with a county worker when our social worker came close.  He reminded us to be ourselves, but also to really put ourselves out there so the social workers remember us.  We asked where the little girl was that he had seen, and he pointed to the table at the end of the square of tables.  So, we decided to head over there first and saw a really sweet picture of a little girl in a graduation cap and gown.  She had just graduated from kindergarten.  On each of the papers about the child, they listed what their background is, what they enjoy, and what their personality is like.  The social worker told us all about this little girl, and we listened intently.  She was part of a sibling set of three and was the youngest with two older brothers, and they said that they may need to split them up.  We didn't really like that idea, and neither of us felt really drawn to her.  We decided to go ahead and meet the other county workers and started around the rest of the tables.  We were a little sad, but knew we had just started in child search in May and it usually takes awhile.  Most of the county workers were kind and said they didn't have anyone right now in our age range, but were happy to take our home study for the future.

At one particular table, the two lady social workers were very kind, but once again said that they too didn't have anyone in our age range.  As we were talking to them and telling them a little about our family, I kept noticing Scott looking down at one of the pages on the left hand corner of the table.  My eyes kept looking down as well, but knew that this wasn't what we were looking for.  The paper said she was 11!  We kept trying to look at the social worker, but really felt drawn to this sweet face we were seeing.  Finally, I picked up the paper and said, "Tell us about this girl."  She began to talk and we kept asking questions and talking for awhile.  She got up and came over to us to talk more.  I asked if we could show our social worker the sheet, and she said that would be fine.  She reminded us that this wasn't our age range.  We went and showed our social worker, and as we did he said, she isn't in your age range.  I began trying to explain how great it was that she was older and how it would keep Ashley in the "baby" status and might actually work out well in our family, especially if she were a young 11.  Alec would still be the second born and Ashley would have a sister!  He said that I didn't have to convince him, he just wanted to be sure we knew.  He also said that quite often families start with what they think they want, and change it as they go through the process.

He went over to talk with the county worker about her, and we continued through the other tables.  I remember feeling very uncomfortable at one particular table.  They didn't seem to want to meet us or let us see any of their kids.  So, we moved to the last couple of tables and nothing really stood out to us.  We went in the back where our social worker was and waited for him to finish talking about the girl we had seen.  He came back and re-told us much of what we had already heard and gave us the good and bad of it all.  He told us that she was in the perfect spot to be adopted because the parental services had been terminated by the courts, and she was ready to be placed.  He told us that she could be really difficult since she's older and has had more baggage to deal with because of her age.  But, since he has adopted quite a few children, he said that's not always the case.  He has adopted young children with few issues who have been very difficult and has adopted older children with more issues who have been easier.  It really just depends on the child.

We decided to head home and talk more about her and see if we wanted to move forward.  We wanted to throw out the idea to our kids to see if it fit with their thinking at all and we were still getting used to the new idea.  On the way home, we realized that we wanted to start praying for her either way and had to call to ask her name.  We had seen quite a few children that day and everything was mixed up in our heads.  But her eyes, smile, and face were imprinted in our minds.  We thought she was beautiful!  We found out her name was Janice and began praying and dreaming.  Later that night, we talked to the kids around the dinner table.  The kids were dying to know if we had found anyone!  As I began to explain, Ashley looked a little upset and confused.  But as we explained that Ashley would still be the "baby," and would get an older sister around Alec's age, she began to brighten!  We told them that she liked dogs, board games, and basketball!  We had all three of those things at our home and enjoyed them as well!  The boys seemed excited about the idea.  I explained that we were just going to think about it and pray about it for now.  Then Ashley burst out with, "I don't want you to think about it, I want you to go get her!" (with her little pointer finger kind of pointed out).   She was on board for sure!  We called our social worker the next day to say that we wanted to learn more about her.  I was feeling like my pregnancy was starting, yet wondering if I might miscarry.  Would this end up being "our girl?"

Then we had to wait.  Her social worker wasn't in the office on Friday or Monday.  The kids and I were headed to meet some good friends from So Cal to go camping near San Luis Obispo.  On my way there, I remember talking to some close friends and the FCCA office quite a bit.  I began to really like this idea, and told my "mentor" friend all about it over the weekend.  She was so excited for me.  And ended up, her girl was 11, and she and Ashley played great the whole weekend!  When we returned from camping, Scott and I had spent a lot of time praying and thinking about her and felt that if she was a young 11, we would want to know more about her for sure!  Ashley was 8 1/2 and I just wanted to be sure they weren't too far apart in age.  I remember telling Scott, if she were only 10 that would be so great!  Ashley had been praying about this and wanting it so badly that it was a big concern that she find a sister she could do life with in all of this. We felt like we had found a girl . . . maybe?

What to Say, What not to Say . . . April 2011

Through the classes we took at Family Connections and through articles and books, I have learned that there are quite a few things that can be hurtful and helpful to adopted kids and their families.  I'm still learning quite a bit of the "lingo" as I have not done so well with it in the past (and sometimes now as well)!  While none of us are perfect in our terminology, it had been good for me to gain insight and understanding in this area!  Here are a few things I am learning:

Things that can be hurtful:

Comments about their "real mom" or "real parents?"  Adoptive parents are the real parents in every sense of the word.

Saying "You must be so grateful they adopted you."  For most of these kids, what they tend to remember is that they were removed from the only family they've ever known, their close friends, special items, and their surroundings.  It doesn't always seem like a good thing, especially at first.

Adoptive families absolutely feel that all their children are their "real children;" comments to the contrary are very hurtful.  (Like saying, "so which ones are your 'real children'?")  

Saying one child is "chosen" or "special."  Does that mean the others are "not chosen" or "less special?"

Saying one child is "your own," or "natural."  Does that mean the others are "not your own"  or "unnatural?"

Saying "your adopted child" instead of just "your child."

Asking about why the child had to be put in the foster system and details of the child's life.  It is their story, not one that should be shared with everyone, and they should be able to share it only if they want to.  Most of us would not want negative information to be shared about our past or the family we love and miss simply because people are curious.

Family, friends and church members assuming they know what's best for the adoptive family without being willing to learn about the differences in parenting a child who was adopted.

Things that can be helpful:

Understanding that all of the children are your "own children," they just came to you in different ways.  Some by birth and some by adoption.

Words like "birth parent" instead of "real parent," "your child" instead of "adopted child," and "parent" instead of "adoptive parent."

Trying to be sensitive and not talk about the issues the family or children are facing while the children are nearby.  They can hear quite well, and it only adds to the problem.

Consistent and specific prayer support is vital to an adoptive family.


Treat this addition to the family like you would if a new baby were arriving.  Many new items will be needed with this new child as well - clothes, items for the room, toys, bikes, books, etc. (they may or may not come with the stuff needed).

Ongoing support from friends and family - prayers, meals, cleaning, etc.  It can take quite a long time before family settles into a real routine and is doing well.

*this information came from an article by Katie Porter from Focus on the Family, an article from Adoptive Families of America, and an article by Nelson, Cincinnati Adoption a Child Today Association.

Attachment Theory . . . April 2011

One of the things I learned about in the classes we took for adoption was about attachment theory.  It basically says that if a child's needs are not met by their parents when they are young, the child will learn not to attach or trust.  As I was listening to "Bringing Up Girls" by Dr. Dobson, he explained that the part of the brain that is supposed to learn to attach actually breaks.  I'm sure I'm not using the best terms or explaining it perfectly, but that's the idea.  I felt so sad and heart-broken over hearing this information, and so want our girl to eventually feel attached and learn to trust us and others.

As I spoke to a friend, she reminded me of a great truth - LOVE HEALS!  Just as human bones are broken  at times, doctors have learned how to help the healing process and soon the person can use that arm or leg once again.  And so I was renewed with great energy and hope to remember that God's love and our love can help heal our girls doubts and distrust and show her that there is a love that will never let her go!  It was something I knew deep down, but needed reminded of how great our Father's love is!!!

Great Friends! . . . April 2011

Before you can become an adoptive family with Family Connections Christian Adoptions, they ask that you meet with a "Buddy Family."  This is a family with a similar situation that has gone before and adopted.  We were blessed to meet with a family that had an older girl in the home and adopted a 6 year old.  It was such a blessing to talk "adoption!"  They gave us some great advice and reminded us how important having friends that have adopted around us could be.  They told us of the "ups and downs" and shared some of their life experience with us.  It was great to hear their story!

We also had two of our pastor's families in our church who were in the process of adoption.  We were blessed to attend our very first adoption finalization at the courthouse with the Pishney family.  It was such a special time as we watched their little girl they have had since birth get added to their family.  I remember when the judge said that she now has the all the rights of inheritance and would now receive their last name.  It reminded me of how God had adopted me and what a privilege it is to be His daughter!  As well, the Boone family had recently added a sweet girl to their family of three boys and I was blessed to spend some time in their home and see how well she is doing!  They have truly taken her in and loved her as their own!  It was such a blessing to experience!

While I won't know what adoption is fully like until we are there, it is great to gain insight and learn from others.   I know our stories won't all be alike, yet it is so great to see how God places children into homes!  I'm guessing it's a lot like giving birth - you can't fully understand it until you've done it!

Pregnant with Adoption . . . April 2011

I've often said as this process has begun that I feel "pregnant."  I am so excited about her, think about her all the time, imagine her face, have times of concern and doubt as to if we can do it, and even feel a little nauseous at times.  I love to talk about it and have already gone through the nesting stage in my home like I did with my other three.  Basically, it's on my mind quite a bit and I feel like I'm showing :).

The hard part is that adoption is so different.  People aren't always sure how to take it and don't know what to say or how to feel about it.  It's not the "normal" way of doing it and so, I've often felt a bit alone.

If I were truly "showing," people would know I was pregnant and ask about it and understand when I was ecstatic or really nervous.  And most people would be thrilled for the new birth.  They would understand my need to nest and desire to have everything ready for the new child.  They would celebrate with me and understand the feelings.

At times, I realize that others didn't know what was happening at the time because I forgot to mention it or couldn't remember who I told about a new event.  Once in awhile, I expect someone to respond with excitement and questions, and I hear no response.  A friend reminded me that they aren't sure how to respond unless they know how I'm feeling first.  If I'm excited, they are excited.  If I'm tentative, they want to be sensitive to that.  And then I remember, many people haven't done this or been so close to it before.

I'm trying to learn not to expect so much of others, and just realize that God cares deeply for the feelings I have and He will listen to all my cares with great love.  I'm also learning to have grace and try not to take things so personally.  It would be so great if I could just blame it on the hormones of pregnancy!

Prayers for our girl . . . April 2011

As I was praying one day, I realized that I had a list for each of my family members of things that I prayed for them.  But for our new girl, I just prayed that the adoption would go well.  At first, I think I had a hard time really seeing it or grasping all that was happening.  But as things began to get to the stage where I was dreaming of her and thinking of her sleeping in the bunk beds, I realized that she was already in the world somewhere and I wanted to pray more specifically for her too!  So, here are some of the things I have been praying for her:

God would prepare us for her

God would prepare her for us

God would protect her

She would accept Jesus as her Savior

She would be a good fit for our family

She would be a welcomed sister

The timing of everything

God would give us wisdom and discernment

God would help us to parent her well

One other thing appeared on the list from Ashley.  Her biggest concern and something that she asked quite often was, "Mommy, do you think she will like me?"  I'm sure I'm a bit biased, but I can't imagine someone not "liking" Ashley.  She's so full of love and fun!  I told Ashley this and encouraged her to pray about her concern, but also added this to my prayers:

She would like/love Ashley :)

I truly believe God hears and answers our prayers, and have seen Him be extremely faithful to those who seek Him with all their heart!  It is very special to pray for our girl that is already alive and out there and know that He hears us and loves us as our heavenly Father!

Collage Time . . . April 2011

Once our home study was written (which is basically a seven to ten page document that tells a social worker everything there is to know about your family), we would be ready to be in the "child search" mode.  This meant that Family Connections would be getting our information out to county workers so that they could help us find a "match."  Each family is asked to put together a picture collage of their family to give the home study some life and help the social workers to really see your family and some of the things you enjoy doing.  So . . . I set off to begin the work.  Mind you, I am not someone who has ever done a Creative Memories scrapbook, and do not pride myself in being crafty.  While I can do it, I tend to think it takes too much time and other things take priority very quickly.  In the end, I felt good about it and actually enjoyed the process!  So, here is our family's collage:

Home Inspection Time . . . April 2011

Since I worked at Family Connections, I knew there was quite a list of things to do in the home.  Some of the items are paperwork related, like being sure you have all the phone numbers on one page for the fire department, doctor, hospital, electric company, etc.  We needed to draw a sketch of our home and yard, and be sure we had a fire extinguisher, first aid kit, and second story ladder in case of a fire.  I remember thinking that we have never been so prepared for a child in our lives!  We also had to be sure all medicines, tools, hazardous fluids, and cleaning supplies where locked up.  We were able to get most of it done before our first social worker visit to our home, but decided to continue to work on the locking up of items until we were closer to having our child in the home.  While what they were asking did take some time, it was somewhat fun and interesting.  But the crazy part was that I was about to go into "hyper-cleaning mode!"  I decided that every part of my home would have to be gone through and cleaned!  So I began and realized that every blind and window was dirty, every cabinet had un-needed items, and every closet needed a good cleaning out, not to mention the garage!  It was a very slow and painful process, but in the end it felt wonderful to know my house was back to being "mine!"  I realized that this was very similar to what I would do before each baby was born and that it was needed once again for our newest addition!

Fear Yet Knowing . . . April 2011

I remember the day Scott and I met at Starbucks, and he told me that he knew we were supposed to adopt.  I remember feeling so excited, yet unexpectedly scared.  It had been something God had been speaking to me about, "a dream," something I had imagined tons of times . . . yet not "real" until that moment.  A sudden fear overcame me in bits and pieces that day - fear of the unknown, how it would change our easy, fun family, what the costs might be.  While I know God is not a God that "has given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind (II Tim. 1:7), I think there was some healthy fear to realize that this was going to require more than what I had.  It was going to require all of Christ in me!  Soon after, as I was spending some time with God and His Word, I thought about the choices.  I thought - "well, we don't have to go through with this" and "it's ok if we reconsider," and then realized that those thoughts gave me an awful nauseous feeling in the bottom of my stomach!  It was actually a healthy thing to have felt it so early and know beyond a doubt that this was what God had called us to and I was ready for His will to be done no matter what!  I continue to have small bouts with fear as we attended classes and learned how hard it is for these children to trust you, how hard it is to adapt to another home, how difficult the children might be because of all that they have been through, and the many other problems that could arise, yet each time God reminds me of how specifically He spoke and He keeps confirming His will so beautifully!  Thankful that I know Him, and that He truly leads us each step of the way!

Songs, Books, & Shows/Movies . . . April 2011

During the time that God began to speak to our family, there were many things that kept us seeing and hearing about adoption.  Here is a list of the ones that came to mind . . . there are probably many more, and I may add them as they are remembered.  

We have made this song list into a playlist on our ipod's and love it!  We are hoping our girl will someday enjoy these songs as well!  All three books are "must-reads!"  The Bible is full of the story of God adopting us as His children and it's a wonderful love story!  I listened to all of the books on cd in my car, and actually ran out of gas while listening to "Choosing to See" because I went to the gas station, used the restroom, and wanted to listen some more so I completely forgot to get gas.  It was crazy!  I was on the Altamont Pass at night by myself after taking people to the airport, and thankfully, when I pulled off on a deserted exit, there was a tow truck sitting there with a gallon of free gas!!!  God was so good!  So, needless to say, it may be a better book if read on paper or ipad :)!  As far as shows and movies, the subject of adoption seems to be everywhere these days.  So thankful that it's becoming more of an encouraged idea and being put out there for everyone to consider!

Songs

What Love Really Means - J.J. Heller

My Own Little World - Matthew West

When Love Takes You in - Steven Curtis Chapman

Your Hands - J.J. Heller

Nothing to Prove - Phillips, Craig, & Dean

This Little Light of Mine - Addison Road

Blessings - Laura Story

I Lift My Hands - Chris Tomlin

Waiting Here for You - Christy Nockels

Orphans of God - Avalon

All I Really Want - Steven Curtis Chapman

Books

Bible - God’s story of adopting me

Mitford Series - Jan Karon (an 11 yr. old boy taken in by an episcopal priest)

Choosing To See - Mary Beth Chapman
Crazy Love - Francis Chan
Outlive Your Life - Max Lucado

Shows / Movies

Little House on the Prairie (Albert taken in by Ingles family)

Change of Plans - Hallmark Movie on TV

Blindside

A Meaningful Life

Despicable Me

Kung Fu Panda 2

Paperwork & Classes . . . April 2011

Since I had already worked for FCCA, I knew in advance that there was quite a bit of paperwork that we would need to turn in before we could even start the process of looking for our girl.  So I began working on it in late January, knowing that I couldn't turn it all in until I was finished working there in late March.  They have a policy that you can't work there and adopt from them at the same time (conflict of interest).  We had to get info from the DMV, physicians exams, TB tests, blood tests, copies of lots of items, references, and fill out quite a few papers that they gave to us.  We finished most of it by the time I quit working and then began classes.

We did a First Aid/CPR/Water Safety class, and then needed to complete four classes they offer to help you learn about and think through the process of adoption.  We went to our first class in March and basically flew through all of them in a couple of weeks so we could get a social worker and get going!

The night of our first class had a few hiccups and felt really strange and hectic.  The Thursday before, the engine light on Scott's truck appeared, and he took it in to see what was happening.  As it turned out, his transmission needed replaced fully (a cost we hadn't anticipated or hoped for and which far exceeded what we thought it would cost).  So, his truck was in the shop all weekend and we were using just the van.  On Monday, I went grocery shopping after work and then headed to pick Scott up from work (almost forgetting his truck was still waiting for some parts).  We then headed to one of our favorite little Chinese restaurants near our home and while Scott was picking up our order, my van made a very loud pop and then smoke appeared on the passenger side.  I turned off the van and walked in to let Scott know, trying to decide whether to laugh or cry.  He came out and looked at the engine, but didn't really see anything wrong.  So, I started it again, and it did the same thing.  He heard it and saw the smoke and thought it didn't look good!  We had groceries in the back of the van, dinner in hand, and needed to get to our first class within the hour.  Thankfully, a good friend was home close by and came and took us home.  We felt it was better to get it towed in and didn't know if it would run or if we would do further harm by trying.  We unloaded, got everyone dinner, and asked another friend if we could borrow their vehicle.  Thankfully, they didn't need it that night or the next day!  We made it just on time!

We both wondered why all of this was happening the weekend of us starting all the classes!  Why would both vehicles go south at the same time?  How were we going to pay for all of this?  Later that night, the van got towed.  The next day, the mechanics had the van running and looked over it thoroughly throughout the day.  They said it was fine and running well.  I got the van back, and there have been no problems since!  It seemed to both of us that satan was trying to get us off track, make us doubt, and keep us from starting the process!  The classes go in order and there wouldn't be another one until a month later.  God has since supplied what we needed to fix the truck, and kept us trusting that He knows what's taking place.

The classes and the paperwork they've given us to read has been invaluable in preparing us.  Although I know that we will never be fully prepared, it's great to have some knowledge of what these children have been through, how foster care works, what it's like when they come to your home, and how to parent them in a way that's very different from what we have been accustomed to.  It's also helped us prepare our children a little bit.  There was one video that was shown with a child talking that was very moving.  There was an activity where each of us in the class had names we taped on our shirts and then we had a piece of ribbon that was attached from the child to each of us.  They told the story of one child's walk from being taken from their parent's home in a moment, losing all their friends and family, changing social workers, switching foster families and homes, and then arriving at another completely new environment and wondering what to expect now!  Each time a person was taken from their life, they would cut the ribbon, and at the end, the child was there with all the ribbons and no attachments.  It takes quite awhile to build their trust and show them you really do love them and will keep them permanently.  They need a lot of mercy and understanding and help in processing it all.  I continue to read and ask other families that have adopted questions in hopes of preparing to the best of my ability and am thankful for those that have gone before!

How It All Started . . . February 2011

Before we ever had our biological children, we visited a couple of countries while Scott sang with a group called "Light" from Liberty University and with a group called "Mission" from World Help.  With "Mission," we were able to visit the country of India and were blessed to meet our very first orphan.  She was a girl named Jyothe.  I remember we grew to love her very quickly and decided to sponsor her through World Help.  This was probably the first time our hearts were moved to care for children that weren't officially "ours" by birth.  

When we returned from India, we found out that we were pregnant with our first son, Austin. Then 2 1/2 years later we were blessed with our second son, Alec.  And three years later, almost to the day, God blessed us with our baby girl, Ashley.  During this time, we were so busy with our little family that I don't remember thinking much about adoption.  After I had delivered Alec 2 weeks early and then delivered Ashley 4 1/2 weeks early via c-section because she was breach, Scott and I both felt like we were finished having babies!  I still remember each birth with extreme detail and loved the process (minus the sickness and nausea, of course), but knew that every good thing has to come to an end at some point.  

When Ashley was around three, I remember quite often counting my children (to be sure I had them all), and feeling like I was missing one.  They would come down the stairs and I would keep looking for one more.  It seemed like a strange thing to me, and I began wondering if God had a future plan for us to have another child.  We had made some decisions physically that wouldn't allow us to birth another child physically, but He was working in other ways.

Around this time, I mentioned to Scott a few times that I had an interest in possibly adopting, but he wasn't sensing that God was leading us in that direction.  And since we were so busy with the three God had already given us, I didn't often have time to think about it or pursue it.  

Then Ashley did the unthinkable and started Kindergarten, leaving me at home by myself.  I remember being the most sad when she left the nest, but knew it had to happen and that I could then begin working and helping our family financially.  We had been committed to my staying home with our kids until they went to school, and God had been faithful to take care of all our needs.  We did have some debt that began to accumulate close to when Ashley went to school, and I felt blessed that God allowed me to be home so long.  So, I had been praying that God would open a door wide for me to get a good job, during school ours, making decent money - a pretty big order.  He did it!!!  My soon-to-be boss was in our supper club at the time and had heard I was looking.  His wife kicked him under the table when I mentioned it, and he called me in mid-September saying that there was an opening at . . . Family Connections Christian Adoptions.  

I remember being so intrigued with the fact that he worked at an adoption agency and wondered how it all worked!  I started at FCCA on September 29, 2008 and worked there until April 29, 2010, about a year and a half.  I learned all about the paper work, the children, and the social workers involved.  I quite often would say that I wondered if God had this in our future.  I felt little tugs here and there, but felt like our finances needed to be in a really good spot before we could consider it (kinda what I thought before we started having our babies, yet God always took care of it!).  I prayed hard and worked hard asking God to help us to get rid of our debt.  It was a long prayer of faith!

I stopped working at FCCA because a friend of mine was having twin baby girls and needed a "Nanny."  I remember feeling so pulled to do this new job, as God had given me a passion to work with babies and new moms!  It wouldn't pay near as much, but Scott and I both felt like this was where God was leading.  So, in May of 2010, I began my new adventure!  It was during this summer that God really began speaking to me!  It would be during quiet moments at night most often that the urge would come and I could hear Him asking if I was ready.  I began to desire it more and would pray about it often.  I asked God to please take away all of our debt, and I would know that He had made it clear that we should adopt.  That seemed like such a big doing to me, but I wanted to have strong faith!  He had always taken care of us before as we followed Him, and while I knew we weren't perfect in how we spent our money all the time, I knew our hearts were following Him and fully committed to Him.  So, I had to trust!

My faith had been growing as I waited on Him, and although I didn't know how He would take care of the debt, I knew He would in His time.  I had been praying for years at this point, yet I had more peace about it each day.  Then it happened . . in October of 2010, we received a large check due to an inheritance that Scott received from his grandma.  She had died years earlier, and most of her estate went to take care of her son.  Well, her son had died in January and the estate had been divided among the grandchildren.  We didn't know how much was left or what we would be blessed with, but when it came, it took care of everything!  God took care of everything!!!

In November, God reminded me of my prayer quite a bit and kept directing me toward adoption!  I remember asking the kids what they thought about adopting a girl . . I remember it very clearly as we were at Costco getting gas.  Ashley immediately responded with "YES!"  Alec said he thought it was a great idea.  And Austin was for it, but asked if we could get a "quieter girl."  I told him we could pray about it, but that doesn't tend to be a strong point for most girls :)!  I told them that God had been speaking to me, but that Daddy and I would have to talk and be sure it was God's plan for our family.  So, a little later that month while Scott and I were on a date at Elephant Bar, I told him about all God was doing in my heart!  Well, if you know anything about music pastor's in November, Scott reminded me that this was not a great time to bring this up and he really couldn't think about it right then (our Christmas concerts where right around the corner)!!!  I agreed and said sorry, just needed to let him know.  Also, I decided to be thankful he had never said "no!"  

All throughout the month of December, God spoke so clearly to me, and pretty much non-stop!  Through my times alone with Him, through songs, through movies, through books I listened to on CD, through seeing other adopted children, I was bombarded consistently with the fact that God had adoption in our future!!!  It just would not go away!  I'm so thankful that God speaks clearly because it helps when the doubts and difficult times come to know that God began this work, and He will complete it!  So, on Christmas evening or the night after (I can't seem to remember), I had just watched "A Meaningful Life" (A Veggie Tale Movie I had gotten for Ashley for Christmas) and once again the adoption plan was put in front of me via DVD.  I went up to our bedroom and told Scott that I really needed to tell him what God had been saying to me.  I told him how clearly God had told me we were to adopt and how it just wouldn't go away, even when I wanted it to.  I basically explained it all and laid it all out, and he listened patiently and quietly.  I told him that I would know this wasn't God if He didn't speak to Scott too, but asked him if he would begin seriously praying about it.  He said he would.

I really desired to respect my husband and the position God has him in as the head of our home.  I did not want to push my desires on him or make him feel wrong if God was showing him something different.  I decided to not say anything else about it unless he wanted to talk about it.  I so didn't want this to be my decision and knew God would work it out if it was His will.  I was asked to come back to FCCA in January to fill in at the front desk.  It was a great opportunity, and since I had only planned to be a nanny for 6 months, it was good timing.  So, in January, I spent much time praying and did some fasting to really ask God to make it clear.  And He made it clear!!!

It was the third week of January, and one morning out of the blue Scott said he wanted to talk to me about adoption.  He asked me to meet him at Starbucks later that day, and I said "sure" quite excitedly but still unsure of what he was thinking.  When we met up at Starbucks, we sat at a table in Barnes & Noble and he said, "We are supposed to adopt.  I've been telling God "no" because of all the normal reasons (financial, loving another child and giving them the needed time, disrupting our relatively easy home, the difficulty of it all)."  But he was sure, and he was excited, and it was awesome!  Because I love babies, I thought he would think I wanted a baby or young girl, but we both knew that we would find a sister for Ashley and we both said 4-8 sounded like the right age (almost at the same time).  Ashley had been asking and praying for a sister for 2-3 years already, and I guess God worked that into the plan :)!  As soon as we had talked it through some, I mentioned that I had seen some really pretty white bunk beds at Costco.  We knew we would have to sell Ashley's set (which I took great care in picking out and absolutely loved - you know, the dream set), since it was a twin with a trundle and we wouldn't want to pull it out each night as that wouldn't make our new girl feel at home.  I asked him if I should go see if they still had them and get one if so.  He said "yes," and off I went to shop.  They had the bunk beds still, and they were $100 less on rebate than earlier that month (I just happened to notice them by faith earlier in the month)!  They only had one dresser left and it was the display one, so we got a discount on it, plus it was already put together (made my man happy)!  It all fit in the van, so I took it home and we stored it in my neighbor's garage, not wanting to tell Ashley and have the never ending questions about when she would have them in her room.

We talked to the kids that evening and told them how God was working!  They were all so excited!  It was neat to see their sweet hearts and desire to do this!  And so, the journey began!

Needing To Write It All Down . . . February 2011

The idea for this blog has come to me quite a few times over the past few months.  The main reason for this blog is to remember the steps, the journey, and God's great faithfulness during this "adoption process," as it's become named in our home.  I've read about how the Israelites built altars with stones to remember when God did great things for them, and I wanted to do something similar.  At first, I just wanted it so that I could see how God worked, and then so my family could remember God's work, but then I realized I was being a little selfish.  And so, God has asked me to put myself and our family "out there" so that maybe His glory could reach a little further into others' lives.  I have put dates beside each blog to let you know what time it should have been posted . . . it's taken me a bit to get started :).  I pray that He will receive glory, that others that may be considering adoption would be encouraged to read about another family's journey, and that many would be encouraged as they see God's faithfulness!!!  GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS, LORD UNTO ME!