I've often said as this process has begun that I feel "pregnant." I am so excited about her, think about her all the time, imagine her face, have times of concern and doubt as to if we can do it, and even feel a little nauseous at times. I love to talk about it and have already gone through the nesting stage in my home like I did with my other three. Basically, it's on my mind quite a bit and I feel like I'm showing :).
The hard part is that adoption is so different. People aren't always sure how to take it and don't know what to say or how to feel about it. It's not the "normal" way of doing it and so, I've often felt a bit alone.
If I were truly "showing," people would know I was pregnant and ask about it and understand when I was ecstatic or really nervous. And most people would be thrilled for the new birth. They would understand my need to nest and desire to have everything ready for the new child. They would celebrate with me and understand the feelings.
At times, I realize that others didn't know what was happening at the time because I forgot to mention it or couldn't remember who I told about a new event. Once in awhile, I expect someone to respond with excitement and questions, and I hear no response. A friend reminded me that they aren't sure how to respond unless they know how I'm feeling first. If I'm excited, they are excited. If I'm tentative, they want to be sensitive to that. And then I remember, many people haven't done this or been so close to it before.
I'm trying to learn not to expect so much of others, and just realize that God cares deeply for the feelings I have and He will listen to all my cares with great love. I'm also learning to have grace and try not to take things so personally. It would be so great if I could just blame it on the hormones of pregnancy!
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