Our First Week Together . . . July 31, 2011

While I so desperately wanted to have Aleeya the week before our vacation (the week she ended up going to camp), I can now honestly say that I know God had his hand in those details.  My heart just wanted us all to be together as soon as possible.  I missed her and wanted to get her settled in to our home, but God had other plans.  With all the details that needed to be done to get us on vacation, as well as getting everyone's school supplies bought and put together, it was such a hectic week, and one that wouldn't have been a good first week to have together.  Her time at Royal Family Kids Camp went really well, and we keep hearing bits and pieces of it.  Her two favorite songs from the week were "Mighty to Save" and "One Way," both songs by Hillsong United that we too enjoy and have been playing lots for her this week!  In fact, they have been added to our Vacation Mix 2011 (this is an ipod playlist that we put together of our favorite songs for that year, and each family member gets to pick a few).

As well, I am so thankful to have this vacation time to spend together without the normal "daily grind."  This is an amazing couple of weeks for us all to get to know one another, enjoy time relaxing and doing some fun things together . . what wonderful timing our God has!  Having our first two weeks with her while being on vacation gives us all a chance to spend some major quality time together, and allows her to have uninterrupted time with Scott with us so she can really understand our family dynamics!

Here are some of the memories from our first week together:

In the evening, we would often watch movies and shows together.  I found that she likes to be close and put her head on my shoulder!  She's a bit of a cuddler, and I'm glad she is willing to give and receive love so easily.  One of the movies she picked to watch was "Blindside," which is a movie about a family that takes in a teenage boy.  During this movie, she realized that foster families receive money for having foster children (something I was sad she learned, but is true).  As well, this boy started out not doing very well in school, and she said that he was probably too sad to care about school work.  I think she was right.  It was so interesting to hear her perspective on this movie, and it's such a great movie about hope and love.

We also enjoyed some time in Monterey, and the girls and I watched the boys play golf for 9 holes.  I let her steer the golf cart part of the way and she really enjoyed it!  We took it slow (I was still doing the pedals), and she thanked me for not grabbing the wheel from her but telling her how to do it instead.  While the boys finished the last 9 holes, we headed to a really fun park.  The girls got to run and play, and while we were in a round tunnel sitting to rest, she told me she thought I was really pretty.  It was a sweet moment.  We also shopped some together, and we got her some shoes and a watch (we had gotten the rest of the kids watches last year on vacation and wanted her to have one too).  We looked at ideas for bedding for their room as well.

Since two of our kids had done some extra reading and earned passes to Six Flags, Discovery Kingdom, we decided it would be a fun day to have while on vacation.  We had never been, but she had been quite a bit since her foster sister worked there.  She really loves the Shouka show (a really big orca whale), so I emailed them ahead of time to see if we could somehow have her be the volunteer for the show.  They said they couldn't do that for us (and actually didn't have volunteers at the shows we went to that day), but offered us VIP seating.  We were thrilled and said that would be great.  But then, we didn't hear back.  So, about half way through the day, I decided to try to email them once again and give them my cell number in case it could still work out, and they called me back immediately!  We got to sit right on the edge of where Shouka comes up to pose!  We were the only ones in this small section, and she was so excited!  It was a great memory, and she thanked me for working it out!  I think it made her feel really special!

We also decided to start our "Little House on the Prairie" series fresh with her.  We love the show and thinks it teaches great things about family, friendships, hard work, and faith!  We were somewhere in the middle, but decided we wanted her to experience it all with us.  Thankfully, she seems to like it too!

On Thursday, Nana and Pop Pop came to our vacation spot for a visit since they are still here in California at the state fair.  It was very sweet as they walked in the door, gave Aleeya a hug, and brought gifts for all the kids!  She could tell they loved her already, and they were able to see how she was fitting right in to the family.  I was glad they could spend a little bit of time with her while they were out here from Florida since we don't get to see them very often!

Thursday afternoon, we went to part of the beach near Half Moon Bay and let the kids play at the ocean.  At this beach, not many kids really get in the ocean because it's so cool, so they just went and played in the sand and got knee deep in the water at times.  All the kids were writing in the sand and playing while Scott and I sat on a bench and watched them from a short distance.  The kids yelled out for us to come and see what they were doing, and we said we would be there in a bit.  When we got there, we saw "I, a Heart made with seaweed, my family."  It was a beautiful site and great reassurance that she was doing well and enjoying being with us.

Often throughout the week, she would talk about being adopted and being a sister.  She continued to call us "Mom and Dad," and fit right in with the kids.  She would also bring up her "real mom" and talk about her "sister," who was her foster sister at her last home (a college age girl that seemed really nice and worked at Six Flags.  They had spent some time together this summer).  Since she is open and talks about her foster families at times, I asked her which family she most enjoyed being with (speaking of her foster families), and she said ours!  Then I explained that I meant foster families, not her adoptive family, and she told me that she enjoyed one the most because the mom was fun and there were kids to play with there.  Then she said that I was a fun mom and she likes our family.  I told her that I try to be a fun mom (especially on vacation), but that there are times we have to get things done and we work hard together.  But I also know that I will give her great love, great security, and will work through whatever is needed.

There were times that she did things that we weren't comfortable with and times I'm sure that we did things that she was uncomfortable with!  We let much of that go at times and would talk about some of the things as well.  I was proud of her when she would say she'd prefer not to do something when asked.  And there were times we said that she needed to do something and she would go along with it.  There were some things that, as a mom, I wanted to be sure she knew how to do properly and I spent a little time explaining some of that.

One of my favorite memories of this week was when I had reminded Alec and Ashley to go and read their Bibles (do their quiet time), and she went and found her Bible and showed me that she had written down some verses from what she had read the previous week at camp.  It was the Bible we had given her during her weekend visit to our home.  It thrilled me!  The next day, I asked Austin to remind everyone to spend some time reading and I mentioned to Aleeya that she may want to read part of the storybook Bible Ashley had given her on her first night with us.  I had looked at it the night before and realized that she probably hadn't learned any of the "normal" Bible stories our kids had heard tons of times.  This little picture Bible seemed easy to understand and tells many of the main Bible stories in an easy-to-read format.  She ended up on the couch reading longer than Alec or Ashley that day.  It was awesome!!!  I prayed that God would use this time to open up her eyes to who He was and how much He loved her!

We spent Friday doing some light cleaning, and Scott and the kids did some yard work.  We had her join in and they got the job done pretty quickly.  I thanked her for helping, and she said it's good to do "team work."  Later, we went into San Francisco and took her across the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time.  We also went down Lombard Street and did some shopping.  While at the mall, she and Ashley located some necklaces that said "Big Sister" and "Little Sister," so that was purchased with great enjoyment!  They put them on immediately!  As well, we were able to get her a really cute school bag and lunchbox.  I was glad she could pick it out!  Each of the kids were shopping for some specific items, and it was nice that she could feel part of it all.

We did notice that this non-stop time with all of us together was wearing on Scott and I a bit by Friday afternoon.  All the silliness and great fun they were having was at times exhausting to us, and we needed some quiet.  While the kids were definitely meshing together as family, it was a little bit like having a great new friend with us.  It was hard to tell them to quiet down in the back of the van when they are having so much fun, yet it's what we would "normally" do.  We found that "the quiet game" was a nice change of pace at times, and tried to play some music they all enjoyed singing as well.  We were all learning how to "be together," be honest, and enjoy one another.  This was all still so new!  There were also many times when everyone would be playing, and I'd find her wondering in just to be close to me.  I remember at times when I was young that I too would just want to be close to my mom, and this was a good thing!  I would try to stop and talk or just give her a hug to reassure her.

On Saturday and Sunday, we had some friends visit and had a great time!  They had a girl her age whom she had met before, and their friendship continued to grow . . . it blessed my heart!  So thankful for good friends!!!  We went to church together on Sunday morning, and the pastor spoke on sin and our need for a Savior.  I was thankful she was hearing it, and am really looking forward to fully discussing who Jesus is and how much He loves her!  Seeds are being planted :).  Sunday afternoon was spent with some more friends coming to play at the beach with us and have dinner together.  As each family arrived, she would come up to meet them, which was so thoughtful.  She didn't seem nervous about meeting new people for the first time, and really fit in so well.

We would all have to say that we are completely amazed by what God has done!  He has blessed us with this precious girl, a new daughter to love, a new sister to enjoy, and a wonderful addition to our family!  Each night as we read our family devotional together, the closeness just continues to grow.  We are all learning so much together, hoping that she will feel very loved and secure, and looking forward to a great future!  Thanks again for all your prayers and support!!!

***One more note, many of you have mentioned that you can't wait to see pictures of her, and I so wish I could post some!!!  Unfortunately, we are not able to post any until the adoption is finalized (up to a year away).  Thanks for your understanding on this, and we will gladly post our new family picture as soon as we are able!

What's in a Name . . . July 27, 2011

This is one of those blogs we have been nervous to put out there.  There is a lot of controversy on this subject, and we know many of you will have opinions as well.  But as a family, we have worked through this and wanted to share how it all worked out for us . . .

As almost all parents know, it takes quite awhile to decide on a name for their new child (often it takes about 9 months to choose).  With adoption, this process is much different.  For those that adopt newborn babies, there is usually not an issue with them naming their new baby.  For others that adopt a 2-3 year old, they will often change the toddler's name to a name they have had in their minds for quite awhile, and this usually works out without too much confusion.  For us, adopting an 11 year old girl, we pretty much figured that she would keep the name she was given at birth.

Somehow, this whole subject has caused great debate among adoptive families, counselors, and people in general.  Many think that a foster child's name is the last thing the child has of their own and with all the moves, changes in family structure, and loss of items, this is something that should remain the same.  Some think that if a boy was named after his father, and his father creates bad memories for him, that his name should be changed.  For many families that have adopted, they have dreamed of having a child and feel that they should have the right to name their child just as every other parent has done.  And then in the Bible, we find that God often changed a person's name when He wanted to do a great work through their life (i.e. Abraham, Sarah, Paul).  For our family, we weren't sure how it would all work out.

You see, we have three biological children that are all named with an "A" name:  Austin, Alec, and Ashley.  We wondered if our new girl would feel like she wasn't a part of the family if she had a name that began with another letter.  We so wanted her to feel like family!  Of course, we wanted her to keep her name if she liked it, and we would love her no matter what!  But we knew that this can be one of the small perks of getting adopted (being able to change her name) and wanted to offer it to her if she was interested.  At times, we felt like we shouldn't bring it up at all because we didn't want her to feel pressured or like that was what we wanted.  And then we felt like we had to bring it up just in case, and knew we would need to do it soon after she arrived in our home as everyone would begin meeting her.  If we waited too long, it would be too weird for other people to switch and call her by a new name.  What if, years later, we found out she wanted to have an "A" name like our other kids, but we never asked?

We wondered how it would all work out!  Scott and I talked about it, and I said I would take her to lunch and spend some time with her one day during her first week with us so we could talk about it without any outside pressures (like our other kids saying what they thought).

Long ago, when I knew we were supposed to have one more child and would be watching for one more to come down the stairs, I had a name in mind.  That name was "Annabelle Grace."  Annabelle was my grandma's name, but I thought we would call her Annie or Anna.  When we met Janice, I knew that this name didn't fit her at all.  You know, the way you look at your newborn baby and just "know."  I also knew that I would be completely fine with keeping her name Janice if that's what she wanted!  I was actually surprised that I was alright with it since I like to plan and love order, but I really was good with it either way (something I knew God had done in my heart)!

So . . . on the Sunday we picked her up as our own, we were walking around the shopping area where we had lunch.  I was actually right outside of P.F. Chang's with just the two of us, and she asked me this question:  "Did you mean to name all of your kids with an 'A' name?"  I couldn't believe it!  I wondered if she would even notice?  I told her "yes" we did, but wasn't at all ready to talk to her about it that day.  There were so many emotions and changes happening, and one more big decision was way too much to think about at that point!

On Monday, I thought it would be a good idea to take her out to lunch and see how she was doing.  I wasn't sure if it was time to talk to her about the name idea or not, but I wanted to see if she had any questions and just let her know she could ask me anything.  It would give both of us a chance to talk openly together about whatever.  I offered to take her to a couple of nice restaurants or her favorite fast food restaurant, Burger King.  Of course, she picked Burger King and seemed really excited that just the two of us were going.  On our way there, I told her that I would try to take her out, just the two of us, every week or two for awhile, so that we would have some special time together.  There's so much to becoming part of a family and I didn't want her to feel anymore overwhelmed than she had to.  I so felt for her having to learn all the new stuff our family did as "normal," after being in a few other homes the past few years.

We talked about various things at lunch.  I asked if she had any questions, and she mainly talked about going to her new school.  She was concerned about what it would be like and who would be in her class.  We talked about the dress code and the classes and the teachers.  Somehow, the name thing didn't come up, so we left and went to go pick up Scott.  He was going to pick up our van from the shop, but it ended up not being ready (it was the radiator that was leaking the green fluid the day we picked Janice up, and it needed replaced).

While we were in the car waiting, it seemed like it just had to be said.  I told her that one of the perks of getting adopted was that if she wanted to, she could change her name.  I told her that her last name would definitely get changed to Butler when the adoption finalized, but that she could also change her first and middle name if she wanted to.  I told her I would be happy if she wanted to keep her name as Janice, but wanted to let her know that she could change it if she liked as well.  She immediately responded with "I want to change my name to an 'A' name!"  She asked what names we had thought of already.  I told her about the Annabelle thing and how I didn't think she looked like an "Annabelle."  Then we told her some of our top picks.  At first, she seemed to like one of them, but we told her it would be good to think about it for a day or two before deciding since this was a big decision.  As well, we told her we could look on the computer for other ideas if she liked.

That evening, we discussed quite a few names.  We had a pretty big list including:  Abby, Aleeya, Alexa, Alexis, Alison, Alivia, Ally, Alyssa, Amanda, Angela, Annie, Anya, Ava, and the list went on.  We tried not to think of how our friends had girls with some of these same names and just let her pick what she liked!  We knew quite a few other Austin's and Ashley's and figured it would be ok if she shared her name with others as well. She really leaned toward Ally and Alexa at first, and then Angela.  I struggled with Alexa as she thought her nickname could be Alex and that would be so close to Alec.  I thought that would be too much to introduce our kids as Austin, Alec, Alex, and Ashley.  And then when I tried to call for one of them, I knew I would really get messed up!  We wrote them all down on paper so she could see them spelled out, wrote down the meanings of some of her favorites, and I reminded her that this name would stay with her forever.  We decided to sleep on it and talk some more the next day.  We didn't want to make the decision for her, yet we wanted to help her with it.  As the kids went to bed, Scott and I talked and didn't really feel a peace about a particular name that night, but prayed that we would the next day.

There were times when this decision seemed a little painful for Scott and I, and even the kids.  We wanted to be sure she really wanted to do this.  We began feeling fine with Janice again.  But she pressed on and kept talking it through off and on.  She was sure she wanted to switch and never considered any names that weren't "A" names.

On Tuesday, we headed on a two hour trip to Monterey for the boys to play golf together (a long awaited golf trip from last summer when they were supposed to play at Poppy Hills, but Scott's back went out right before vacation and it didn't work out).  Because the van was still getting worked on, we had to take two vehicles.  The girls went with me, so we had lots of time to talk.  On our way down, pretty much as soon as we got in the car, she said that her current favorite was Angela.  It wasn't one of our first picks, but we weren't against it either.  I told her people may call her Angie, and asked if she was ok with that.  She didn't seem to like that.  I told her my favorite was still Aleeya, mainly because her middle name was Lee and I thought it would be good to keep part of her original name in her new name.  She said she liked it, but didn't think Aleeya Lee would sound good together.  I told her we could change her middle name too - I think she didn't fully realize that.  She asked me what I was thinking for middle names and I told her "Joy" or "Grace."  I told her I liked "Joy" because she has brought me great joy!  And "Grace" because Janice means "God is gracious."  She liked "Joy" and said "yes, I like 'Aleeya Joy'!"  She said she was sure of it!  I told her that we could talk more at lunch and be sure everyone was good with it, and she said that was fine.  I wanted to be sure this was a family decision, as well as her own decision - the whole thing was a little tougher than I thought!

That day at Bubba Gump's in Monterey, we talked it over and everyone was happy with the name decision.  We asked her one more time if this was what she really wanted and reassured her that it was fine if she wanted to keep her name as "Janice," but she said this was the name she wanted.  So, we asked if she was ready for us to start calling her "Aleeya" and she said yes.  We began at lunch and continued throughout the day.  After lunch, Scott chimed in with "Aleeya, Joy to the World" and that brought a big smile to her face!  We all laughed, and laughter seemed good to help us through this new time of transition.

At times, we would still forget and call her "Janice."  We had been praying and thinking about a "Janice" for a month and a half now, so it would take time for all of us to get used to calling her by her new name.  I would say the first day was still really hard for all of us to see her as anything but "Janice," but after a couple of days, it began to feel more natural to call her "Aleeya."  I still really loved that "Lee" was a part of her name, and she really looked like an "Aleeya" to me.  She was gracious to us when we forgot and began answering to "Aleeya" immediately.  I was amazed by her ability to transition so easily and her desire to be a part of the Butler bunch!  Now, the other part of this would be trying to help everyone else know that her name is "Aleeya" as well.  This should be interesting!!!  

WE ARE FAMILY!!!! . . . July 24, 2011

WOW!!!  What an amazing, wonderful, emotional, exhausting, and fabulous day!!!  We feel so blessed and so thankful to God, for He has done great things!

We woke up early and went to get Janice from her foster family.  The time set for us to pick her up was 10am, and we wanted to be sure to be on time.  That's always been a funny thing - leaving in plenty of time so as not to be late, but not wanting to be too early either - a little tricky at times.  We had a great ride over together and enjoyed our time.  As we began the drive on her street, the nerves hit us hard.  I realized that this was it!!!  We were going to get her today forever!  I can still feel the butterflies that I felt at that moment.  Scott was talking about it as we drove up her drive.  We began realizing even more how hard this must be for her and wondered how the foster family was doing this morning.

The kids wanted to jump out of the car and run to the door, and we had to remind them to walk and go slowly.  We knocked on the door, and the foster mom answered the door along with the two younger foster children she has in their home (2 and 5 yrs. old and so cute).  They both seemed happy to see us, and the 2 year old little guy gave me a leg hug that was so sweet and I thanked him!  At first, we didn't see Janice but heard people playing a game in the kitchen.  The foster mom explained that it had been an emotional morning and that it would be good to take it slow.  She said that Janice couldn't stomach breakfast, so she had some snacks to send along with us.  I told her I understood and we would do our best to take the day slow and see how she's doing.  I asked her how camp went, and she said it was great!  This was her third year attending, and they all knew her well and loved her.  She had the same counselor this year, and had a great time!  I was so glad to hear this news!

When Janice came over, she looked a little shy and emotionally worn a bit, and I gave her a hug.  Her eyes looked good though and she seemed as comfortable as she could be.  We saw a boy and his mom there, and I asked who they were.  It was her close friend Gabe from school and his mom, and his mom had tears in her eyes.  She really loved Janice and it was hard to see her go.  It was hard for her to see her son's friend leave as well.  I told them we had heard so much about Gabe, and we were thrilled to meet him.  We all talked for a short while, and at one point, I remember my voice showing that I was on the verge of crying.  Janice was very calm, but looked over at me to see if I was ok.  The emotions in the room were so strong from everyone.  We then took her luggage to the car.  I had a small gift for Janice to give the two younger foster kids as a goodbye present (I so felt for these sweet little ones that would lose another person out of their little lives and was thankful the foster mom was ok with Janice giving them a small gift), so I showed them quickly to Janice and she took them in.  We held back a bit so she could say her last goodbyes.  Then we went to the door and gave hugs to her foster family, as well as her friend Gabe and his mom.  I thanked them for loving Janice and felt their pain in such a real way!  I told Gabe's mom that I would love to have their information to keep in touch and they said it was in a card they had given Janice.  He also made her a neat bracelet and had one for himself as well.  You could tell they had a neat friendship!

When we got back to the van, we noticed that there was quite a bit of antifreeze leaking from under the van and dripping down the driveway.  I tried not to worry, and had to pray right then.  All I could think is that this would not be a great day to get stuck in their driveway, or to get stuck on the way home (on a Sunday in the middle of an area where we didn't know anyone).  Scott thought we would be ok, and would get it checked out tomorrow.  I was thankful for his faith and tried to trust (even while knowing we would be going through a tunnel and over the Bay Bridge in San Francisco on our way home).

We all got in the van, and it felt so good!  She seemed happy to be with us, yet I wondered if she was sad.  We asked her about her week at camp, and she said that she had so much fun!  She talked about really enjoying the zip line!  The boys had both done that, so they got a good conversation going.  Things seemed to go really smoothly on our trip to eat lunch.  We decided to go to one of our favorite vacation areas and shopped at Ikea for an item for the girls new room (currently pink and green, soon to be blue and green).  Then we went to P.F. Chang's, of course, for our first family dinner (officially)!  They gave the kids wiki sticks and she made me a twisted ring.  I wore it all day with great joy :)!  We talked about our plans for the day, and I told her that we were going to go to see Cars 2 and then head back to our vacation spot in Moss Beach and have a celebration for her!  (Ashley had briefly spilled the beans already, so we went with it)!  We told her we had a cake, and someone else mentioned a big balloon, and we told her we had some presents for her as well.  She said, "Wow, I've never had a family like this before!"  I told her we were so happy to have her in our family and wanted to celebrate!

As the appetizers were served, it was so cool that she looked over at me and said, "Are we going to pray?"  Scott said yes, of course, and we thanked God for our food.  I held her hand as Scott thanked God that she was with us!  As we started eating lunch, she said, "I just have to tell you I'm not feeling very hungry and feel a little dizzy."  I told her I completely understood (I had actually felt the same way two nights before after eating dinner and had to lay down that evening), and I told her that she didn't have to eat.  She said she would try.  I told her if she was feeling bad, we could rest or do whatever she needed.  As lunch continued, she would at times lay her head on my shoulder and just rest, and soon she began to feel better and we had some fun laughter at the table.  We took a couple of pictures as we left (one where we tried to look like the statue guy above us, and we almost all lost it as we held the pose)!

She seemed better, so we walked around a bit to do a little shopping.  At one store, we were able to get the boys and her some new school shoes so that was great.  At another store, I looked at her and asked if she was doing ok with all of this, and she said, "I'm really excited!"  That made me feel so much better and I gave her a good hug!  As we walked back to the car, it was so fun to see all four kids walking and hanging out in front of us!  It was great to see her and Ashley holding hands and "being sisters."  It was so nice to have her walk closely to me at times and just know she was really "with us!"

Thankfully, we didn't see anymore major leakage and the van kept going!  We headed to a really nice theatre closer to Moss Beach and watched Cars 2 together.  We had a good time and I was glad we could all just sit and relax together.  We finally got back to our vacation home and showed her around.  She was so excited!  The boys brought her luggage in and we  said "hi" to the dogs.  Soon after she asked, "Can we open the presents now?!"  I said sure and we went in to watch her.  She opened her card first and read it.  This is what it said:
"I always want you to remember there is no one else like you.  You have gifts that only you can give the world.  You have blessings others can only receive through you.  The Lord designed every detail of who you are.  He cares about you so much, and I care about you too.  You are special, you are loved, you are you - and the world is blessed to have you in it!  Then we added . . . and now our family is blessed to have you in it!  We love you, Dad, Mom, Austin, Alec, Ashley and Bogey.  It also had the verse "God saw all that He had made and it was very good." Genesis 1:31

Ashley had gotten a picture Bible at the church we visited the night before and wanted to give it to Janice, so that was the first gift.  We got her some blue and yellow nail polish (school colors and blue is her favorite anyhow), along with a little blue hand sanitizer thing she can put on her backpack.  Then she opened a bag with some "Forever Sunshine" Bath and Body cream, bubble bath, and spray (I had put some of the cream on her on an earlier visit and she said she liked it).  She loved the spray.  There was also a really sweet bear that had a shirt that said "Hug me" and it talked each time she hugged him with really cute sayings.  Lastly, she opened the book with each of us reading part of it to her.  She seemed to really like everything, and we so enjoyed giving her a little something on this special day!

Soon after, we decided to take the dogs for a walk and go close to the ocean.  She and the boys hiked down this one hill and saw some seals in the water.  We walked for a bit longer and headed back to the house.  We just relaxed for awhile and I worked on a light dinner with some pasta, fruit and vegetables.  While I was cooking, she hung out some of the time with me in the kitchen.  She asked, "So did you guys already adopt me?"  I said "yes and no."  She looked puzzled.  I explained that yes, we are adopting you and keeping you, but that the law makes this process take a little bit of time.  So while it's not finalized with the courts, we are keeping you!  She seemed good with that answer.  She also mentioned again that it's nice to call me "Mom."  I told her I loved it too and that the kids were excited about calling her sister if she was ok with that.  She said she was, and I told her we had been so excited about it all fo awhile, but wanted to be sure she was comfortable with everything!  She said she was.  I asked her and Ashley to go ahead and set the table, and she was happy to do it.  I wanted her to feel part of the family!  We all ate together in the dining room, and every chair was filled!  She ate a good dinner and was feeling much better!  I was so thankful we wouldn't have to drop her off and get her again.  I could tell that it was wearing on her so much (and on us as well).

After dinner, we sat together and watched a movie called "Hachi" that she had seen at the Christian bookstore on one of our visits.  It's a movie about a dog that was extremely loyal to his owner and was based on a true story.  The dog was lost and the man found the dog, and the dog stayed by his side continually!  At one point in the movie, the family is having their picture taken for a wedding and the dog got in the picture.  I mentioned it to Janice and she said, "well, he's part of the family . . . just like I'm part of a family now."  Wow, the emotions of this day were just amazing!  The owner of the dog has a heart attack in the movie and dies, but the dog continues to be loyal and goes to the train station each day like he did before looking for his master.  The movie talks about how we should always remember those that are special in our lives.  I too want Janice to always remember those that have played a special part in her life.  But the movie was pretty sad, and I had tears quite a few times.  While we watched it, Janice laid her head on my shoulder and Ashley on Janice's shoulder as we huddled under a blanket on the couch.  It was great to be close and I realized how much love she is ready to have and give.  She would often be gently putting her hands through Ashley's hair and just being so sweet!  It was a very special time!

We had our cake after that, and we had 6 candles to celebrate that we now had 6 in our family.  We couldn't figure out what to sing - Happy Birthday didn't seem right, Happy Adoption to you didn't fit either, so we all just said "Happy Family Day" and each blew out a candle.  Then we decided to watch a Cosby show to finish the night on a happier note.  We went up with the kids to read together and say goodnight.  It was great getting to give Janice a hug and kiss on the cheek and tell her "I loved her."  She seemed so ready to be loved!!!

Scott and I talked about the day and how much we were ready to love her, how emotional the day had been, how much the kids loved her, and how much wisdom we would need as we desire to raise her and teach her the things of God!  We so want to be loving and gradual and want her to feel safe and secure.  We felt so thankful to have her with us and amazed at how God had brought her into our home!  This was a much different type of pregnancy than I have ever experienced, and while the physical pain was not present, the emotional experience has been far greater than I have ever felt before!  I so long to parent her with wisdom and love!  What an amazing day!  Thank you LORD!

Getting Ready to CELEBRATE! . . . July 23, 2011

Today was a wonderful day!  Our first full day of vacation, a day to get settled in, relax, and get ready for a celebration!!!  It was our last day as a family of five, and we had a great time together!  We laughed a lot, watched surfers in Pacifica, went grocery shopping, and took a walk with the dogs (we brought our dog and watch our friend's dog here at the house where we stay in Moss Beach). Tonight, we went to a friend's church in Pacifica and had communion together as well.  It was a great evening.  As the day was closing, we all just wanted to get to bed so that it can be tomorrow already :)!

Today has also been a day of getting ready to celebrate!  We made a cake for her, made sure we have her favorite ice cream, got a huge balloon, and have 5 presents for her to open tomorrow evening when we get home!  We want to welcome her to our family with great excitement and lots of love!

Before bed, we all gathered together to pray.  It was so special to hear each of the kids pray for Janice and the transition.  They prayed that she wouldn't be too sad leaving her foster family and her close friends, that she would feel safe with us, and that the transition would go well for her as she enters our family and as she begins school in a few weeks.  Scott and I thanked God for how He's brought all of this together - it's really amazing.  We met her June 23rd and get to keep her as of July 24th!  Unbelievable!!!  We thanked God for the phone call before we left for vacation!  We thanked God for the foster family that has taken care of her for the past year, and prayed for them as this would be a transition time for them, and especially for the other two foster children in their home that won't understand fully why Janice is leaving the home.

While we are all so looking forward to tomorrow, we know that Janice may have mixed emotions.  We pray that God will give her His peace and help her feel our love, and that somehow that will make things easier.  We imagine her to be excited and that it will be a great reunion (we haven't seen her in a week and we have missed her)!  We can't wait to hear about how camp went and catch up on her week.  It should be a fun day for sure, but we want to be prayed up and understanding of how she might be feeling as well.  God has been so good to us in all things, and we are amazed by Him!  We are ready to celebrate for sure!!!

A Great Phone Call! . . . July 22, 2011

We were supposed to have already left for vacation, but thankfully my husband let me take my time getting out the door since we really didn't have to leave early.  I like to have everything in order and double check my packing, plus I wanted the house just right for us coming home as a family of six.  And I so didn't want to have to wake up early and rush.  We were about to leave when the phone rang . . .

Our Caller ID said it was Family Connections Christian Adoption Agency.  I picked up the phone, and it was our social worker.  He called to double check and be sure everything was set for us picking up Janice on Sunday at 10am, and to ask about a few other details.  Then he told me some amazing news!!!  He said that Sunday would actually be our "Placement Day!"

Now, that may not mean a whole lot to most people, but it was huge for us!  Because her social worker had been on vacation, she hadn't put the paperwork needed into the court until she returned.  We were told that we could get Janice on Sunday, but that our placement day would take 14 days and not be final until August 2nd (this date is Austin's birthday, and he was actually excited about being able to share his special day with a her special day).  It's all legal stuff and paperwork, but somehow it does make things feel more legit.  While we weren't going to tell her that she wasn't formally placed with us, it was nice to know she would be.  We would have basically been on an extended visit with her and would still keep her, but our placement date would be later.

Well, the reason that we were able to have the day be Sunday, July 24th was because her birth mom signed off on the paper for an out of county placement!  This was very unlike her as we have been told that she appeals everything sent out from the court.  Had she not signed off, Janice would still get placed with us, but it would just take longer.  We were so excited to know that this was the "real deal" and felt such a great peace!  What a great way to start our vacation!  We were also incredibly amazed at our God!  Everyone told us that everything would take longer because her birthmom always appeals.  I remember saying, "ok, I understand that, but we can still pray that she won't appeal."  I hadn't even thought about praying for this to happen, and didn't really know it was an option to be shorter, but God had given us the desire of our hearts!

Grant it, we still have a long way to go to finalize the adoption, but each step gets us a little closer!  So thankful!

A Hand Print . . . July 2011

Our family is so excited!  We leave tomorrow for our annual Half Moon Bay vacation and will be picking up Janice on Sunday for keeps!!!  Today the boys were talking (and they are super excited about vacation, mostly because it involves some great golf and time with family that they really love), and they said, "Mom, we are more excited about getting Janice than vacation!"  We all agreed on that one!

Thankfully, since I have to have the house completely clean before leaving, tend to clean out my kids rooms while packing, and had to get all our school supplies since school begins four days after our return, I have been extremely busy and the days haven't dragged on.  There have been many moments of prayer for Janice while she's at camp, and much prayer over the transition, and much, much joy!  I think it's mainly because the waiting will be over very soon, and she will be with us forever!  I remember talking to a good friend about the possibility of having her by vacation, and I actually did think it was possible, but had no idea it would really happen!

Today as I was doing my normal "get ready for vacation" chores, I headed to the car wash to get the van cleaned up and ready to go.  All week I have enjoyed something I would normally get frustrated with if anyone else had done it.  It is a handprint that Janice left on the back window of my van.  Normally, I would tell the kids to keep their hands off of the windows, that they need to stay clean, but I have enjoyed this handprint each time I've seen it!  I did clean it off this morning, finally able to get rid of it knowing I'll have the real thing with me on Sunday!  Thankful for it though, it made me smile all week!

Tonight, we organized a few presents we plan to give Janice on Sunday as we celebrate her joining our family, and one of them is a book that you record your voices on as the pages turn.  I had bought it back in January or February, and wondered if it would be ok to give an 11 year old.   At that time, we had thought we would get a 6 or 7 year old girl.  But tonight, as each of us read a page or two, I knew it would be perfect.  It's called "Bright and Beautiful, a child's blessing."  A couple of the pages read . . . "All things bright and beautiful, God made them one and all . . . God made each person, too.  The miracle of family, the wonder that is you! . . . He made YOU bright and beautiful . . . May God bless you, may He keep you.  May love never be too far.  And as you grow, I hope you'll know how wonderful you are."  If you get a chance to read it, the whole book is great!  As I read the last page, I realized that I used to pray that prayer over each of my babies each night - "May the Lord bless you and keep you.  May the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you.  May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace."  How fitting that I would get to read this on a recording to her as she enters our family!  

It's funny how things have changed.  I remember reading a friend's blog, and her saying that they were going to add a little girl to their family forever!  She was so in love with this sweet girl almost before meeting her it seemed.  How could she know and be ready to say "forever."  Yet, here we are, and as a family, we are ready and dying to say "FOREVER!" to our sweet girl.  God just knows how to set these children in families, and He has been so clear this whole time.  I am truly in awe of our great God and His great love for us!

We get to keep her!!! . . . July 19, 2011

Well, the past two days have been full of peace overall, with varying emotions in between.  All weekend, it seemed God was lovingly letting me know that He would be with me, but that we wouldn't have Janice this week.  And while I could feel it, I still held out hope just in case He opted to do a miracle of some sort just to make me happy.  But yesterday, I finally came to terms with the fact that Janice going to camp was in God's master plan and I was to accept it.  I actually got excited about her being at the Royal Family Kids Camp and checked out the website again.  It's such an awesome camp for foster kids run by Christians who love on them big time!  I began praying for the lady that will be spending the week with her and praying for the camp in general, and asked my facebook friends to please pray for the camp this week.  So thankful God brought me full circle!

On Monday, I began school shopping, partly to keep me busy and partly because we return from vacation four days before school begins.  It was fun getting some supplies for our 5th grader!  While I had hoped she could go with me and pick out some of the stuff, I knew it needed to be done and at least know her favorite color!  We got the call yesterday that our social worker had talked with Janice's worker to set up a time for us to get her.  He had suggested Saturday afternoon to give her time to get back from camp on Friday, get some sleep, and pack up her stuff.  She said she would get back to him later that afternoon or the following day.  Somehow hearing that we would have to wait with still no definites once again kinda did me in.  Scott seemed ok with it all though, and we began talking about how we wanted to handle vacation since we were supposed to go Friday, but really wanted her to experience our whole vacation with us!  Later, I just gave it all up to God again and knew that we would know soon and it wasn't worth my frustration.

Thankfully, my parents had called and encouraged us to come to Sacramento for a lunch visit with them since they were still in town.  Then I had one of my dearest friends ask if the kids and I wanted to go swimming at her mom's house near the Sacramento area (something we do each summer together).  It was a great idea, a fun distraction for the day, and we all had a great time!  I was thankful God gave me a relaxed "summer day" in the midst of our waiting!

This morning as I traveled, I heard a Natalie Grant song (as well as a ton of other encouraging songs) on KLove that so expressed how I've been dealing with life lately.  It's called "In Better Hands," and the words that stuck out to me were "it's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down."  I have so felt God shining through each moment, but sometimes I just want the rain to stop.  Rain is a good thing I know, but sometimes it's just a frustration and hassle to me (like when I don't want to get my hair messed up or when I have outdoor plans).  Then I heard Mandisa's song about how "this is going to make you stronger, stronger."  This song talks about the weather as well, and reminds you to "hold on and let Him hold your hand."  I also had verses like "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it," and "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways submit to him, and He will make your path straight" going through my head.  So thankful God used friends to remind me of these great truths!

I  really thought I'd hear something by noon, but no phone call came.  I finally heard back around 3pm that we could pick her up on Sunday, July 24th and KEEP HER!!!  While I knew we would get to keep her all along, it finally felt real.  The foster family would say their goodbyes on Saturday evening, and they would have some time to pack her things and have her ready.  I felt a huge peace that we had an actual day and found myself smiling about it all.  When I called to tell Scott, he seemed really sad.  He was hoping for Saturday, and this kinda bummed him out.  I guess it's really good that we both go through these different feelings at separate times.

We talked about our plans more and decided we would go ahead and leave for vacation on Friday and go pick her up as a family on Sunday.  We will leave for vacation as a family of 5 and return as a family of 6!  We decided we wouldn't do any major fun stuff on Saturday so Janice can experience all the "good times" with us, but would have a lazy day around the house.  We know of a church out there that we can attend on Saturday evening and will spend Sunday morning talking about how our family would be changing forever today and praying for Janice to feel very loved and for the transition to go smoothly.  We hope to have a small celebration with her on Sunday and let her know how happy we are that she is in our family!  And I am so happy I don't have to take her back to another home ever again!  She will come home to her home forever!  One really cool thing about that date is that a very good friend, my former boss at the adoption agency, and one of the people that was very influential in helping us to begin the process of adoption happens to have his birthday on that date.  Love how God does stuff like that!

So, now I'm in the process of getting everything ready for school, making sure all the mail is caught up, cleaning the house before we leave, packing mode.  I'm thinking this is a good thing and God knew it would get me through this time.  Thank you all so much for your prayers and love - it truly means more than you know and I can feel the prayers lifting our family up continually!

Oh, and dragonfly count for just today - I saw 7 . . . I'm telling you, it's crazy!

A Wonderful Long Weekend . . . July 14-17, 2011

It seems as though we had been waiting for this weekend forever, when in reality it had only been like a week and a half to two weeks since our last weekend visit.  Since my parents were in town and Janice had day camp last week, we decided to just do some visits to see her here and there since our last weekend visit.  Needless to say, we were thrilled to get her for four days in a row!

DAY 1 - We woke up early and took our 3 hour round trip to pick up Janice.  Good news is half way through the trip we had her with us!!!  The kids were at Kids Campus (our VBS) at church, so just Scott and I went to pick her up. We went through the normal routine of asking about the days we had missed to the kinda awkward quiet time, and then I gave her my ipod to play some games, and we listened to music.  Scott and I knew that one thing we wanted her to have right off was a new bike.  We bike ride a lot as a family, and thought it would be fun to go for a ride while she was with us.  As well, we take our bikes on vacation, and we wanted her to have one for that time.  So midway through our ride home, we stopped at the store to have her pick one out!  It was SO FUN!  She picked out a really cute green bike and got a silver helmet.  As we were at the checkout, the lady was really excited for Janice and said this is kinda like getting your first car :).  She seemed really happy about it and yet like she couldn't believe she had one.

We continued our trip home and asked her where she'd like to have lunch.  She said wherever, but later mentioned she had been to Elephant Bar.  And since we love it there, we decided to go.  When the server seated us, he said "enjoy your lunch as a family."  These servers were really amazing everywhere we went and seemed to prophesy a bit!  We had a great time talking and eating, and when we got back in the car she said "thanks for the bike and for lunch."  Scott said we were happy to do it and commented that she had such good manners and was so thankful.  She then began to talk about how nice Austin, Alec, and Ashley were in their different ways - it was sweet!  She was already getting to know each of them and their uniqueness.  We then headed home to drop off the bike and see Bogey.  We headed back to church to pick up the kids, and she peeked in the windows to see like 450 kids in the worship center.  When we went in to get the kids, it was really loud and she seemed a little overwhelmed but handled it well overall.  A few people came to say "hi" and meet her, and then we headed out to do some errands.  We wanted to take her to see a movie, but had some extra time before it started, so we decided to hit our free bowling deal (love that deal)!  She was nervous she wouldn't do well, but got 2nd place and by now, everyone seemed really relaxed together.

We headed to see a movie and it was so great saying there were "6 of us!"  It just felt right.  We all laughed a lot together at the movie and enjoyed it.  On the way out, the kids did the picture booth thing, and we heard lots of laughter in there as well - trying to make memories!!!  We then headed home to do what else - try out the new bike!!!  While the boys were pumping up the bikes and getting Janice's bike ready to ride, Janice and Ashley were out playing on the trampoline.  I called them in to get ready to go and Ashley said in a quiet whisper voice, "Can we talk about the adoption?"  I said "yes" and Janice said, "I'm excited you all are going to adopt me!"  I think Ashley needed to get it out of her system :)!  We took a bike ride down to some horses and fed them apples and carrots.  She did really well getting used to her new bike, but did fall once while trying to navigate a curb (one of those kinds where it goes up just a little, but if your tire hits it wrong it doesn't go up right).  Once again we had a bloody knee . . . so sad.  Luckily a good friend lived close by and we got it bandaged up!  As soon as it happened, she said "I'm fine" with thumbs up - such a trooper!  It actually worked out well in a way because last time she was here she showed me two little bumps on that knee that I was pretty sure were warts, and they are really hard to get off (from my experience), and now they were gone!!!

We headed home and decided to go out for dinner.  Everything just felt so good with all of them together!  I was tired, but felt such peace!  After dinner, we headed home, did showers, and watched a "Cosby" show.  I made sure she knew all about how to work our shower and which towel was hers and all that stuff.  The kids went up to brush their teeth and it was hilarious to see all four of them piled into their small little bathroom with toothbrushes in mouths!  Alec said, "Mom, I think we need a bigger bathroom."  My thought - this was a great sight and they would be just fine!  If the Ingalls' family could do it, so could we :)!  Then we did our family quiet time and went to bed.  Her hair was still wet, so I asked if she was ok to sleep like that or would she like me to dry it.  She asked if I would dry it and somehow that turned into lots of family fun in our skinny bathroom!  Then they all fell fast asleep.  It did feel kinda like a "vacation day," but it's summer, so life was good.  Thankful to God for such a great day together, and so glad there were three more days with Janice in them :)!

DAY 2 - We had an opportunity to go visit a horse stable early Friday morning and meet a friend that she would see at school and church, but it would be an early morning visit and she asked if we could just sleep in!  She had so many busy days this summer, and I was happy to oblige.  So, we had a lazy morning with a big breakfast of pancakes and sausage.  The kids played a game together and then thought it would be fun to go bowling again.  Since we had free passes, we said sure!  This time Ashley and Janice decided not to use bumpers.  While they didn't do as well, we encouraged them and were proud of them for trying to bowl "the real way!"

We came back home and had an easy lunch of leftovers from our time with mom and dad.  It was nice to just be able to warm some food up quickly and eat.  Then I had planned a time to swim with a few girls that would soon be in her class at school and church.  Although she had just turned 11, she would be in fifth grade this year.  She had only lived here since being eight years old, and school had been difficult with all the changes in her life.  Our whole family could tell she is very bright, and understood how hard it would be to focus on school when home life is difficult.  She said she was really nervous to go meet these girls, and I told her I understood.  When we first moved, I felt the same way so often!  But I told her that it would be so nice to know a few faces before the first day of school.  Unfortunately, I had been dealing with a really awful toothache and had to call and get an appointment that day.  I was having some major pain and knew I had to get it taken care of before the weekend.  Even though I had been in the office on Wednesday to have it looked at, it just wasn't getting better.  I was so sad to take the kids to the pool and not be able to stay there with them.  I could only stay for a short while and then head to the dentist.  At first, I could tell that she was really uncomfortable!  She usually enjoys playing games, but when the girls asked, she said "no thanks."  There were three of them that knew each other well, and only one of her.  These girls were so sweet and kept trying to talk with her and offer other fun things to do.  God reminded my of His presence even through this time of feeling so concerned for her by sending three beautiful dragonflies to fly right above the girls heads and all around the pool.  I really needed that!  About that time, I had to head to my appointment, and I just prayed that God would help her to relax and enjoy this time.  Scott was there with the kids, so I was getting updates here and there.  My appointment took about an hour and a half, and by the time I got back, she was having lots of fun!  They were playing hide and seek and then getting back in the pool.  I saw lots of smiles and was so thankful for these girls and their desire to make Janice feel welcome!  I was also thankful for their parents who I know helped encourage them in this.  Feeling like you belong and are wanted means so much!

We came home and the kids jumped in the sprinkler on the trampoline for awhile and then got changed for dinner.  Some close friends that she had met last time she was here came over, and we had a nice healthy dinner together.  They played basketball some and jumped on the trampoline and seemed comfortable together.  We had talked about possibly going to the park, and she and the boys wanted to watch a movie together.  But the timing didn't really work out and it was hard to say "no, not tonight."  They all seemed a little down about not being able to do the stuff we had talked about.  I explained that the night just got away from us and that we would watch the movie tomorrow, and they seemed ok.  We watched a Little House show together as a family and had popcorn, and it felt very much like a normal family night plus one great addition :)!  We realized that we had to figure out a new seating arrangement since we only had 5 seats on the couch and chairs.  Alec brought down some bean bags, and Janice actually ended up sitting on the floor.  I'm thinking that we will just need to take turns like we do with the front seat of the van!  Before bed, I had to talk to the boys about some of their behavior that night and ask them to say sorry to each other.  Janice stood and listened and it seemed like a good thing.  She needed to see how we dealt with conflict and know that she would be safe here.  Then we got ready for bed and read the Bible together and prayed.  We let Janice sleep with Bogey again since we knew it helped her feel more at home.  The boys were willing to give him up for a couple of nights :).  It was another great day and things felt so much more comfortable.

Day 3 - It was Saturday and everyone slept in once again, and we were really glad that Janice slept in the longest, until 9:30am.  I think we all needed the extra rest, and the fact that she was able to sleep well made me feel like she was more comfortable in our home.  The boys really wanted to have her try golfing, so we went to the golf range to hit some balls.  Scott and the boys enjoyed showing her some tips, and she did pretty well for her first time!  I can't hit the ball to save my life, so she actually did excellent by just making contact!  The boys wanted to stay a little longer, and I had a fun surprise for the girls.  We got in the van, and they tried to guess what the surprise was for our five minute ride.  Janice finally guessed it right before we got ready to turn!  We were going to the Nail Spa to get their nails painted.  They both ended up picking a aqua blue color with sparkles.  It looked really cute and they seemed to enjoy it!

We went back and picked up the boys, and headed home for lunch.  Scott had to leave for work, and I could tell it was hard for him to leave.  He had been with us up until then, but we did want her to somewhat see our "normal" schedule.  Janice had mentioned that she really enjoyed a particular snack for a lunch treat, so I had picked that up earlier in the week.  When I gave it to her for lunch, along with some other healthier items :), she was really happy!  Ends up, Alec likes that treat too.  After lunch, I needed to pick up a few things from the grocery store nearby our house so we headed out on our bikes!  The kids wanted to rent that movie from redbox, so we got it all done in one trip.  When we got home, we headed to a friends house to swim.  Since she had already met them last time she was in town and had dinner with them the night before, the nerves weren't there at all.  In fact, she had asked if we could go to their house sometime this weekend.  We had a great time!  The kids swam and played "Catch Phrase" and had a snack.  At one point, one of her bandaids came off in the pool and she said "Susie."  It was really the first time she had said my name in any way since we had been with her, and I wondered what she might call me.  I was just glad for anytime she would need me that I could help her at this point.  She had been calling Scott, "Scotty" (the way she spells it), and it was really sweet and fun.  I later asked her why she picked Scotty to call him and she said we had told her that his name was Scott, but that some people called him Scottie or Mr. B, and that was the one she picked.  After a couple of hours there, we came home for dinner.

We all cooked one of our favorite dinners together, chicken fried rice!  Austin grilled the chicken, and Janice and Alec did a lot of the cooking, and they seemed to really enjoy it!  We ate it all and had some great watermelon as well.  I asked her what some of her favorite dinners are where she lives, and she couldn't really think of any.  We also talked about what some of her favorite lunch items were so I could be preparing ahead of time to have some of them.  After dinner, the older kids watched the Voyage of the Dawn Treader downstairs, while Ashley and I watched a new Veggie Tale movie upstairs.  They were so excited to see it!  Scott got home soon after the movie, and it was great to have him home.  The kids jumped a little while on the trampoline and we finished our night with a short Cosby show, our family quiet time, and prayer.  Tonight, I noticed she seemed to want to be more involved in saying good night with a hug for Scott and I.  We wanted to be sure she was comfortable before we tried to give affection too much, but we were ready to love on her for sure!  She seemed to lean towards us a little bit for a hug, but wan't really ready to hug back yet.  I realized that Ashley is a lot like that, and we have just recently taught her to wrap her arms around and squeeze.  It will all come with time :)!

Earlier in our visit, she had shown me the dress she had for Sunday and mentioned that she didn't like that it was strapless so she had a jacket for it.  I needed to go out and get a couple of things from Target (mainly some more bandaids for knees) once Scott got home, so I picked up a couple of outfits she might like for church.  I realized how difficult it was to find cute, modest clothes for her age.  Plus, I really wasn't sure of her size or if she would like the ones I picked, so I figured if I had a couple to pick from she could decide.  I would have to wait until morning to see if she liked them?  As well, I wanted to have all her laundry clean for her return.  When I got home from the store, I was folding all of them and so enjoying it!  It was kinda like folding those first new clothes for your new baby.  I was so ready to take care of her and have her in our home, yet I knew she'd be heading back tomorrow and we may not see her for a week or so.  It was already becoming hard to imagine how difficult that would be, and I was trying to enjoy each moment we had her.

Day 4 - When I woke up, I went to check on the girls and they were already up and watching cartoons.  So, I went about my daily routine and got ready.  I was finishing some laundry for Janice to take home, and when I walked through the living room, I noticed the girls were watching a TV movie called "Change of Plans."  We had watched this back in January, and it is a story about how one family took four children in to their home and adopted them.  After they watched it, the kids came up to get ready for church.  Janice went ahead and put on her strapless dress that she had brought with her not even asking about the three dressed hanging on the play room door she walked by to get the dress (it was in there since I had ironed it).  When she came in to get her jacket, I told her that she looked very pretty but if she was at all uncomfortable with the strapless dress (since I know how you have to pull them up so often), I had picked out a couple of dresses if she'd like to try one.  At first, she didn't say much but just checked how she looked in the mirror.  Then she asked about trying one of them on.  She liked it and decided to go with that - she looked very pretty and much more comfortable!

I asked her if she'd like me to curl her hair, and her answer of course was "yes."  As we were talking, she told me that her and Ashley stayed up awhile last night talking.  I think she thought I would be upset at Ashley for keeping her up, so she quickly added that she didn't mind.  She also said it took her awhile to get to sleep last night.  She said that Ashley had told her that she should call me "Mom."  Scott and I had talked about this prior, and I so didn't want her to feel like she needed to call me mom if she was uncomfortable with it or not ready for it, and thought we could come up with another name if she wanted.  She has talked about her "real Mom" some, and I wasn't wanting her to feel like she had to give me that title since I knew she was with her "real Mom" for eight years of her life and that she meant a lot to her.  I think I would really struggle with that if I was her (loyalty issues maybe).  So, I told her that she was completely welcome to call me "Mom" and I would love it, but also told her it was ok if she didn't want to.  I told her that we could come up with a name like Mama, or something else if that would be better.  I wanted it to be totally up to her, and said either way was fine with me.  She smiled as we talked and listened closely, and then said, "Yeah, but it's nice to be able to call someone 'Mom,' at least for me."  I told her I would love it if she was wanting to do that!  I wanted to burst out in tears and hug her tight, but didn't want to freak her out.  I was learning that time in the bathroom was time well spent with this sweet girl.  She stayed around awhile after her hair was done as I was finishing getting ready.  I wasn't sure if she wanted to talk more, so I just kept things open.  I think she liked being close and just watching.

We did our normal doughnut stop and went to church.  We decided to do the same thing as last time and go to the worship center to hear Scott sing first and then go to Club 56.  When we got there, one of the girls she went swimming with on Friday came right over to see her!  It was so sweet and she just talked like they had been friends for awhile.  Ashley decided she wanted to go with us to the worship center, but Alec wanted to stay at Club 56.  We went in and she seemed to want to go down front.  I could tell she was a little nervous again, but pretty excited as well.  I also noticed that her shoes didn't fit very well and kept coming off.  I think she liked them, but they were too big from what I could see.  She enjoyed the music once again, and it was just great to have us there together!  I loved hearing her sing "Our God is Greater," and thought so many of the songs were great at explaining awesome truths about our God to her!  After worship, we went over to Club 56.  We sat in the back together, and I began thinking about how she would be here each week in just a few more weeks.  I was glad to know that she knew at least four of the girls there that day.  Then we went back to the main service to hear Scott sing "Oh How He Loves You and Me."  She had asked me a question and I told her we would be taking her to her home soon.  Then I told her that soon our home would be her home too :)!  The song was the end of the service, and after the song, she turned to me and said, "So is it ok if I call you 'Mom'?"  With a big smile, I told her "yes, I'd love it if you called me 'Mom,' and gave her a tight hug.  I think she needed reassurance!  I left on cloud 9!!!

We went back over to get Ashley and Alec and go to lunch with a girl and her family that we are close friends with and do life with whenever possible.  She had met her last time she was here, and I wanted her to continue getting to know her.  When we walked over, she saw them and said, "Hey, there's the Haverdink's."  We went over and said "hi" and then she noticed the friends from the pool on Friday.  She said, "Mom, I'm going to go over and see the girls."  It was awesome!!!  Calling me "Mom" and hanging out with friends - what more could I ask for?!  The Mom's of the girls were there as well and they talked with her some.  When we were ready to go, I had to go get her to leave - how great is that!  Sooo thankful for these girls taking time to care for her and make her feel comfortable!

We had lunch at In-N-Out and the kids sat together, and the parents sat at a table a little bit away.  She kept looking over to see us, and as I told my friend about the "Mom" thing, she began to cry.  I think Janice wondered why, but we smiled and kept going.  I was so thankful for a friend that knew how I was feeling, and realized the magnitude of this moment!  She really encouraged me and understood how I was feeling about the upcoming week, so hoping that Janice could come be with us and not have to go to camp, yet wanting God's will in it all even if that meant we wouldn't see her for awhile.  I was thankful for a friend who could sympathize with me and say "who needs camp!"  She knew we were longing to keep her!  It so felt like we had birthed a child and were not able to keep her in our arms.  While this birth didn't happen from our womb, it had definitely happened in our hearts!

After lunch, we headed home.  I heard her whisper something to Alec, and he said "yes."  Later I learned that she asked if he thought it would be ok to call us "Mom and Dad."  When Alec told us, Scott looked really happy!  Once we got home, the girls played some on the computer, jumped on the trampoline (Janice was trying to land a flip on her feet), and then read the funny papers together.  I helped her pack all of her stuff, and we got in the van for our customary trip.  On the way there, the kids watched some "Cosby" shows in the back.  It actually helped keep my mind off what we were doing a little bit.  I think Janice knew that we were feeling sad, and we told her we would miss her!  She looked a little sad too!  I told her we would be praying for her this week, and we talked about having her on vacation.  She asked if we would pick her up on Friday from camp, and I said we would wait and see what her social worker said tomorrow.  Inside, I so wanted to be able to come back Tuesday and pick her and all her belongings up and keep her, but we would have to wait and see what God's plan was!  As we walked her to the door, she walked closely to me and I gave her a little hug.  Then she stopped in front of the door to say goodbye without immediately opening the door like she usually does.  I think she wanted to say our goodbye's privately.  She went in and her foster dad came out shortly after as we were walking away.  We talked for a bit to let him know about her knee, and she came back out to be with us for a little bit longer.  She stood right by me and it felt so good!  I gave her one last hug, and we left.

This time was different then the other times we had left her in so many ways.  This time I felt a little sick on the way there, but not so bad on the way back.  We had a time where the kids asked if she was ready for them to say she was their sister, and I said "yes, definitely!"  They said how much they were hoping she would just come be part of our family in our home forever!  They asked about when we would see her again, and I told them it was up to her social worker.  We had a time of quiet on the way home as we took it all in.  This leaving somehow felt a little better - I supposed it was because so many people were praying for us (so thank you!).  I had hope that we were heading toward the end and knew she enjoyed our family and understood that we wanted to keep her!  I often caught her looking at me throughout the weekend, and I was caught doing the same to her.  I loved seeing her and Ashley play and noticed that sometimes she was asking Ashley to do stuff together this time.  I loved seeing Ashley hold her hand like sisters do on the way in and out of the In 'N Out :).  I saw her sad eyes at times, but knew that would get better with lots of love.  I was struggling want to get her all that she needs, without wanting her to feel spoiled.  Yet, so far, she seemed so thankful for everything and expected nothing.  I did let her know that we don't normally do this much fun stuff every day for this many days, and that some days we just stay around the house, but that we were so happy to have her for this short time and wanted her to have a good time and see the types of things are family enjoys doing.  She said, "you guys are a fun family!"  And throughout the weekend, I probably saw 10-15 dragonflies. God kept reminding me of His presence.

We never did get a phone call from her social worker, but are thankful that she will be back from vacation tomorrow!  We are extremely thankful to know that she will help us in deciding what is best for Janice and we won't be wondering so much.  We're thankful that God will use her to decide when our family will be made complete - "Soon and Very Soon."  Tonight, I would not say that I'm "my normal self," but I would say there's a much better feeling of hope and excitement for what's next!  I was a little on edge with my family (I must say I'm sorry tomorrow since they're all in bed), was really hoping for a phone call tonight, and yet felt peace that there wasn't for some reason that only God knows.  I'm also amazed to already be at this place, especially knowing that this can often take so much longer!!!  Our whole family is definitely in love with this sweet girl, and we all know God's hand is with us each step of the way!

Questions & Answers . . . July 2011

I just realized that there are many questions that I assume people know the answers to about adoption.  But, since I have only learned them over the last year, I think I assumed wrong!

There may be some of you that have or want to consider adopting, but aren't sure if you can afford the process.  As my parents were here, I realized that they are always concerned about our financial well being and they asked about some of those details.  So, in order to help those of you that are thinking about it, I wanted to tell you that you can totally do it!  We did not have money saved for this, but once we knew God had called us, we found that it wasn't actually very expensive at all, at least to do a California Child Waiting adoption.  There are some up front costs - a fee to the agency you work with for the Home Study to be written, fees for fingerprinting and doctors visits, fees for taking CPR, First Aid, and Water Safety - things like that.  For this, we did a huge 2 day yard sale to help cover costs!  When we sent out an email telling friends that we were trying to raise money for our adoption, everyone was so gracious and let me pick up their items or dropped them by the house for us to sell.  They were happy to be a part, and we felt so blessed!  We had a bake sale and friends even donated to that.  We've heard of many families doing this and it covered all the expenses we had up to that point!  We felt so blessed and thankful for great friends!!!

It's actually funny because this part of it reminds me of pregnancy too.  I remember Scott and I thinking we couldn't afford to have a baby, yet the moment we were pregnant, we were somehow out looking for the best crib for our baby, and while we wanted a good deal, we really didn't care much about the cost.  This was our child and we wanted to give him the best!  It's been the same with adopting our girl!  We are so ready to spoil her and give her what she needs.  We want to be careful in it all, but really want her to have everything we have already given to our other children in due time.

If finances are an issue, I would encourage you to check with an agency (we love Family Connections Christian Adoptions!) about the up front costs (that you can pay in increments), and find out about the incentives that the government offers to foster families and adoptive families.

Another thing people ask is if we are doing foster care.  Yes and No.  The way the system works is that we will take her into our home as a foster family at first.  This is called the placement.  This is so that the state can be sure we are a good fit for our girl and that she is doing well.  There is a certain amount of time for this to happen and it varies with each case.  Then they do Adoptive Placement, which basically means the child is in your home to be adopted.  Soon after this there is a finalization in court, where your child becomes legally your child with your last name and all the rights of one of your children (inheritance and all)!  It's such a great thing and we cannot wait for that day!!!  So while we are technically "foster parents" at first, we never intend for Janice to call us that and want her to know that she is part of our forever family!

One last question I get asked about is when I will post some pictures.  Legally, we are not allowed to post any pictures of her until the adoption is finalized.  It's so hard not to post to facebook, or add her picture to the blog!  I so wish everyone could see her sweet eyes, face, and smile and feel like they know her visually as well as in the descriptions I've shared.  We have truly fallen in love!  But we want to abide by the law and help protect her as well.  We look forward to seeing many of you soon with our complete family in place!  As soon as I am able, pictures will be posted!!!

A Visit with Just the Three of Us . . . July 12, 2011

Scott took the day off, we woke up early, and were ready to make the drive once again!  We were so excited to go spend some time with Janice!  Since the kids were involved with "Kids Campus" (our VBS) at church, we decided that we should just take her out by ourselves.  We had a great time catching up and talking about life on the way there.  We really needed the quiet time together!

Janice was at the stables taking care of horses with a great and caring lady that I had met the previous Saturday.  It was their last time together for awhile, and she wanted to spend a little more time with her.  I thought that was great!  She was very kind to us as we watched Janice brush the horse and braid the horses mane.  She reminded me she would love to have her back anytime, and made sure I had all of her information in case I wanted to contact her.  I could tell she really cared for Janice, and was glad God had put her in Janice's life!  As well, I could tell Janice really enjoyed the time with the horses, and we would definitely want to continue that when she came to our home.

They said our goodbyes and we headed out.  Janice seemed kinda sad, and I asked her if she needed a tissue.  She said she was ok, and we told her that we could definitely come back and visit.  We asked her where she'd like to go to lunch - Thai food or P.F. Chang's or wherever?  She is clearly a very smart girl as she picked P.F. Chang's!!  Along the way, we asked her about her weekend.  She had been hiking and had gone to see a movie with her foster sister.  She asked about what we might be doing when she came to our home this weekend, so we talked about some plans.

Things definitely seemed a little more tense not having the kids with us and spending our first "alone" time with her, but we knew it was important!  On our way into the outdoor mall, we saw our favorite pretzel place, Auntie Anne's.  She said she had never tried one of those kinds of pretzels, and we told her we would have to do it soon!  When we got to P.F. Chang's, we had to wait for a booth (because I love them and feel like you can talk so much better in them), so things were once again a little quiet, but nerves weren't too bad.  Once we sat down, everything opened up wonderfully!!!  She sat kinda close to me instead of on the other side of the table.  She seemed comfortable.  I asked her how she was doing with all of this and told her that I know it's hard to meet all of us and feel comfortable.  She said, "no, she was loving it."  I asked her how she was feeling about being adopted (since she was clearly talking about it with others, and it was starting to feel like a white elephant in the room).  She said she was excited!  We told her how we began praying for her in January and what some of the process was like.  We talked about how we thought we knew what we wanted (a 4-8 yr. old girl), but when we saw her and heard about her, we were sure God had her picked out just for us!  We told her we want to be her forever family and take care of her.  She smiled.  Scott told her that when we drop her off, we feel sad and like someone is missing!  It was very sweet!  I asked her if she had any concerns, and she asked about school and what it was like.  I told her how awesome our school is, how they don't give too much homework, how the teacher's really care, how she would have chapel each week, and about some of the field trips they do.  I told her I knew it would be hard to be new and that I was trying to get her together with a few girls from her grade so she would know a couple of people.  She said she's always "new."  She said she didn't like always being new.  I told her once she was with us, she would be settled.  We also talked about going to get her a bike this weekend since we do lots of bike riding, especially on vacation.  She said, "oh, I've always wanted my own bike."  Made my heart melt.  We talked more about orca whales, and about how I wanted to go swimming with the dolphins for my 40th birthday.  She knew how much it cost, and I said I hoped we could do it as a family.  We talked about anything and everything after that.  Scott mentioned that he couldn't wait until Thursday to have her for the weekend.  The conversation just moved along easily.  Scott mentioned that he thought we should go over to Barnes and Noble and check out the orca books and get her one.  She was so excited!  One of her teachers worked there and she hoped we would see him.  She had told him about us and he was excited for her.  I told her I liked him already!

As we walked outside, it felt so natural!  We were more comfortable together and talked freely.  It was awesome!!!  Walls had been broken down in that short time and we were having fun!  We sat on the floor and looked at some books and found one that was pretty cool, so we bought it for her.  Then we headed out to get some ice cream on the way out.  As we drove back to her foster home, she said she couldn't wait for Thursday to come!  I think she knew we would be sad leaving her.  We finished our ice cream cones in the car and then she said, "let's do it" as she opened the door of the van.  We walked her to the door and she thanked us for lunch and the book.  We left feeling happy and at peace, and thrilled that it had gone well.

On the way home, we stopped to look at bikes for her, but didn't see anything.  I wanted her to pick it out, but wanted to have some good places to look.  I began feeling very nauseous, weak, and exhausted again.  I rested some on the way.  When we got home, I went to rest for a short time and felt a little better.  We had a nice family night with my parents - dinner, swimming, and celebrating Austin's upcoming birthday (they love to celebrate whenever possible).  I came home feeling excited about the weekend and happy to love on my kiddos!  It had been a great day!

His Strength is Perfect . . . July 10 & 11, 2011

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling weak and tired, and so in need of God.  I posted the following on my facebook:  "I feel very little strength today.  So I'm really glad to be headed to church . . . desperately need His strength!"  This was my pre-quiet time with God post.  After I spent some time in His presence, He reminded me of some verses I had seen on a friends facebook that spoke to me in such a huge way.  I went back on her page to find the verses and posted them on my page as well:

Psalm 143:8-10
"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting in you.
Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me.
Teach me your will, for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."

I decided then and there to write these verses out on 3x5 cards for my bathroom mirror and the van dashboard so that I could memorize them and dwell on them!  They spoke so perfectly to my need and I so longed to trust completely in Him and give myself to Him and run to Him!  I wanted His will and firm footing.

We headed to our early classic service at church since I knew my mom and dad would enjoy that best.  We sang songs like . . .
"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?  Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged - Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful, Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden, Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge - Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?  Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.
by Joseph Scriven

These were words I grew up singing and knew by heart, yet they spoke anew to me today.  Then our pastor gave a great message on prayer and encouraged me to trust Him fully.  After the service, I knew I needed His presence even more and decided to stay for the second service, which is more contemporary in song style.  There was one song that I needed so badly and it ministered right to my heart!  I knew that the ladies on stage with my husband and the band had been lifting me up in prayer and caring for our family, and I felt like they were trying to send me strength as they sang!  Here are the words to "The Dessert Song by Hillsong:

This is my prayer in the desert
when all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides


And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

As I sang, I lifted my hands in worship and tears began to flow down my cheeks.  It felt like a healing and source of great strength.  Worship like that just takes care of the insides!

I left with the boys and went to do a few errands with them.  I felt like they needed some time with me and I needed to focus on some of their needs, so I was thankful to have that time.  We picked up Ashley from church and headed home.  On our drive, I began memorizing the Psalms passage and Alec listened to me.  Then I went into a store, and when I came out, he quoted the whole thing.  Amazing - kid's memory's!!!  I'm still working on it, but want it to become part of me in such a big way!

I was able to take a nice nap and enjoy the afternoon.  That evening we went to dinner with my parents and had a nice time.  When we got home, I checked my emails and had an email from Janice, as well as the foster mom.  They had discussed camp, and she was letting me know that Janice did want to go.  She then brought up a later date after camp for us to come and get her and take her on vacation.  The foster mom did not mention coming on Tuesday like I hoped, but only the upcoming weekend visit.  At this point, I asked about Scott and I visiting her on Tuesday (as we didn't think we could make it until Thursday) and also decided to once again explain my reasoning for wanting Janice to be placed the week of camp since I had not done it in writing.  We had a full email discussion on it, and she was still firm but acknowledged that many of my points were valid.  There was some discussion on the fact that Janice would want to please people, and I mentioned that she could be trying to please her as well.  This was a difficult subject, but I felt good that she was listening to our point of view this time.  I also still sensed that she cared for Janice a great deal.

When we finished the emails, I knew I had done everything I could and had to leave it in God's hands.  I began to feel like the two women that told King Solomon that the baby was each of theirs and when he said he would cut the baby in half, the real mom relented and said give the baby to the other mom.  I did not want Janice to have a difficult time with the transition or have her foster mom get upset with her, and if this would be the way things needed to be to keep peace, I was willing to go through it.  I knew that God could change her mind, bring her social worker back in time for her to make a decision, or just help me to accept these plans.  I felt peace about all that had happened and let my social worker know of the updates.

The next morning I felt more refreshed and ready to face the day.  Scott and I saw a Scripture quote from a friend on facebook that read:  "the Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent." ( Exodus 14:14)  I asked Scott if he felt like we should not say anything else, and he said that we should trust God and know that He was fighting for us.  If her social worker returned in time, we could work things out then.  We both felt peace about it!  As I went grocery shopping that morning, God gave me a great song from Steven Curtis Chapman in my head . . one I loved from when I was a teenager.   "His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.  He'll carry us when we can't carry on."  I sang it (mainly in my head) all throughout the store, and it brought great comfort!

I was still feeling times of exhaustion and began to realize that I was unable to talk to many people about what was going on because I was way too emotional and many of their comments were too much for me to handle.  I was over-sensitive I'm sure and needed to just do what I could each day.  I was learning how to encourage others in a better way through my time of needing it.  I had a couple of great friends text or fb me about what they could pray for and I told them exactly what we were asking:  God's will first and the desire of our heart to have her next week if that was in His will.  One of my friends said "on it!!!"  What an encouragement!  Another friend had read a post and could tell I was struggling and just said that she loved me and thought I could use a hug . . . she was so right!

I loved how God was speaking to me through songs, Scripture, and even facebook and text messages.  He was reminding me of His great love for us and that He truly was carrying us!  So thankful!

Horse Play Day / Meeting Nana & Pop Pop . . . July 9, 2011

On Saturday, after a few mix-ups in understanding what we were supposed to do, I headed to see Janice at a Horse Play Day where she sometimes takes lessons.  This particular day was for some kids with special needs and parents were aloud to attend.  They did not have enough room for siblings and others, so I went by myself and asked my parents to bring the kids later for lunch.  I was so glad that this worked out as my parents really wanted to meet her, but our social workers encouraged me not to have her to our home while they were here, that it would just be too much for her right now.  When I got there, it was actually a little chilly because it was in the mountains.  I found Janice pretty quickly and she seemed happy I was there.  I was thankful the foster mom had told me about this opportunity!  I love horses and loved being there to see what she has been involved doing.  When we saw each other, she gave me a permission slip for me to sign in case she could come back and ride there in the future.  She said the lady that normally works with her said that I would have to sign it if she came back in the future.  It let me know she knew she would be with us soon!  It was my first form to fill out for her, and it made me happy!

Janice was in a group with about 5 other kids.  Some were older, some younger, and most had some special needs.  There was one older boy, about 15, that was incredible!!!  He was blind and sweet and funny and extremely bright!  I loved hearing him talk about stuff!  I also met a lady who felt like she knew me and looked a little familiar.  Her husband was a worship pastor too so we wondered if we did know each other from somewhere, but our husbands didn't seem to think so.

In our first session, a lady explained about horses and showed us his teeth.  It was hilarious, and reminded me of Mr. Ed!  Then the kids got to take paint and paint on the side of the horse with brushes.  It was so cool!  Janice painted a star, and then a heart and wrote the word "noble" on the horse.  I later learned that this was the horses' name.  We went to another spot and played a bean bag toss.  Whoever got the most bean bags in would get to ride the horse first.  Janice did well, but a little boy got a couple more in than her.  While we were there, the lady I met who's husband was a worship pastor asked about Janice.  I said I was here to be with her today and that we were planning to have her in our family soon.  She was so excited and said, "how wonderful for both of you!"  It seemed like the perfect thing to say!

Then we headed to ride the horse.  They didn't have a saddle or stirrups, just a cotton piece for them to ride on.  We talked as we waited, and a lady that worked with her normally on the horses was there as well.  It was good to meet her as she loved Janice and wanted to know about this family that would be adopting her.  This opened the door even more for me to know that Janice understood that we wanted to adopt her!  When Janice got on the horse, I definitely took on the "proud mom" pose taking pictures and videos and feeling so proud of her!  The workers led her around and had her turn the horse and stop the horse.  When she got off, we had some amazing conversation!  She said she thought it was funny how Ashley had a hard time keeping secrets (like when she told Janice about the ipod before we gave it to her on her birthday, and I think something had slipped out about us getting a new sister).  She said she liked that.  I told her that we had originally thought we would get a younger girl, but when we saw Janice, we knew we wanted her!  I told her how excited we were to find that she was just turning 11 as she would be younger than Alec, and older than Ashley and her and Alec would kinda be like twins.  But she said that he's about 6 months older :).  She really seemed so open to talking about it, and it was fun to hang on the bars of the fence with her and just talk!

Then we went to another area where there were wood horses that you could stand up to color with markers.  She began coloring hers brown with a blue mane and hooves.  When she finished that one, she said that she wanted to make one for Ashley!  I told her Ashley would love that.  She immediately picked out light green and pink (Ash's favorite colors).  It made my heart melt and I told her Ashley would love it!  She wrote Ashley with 3 !!! on the back in cute lettering!

Then it was time for the group picture with all the kids and volunteers.  Her worker took some special pictures of Janice with the horse, and then I asked if she'd take some with my phone.  She was happy to and then proceeded to give me her phone number and email and sent the pics she took to my phone.  She told me that Janice would always be welcome to come back and she would love to still see her.  I told her that I thought I knew of a good program in the Modesto area and that I'd like to see her continue.  She thought that was a great idea and mentioned that she could still come to these play days once in awhile if we could bring her.  I thought that sounded like a great idea!

Janice went to finish the horse for Ashley, and her worker stayed and talked with me.  She said she had adopted too, a baby.  She said that this transition was a big deal and she wanted it to go well.  She said that Janice is "her girl" and she loved her and had been asking Janice all about us.  She also said that today, Janice had told her that "her mom" was coming.  That would be me!!!  I said "wow," and then she said yes, but baby steps.  I agreed and said that it was exciting, but we are taking it slow.  She mentioned that she would see her again on Tuesday for one last time and heard I would be picking her up.  I hadn't heard that but thought it was a great idea!

We left together in the van, and headed to meet the kids and my parents.  We met them in a parking lot I had seen when I went the wrong way on my trip there.  I had told my parents that it might work out for us to eat lunch together, but only if Janice seemed ok with it.  She had asked if everyone would be at lunch earlier that morning, and I told her that Scott was working, but the kids were coming with Nana and Pop Pop and asked if that would be ok to meet them.  She said yes.  When we pulled in the parking lot, she said, "oh, I am so nervous!"  It was so sweet.  I told her that they were really nice and just overly loving and that they wouldn't hurt her :).  Once we got out of the car, my dad was so cute as he came out of the car with camera in hand ready to snap some photos.  After she met them, she seemed fine and said "hi" to the kids.  There was a pizza place close by, so we decided to eat there since I needed to get Janice back soon for an event she was going to that afternoon.  While we waited for the pizza, the kids played some video games together.  Dad pulled out tons of quarters to add to mine!  He was really working hard to talk to Janice.  He asked her about her riding since he was a horse-back policeman in D.C.  He asked her if she thought she could handle Ashley :).  That was kinda funny.  At one point while the kids were playing video games, mom mentioned that they should give her some money.  That's what grandparents do, and they had been handing it out to the kids here and there throughout the week. I said that she was fine and it probably wouldn't be a good idea right now, but it was great that they were taking on the "grandparent" role so quickly with her!

Before we left, we grabbed one more picture with Nana and Pop Pop and the girls.  Then Dad gave her a sweet side hug and said that he couldn't wait to see her again and that he loved her.  It was the sweetest thing ever!  They followed us out and stood and waived as we headed back to her foster home.  Ashley came with us for some girl time.  She was not about to leave Janice yet!

We took her home and were about 15 minutes late, so I had texted the foster mom to let her know.  I felt so bad, but it's so hard when you don't know the area and are trying to find places to eat and plan your time just right.  I was wishing Scott was with me for all of this because he's good at it!  When we walked to the door, her foster mom hurried her in to get showered and said we would talk later.  Janice turned and thanked me for coming.  We went to get in the van.  As we were pulling out, I looked at this piece of wood toward the top of their open garage.  Their house number was painted there, there was a flag on a pole, and there beside it all was painted a dragon fly!!!  I asked Ashley if it looked like a dragon fly or a butterfly, and she said, "mom, it's a dragonfly!"  I jumped out and took a picture!  I couldn't believe God gave me that today.  We had been there quite a few times, and I was kinda looking for dragonflies, thinking maybe her room would be decorated in them or something, and there was one right there!  I quickly sent the picture to Scott and the friend that started the whole thing by giving me some dragonfly stuff on my birthday.  They were both amazed, and she said, "you got your sign!"  I just kept thinking, "Lord, I'm amazed by You!"  This was a bit of strength I so desperately needed!  I think the day was more stressful for me since Scott wasn't with me, I didn't know the area, and I was trying to make everything go so smoothly.

On the way home, I felt nauseous and like I was going to fall over.  I knew I needed to get home quickly and get some rest.  I told Scott how I was doing.  But once we got back in town, I decided to make a few stops on the way home and regained my energy.  Scott was concerned for me driving back and must have been praying.  He knows how emotional it is.  Once we got home, I went and talked with my parents for a bit and then I had some good alone time with the kids.  We later went putt-putting together, and it was such a beautiful evening.

Later that night, Janice's foster mom emailed me and talked about upcoming plans.  She was wanting to make plans for the next week, and talked about the upcoming camp the week after.  It was a tough exchange of emails, and I basically said that we were looking forward to seeing Janice next week and were waiting for Janice's social worker to return to make any future plans.  That was the best I could do at the time and once again I felt wiped.  I wondered if this is how most people feel while they are in the process of doing visits.  Everyone seems to do it a little differently depending on the child's age, but I hadn't imagined this to be so hard.