A Wonderful Long Weekend . . . July 14-17, 2011

It seems as though we had been waiting for this weekend forever, when in reality it had only been like a week and a half to two weeks since our last weekend visit.  Since my parents were in town and Janice had day camp last week, we decided to just do some visits to see her here and there since our last weekend visit.  Needless to say, we were thrilled to get her for four days in a row!

DAY 1 - We woke up early and took our 3 hour round trip to pick up Janice.  Good news is half way through the trip we had her with us!!!  The kids were at Kids Campus (our VBS) at church, so just Scott and I went to pick her up. We went through the normal routine of asking about the days we had missed to the kinda awkward quiet time, and then I gave her my ipod to play some games, and we listened to music.  Scott and I knew that one thing we wanted her to have right off was a new bike.  We bike ride a lot as a family, and thought it would be fun to go for a ride while she was with us.  As well, we take our bikes on vacation, and we wanted her to have one for that time.  So midway through our ride home, we stopped at the store to have her pick one out!  It was SO FUN!  She picked out a really cute green bike and got a silver helmet.  As we were at the checkout, the lady was really excited for Janice and said this is kinda like getting your first car :).  She seemed really happy about it and yet like she couldn't believe she had one.

We continued our trip home and asked her where she'd like to have lunch.  She said wherever, but later mentioned she had been to Elephant Bar.  And since we love it there, we decided to go.  When the server seated us, he said "enjoy your lunch as a family."  These servers were really amazing everywhere we went and seemed to prophesy a bit!  We had a great time talking and eating, and when we got back in the car she said "thanks for the bike and for lunch."  Scott said we were happy to do it and commented that she had such good manners and was so thankful.  She then began to talk about how nice Austin, Alec, and Ashley were in their different ways - it was sweet!  She was already getting to know each of them and their uniqueness.  We then headed home to drop off the bike and see Bogey.  We headed back to church to pick up the kids, and she peeked in the windows to see like 450 kids in the worship center.  When we went in to get the kids, it was really loud and she seemed a little overwhelmed but handled it well overall.  A few people came to say "hi" and meet her, and then we headed out to do some errands.  We wanted to take her to see a movie, but had some extra time before it started, so we decided to hit our free bowling deal (love that deal)!  She was nervous she wouldn't do well, but got 2nd place and by now, everyone seemed really relaxed together.

We headed to see a movie and it was so great saying there were "6 of us!"  It just felt right.  We all laughed a lot together at the movie and enjoyed it.  On the way out, the kids did the picture booth thing, and we heard lots of laughter in there as well - trying to make memories!!!  We then headed home to do what else - try out the new bike!!!  While the boys were pumping up the bikes and getting Janice's bike ready to ride, Janice and Ashley were out playing on the trampoline.  I called them in to get ready to go and Ashley said in a quiet whisper voice, "Can we talk about the adoption?"  I said "yes" and Janice said, "I'm excited you all are going to adopt me!"  I think Ashley needed to get it out of her system :)!  We took a bike ride down to some horses and fed them apples and carrots.  She did really well getting used to her new bike, but did fall once while trying to navigate a curb (one of those kinds where it goes up just a little, but if your tire hits it wrong it doesn't go up right).  Once again we had a bloody knee . . . so sad.  Luckily a good friend lived close by and we got it bandaged up!  As soon as it happened, she said "I'm fine" with thumbs up - such a trooper!  It actually worked out well in a way because last time she was here she showed me two little bumps on that knee that I was pretty sure were warts, and they are really hard to get off (from my experience), and now they were gone!!!

We headed home and decided to go out for dinner.  Everything just felt so good with all of them together!  I was tired, but felt such peace!  After dinner, we headed home, did showers, and watched a "Cosby" show.  I made sure she knew all about how to work our shower and which towel was hers and all that stuff.  The kids went up to brush their teeth and it was hilarious to see all four of them piled into their small little bathroom with toothbrushes in mouths!  Alec said, "Mom, I think we need a bigger bathroom."  My thought - this was a great sight and they would be just fine!  If the Ingalls' family could do it, so could we :)!  Then we did our family quiet time and went to bed.  Her hair was still wet, so I asked if she was ok to sleep like that or would she like me to dry it.  She asked if I would dry it and somehow that turned into lots of family fun in our skinny bathroom!  Then they all fell fast asleep.  It did feel kinda like a "vacation day," but it's summer, so life was good.  Thankful to God for such a great day together, and so glad there were three more days with Janice in them :)!

DAY 2 - We had an opportunity to go visit a horse stable early Friday morning and meet a friend that she would see at school and church, but it would be an early morning visit and she asked if we could just sleep in!  She had so many busy days this summer, and I was happy to oblige.  So, we had a lazy morning with a big breakfast of pancakes and sausage.  The kids played a game together and then thought it would be fun to go bowling again.  Since we had free passes, we said sure!  This time Ashley and Janice decided not to use bumpers.  While they didn't do as well, we encouraged them and were proud of them for trying to bowl "the real way!"

We came back home and had an easy lunch of leftovers from our time with mom and dad.  It was nice to just be able to warm some food up quickly and eat.  Then I had planned a time to swim with a few girls that would soon be in her class at school and church.  Although she had just turned 11, she would be in fifth grade this year.  She had only lived here since being eight years old, and school had been difficult with all the changes in her life.  Our whole family could tell she is very bright, and understood how hard it would be to focus on school when home life is difficult.  She said she was really nervous to go meet these girls, and I told her I understood.  When we first moved, I felt the same way so often!  But I told her that it would be so nice to know a few faces before the first day of school.  Unfortunately, I had been dealing with a really awful toothache and had to call and get an appointment that day.  I was having some major pain and knew I had to get it taken care of before the weekend.  Even though I had been in the office on Wednesday to have it looked at, it just wasn't getting better.  I was so sad to take the kids to the pool and not be able to stay there with them.  I could only stay for a short while and then head to the dentist.  At first, I could tell that she was really uncomfortable!  She usually enjoys playing games, but when the girls asked, she said "no thanks."  There were three of them that knew each other well, and only one of her.  These girls were so sweet and kept trying to talk with her and offer other fun things to do.  God reminded my of His presence even through this time of feeling so concerned for her by sending three beautiful dragonflies to fly right above the girls heads and all around the pool.  I really needed that!  About that time, I had to head to my appointment, and I just prayed that God would help her to relax and enjoy this time.  Scott was there with the kids, so I was getting updates here and there.  My appointment took about an hour and a half, and by the time I got back, she was having lots of fun!  They were playing hide and seek and then getting back in the pool.  I saw lots of smiles and was so thankful for these girls and their desire to make Janice feel welcome!  I was also thankful for their parents who I know helped encourage them in this.  Feeling like you belong and are wanted means so much!

We came home and the kids jumped in the sprinkler on the trampoline for awhile and then got changed for dinner.  Some close friends that she had met last time she was here came over, and we had a nice healthy dinner together.  They played basketball some and jumped on the trampoline and seemed comfortable together.  We had talked about possibly going to the park, and she and the boys wanted to watch a movie together.  But the timing didn't really work out and it was hard to say "no, not tonight."  They all seemed a little down about not being able to do the stuff we had talked about.  I explained that the night just got away from us and that we would watch the movie tomorrow, and they seemed ok.  We watched a Little House show together as a family and had popcorn, and it felt very much like a normal family night plus one great addition :)!  We realized that we had to figure out a new seating arrangement since we only had 5 seats on the couch and chairs.  Alec brought down some bean bags, and Janice actually ended up sitting on the floor.  I'm thinking that we will just need to take turns like we do with the front seat of the van!  Before bed, I had to talk to the boys about some of their behavior that night and ask them to say sorry to each other.  Janice stood and listened and it seemed like a good thing.  She needed to see how we dealt with conflict and know that she would be safe here.  Then we got ready for bed and read the Bible together and prayed.  We let Janice sleep with Bogey again since we knew it helped her feel more at home.  The boys were willing to give him up for a couple of nights :).  It was another great day and things felt so much more comfortable.

Day 3 - It was Saturday and everyone slept in once again, and we were really glad that Janice slept in the longest, until 9:30am.  I think we all needed the extra rest, and the fact that she was able to sleep well made me feel like she was more comfortable in our home.  The boys really wanted to have her try golfing, so we went to the golf range to hit some balls.  Scott and the boys enjoyed showing her some tips, and she did pretty well for her first time!  I can't hit the ball to save my life, so she actually did excellent by just making contact!  The boys wanted to stay a little longer, and I had a fun surprise for the girls.  We got in the van, and they tried to guess what the surprise was for our five minute ride.  Janice finally guessed it right before we got ready to turn!  We were going to the Nail Spa to get their nails painted.  They both ended up picking a aqua blue color with sparkles.  It looked really cute and they seemed to enjoy it!

We went back and picked up the boys, and headed home for lunch.  Scott had to leave for work, and I could tell it was hard for him to leave.  He had been with us up until then, but we did want her to somewhat see our "normal" schedule.  Janice had mentioned that she really enjoyed a particular snack for a lunch treat, so I had picked that up earlier in the week.  When I gave it to her for lunch, along with some other healthier items :), she was really happy!  Ends up, Alec likes that treat too.  After lunch, I needed to pick up a few things from the grocery store nearby our house so we headed out on our bikes!  The kids wanted to rent that movie from redbox, so we got it all done in one trip.  When we got home, we headed to a friends house to swim.  Since she had already met them last time she was in town and had dinner with them the night before, the nerves weren't there at all.  In fact, she had asked if we could go to their house sometime this weekend.  We had a great time!  The kids swam and played "Catch Phrase" and had a snack.  At one point, one of her bandaids came off in the pool and she said "Susie."  It was really the first time she had said my name in any way since we had been with her, and I wondered what she might call me.  I was just glad for anytime she would need me that I could help her at this point.  She had been calling Scott, "Scotty" (the way she spells it), and it was really sweet and fun.  I later asked her why she picked Scotty to call him and she said we had told her that his name was Scott, but that some people called him Scottie or Mr. B, and that was the one she picked.  After a couple of hours there, we came home for dinner.

We all cooked one of our favorite dinners together, chicken fried rice!  Austin grilled the chicken, and Janice and Alec did a lot of the cooking, and they seemed to really enjoy it!  We ate it all and had some great watermelon as well.  I asked her what some of her favorite dinners are where she lives, and she couldn't really think of any.  We also talked about what some of her favorite lunch items were so I could be preparing ahead of time to have some of them.  After dinner, the older kids watched the Voyage of the Dawn Treader downstairs, while Ashley and I watched a new Veggie Tale movie upstairs.  They were so excited to see it!  Scott got home soon after the movie, and it was great to have him home.  The kids jumped a little while on the trampoline and we finished our night with a short Cosby show, our family quiet time, and prayer.  Tonight, I noticed she seemed to want to be more involved in saying good night with a hug for Scott and I.  We wanted to be sure she was comfortable before we tried to give affection too much, but we were ready to love on her for sure!  She seemed to lean towards us a little bit for a hug, but wan't really ready to hug back yet.  I realized that Ashley is a lot like that, and we have just recently taught her to wrap her arms around and squeeze.  It will all come with time :)!

Earlier in our visit, she had shown me the dress she had for Sunday and mentioned that she didn't like that it was strapless so she had a jacket for it.  I needed to go out and get a couple of things from Target (mainly some more bandaids for knees) once Scott got home, so I picked up a couple of outfits she might like for church.  I realized how difficult it was to find cute, modest clothes for her age.  Plus, I really wasn't sure of her size or if she would like the ones I picked, so I figured if I had a couple to pick from she could decide.  I would have to wait until morning to see if she liked them?  As well, I wanted to have all her laundry clean for her return.  When I got home from the store, I was folding all of them and so enjoying it!  It was kinda like folding those first new clothes for your new baby.  I was so ready to take care of her and have her in our home, yet I knew she'd be heading back tomorrow and we may not see her for a week or so.  It was already becoming hard to imagine how difficult that would be, and I was trying to enjoy each moment we had her.

Day 4 - When I woke up, I went to check on the girls and they were already up and watching cartoons.  So, I went about my daily routine and got ready.  I was finishing some laundry for Janice to take home, and when I walked through the living room, I noticed the girls were watching a TV movie called "Change of Plans."  We had watched this back in January, and it is a story about how one family took four children in to their home and adopted them.  After they watched it, the kids came up to get ready for church.  Janice went ahead and put on her strapless dress that she had brought with her not even asking about the three dressed hanging on the play room door she walked by to get the dress (it was in there since I had ironed it).  When she came in to get her jacket, I told her that she looked very pretty but if she was at all uncomfortable with the strapless dress (since I know how you have to pull them up so often), I had picked out a couple of dresses if she'd like to try one.  At first, she didn't say much but just checked how she looked in the mirror.  Then she asked about trying one of them on.  She liked it and decided to go with that - she looked very pretty and much more comfortable!

I asked her if she'd like me to curl her hair, and her answer of course was "yes."  As we were talking, she told me that her and Ashley stayed up awhile last night talking.  I think she thought I would be upset at Ashley for keeping her up, so she quickly added that she didn't mind.  She also said it took her awhile to get to sleep last night.  She said that Ashley had told her that she should call me "Mom."  Scott and I had talked about this prior, and I so didn't want her to feel like she needed to call me mom if she was uncomfortable with it or not ready for it, and thought we could come up with another name if she wanted.  She has talked about her "real Mom" some, and I wasn't wanting her to feel like she had to give me that title since I knew she was with her "real Mom" for eight years of her life and that she meant a lot to her.  I think I would really struggle with that if I was her (loyalty issues maybe).  So, I told her that she was completely welcome to call me "Mom" and I would love it, but also told her it was ok if she didn't want to.  I told her that we could come up with a name like Mama, or something else if that would be better.  I wanted it to be totally up to her, and said either way was fine with me.  She smiled as we talked and listened closely, and then said, "Yeah, but it's nice to be able to call someone 'Mom,' at least for me."  I told her I would love it if she was wanting to do that!  I wanted to burst out in tears and hug her tight, but didn't want to freak her out.  I was learning that time in the bathroom was time well spent with this sweet girl.  She stayed around awhile after her hair was done as I was finishing getting ready.  I wasn't sure if she wanted to talk more, so I just kept things open.  I think she liked being close and just watching.

We did our normal doughnut stop and went to church.  We decided to do the same thing as last time and go to the worship center to hear Scott sing first and then go to Club 56.  When we got there, one of the girls she went swimming with on Friday came right over to see her!  It was so sweet and she just talked like they had been friends for awhile.  Ashley decided she wanted to go with us to the worship center, but Alec wanted to stay at Club 56.  We went in and she seemed to want to go down front.  I could tell she was a little nervous again, but pretty excited as well.  I also noticed that her shoes didn't fit very well and kept coming off.  I think she liked them, but they were too big from what I could see.  She enjoyed the music once again, and it was just great to have us there together!  I loved hearing her sing "Our God is Greater," and thought so many of the songs were great at explaining awesome truths about our God to her!  After worship, we went over to Club 56.  We sat in the back together, and I began thinking about how she would be here each week in just a few more weeks.  I was glad to know that she knew at least four of the girls there that day.  Then we went back to the main service to hear Scott sing "Oh How He Loves You and Me."  She had asked me a question and I told her we would be taking her to her home soon.  Then I told her that soon our home would be her home too :)!  The song was the end of the service, and after the song, she turned to me and said, "So is it ok if I call you 'Mom'?"  With a big smile, I told her "yes, I'd love it if you called me 'Mom,' and gave her a tight hug.  I think she needed reassurance!  I left on cloud 9!!!

We went back over to get Ashley and Alec and go to lunch with a girl and her family that we are close friends with and do life with whenever possible.  She had met her last time she was here, and I wanted her to continue getting to know her.  When we walked over, she saw them and said, "Hey, there's the Haverdink's."  We went over and said "hi" and then she noticed the friends from the pool on Friday.  She said, "Mom, I'm going to go over and see the girls."  It was awesome!!!  Calling me "Mom" and hanging out with friends - what more could I ask for?!  The Mom's of the girls were there as well and they talked with her some.  When we were ready to go, I had to go get her to leave - how great is that!  Sooo thankful for these girls taking time to care for her and make her feel comfortable!

We had lunch at In-N-Out and the kids sat together, and the parents sat at a table a little bit away.  She kept looking over to see us, and as I told my friend about the "Mom" thing, she began to cry.  I think Janice wondered why, but we smiled and kept going.  I was so thankful for a friend that knew how I was feeling, and realized the magnitude of this moment!  She really encouraged me and understood how I was feeling about the upcoming week, so hoping that Janice could come be with us and not have to go to camp, yet wanting God's will in it all even if that meant we wouldn't see her for awhile.  I was thankful for a friend who could sympathize with me and say "who needs camp!"  She knew we were longing to keep her!  It so felt like we had birthed a child and were not able to keep her in our arms.  While this birth didn't happen from our womb, it had definitely happened in our hearts!

After lunch, we headed home.  I heard her whisper something to Alec, and he said "yes."  Later I learned that she asked if he thought it would be ok to call us "Mom and Dad."  When Alec told us, Scott looked really happy!  Once we got home, the girls played some on the computer, jumped on the trampoline (Janice was trying to land a flip on her feet), and then read the funny papers together.  I helped her pack all of her stuff, and we got in the van for our customary trip.  On the way there, the kids watched some "Cosby" shows in the back.  It actually helped keep my mind off what we were doing a little bit.  I think Janice knew that we were feeling sad, and we told her we would miss her!  She looked a little sad too!  I told her we would be praying for her this week, and we talked about having her on vacation.  She asked if we would pick her up on Friday from camp, and I said we would wait and see what her social worker said tomorrow.  Inside, I so wanted to be able to come back Tuesday and pick her and all her belongings up and keep her, but we would have to wait and see what God's plan was!  As we walked her to the door, she walked closely to me and I gave her a little hug.  Then she stopped in front of the door to say goodbye without immediately opening the door like she usually does.  I think she wanted to say our goodbye's privately.  She went in and her foster dad came out shortly after as we were walking away.  We talked for a bit to let him know about her knee, and she came back out to be with us for a little bit longer.  She stood right by me and it felt so good!  I gave her one last hug, and we left.

This time was different then the other times we had left her in so many ways.  This time I felt a little sick on the way there, but not so bad on the way back.  We had a time where the kids asked if she was ready for them to say she was their sister, and I said "yes, definitely!"  They said how much they were hoping she would just come be part of our family in our home forever!  They asked about when we would see her again, and I told them it was up to her social worker.  We had a time of quiet on the way home as we took it all in.  This leaving somehow felt a little better - I supposed it was because so many people were praying for us (so thank you!).  I had hope that we were heading toward the end and knew she enjoyed our family and understood that we wanted to keep her!  I often caught her looking at me throughout the weekend, and I was caught doing the same to her.  I loved seeing her and Ashley play and noticed that sometimes she was asking Ashley to do stuff together this time.  I loved seeing Ashley hold her hand like sisters do on the way in and out of the In 'N Out :).  I saw her sad eyes at times, but knew that would get better with lots of love.  I was struggling want to get her all that she needs, without wanting her to feel spoiled.  Yet, so far, she seemed so thankful for everything and expected nothing.  I did let her know that we don't normally do this much fun stuff every day for this many days, and that some days we just stay around the house, but that we were so happy to have her for this short time and wanted her to have a good time and see the types of things are family enjoys doing.  She said, "you guys are a fun family!"  And throughout the weekend, I probably saw 10-15 dragonflies. God kept reminding me of His presence.

We never did get a phone call from her social worker, but are thankful that she will be back from vacation tomorrow!  We are extremely thankful to know that she will help us in deciding what is best for Janice and we won't be wondering so much.  We're thankful that God will use her to decide when our family will be made complete - "Soon and Very Soon."  Tonight, I would not say that I'm "my normal self," but I would say there's a much better feeling of hope and excitement for what's next!  I was a little on edge with my family (I must say I'm sorry tomorrow since they're all in bed), was really hoping for a phone call tonight, and yet felt peace that there wasn't for some reason that only God knows.  I'm also amazed to already be at this place, especially knowing that this can often take so much longer!!!  Our whole family is definitely in love with this sweet girl, and we all know God's hand is with us each step of the way!