I woke up on Sunday morning feeling weak and tired, and so in need of God. I posted the following on my facebook: "I feel very little strength today. So I'm really glad to be headed to church . . . desperately need His strength!" This was my pre-quiet time with God post. After I spent some time in His presence, He reminded me of some verses I had seen on a friends facebook that spoke to me in such a huge way. I went back on her page to find the verses and posted them on my page as well:
Psalm 143:8-10
"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting in you.
Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.
Rescue me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide me.
Teach me your will, for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."
I decided then and there to write these verses out on 3x5 cards for my bathroom mirror and the van dashboard so that I could memorize them and dwell on them! They spoke so perfectly to my need and I so longed to trust completely in Him and give myself to Him and run to Him! I wanted His will and firm footing.
We headed to our early classic service at church since I knew my mom and dad would enjoy that best. We sang songs like . . .
"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged - Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful, Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy-laden, Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge - Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.
by Joseph Scriven
These were words I grew up singing and knew by heart, yet they spoke anew to me today. Then our pastor gave a great message on prayer and encouraged me to trust Him fully. After the service, I knew I needed His presence even more and decided to stay for the second service, which is more contemporary in song style. There was one song that I needed so badly and it ministered right to my heart! I knew that the ladies on stage with my husband and the band had been lifting me up in prayer and caring for our family, and I felt like they were trying to send me strength as they sang! Here are the words to "The Dessert Song by Hillsong:
This is my prayer in the desert
when all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
As I sang, I lifted my hands in worship and tears began to flow down my cheeks. It felt like a healing and source of great strength. Worship like that just takes care of the insides!
I left with the boys and went to do a few errands with them. I felt like they needed some time with me and I needed to focus on some of their needs, so I was thankful to have that time. We picked up Ashley from church and headed home. On our drive, I began memorizing the Psalms passage and Alec listened to me. Then I went into a store, and when I came out, he quoted the whole thing. Amazing - kid's memory's!!! I'm still working on it, but want it to become part of me in such a big way!
I was able to take a nice nap and enjoy the afternoon. That evening we went to dinner with my parents and had a nice time. When we got home, I checked my emails and had an email from Janice, as well as the foster mom. They had discussed camp, and she was letting me know that Janice did want to go. She then brought up a later date after camp for us to come and get her and take her on vacation. The foster mom did not mention coming on Tuesday like I hoped, but only the upcoming weekend visit. At this point, I asked about Scott and I visiting her on Tuesday (as we didn't think we could make it until Thursday) and also decided to once again explain my reasoning for wanting Janice to be placed the week of camp since I had not done it in writing. We had a full email discussion on it, and she was still firm but acknowledged that many of my points were valid. There was some discussion on the fact that Janice would want to please people, and I mentioned that she could be trying to please her as well. This was a difficult subject, but I felt good that she was listening to our point of view this time. I also still sensed that she cared for Janice a great deal.
When we finished the emails, I knew I had done everything I could and had to leave it in God's hands. I began to feel like the two women that told King Solomon that the baby was each of theirs and when he said he would cut the baby in half, the real mom relented and said give the baby to the other mom. I did not want Janice to have a difficult time with the transition or have her foster mom get upset with her, and if this would be the way things needed to be to keep peace, I was willing to go through it. I knew that God could change her mind, bring her social worker back in time for her to make a decision, or just help me to accept these plans. I felt peace about all that had happened and let my social worker know of the updates.
The next morning I felt more refreshed and ready to face the day. Scott and I saw a Scripture quote from a friend on facebook that read: "the Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent." ( Exodus 14:14) I asked Scott if he felt like we should not say anything else, and he said that we should trust God and know that He was fighting for us. If her social worker returned in time, we could work things out then. We both felt peace about it! As I went grocery shopping that morning, God gave me a great song from Steven Curtis Chapman in my head . . one I loved from when I was a teenager. "His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on." I sang it (mainly in my head) all throughout the store, and it brought great comfort!
I was still feeling times of exhaustion and began to realize that I was unable to talk to many people about what was going on because I was way too emotional and many of their comments were too much for me to handle. I was over-sensitive I'm sure and needed to just do what I could each day. I was learning how to encourage others in a better way through my time of needing it. I had a couple of great friends text or fb me about what they could pray for and I told them exactly what we were asking: God's will first and the desire of our heart to have her next week if that was in His will. One of my friends said "on it!!!" What an encouragement! Another friend had read a post and could tell I was struggling and just said that she loved me and thought I could use a hug . . . she was so right!
I loved how God was speaking to me through songs, Scripture, and even facebook and text messages. He was reminding me of His great love for us and that He truly was carrying us! So thankful!
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